glitter and growling

The rebuilding is going well.

2014-02-13T02:14:04Z

I have an apartment!

I don't currently have a phone or internet access, but that's acceptable because I have a place to live again. If you need to get ahold of me, the best way is email and patience; I should have a phone again soon.

As of today, I haven't had my medication in over three months. Getting the correct dosage of the correct medications with timely refills was, quite literally, impossible. I got sick of having seizures.

That said, I'm holding my own. I'm not in an anti-medication mindset, or anything dangerous like that. I know I'll be back on them (or possibly new things) as soon as I'm established with a mental health professional, and that's okay. I'll take them. I just have to be able to trust that they're doing me more good than harm.

I miss you guys, and I'll try to update again soon.

snowcoma @ 2013-12-10T20:24:00

2013-12-11T04:29:27Z

I'm still alive.

I'm battling bad situations and worse depression, and have become more or less convinced that everyone has forgotten/gotten sick of/started hating me. It doesn't make (much) sense, but mental illness does that.

I've pretty much taken everything that makes up Grace and burned it to the ground. Now I'm just waiting to see what grows back.

All those metaphors

2013-11-07T03:42:17Z

Lou's camper burned down last night. We're all okay; Sonny and I were outside in his car, and Cocoa woke Lou up in time for him to get out before the propane caught.

The Red Cross put us up in a nice room for the next two nights, and I have somewhere to go after that. I didn't have much inside, and with the exception of one or two things, nothing I'll miss.

There's a HUGE chunk of back-story missing here, I know. I have had no spoons and no fucks to give.

Things have actually been looking up lately, I swear.

snowcoma @ 2013-08-30T21:04:00

2013-08-31T04:07:51Z

Okay, have calmed from the initial panic (one of my friends showed up and talked it out with me).

Still haven't dealt with the where-to-stay issue, but there's a nice park I've stayed in before, and may again. Free wi-fi and no help for the homeless; god bless America.

Like Where's Waldo with purple hair and sleep dep

2013-08-22T20:45:04Z

I'm staying ALL OVER THE PLACE, including way out in the sticks with no internet. I will try my best to keep y'all informed!

snowcoma @ 2013-07-29T18:58:00

2013-07-30T02:01:55Z

Lots to do + wonderful new relationship = I will randomly disappear from the webs at times. Don't worry about me, I'm likely staring into space with a goofy grin on my face.

In other news: THE POPE JUST SAID HE DOESN'T JUDGE GAY PEOPLE.

THE POPE.

STOP AND THINK ABOUT HOW HUGE THIS IS.

ASDFGHJKL.

That is all.

So I remember...

2013-07-22T05:30:22Z

I got to go to longhouse today.

It was amazing, spiritually fulfilling, and all-around just what I needed. There is some other drama playing out, but today, I DON'T CARE.

:D

Not out yet

2013-07-21T01:12:24Z

To clarify, the shelter has wi-fi.

We sleep on mattresses on an unfinished floor, we have a persistent infestation of bedbugs, but we have internet.

Social Media

2013-07-20T20:25:22Z

My moods have improved VASTLY since I started going on LJ and tumblr again.

The internet = friendship with a power-cord.

July

2013-07-17T00:04:57Z

I now have paperwork stating, in no uncertain terms, that I am disabled, that these are long-term disabilities, and that housing is crucial to my well-being.

Now to make people actually pay attention to that paperwork!

(I removed the mental health update because it was too depressing to write. What I WILL say is that I'm going to punch the next person who tells me I'm "handling things so well." Ignorant twits.)

I hope to gods that I will still have people that care about me when I come out of this.

June ...thingy.

2013-06-25T02:50:05Z

I am alive!

I've been having fun episodes of complete disassociation. By "episodes" I really mean "There are times when my mind isn't separate from me. I think." Please don't think I'm ignoring you/don't love you/don't care about your situation, because none of that is true. I love, I care, I'm just flat-out NOT HERE right now. It's a shitty coping mechanism, I know, but I'm not steering this ship.

I DID get good news today! Fingers crossed, knock on wood, there is housing for me as soon as my medical goes through. This will be very soon, as I had my psych evaluation at DSHS last week, and the doctor said outright that I have the SRS cray-cray, and should get ALL THE THERAPIES. But in a nice way.

It's a non-sequiter, but I have to say this again: If it wasn't for Bob, Jilli, and Pete, I wouldn't be here. I wish I had some big, awesome way to thank them. For right now, though, all I can do is stay alive and keep fighting to get on my feet permanently.

And so I shall!

snowcoma @ 2013-05-18T21:34:00

2013-05-19T04:37:03Z

My 25th birthday is tomorrow (May 19th).

