Amelie’s Self-Discovery Chapter Three A

 By Pão Pão 

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That smell of old paper enthralled her, for any other reason she would have loved to come here to the back of the building and dig up those old boxes full of files. That day however she had to pick those boxes one by one to re-type all of their information into the system, as she found out they had been misfiled years ago. two decades worth of microfiche were digitized with the wrong dates. Inbetween Michaels coughing fits, they took turns pulling boxes out of the shelves, checking the files one by one and typing their dates in again.

“Darling, are you sure you don’t want a mask? “ She worriedly asked him. “I don't think they clean these rooms often enough and all this paper…”

“No, I'll be fine!” He insisted, coughing some more “and you need me to type these.”

“Oh yes those wonderful hands of yours…” She cooed as she dragged yet another box to the side of the room with the ones already browsed.

Michael flushed, turning his head to look at Amelie, their eyes were locked together for a moment and he smiled. After that they went back to their tasks, pretending nothing was said.

That moment they shared the day before obliterated a lot of the wall of formality that they had between one another and Amelie in any other situation would be cringing at herself for saying something like that but from that day on she could see herself trusting him as much as she trusted Vivian.

“How many boxes have we gone through so far?” Michael said pulling more files from the pile beside him, his voice turning increasingly tired

“four today…”

“Just four? It's been almost five hours.” He interrupted her.

“Well there's still twenty four, we got as long as we need to fix it though, no one ever needs these.” Amelie stated, trying to comfort him.

Michael groaned ”how do you do it?” He sat down crossing his legs and slumped over. “It's like playing the role of sisyphus every day.” 

Amelie swished her tail about, wondering what to say though she knew she liked working here herself, she never particularly liked the work itself, she would hate to mislead him or act wiser than she was. She calmly walked over to where he was and layed over his legs.

“I just like working here, i feel safe here compared to everywhere else a dog could be at, nothing in it changes much and i'm fond of everyone that works here. My social anxiety would be attacking me every day if I were lecturing or teaching, though I do think about doing that from time to time.” She answered, Michaels shoulders relaxed and she calmed down too, wondering if her words resonated with him.

“I get that, the familiarity thing. It's one of the reasons I like this place so much, it's a lot like the library I used to go to back home, there's this comfort and safety I get from being here” He was now glancing down at her, in that way people did that made her feel so small. “And you… It might be you spoiling me but when I'm working with you it's like I can do no wrong.”

“There's very little things to do here that we can't fix quickly, so what being angry with my interns does in the end: But i can also blame my conflict averseness, it's not the best trait to have.”

Michael nodded, smiling so brightly at her, it made her flush once more.

She jumped back to her four paws, standing erect almost as tall as Michael was as he was still sitting in front of her. Moments like this made her wonder if this was like interacting with others was like for the two-footed, face to face, no awkwardness between them.

“Well we don't have to do it all today and like i said, this air full of rust and dust can't be good for you right now, so sit in my office and write all those reports that are still pending, okay?” She tilted her head to one side, realizing how quickly she snapped back to her professional persona when people got a little bit too personal with her.

Later they were eating their lunch in her room, Amelie could still not avoid looking at him sometimes, fearing he would be looking straight at her while she ate, but it was something they could do together, just the two of them. She would be lying to herself if she said she would not wait for that moment every day of the week from that day on and it didn't make her insides flutter. 

Her phone beeped up on her desk, it was a text from Vivian. She had held back from telling her about what happened yesterday, but maybe if they were going to meet soon she could have that conversation in person. If someone could give her good advice on what to do, that person was Vivian.

“Sooo how are the lovebirds doing c:”

“I think he's opening up to me more, i'm seeing a side of him i haven't before.”

“Do you like it?”

“I'm not sure, but your crush opening up to you is a good thing right?”

“So you do have a crush on him…”

“Since yesterday, yes”

“OMG you'll have to tell me, friday?”

“Pizza, i promised”

“Girrrrl, i don't know how you don't have the world on your feet”

“haha”

She scoffed, Vivians attempts to sound “extra” were too much sometimes. 

