Twenty: These Scars of Ours

Two Years Later.

            Garrett woke slowly, vision fading in gradually. The bed was warm, and he stretched out in it, groaning slightly as his joints popped. Being able to wake up whenever he wanted, it was one of the things he'd never known he missed.

            He sat up in bed, fur bristling slightly as he rolled his neck. He slept to the left of the bed; it was a huge thing. He'd spent his teenage years and most of his adult life so far sleeping on a thin roll mat. Now he had this huge double-sized monstrosity he almost didn't know what to do with all the space it allowed.

            I slept in. It was a funny thought, and he smiled at it. He slept in nearly every day now, he was always the last to rise. The fur around his wrists was still short and worn, and he wondered if the damaged skin there would ever really heal back to normal. The old brand on his back certainly wouldn't, but he never saw that, so it wasn't really a concern anymore. It was hard to break the old habits, so much harder than he'd ever thought it would be, but he was getting there slowly. Any kind of creak or footstep in his room at night would set him off, and he could never find himself fully relaxed in any situation, always looking over his shoulder. The sounds of whips and chains made him anxious, and seeing any kind of violence made him shut down, leaving him with horrific nightmares for at least the next week.

            But he was getting there. It was better than it was, and at least he could sleep in the bed now.

            He swung his legs out over the side, yawning as he stood, tugging on some pants and a shirt. He could pick whatever clothes he wanted now, and whilst they weren't rich, he had some choice in what he bought, and that was enough. He didn't care how things looked, he just wanted comfort.

            Outside the sun was nice, and Garrett sighed as it touched his fur, warming him. After escaping the city of Aleya, they'd fled south. The town they now lived in – Ralendor – was still technically a part of the Akkedisian Empire, but it was close to the border and got a lot of feline traders from out west, it also followed few of the Empires stricter rules. The most important part was that there were no slaves. He looked around, enjoying the space. It was a small house, a half-hours walk from Ralendor's centre, but it was nice and it was quiet. Surrounded by a light forest, they had a fair chunk of land to grow food and enjoy the privacy. Garrett had always thought it would be nice, one he was free, to have friends and go visit exciting places. He was finding more and more that all he really wanted was something he'd been consistently denied; privacy. Even getting used to that feeling was odd, he always expected to find someone around the corner, watching him, waiting.

            Roughly twenty metres from the house was a squat stone structure, and the tell-tale smoke told Garrett that Albion was up and working, chipping away at some new masterpiece that he would likely sell for a criminally low price. The panther knew he wasn't being fairly compensated for his work, but he still crafted steel to the best of his ability, claiming he got 'more out of the making process than the money process'.

            I'll leave him be today. Garrett thought, pushing his paws into his pocket and heading into the woods. Bailey was little farther into the wood than the stone building, tucked away in a little nook roughly ten minutes walk from the house. It was quiet, and in spring a little stream would run through the vibrant green grass. It was a space that got lots of sun, and they always kept it clear of leaves and debris. The walk there was charming, and Garrett always saw tiny little animals scurrying about on his way, picking up food and collecting sticks. That was something he'd never really experienced before leaving the city; ambient wildlife, just about, existing.

It was so peaceful.

            Garrett sat down across from Bailey on the wooden bench seat Albion had crafted. With a soft smile he stared at the narrow metal plaque resting in the ground. It read:

Bailey (Alistair) Varden

'He lived, loved, and smiled for others'

            To the left sat another, only a few feet away. That one read:

Oderan Sarrosum

'The greatest duellist in the land, he fought for those he loved'

            Bailey and Oderan weren't really buried there. They'd never recovered Oderan's body, and Bailey had been buried near the place he'd died. But it was something for them to go and visit, a place for them to…talk. Garrett went by almost every day, even after all this time. At first he'd been angry. He'd cried, argued, screamed, sobbed. A handful of  times he'd slept out near the plaque at night and gotten sick.

            But Bailey died with a smile on his face, and Garrett refused to live his life hating the world that caused them so much pain. Instead he focused on the happy, naïve, idiotic wolf he'd loved.

