When Amaris, our Newsletter Editor, launched our revamped newsletter, The Unfolding, she introduced us to a powerful idea: our creative journeys aren't meant to follow neat timelines or predictable paths.

It’s a bittersweet moment for us at Slant’d because Amaris is stepping away from the newsletter to embark on the beautiful journey of becoming a mother. Her decision reflects the same wisdom she's shared through her writing: that growth often requires us to release one thing to embrace another. We thank Amaris for her passion and perspective during her brief time as our newsletter editor, and we are cheering her on in this next chapter!

As I reflected on Amaris’ journey, I recognized a lot of parallels with my own journey as well—I recently left the company I was with for the past 12 years with nothing lined up. Having “no plan” was my plan, I knew I was burnt out and needed time to recalibrate and determine what could still spark joy for me in my professional life. By closing that door, I was hoping others would open. This coincided with an opening for the Slant’d Brand & Marketing director position and I truly felt excited about the organization, my role, and my contributions (including writing this newsletter!). I hope this is one door of many that will reveal and open on my journey to find fulfillment.

I’ve also been thinking about how art doesn't just express who we are—it reveals who we're becoming. The act of creating—whether visual art or writing—requires the same courage Amaris and the other creatives we’re spotlighting in this issue has shown throughout their journeys: the willingness to look honestly at yourself and trust what you find there. And so, I hope you find this month’s newsletter insightful as we look at how individuals have navigated that path to find their true selves.

With gratitude,
Kitty (Director of Brand & Marketing)

Play Bigger by Nicole Cruz

Art by Felicia Chiao

I can never go back. I didn’t realize it at the time, but that was the promise I made to myself that night in Iceland. Looking up at the pink, green, and orange Northern Lights skipping across the sky, something in me cracked open—an unlocking of a deeper layer of living, experiencing, feeling. In that moment, I realized what true joy was. As my breath formed clouds in the chilly night air, I realized that I was finally living fully—and that I could never go back to how I was living before.

For all intents and purposes, my life until that point looked idyllic. I had a six-figure salary from working at a Fortune 5 company, owned a 3-bedroom house in San Diego, and was the first in my family to get a Master’s degree. I had checked off all the boxes that I thought would equate to happiness and fulfillment.

Spoiler alert: it did not work.

I remember crying under the covers of my bed at the age of 32, after waking up to the reality that many of my life’s choices were motivated by fear—of judgment, failure, and rejection. I beat myself up about it because who was I to complain about this incredible life that I had created? I was living the dream that many immigrant parents have for their children. How dare I feel bad about my life when my parents and grandparents had sacrificed so much for me to get to this point?

However, the more my unfulfillment ballooned, the more I couldn’t deny the revolution brewing in me. It was a mandate from deep inside telling me to play bigger. It had always been there, but I had gotten really good at ignoring it. Because somehow, subconsciously, I knew that if I listened to it, that would mean change, risk, and stepping out of my comfort zone—and I loved me some comfort zone.

I started acknowledging this pulling inside of me, that there was something more for my life. We all have this within us—an inner wisdom that knows exactly what serves our highest vision. Over time, we lose connection to this voice. We turn the volume down on what we truly want and turn the volume up on everything and everyone else. We declare majors that don’t excite us, take jobs that don’t call to us, and choose partners who don’t light us up. These betrayals to our true self accumulate and that inner wisdom sinks further down until it fades into the darkness of our unconscious.

In my revolution, I had to reach in and pull my true self out of the dark well. I had to give it permission to climb out. Every rung climbed required more change, more challenge, and more undoing of the me who built a life out of fear. Every step, no matter how uncomfortable, was a step away from living on autopilot and towards a new adventure of creating my own future. So I quit my job, downsized my belongings from a walk-in closet to a carry-on suitcase, and set off to travel the world full-time for a year with my partner.

Meet Cissy Hu, Writer of “More Myself” Newsletter

Your newsletter "more myself" seems deeply personal – what drove you to create this space for exploring identity and self-discovery?

When I first started this newsletter, I had no sense of what it would evolve into. I started doing annual reviews in the thick of COVID in 2020 where I had a few weeks of being totally unplugged and reflecting on life. It was such a meaningful experience that I wanted to share that template to help people become more themselves. So, I published my annual review template as my first piece in December 2022. Since then, my intention has been writing to help people connect more deeply with who they truly are and for my essays to support them in the introspection process.

What has surprised you since launching "more myself" and the community that you reached with your writing and perspectives?

​​The act of writing is about expressing our truth – so much of writing is an act of being seen. I had interesting experiences around some of my most well-distributed pieces. After I published them, rather than feeling excitement or relief, I felt surges of anger pulse through me – anger that I hadn't allowed myself to be seen for so long. It wasn't the emotion I had ever associated with writing, self-expression, and publishing. By putting my words out in the universe, I was allowing myself to be seen in a way that I had never been seen before.

Writing can oftentimes serve a mirror. Because I write memoir-style—when I'm writing a new piece, I need to have fully felt through whatever I'm writing about. During the writing process, it becomes abundantly clear if something hasn't been fully processed. For example, when I was writing "Thank You for Triggering Me," an essay about inviting triggers into our life because they shine a light on ways we’re not yet free. That week, I found myself getting triggered in big and small ways, far more than I had been in the weeks leading up to writing that piece. It’s as if I was tempting the universe to pressure test how deeply I’ve integrated the acceptance of triggers in my life.

For any of our readers who may be just starting their own journey of "becoming more myself" – whether through creativity or just life – what's one insight from your process that you'd want them to know?
If you’re just starting out on your journey of turning inward, congratulations on committing to honoring your truth and living your life in integrity of who you truly are. Cultivating your intuition is a core aspect of the process – it’s a lifetime practice.

Get to know yourself and all the ways you might be “shoulding” yourself. Get honest with yourself about everything: the ways that you’re showing up in your relationships, career, and life that you’re proud of and not so proud of. Understand what drives your decisions and whether a feeling of not being worthy enough contributes to certain choices you’ve made. Once you bring awareness to aspects of your life you’re ready to change, get comfortable with role playing your way to new identities. Remember that life is just a series of experiments.

Beyond Substack, you can find Cissy on X and Instagram.

💡 A Reflection Exercise from Play Bigger by Nicole Cruz

The first step of my revolution was granting myself permission to see myself as I was, not as I wished I could be. Truly knowing yourself can be difficult, but it is essential to take your journey. I encourage you to undertake this with self-compassion.

Instructions:
Imagine you are a third party observer. Write about yourself and answer the following:

• What are you afraid of?

• What do you really want?

• What brings you joy?

We'd love to hear from you! Which aspects of this issue resonated most with you? Did anything surprise you from doing the reflection activity? What would you like to hear or read more about next time?

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