The rest of her week until friday was filled with colorful dreams and waiting for the moment Michael would flirt back, she contented herself with him gazing longingly at her when no one else was looking, that was all she needed. Maybe he was the right fit for her, two awkward dorks that did not fit anywhere else, but could live well together, understand each other's shortcomings and needs, and he did have a body she liked ‘cause she saw all kinds of men in porn. She imagined them together with her, imagined Michael together with her, thinked about how awkwardly their bodies would fit together, to her who had not experienced anything like that, it could be magical.

She found that Friday to be so pleasant. It was early in autumn and the cold breeze felt wonderful. The way it waved her coat and curls always helped soothe her nerves in moments like these. She stood by the gate of Vivian's apartment building, she noticed as her mind came back to the moment. It was a short building not as well kept on the outside as her own was but the inside was another story as Vivian always kept her place as clean as she could manage. The gate opened with a loud beep and she pushed it open, moving inside as the door to the building opened with a loud clack right after.

She nervously flipped her purse to her other shoulder, she wore what she usually did out of work: a cardigan over a loose blouse and a skirt long enough to go over her knees. it was one of her favorites also since she preferred to cover herself more, it made her feel human even if that was irrational in a lot of ways, it made her feel like she blended in. The door to the apartment opened and she was assaulted by two short figures, who rushed to her before she could react.

“AUNTIE CAME!”

“Well of course she did! She wasn't even five minutes late, annie!” Vivian shouted, pulling her daughter out of Amelie’s back “and she’s not your pony! Halloween is not even close.”

“Please don't dye me purple again, it took forever to come off…” Amelie said, licking the girl's face as the little thing giggled and screamed.

“Oh you gotta say it did look good, at least after I tried to save your costume and got your fur to look even.” Vivian now dragged both kids back in. “There's some of that wine you like on the ice bucket and I have a proposition for you once we get everyone to calm down.

Douglas and Annie were then play-fighting with Amelie, tugging on her locks of fur and hair as they all wrestled on the carpet. It was now Vivian who rolled her eyes. “Okay i’ll go get your glass, try not to break anything, please:”

[scene break]

“So tell me what happened then!” Vivian pleated impatiently. Amelie was now sitting lengthwise on the couch, taking up most of it. She craned her neck forward to drink from the small glass bowl on the coffee table and gave a short wag as fond memories of that night came back to her.

“Michael was sick and stayed home, so I offered to go there and buy us something to eat. We acted more like friends than work buddies and he was so sweet to me.”

Vivian giggled “you're really older than you really are, aren't you? that's something my mom would do” 

“I haven't felt like that with someone else in a very long time.” Amelie confessed. “I’m just, you know, scared that I might be wrong and…”

“And what? Dear you’re a catch, you can't keep yourself apart from the dating pool forever if you wanna date this bad.” Vivian gesticulated with the cup on her hand. “You should try it! start by getting yourself a new haircut, actually that is my proposition: Do you remember when i gave you a makeover back in grad school?”

“Oh God” Amelie cringed.

“I got better, I swear! And the fur on your face and ears is matting, it needs some brushing, I bet your claws need trimming too if we go by what Doug’s thighs look like.”

“Oh no…”

“I know you weren't trying to hurt him, and he's a bit too big to play like that anymore, one of you will end up getting hurt for real one day.” She sighed. 

“Yeah, he’s 8 right? wow” “I’m really getting old.”

“You dont look like it,” Vivian rebuked.

“all under the fur, till my face starts turning gray eventually” She rested her chin on her paws and gave out a long yawn.

“Still not too old to look your best” Vivian ran her fingers along her friend's frizzy, tangled hair.

“Okay, but if i have to get naked i'd rather do this after the two are asleep.”

“So… order the pizza then go see what they are up to, it’s going to suck getting them in bed after all that food if they eat late, also with how much you three played earlier.” She gave Amelie a playful boop.

“It's fun, I swear” Her tail swishing slowly.

“I believe you, i'm not a dog, i can't know.” They shared a chuckle.

