\n A man, dressed in a red shirt and tan pants, opens the door of a closet, and pulls out a box labeled "Toys", written in a child's handwriting. He looks through everything till he finds a small stuffed tiger toy.
\n "Hey Hobbes. It's been a while." He says looking over the toy with a fond expression on his face. The toy's eyes just stare back blankly, no emotion.
\n "We used to have so much fun didn't we?" The man sits in a chair, setting the toy on his leg, facing him, "Teasing Suzy, building those hilarious snowmen, you pouncing me when I got to the door. Man, that was so much fun. We used to stay up late at night and just talk about those things that didn't make sense at the time. A lot of thing have changed since we last spoke. I married Suzy. Yeah I know, 'ew girls are yucky'." He looks at the toy and picks it back up and stands up , his eyes tearing up, "I'm sorry for putting you in that box Hobbes. I shouldn't have done that to my best friend." He hugs the toy tight to his chest "Can you ever forgive me?"
\n The tiger hugs him back tightly, his head on the man's shoulder as the man's sets on his. "I already have Calvin. Best friends always forgive best friends."
\n "I love you Hobbes"
\n "I love you too Calvin."
\n
He grew up, but nothing's changed.
Imported from SF2 with no description.
15 years ago
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4 Likes
Estimated reading time
1 Minutes
Supporters of SoFurry
The story is fine by itself, and the plot is self explainatory, I believe. (As in, I heed no explaination to what's going on).
The thing is, this could be written a bit better, believe me. At the same time I'm liking this, I think it can be better, so um, yes. Cough. In my opinion, I think you should space the dialogue and the narrative efficiently. Why? When much dialogue is mixed in with blocks of text, it "scrunches up" the reading, to put it in a silly way. Double spacing is almost necessary.
As for the story, you can fiddle with the setting a bit more. I mean, I like the story, nothing wrong with that, but maybe you can make a setting so happy, so sad, so demeaning, so full-of-life that the reader can get into the mood before the plot is revealed. This could use a happy/sad beginning-setting (or so to speak).