So, I'm all grown-up, and past my early twenties, even. WHEN THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN?! WHY WASN'T I INFORMED?!

Seriously, does it sneak up on everyone like that?

Update update update

2013-05-18T07:11:56Z

I am alive! I am making big strides! I have things that are making me happy, which is helping me endure the overwhelming suck of the situation!

I'm staying in a teensy, tiny shelter in Wapato (just outside of Yakima; there is a free bus that runs from here to there on the weekdays). I don't get online much, as whipping out a laptop in the middle of a homeless shelter is a bit dicey, but I plan to continue checking in every few days, at least.

Important to know: I had to get a replacement phone, and while the number is the same, texts are borked. If you've texted me after May 5th, I didn't get it. Feel free to call/leave voicemail!

It's past lights-out, and I'm groggy, but I wanted to make sure y'all knew what's going on, and that I'm okay.

*hugs you ALL*

YAY!!!

2013-04-24T00:53:42Z

I am safe and SO HAPPY in Yakima!

Reuniting with one of my best friends was even more amazing than I hoped for. I love Adri so much, and she's only gotten sweeter and smarter (and HOTTER) over the time. Tara is magnificent, her little boy is the most adorable child, and he can SPEAK AND SIGN at only a year and a half.

I have multiple places to stay, back-ups, and I'm surrounded by love. Honestly, I think I'm going to move here (at least for a few years*) when I'm back on my feet. Adri and I are going to share a two-bedroom (cheaper than my one-bedroom outside of Seattle, dear gods) as soon as we possibly can.

So, yeah, guys, we can all take a deep breath now, and see where the future takes me.

*I also want to live in Alaska, Oklahoma, and Missouri, but I have a lifetime ahead of me, so I'm not exactly in a rush.

:D

2013-04-20T18:07:23Z

A ride has been acquired! I should be leaving late tomorrow or the next day.

I'll be checking my email, as well as here, before I go, and will post (or voice-post) as soon as I am safely there.

Now to prepare my body for the desert-what-sucks-out-all-moisture-forever-and-ever-amen, as well as a drastic change in sea-level. Lots of hydration, lotion, and saline solution!

Better!

2013-04-19T15:59:11Z

I have a long-term solution!

Now to figure out the logistics of getting from Seattle to Yakima.

The good thing about having lived in a small town is that you HAVE FRIENDS in a small town. And when they find out your situation and get ahold of you, THE CAVALRY COMES IN.

I have multiple places to crash, AND the fact that I can actually get shelter from a shelter because they're not packed to overflowing. Since there is actually room for me at womens shelters, I can go to one and get help with the process of proper state aid and, oh, say, help with the SSDI from a social worker.

There is a lot going on, and I need to get off the internet for a bit (it's through Bob's cellphone, so when he needs to go somewhere and take his phone, no wireless), but I will check back later!

snowcoma @ 2013-04-14T13:42:00

2013-04-14T20:42:09Z

Alternate housing is now a priority. This must happen.

Update to alert

2013-04-14T19:13:03Z

Okay, once more, only calmer. Now that the overwhelming fear has passed, my situation breaks down like this:

-I will be leaving Bob's for a place that is far from ideal.

-This place was selected as an option (probably the only option) by a friend who wants what is best for me.

-I am scared.

-For the sake of my mental health, I need to know that I have another option. I have a lot of very important things that I need to address now, and if I am under a high level of stress (such as deeply fearing for my own well-being), I am incapable of doing so.

If you know any way, anyone, or anything to help me at this point, please tell me now. I want to take full advantage of my remaining time here by setting up a net BEFORE there's a fall.

ALERT ALERT ALERT

2013-04-14T11:39:44Z

ALERT ALERT ALERT

I'm going....someplace, I don't have the name, in a week. I can't stay with Bob any longer; a fact that has nothing to do with him or me; it's situational. Everyone involved is still awesome.

I know nothing about where I am going beyond "a place to stay", "should have mental health help", and "at least one hot meal a day", that's all that sunk in. I think "they have an option that's sort of like a boot-camp, which is probably not for you" was in there.

I am terrified. I have a BAD history with "help" facilities, and they're generally a good way to break a Grace. Maybe this place will be different; I certainly hope so.

The point of this being: I need a back-up plan. I need to know that if this goes belly-up, it's not the end for me. I'm really, really at that point.

snowcoma @ 2013-04-02T06:45:00

2013-04-02T13:45:17Z

The emotional crisis has been soothed somewhat by a good conversation over the reality of matters, and I feel better.

