Pacing his apartment, he found himself checking and re-checking every little detail he’d been obsessing over for the past few weeks. Living alone meant that you didn’t have to compromise with anyone else when it came to your living arrangements, and Urag was rightfully proud of his home. But with the imminent (if temporary) end to his solitude, adjustments would have to be made.
With the attention to detail that only a lovesick man can muster, Urag had seen to every chair, every shelf and every light switch. All of it had to be adjusted so that when Martin finally did arrive, he would feel at home instantly.
For almost a whole year now, Urag had spent nearly every evening talking to his long-distance boyfriend. Every night, the Orc went to sleep and dreamt that he was finally able to hold the Human he loved so much, and every morning he felt the same sting of loss at not having his Martin beside him. But without fail, there would be a message from his love waiting for him on his phone, wishing him a good morning, and Urag drew strength from that.
Continuing his inspection, Urag took note of the few things he had left to do. He needed to buy groceries, in particular the things he’d taken note that his boyfriend liked. Martin didn’t like many sweet things, but made an exception when it came to chocolate. It was something the two had bonded over early, trading recipes back and forth for their favourite desserts. Urag had a sweet tooth (or tusk), and it showed when he relaxed, being slightly softer around the middle than he would like. Then again, Martin said it made him look friendlier. Urag sometimes felt that it was difficult for him to seem friendly to Humans. Orcs were so much bigger and stronger, even with the best of intentions it was inevitable to look threatening sometimes.
At least Martin didn’t mind, Urag never scared him. The first time they’d met, he’d taught the Orc how to tie a tie. Urag remembered how precious it had felt to have those smaller, lithe hands guide his own. Only half an hour later they got stuck together in a hotel elevator, and both missed their evening plans. The brief inconvenience had been a blessing in disguise; their chemistry was like lightning in a bottle, it should be impossible to capture something so pure yet there they both were.
As the hours dragged on, Urag couldn’t sleep. More and more intrusive thoughts kept him awake, sowing small seeds of doubt and poison. What if he had forgotten something important? Maybe Martin had a deadly allergy he didn’t know about and Urag cooked something he couldn’t eat?
What if he hurt his love? Urag was big and Martin was so much smaller. It would be far too easy to hurt him by accident. The Orc would have to be careful, treat his boyfriend gently. Martin would say that he was being silly but he didn’t understand just how fragile he was.
Out of the corner of his eye, Urag saw his alarm clock. 3 ‘o clock at night. With a sigh, he did his best to banish the negative thoughts, and eventually sleep claimed him.
-
On the other side of the continent, the chime of a phone alarm roused Martin Rolandsen from his sleep. 6 ‘o clock in the morning. Weary from sleep, he reached for his phone and opened the messaging app.
“Good morning, love! Can’t wait to see you soon, I’m counting down the hours!!”
Martin smiled as he pressed ‘Send’, knowing Urag would reply to him when the Orc woke up. Getting the reply back from his boyfriend was always one of the best parts of his day.
As he went about his morning routine, Martin crossed off his own to-do list before his flight east. His toothbrush and phone charger were packed, a week’s worth of clothes stacked neatly into a suitcase, a book and a pair of headphones for the flight. Everything was in order.
Checking the time, Martin grabbed the suitcase and locked up his apartment. The taxi he’d booked would be there soon to drive him to the airport. Just as he stepped outside, he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket.
“Have a safe flight, I’ll be waiting for you!” Urag had followed up the message with several emojis. Martin sent a green heart back and stepped into the taxi that had just pulled up in front of him.
-
He’ll be landing soon, Urag thought as he sat down in front of the TV. He’d just finished buying groceries and a bottle of wine for the dinner he had planned. Living in a cramped city, Urag didn’t have a car and so he couldn’t meet Martin at the airport. All he could do was wait. Wait and check that everything was perfect yet again.
He’d put fresh sheets on the bed, cleaned the bathroom twice. As the time drew closer, Urag went to clean himself up too.
He kept his black hair clipped short, and had never had much facial hair to speak of, but he shaved anyway to look a bit smoother. Using a special, broad brush, he worked the surface of the twin tusks jutting out from his lower jaw. Unlike their other teeth, an Orc’s tusks never stopped growing, and so they had to be filed down and maintained. Urag kept his quite long, they nicely complimented his cheekbones.
With no more excuses, Urag spent the last half hour waiting in front of the door. Then, he heard movement outside, and finally the doorbell. Barely containing himself, Urag wrenched the door open to reunite with his love.
For a split second, Martin and Urag stood still, just looking at each other in happy disbelief. Then, the Human quickly closed the distance into the Orc’s waiting embrace.
“I finally have you,” Urag whispered as he lifted his smaller boyfriend into his arms. Martin’s weight was nothing to him, just a comforting presence that he was at last allowed to hold. “I finally have you…”
“I can’t believe I’m here,” Martin said and laughed. The flight hadn’t been too long, but it had felt like an eternity. Cradled in Urag’s arms, Martin looked into the Orc’s eyes. More than anything in that moment, they shared a feeling of relief. “I’m so glad to see you.”
“You have no idea,” Urag replied, hugging Martin tight to his chest. Not letting go of his boyfriend, he brought in Martin’s suitcase and kicked the front door shut. Leaving Martin’s belongings by the door, Urag carried him into the living room and laid them both down on the couch.
“Not gonna let me take off my jacket?” Martin asked, poking Urag’s thick chest and smiling. The Orc grumbled in reply and relaxed his arms just enough so that Martin could extract himself from his outerwear, then went back to holding his mate tight. To Martin, it felt like coming inside from a long, cold day and getting to wrap yourself in a warm blanket. Except the long, cold day was actually months long.
But to Urag, it was more than that. He felt like he was finally remembering what the sun looked like after a permanent winter. With every breath he inhaled full of the smell of his love he felt a physical relief flood him. He hadn’t even realised he was crying until he felt a pair of small hands dry the tears away from his cheeks.
“Hey you,” Martin said, leaning forward to press their foreheads together. “I’m here now, you OK?” Urag nodded, smiling despite tears still flowing from his eyes. Truth was, Urag was far from OK all the time. He felt it constantly, the physical, primal need to feel the touch of his love. That, and the accompanying stabs of grief when he couldn’t have it. It drained everything from him, left him a husk that could barely get out of bed in the morning.
Martin understood as well as anyone could be expected to, as well as any Human could ever hope to. Urag was an Orc, and being denied the experience of holding his Martin, to keep his partner safe, was a pain deeper than any heartbreak.
There was no therapy available to get out of that hole. By a cruel twist of fate, the love of his life lived hours away. It was like being denied oxygen.
At long last, he could breathe.
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