I awoke in a torpor to a vacant room, and in the dim light I began to recall the voices which bore witness to my brush with death.  The affliction had festered mercilessly within my blood, and in those days I became acquainted with the apothecary which suffered my company.  When a beast emerged, following the manner and form of man, a strength of will possessed me to overcome the grip of sickness.  My heart readied for battle while by body merely threw me to the floor of the bed.  As if a member of some clergy, he carried out his duty without complaint or worry.

I hath wondered: where rests the loyalty of this wolf?  I did not remember riding so far from the homeland, and it was my steed which carried me so far abroad to a land I no longer knew.  The Commonwealth of Ursa sought to emulate the states of old, advocating equality and freedom within a corrupt system of political intrigue which bred a class disparity comparable to any monarchy.  Oh, but I knew little of what to believe then, it only seemed natural to adopt my prior ideals and repay the debt I had incurred.

One may say I had become a vagrant again after dispensing with the emblems of which I no longer held fealty.  There are times I ponder upon those repressed memories-- It felt as though I never truly knew my family, or perhaps wished to forget them.  The greatest enigma of life was the lack of empathy I had among forsaken children; I wanted to believe there was more, that I could fill this husk with more than pretense.  To think I wasn’t so wretched that my own mother would abandon me, but my heart somehow knew, and so did she. 

Oh, you might think this journal rife with self-pity and the desperation of a love starved maid who claims to be a knight, should I prattle on of the distant tragedies of another life.  Truly, not all of it was woe.  In the coming days, a certain wanderlust filled my heart, as the world was now so different; to know creatures I would hath hunted, hath never seen, nor even read of.  It seemed natural to lend aide to duties which evoked aversion in the common folk, for whatever ease was given to their hearts, I took satisfaction in.  It was here I took vocation as a jailor.  Some went further, and labeled me executioner.

In time, the pleas of innocent and guilty alike inured the turmoil of my spirit.  It was then I realized the vanity of man’s order: to pass judgement upon the lesser privileged and feed the appetites of the wicked, for it was the commoner’s fear which taught them to remain obedient.  This was no less so for the independent, remembering the dragons which historically took treasure and livestock to feed the very same principal of order.  Do you see now my witness?  It is power which governs the world, not law.

A famine had gone unnoticed to me while the confederacy centralized.  My pay was generous, but I began to suspect more as the prisoners grew much younger, and punishments more severe.  The rebellious cried against wealthy merchants who used their paid lapdogs to avoid the law, and indulge in luxury at the expense of the poor.  The commonwealth had acquainted me with strange sorcery and cunning rascals, just enough so to evade the monotonous ramblings of greedy subordinates.  This alleged democracy transformed to aristocracy, a manner of governance I knew too well.

I had a wife you know.  It was the apothecary’s daughter whom I had little interest of.  There was little appeal in a creature so alien to me, or of one so young.  It took time to acclimate until I no longer passed judgement upon one’s heritage, and learned to appreciate the diversity of race, for I was now the alien in a realm where no humans seemed to exist.  Why then did I divorce myself of the ills which hath plagued the land?  I grew to care for her, and it gave me peace.  To fret of politics would have driven me mad, but it was my station which may hath very well condemned those I cared for.  Life is not a kind teacher.

The state factionalize, holding ransoms in desperation against one another to vie control over a now collapsing government.  At least that’s what was speculated, until a rogue procured lists for execution that I saw included my loved ones.  Caravans traveled in secret, homes burned but no one died, and my colleagues acted without receiving order.  Of the few I trusted who remained, a sorcerer of the old gods, spoke of an orchestrated chaos that fueled a more sinister agenda.  In a subtle way without speaking of them, he let me know that they were already dead, and to remain seeking vengeance would be a vain struggle which only served to fuel this black tide.

From that time on, every thought was rage, and my soul manifested anew as a bottomless sea of pure hatred.  To bring terror and suffering upon such agents was my new purpose, and I equally hated how helpless I was to stop them; how helpless others pretended to be out of their own cowardice.  So the executioner became a rogue knight, without loyalty, without mercy, for mercy was a practice for the ignorant.  Perhaps that was dramatic, but I do not wish to waste the parchment.

I drank heavily to quell the demons which incessantly clawed at my sanity.  I needed to channel this new love of murder before it claimed me—my god!  I could think of no greater pleasure than crushing the life out of everyone I looked upon, so I had accompanied a band of hapless fools which endeavored to cure the ills of the world.  That seemed to be the moment where I lost my sanity, if I had to pick it.  Aye, they said I needed to control my anger too, but I felt better off hearing it from others than myself. 

Our travels, as it so happens, was to seek out and kill another dragon who meddled heavily in mortal affairs, only seeming to act as a way to slake his boredom.  Among my company, a greedy half-giant, directed only by his insatiable appetite for wealth.  An immature gnome who would sometimes evoke thoughts of my deceased daughter.  A silly feline who insisted on being nude; she constantly claimed to be my officer.  Finally an avian rogue I felt compelled to strike from time to time, for he loved too much his insipid pranks.

They were a tiresome lot, but we worked well together.  Apparently, my ruthless onslaughts were a sight to behold, and my learned methods of torture procured vital information from even the most devout fanatics.  Predictably, my allies would protested vehemently against my methods.  The younger ones averted their attention, for it put their romantic world view in jeopardy, having regarded me as a paladin, and perhaps a father figure at times.  It was only when the young avian and gnome watched could I restrain myself; it wouldn’t have done them any good to know they were merely a means to an end.  As for the others, I did not care if they were too delicate to stomach reality.  In time, the devotion to the murderous whispers that plagued my mind granted me a means to commune with a new deity to guide my blade. 

Hence began the path to power.  I knew now that magic existed in this strange new world, and that deities corrupted the natural order with blessings of favoritism upon their mortal agents; to be used as meat puppets against whatever other deity dissatisfied them.  It becomes clearer doesn’t it?  How different is this than the petty squabble of one king at war with another?  Gods, kings: all but entitled children who haven’t a shred empathy for the subjects they rule over-- so willing to have others suffer in their stead.  There was only one God I could ever follow now; one who gave me power, and the power to destroy the everlasting soul.

Etherius - 7211, 4^th Waxing Crescent