Conscript 1: My father was so surprised when I came out of closet to him.  

Conscript 2: Why was that, comrade?   

Conscript 1: Because I yelled "Aaaarrrhh!" when I jumped out

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Corporal Mstislav: Why is Dimitriy always in the back of the formation?

Sgt Vitaliy : I do not know, Corporal, I guess he like it in the rear. 

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Worker 1: I tell you, comrade. My sex life is like cheap American buffet.

Worker 2: What? Always plentiful and much verity?

Worker 1: No. Is always self-service!

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Conscript Kovlov: So my girl friend tried giving the head for the first time yesterday.

Conscript Fedrov: Oh, lucky dog you.

Conscript Kovlov: Not really . . . I tell her 'Is easy just lick it like the totsy pop.'

Conscript Fedrov: Sound right to me . . . ? What went wrong, Dymetri?

Conscript Kovlov: She do okay for first three licks. Then she try to bite the tip off!

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Marine 1: Hey! Comrade Kilva smuggled some vodka from the port. You coming?

Marine 2: I hate drinking with that guy! I always wake up like this ship.

Marine 1: What?

Marine 2: At sea, swaying, and my lower decks full of seamen. 

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