            After leaving the city Jaro had stuck with them for a few months. But once they'd found Ralendor, it was clear to them all he should go. He left them there, apparently going east to become a craftsman of some sort, wanting to make something he could send his son back in Aleya. Albion offered to teach him what he knew, but Jaro said he had no interest in bringing more weapons into the world. Now Garrett and Albion simply enjoyed their solitude, usually keeping to themselves, sometimes eating together, or laughing together.

They both understood.

“I miss you so much." Garrett whispered, his paws hanging between his knees, fingers fiddling absentmindedly. “Every single day, I wish you were here. You know that, I know you know that. I just…" He sighed. There was nothing to say really, nothing he hadn't said before anyway.

“Damn it, I'm crying again." He laughed softly, wiping at his eyes. He composed himself, smiling. “I try to smile for you. I know it sounds stupid, but…I can't remember your face without one. It was…well I told you, it was infuriating. And now--" His voice began to crack as he pictured the wolf. “I…I…Ah I'm sorry, damn it. I just miss you." He started crying. He let himself sob, breaths coming in great gasps as tears streamed down his face, wetting the dirt beneath his bare paws. Just thinking of the wolf's face, of his smile, of his paws…. remembering the way his fur felt, the way he smelled, it hurt so much.

It hurt so much to remember.

“I wish you were here. I'm sorry." He gasped, shaking. He let himself cry, let himself spend ten…fifteen…maybe twenty minutes like that. It wasn't normally this bad. But today was the day, the actual day; Bailey had died two years ago exactly.

Eventually the tears dried up, and he relaxed, leaning back in the seat and sniffling as he wiped at his face. He tried to chat to Bailey, to tell him about the things he'd been thinking recently. Garrett didn't know if Bailey could actually hear him from…somewhere, or if he knew, or whatever, but it made him feel better to at least pretend that he could.

“Hey." Garrett jumped at the deep voice, relaxing as Albion stepped forward, paws spread peacefully. “Thought you would be here." He said, sitting down gently next to the Akita. “How are you?"

“I…was crying." Garrett admitted. He and Albion had talked. A lot. They talked about everything, about everything involving their relationships, and everything they'd felt since losing the one person they were able to love.

“That's alright." Albion said. “I knew today would be hard. I actually thought about just stubbornly pretending it was a normal day, you know?"

“Oh?"

“Yeah. I wanted…well, I didn't want to remember their deaths. Oderan and Bailey…they were happy, vibrant people. That's even how they went, fighting for us. It's their lives that mattered, the kinds of people they were." Garrett smiled, looking down at Bailey's plaque.

“I know what you mean."

“But I can't. I can't forget everything that happened. It will still hurt." He continued. “And besides, Oderan always hated to ignore difficult issues. He would, ha, he would always make certain we talked things over, discussed plans and options, without fighting. Always forcing me to confront stuff I didn't want to." He laughed, and Garrett nodded.

“I think it will probably always hurt." He said. “Maybe a little less, given some time, but we'll never really get over it."

“I don't want to."

“Me neither." They went quiet then, lost in their own thoughts. Eventually Garrett spoke up, breaking the silence. “You know I never actually knew Bailey's birthday? We just…we just had so little time together." Albion placed a paw gently onto Garrett's thigh.

“It doesn't really matter. All that other stuff, it's just filler. There's stuff I didn't know about Oderan; stuff I'll never know now. But I don't care. I knew him better than anybody ever could have, and I'm so grateful I got that chance." He said. The Akita nodded.

“I…always thought it was my job to protect Bails. I was ready to…die for him too, I just…I guess he felt the same." He laughed. “We were dumb. Still. I know we had more than a year with each other in total, but just…only a few months, really together. I just want more time. I'd probably happily go back to being a slave, if it meant Bailey was there."

“So would I Garrett. Sometimes I feel stupid, like we should have been content with what we did have. I start making these insane deals in my head, going over and over it. We'll stay apart, and see each other once every three months, at least he's alive then." Albion said. “But it wasn't Oderan, he would never have settled for that. Like I said, he liked to confront stuff. And that's ultimately why I loved him, at least it's one of the reasons."