“The dog in me is something that kinda builds up over time, it's strange but so euphoric, at the same time in moments that make me feel too different from other people it's like my mind doesn't belong to my body and i'm just watching it all happen from afar, like reality is just a muffled noise away from me.”

“Have you ever considered therapy: I feel a therapist would have a field day with you.” She scratched behind Amelie’s ear.

“I’m… I have a really bad phobia of these things.” Amelie looked away.

“Yea makes sense you do” Vivian slouched on the chair, her arms crossed and eyes trying to tell the emotions on her friend’s face.

Recalling all of her fathers attempts to get her mother to seek mental help still pained her, her first years marked by her absence and resentfulness of her. Nothing had seemed to work and eventually she was gone. Amelie looked down at her phone and trying to change the subject, began to order the food she promised.

“since you are giving me me a haircut i'm ordering three large pizzas and some soda”

“Two pepperoni, one cheese?” Vivian asked just to be sure, it was their usual order.

“Exactly!’

“So Efficient” 

“Wouldn't have lasted very long at my job if I weren't.”

They shared a chuckle.

“So let's get this going.” Vivian got up to set the table while Amelie went in the kids room to see what they were up to, as soon as she pushed the knob down with her chin and opened the door Annie came to hug her, wrapping her arms around her neck.

“Oof! Hello Annie, what have you been up to here?” She cooed and nuzzled the child. Their room was minimalistic as Vivian Liked, but still filled with color as most environments ruled by children tend to be, stickers were glued to furniture and the floor was covered in drawings and toys as often as the kids managed to dump them back there while Doug was sprawled on the ground watching something noisy on his tablet as he doodled away on a notebook.

“Drawing the Beast, he's like you, fluffy with a huge nose.” She answered without raising her eyes from the paper.

“Oh I think he had a blue coat didn't he? but he looks good, i remember when the movie came out, i was about your age”

“Blue pen ran out.” She looked up at Amelie “Do you like it?”

“Yes, it was one of my favorites. I remember begging my father to let me watch it and we eventually rented it.”

“Rented?” Annie asked.

“It came in a black box. Internet was not like today so we couldn't just open Disney and watch it.” Said Doug on his corner.

Anne sat back down to doodle something on the back of the drawing, humming and babbling a tune, Amelie sat between them, then Doug decided to use her as a pillow.

“And this is you!” Annie pointed to what she was drawing now. It looked like a lady with flowing chestnut hair in a pompous dress.

“That's not a borzoi” Amelie asked tilting her head sideways.

“It's you in Belle’s dress, after the prince kisses you.” Annie stretched her hand, placing the drawing right in front of Amelie’s nose.

“Darling that's not how it works, I don’t know how to change from this, don't even know if i can.” Amelie backed from it, her ears flipping downwards, the conversation quickly turned into something she didn't really know how to deal with.

“No?” Annie gripped tightly on the drawing, crumpling it, the girl now sniffling and on the verge of tears.

“I had no one to tell me how, oh please don't cry it's fine, i like this. It's fun sometimes.” Amelie licked the girl's face and leaned onto her, who then hugged tightly against her long, fuzzy neck “you make it look fun.”

Annie threw herself against her and she just let her, both of them tumbling down onto the floor, the child gripping tight on her fur and Amelie resting her long muzzle on her cheek. It didn't take long for Annie to fall asleep on her and they stayed like that for some time.

“So i bought pizza for all of us, it should be getting here by now, why don't we move over to the living room?” Amelie nudged her towards the door and so the three went to join Vivian who sat on the couch with a pile of paper by her side.

“Grading homeworks ?”

“Gotta use all the spare time i got, thanks for checking up on the kids by the way.”

Annie still clung to her, her cheeks still swollen and puffy showing past signs of distress.

“Hungry?” Vivian asked her daughter, picking her up and placing the child on her lap. Annie nodded and held tight to her mom’s shirt. After the pizza arrived both adults and children attacked the pizza boxes, Amelie got full on two slices of pepperoni pizza and left the rest for the others. Vivian warned Doug not to use his tablet as a plate but most of the crowd control was left to Amelie as she was distracted grading papers, by the end of it they were cleaning grease off the chairs and badgering the kids so they would brush their teeth. Annie pulled Amelie by the neck fluff after being told it was bedtime.