I twisted my ankle when I stood up after said conversation, but I'll take that over emotional pain any day. Besides, this is the...fourteenth? time I've sprained this particular ankle. IDK, you tend to lose count after a while. Light pressure via ace bandage, elevation, ice pack every few hours, tylenol, etcetera; I'm good.

On a different but IMPROVING note...

2013-03-14T08:00:34Z

I had the plague, which turned into the "doctor or hospital NOW". Long, gross story short, I now have a lot of anti-nausea medication, and have been (carefully!) wolfing down rice and cream-of chicken soup like it's the first I've had to eat in a week (perhaps because it is). Gatorade is a higher power.

My undying gratitude goes to Bob, who took one look at my inability to crawl away from the toilet, the fact that I'd been unable to take my medication for four days, and the excitement of not being able to keep any fluids down, and insisted on taking me to the doctor, despite my crying that he could leave it until later. He even managed not to shout at the co-worker who asked him when he'd be through at the hospital, seemingly not registering "medical emergency".

Three cheers for Bob!

So, initial "boo", and now "yay", coupled with "have a blanket and for gods' sake, lie down, Grace".

Something important that doesn't involve me!

2013-03-14T07:55:28Z

I just read something that was both incredibly moving and incredibly true. It's a short "fairy-tale" written by Ursula Vernon, and you need to read it. All of you.

It's what we are either doing, or have done, and will do. Please read it, even if it was linked many times before (I've avoided my flist for a long time, because I WILL try to catch up on months of events, and I lack the brain power right now).

The Glass Mountain And The Sensible Child

Go. Read.

Mycoplasma and HHZ6

2013-03-05T03:33:49Z

So, I have two new, scary diagnoses of co-infections.

And I was already so not having a stable day.

I do NOT have the condition that exacerbates/causes bipolar (I could have told you that), and the jury is still out on fibromyalgia, which is frakking LINKED to at least one of the co-infections. I'm being prescribed something that I have to take moderate doses of, working my way up to the full amount. Because that's comforting and fun to do.

In short, see icon.

Gaaawth

2013-02-27T20:29:12Z

On a happier note, I have officially hit the decade mark of full-on goth!*

I am currently still identifying as a baby-bat (or "comfygoth" because of my wardrobe as it relates to my health. Gowns are just wasted when napping). If there's a name for the state between baby-bat and elder-goth, let me know. Just "goth" feels it should be followed with "obviously", and is not nearly so catchy.

Also, I would like my merit-badge now (ten years is a bat with two eye-liner pencils crossed below it like a Jolly Roger. This is totally true and did not just pop into my mind whilst typing this). I will need to visit the Goth Cabal That Is Not Real OR IS IT to receive such honors.

Totally unrelated, but just as I typed that, I managed to kill a really creepy spider without shrieking! There was much thumping from a Doc Marten, and a cry of "DIE, YOU LITTLE BASTARD!", but I'm proud of myself.

* Yes, yes, I can feel the eye-rolls; I'm twenty-four, cut a ghoul some slack! I was already growing my nails to inch-long points, dyeing my hair odd colors, and wearing dark shades before then. And I was insisting vultures were the coolest birds ever, and won a costume contest dressed as a bat when I was still in the single digits! ...I get credit for that, right?

Health update

2013-02-27T19:58:06Z

GUESS WHO HAS TWO THUMBS AND ADVANCED LYME DISEASE!
You'll have to imagine the gesture for yourself. For those of you who are lost, the answer is me.

At least when I got the news of this it was preceded with "Let's take a look at your zebras!"*

Originally, we were testing to find out which flavor of arthritis I had, but it turns out I have something new and exciting attacking my joints and soft tissues, AND it's one that requires a great deal of explanation when informing ~~those lucky motherfuckers~~ able-bodied people. It doesn't sound that bad, and if you treat it quickly, it isn't. But when it's been wreaking havoc inside you for well over a decade? Yeah, I have a ten percent chance of recovering some functionality, after months and months of powerful antibiotics. It's debilitating at this point.

I have at least two co-infections, and we're testing for more. I remember that one of them is the fancy term for Cat Scratch Fever, but only because that damn song got stuck in my head. One of the possible co-infections might be making my bipolar worse, which is...disturbing and hopeful at the same time.

Oh, and I'm genetically incapable of ingesting enough folic acid, vitamin D, and something else, (calcium, I think, where did I put my notes?) unless they have been...properly kerfuffled first, or something. I'm also really low on protein, and have been instructed to eat as much meat as possible, so I have steaks in bulk and my inner wolf is very happy.

So, what's new with y'all?

*I don't know how universal the saying is, but "When you hear hoof-beats, you look for horses, not zebras" is a phrase used to dispel unusual theories. I think it comes from literature, and would love to know the source.