“Sometimes I think I hurt too much, for how short our time together was." Garrett admitted, blushing. “I loved him so much, I know that. I just worry it didn't, I dunno, count I guess." He again wiped at his eyes. Albion smiled softly.

“I know what you mean." He said. “But…love isn't measured like that. It's never enough. It's not about accumulating time or some other arbitrary factor. You two fought to be together, you both fought to build a life together. The feelings we have for them, that's what matters, really." Garrett sighed.

“It still seems unfair. I just wish I could I have been like Bailey. He was such a…well, a better person than me. He's really the one who deserves to be alive, to enjoy this life we've got now, finally free from…from…"

“Everything else?" Albion offered, and Garrett nodded.

“Yes." He said, looking relieved. “Free from everything else." Albion put his arm around Garrett's shoulders, pulling him close. The two of them shared their own kind of love, not like they had with Oderan or Bailey, but something different. They slept in separate beds, kept to themselves, but they were more than just friends. Almost like brothers. Garrett was glad for it; he knew he probably wouldn't have survived if he was truly alone.

“Garrett." Albion said tenderly. “If Bailey was here, he would say the same thing about you, I'm certain. Losing someone you love it…well, it should hurt I think. That hurt we have, it's almost proof that they mattered to us."

“I just miss him." Garrett whispered.

“I know. So do I."

The pain wasn't gone, and they would both carry the scars of what happened forever. But each day it got a little easier. And while sometimes Garrett had wished he could die too, hating the world that left him alone and hurting, he knew he owed it to Bailey to live in a way that would have made the wolf proud.

To live smiling.

THE END.

Slave Brand – Post Script

Well, there's that. I hope you enjoyed the story, in its own way. There's no Epilogue unfortunately, Twenty is really like one, but I kept it as a full chapter because I felt it was vital to the story. In my mind, epilogues are (or should be) almost skippable, unless you want just a bit extra. I know the story is quite tragic, and believe me – I ummed and ahhed over whether Bailey should die or not for so long. Truly, while I was writing chapters fifteen-through-eighteen I really had no idea what would happen. I thought over Bailey, Albion, Garrett, Oderan, which ones should live, which should not.

I considered killing all of them, or none of them. I promise, I really really wanted to make Bailey and Garrett happy together in the end. I um, I don't know if it's narcissistic but I actually cried writing chapter Nineteen. His death was very melodramatic, but I was still happy with it in the end. There's a lot of violence, it was the one thing I wish could have been drawn out more. It's like – Oderan dies and then there's all this blood and chaos. But it had to happen fast, you understand right?

In a few days, or a week or so, I'm going to write a 'Slave Brand Aftermath' type of journal. It's just gonna be me waffling about my thoughts finishing the series, what I might be doing next, and explaining some of the decisions I made and stuff I learned. If you wanna know more about what could have been, or stuff I thought of, take a look at that when it comes. It will also explain, in case you didn't quite get it, why Bailey was the one to die ultimately, and why he had to, rather than them both living happily.

This story is not the kind you typically find on SoFurry I think. Not to make out like I'm super unique or anything, but the majority of romance stories on here (Which are great! I love a lot of them) end rather happily – feel good is the name of the game. This story starts of dark and gets darker. There are glimpses of hope, but my poor characters got little respite from the miserable world they lived in. Because of this, I'm amazed anyone actually read it.

You have to know your audience when making something, and I'm shocked that people on SF actually liked this story. So, if you're still reading and don't hate me, thank you so much. I hope you enjoyed the story, or at least, I hope it got some kind of emotional rise out of you. I would love to hear what you thought, if you would like to (either a PM, or comment, or whatever).

Ultimately I think I'm happy with Slave Brand. It's the best thing I've written on here, certainly, although it still has many flaws. I'll talk more about that in the journal. Until then;

So if you're still reading this, I can only say thanks, for supporting me and my stupid little story :P

            (PS – It's not about hot slaves, it's about legit slaves.)