“Can you come again soon? I wanna draw it right for you next time.” Annie asked.

“Your mother calls me to watch you two often enough i think.” Amelie licked her in the face and said good night.

“So they are asleep!” whispered Vivian “I already warmed up your bath.” 

“A bath?...”

“Yes! I can give you a good haircut without shampooing and blow drying you first…”

“Ok! But if I catch you taking pictures of me I'll bite you I swear!” Amelie and Vivian moved quickly to the bathroom while Vivian had trouble holding her giggles. The sight of a warm, bubbly bathtub soothed her however as she has not bathed in a long time. Her apartment only had an adapted shower and bathing was too much work for her. She slithered out of her clothing and had a look at her frizzy curls, both hair and coat needed trimming. She looked back to check if her friend had closed the door, which she did, before she dipped her paws on the warm water.

“Aaaaaah oh my i missed this” She said between giggles as she plunged into the bathtub, lowering her head to get her whole body wet. “Ghaaa i forgot how heavy being soaked feels.”

“There's a lot of fur to soak so…” Vivian looked like she didn't really know what to do first “so how do we do this?”

“You're gonna have to straight up give me a dog bath, I usually have these brushes that can be bolted on the wall so I can stroke my fur on them but all we got are your hands.” Amelie said at Vivians general direction, it was hard to see with wet hair all over her face.

“Hoping fur is not much harder than hair.” Vivian said pouring shampoo all over the wet fur and lathing it, going from head to loins.

“So how have you been doing since you got transferred? did the kids take it well?” Amelie didn't want to feel awkward as she was being bathed by her friend so starting  small talk was the right thing. For what she could tell, it was almost like what going to a spa would feel like, with her fur being slowly rinsed and then lathed up again with the conditioner, soft hands scrubbing between the curls on her ears and back.

“Oh, well I'm used to teaching now, so it's no big deal. Besides that it's harder to get the kids to read anything these days, and even more to keep them out of their phones.” “But y’know i’ve been thinking of going back to get my doctorate.” Vivian gave the news with some hesitation, more due to her own nerves than apprehension to what her friend would think.

“Ooh” Amelie lit up at the news, holding herself to the edge of the tub with both paws as her tail wagged, spreading soap all over the wall behind her.

“Not for any particular reason, not yet.” She rinsed the fur off of the conditioner, revealing the tidy yet waterlogged curls. “But i might change my mind while im there”

“You have been livelier lately, are things going well with Carlos?” Amelie hopped out of the pool and shook herself before Vivian had the chance to reach for a towel, soaking her.

“You could say so, but it's not that! The kids are older and I think it's time” slightly annoyed, Vivian now wrapped a towel around the lanky wet dog and did the best she could to dry her.

Vivian began to blow dry her “and since they are older you can ask me to spend more time babysitting them?” Amelie practically shouted over the noise of the blow dryer, her fur blowing away as Vivian fought to brush away the damaged bits.

“I… I was going to get there!” Vivian covered her face as Amelie shook herself again, making fur fly all over the room.

“Look it's fine! I'm glad to help really, i don't have much going on anyway.” Amelie sat on the floor, Vivian then brought her set of clippers and files and began to cut the claws into blunt stubs. With a scissor she began to trim away the odd ends of her long coat and hair, the curls slowly reshaping themselves as they finished drying.

“Besides the guy you're getting all pretty for…” The hair and fur were then lightly coated with brushing cream and she proceeded with the final brush and trim.

“Pretty…”

“You are the most beautiful dog I have ever seen, Amelie!” Vivian chuckled, her face flushing as she couldn't buy into her friend's gloominess.

“But a dog!”

“Look!” She had unhooked the mirror from the wall and placed it in front of Amelie, and her mouth gaped open, she gasped standing there in disbelief. It all fit together so well, it felt unreal. her face slowly relaxed and her tail wagged side to side. 

She looked like she could go somewhere nice with him now.