Bringing you the goods

And now for something completely different.

skip_hunter — Wed, 15 Feb 2017 16:54:06 GMT

Because I have been on a horror streak lately, that is what I have been writing about here. Well this time instead of writing about a horror movie, I'll review on of my favorite American Horror Story, or AHS is a horror anthology with the basic conceit that for each season there is a different overarching story, setting, meta-narrative, but the cast stays very much the same from season to season. It must be said that the cast is excellent. Everyone here can act, and no matter what they are being asked to play, they nail it. You totally forget that in the last season this person played someone in a different time, with a different accent and different motivations.

Another interesting thing is the fact that by and large this is a female led cast. The largest roles and the best acting come from the women. This is carried out in a non-obvious way. I mean to say that no one seems to be trying to make a point by this, it is just the way things go.

Every season so far is worth your while, but I'll quickly review the first season, dubbed, (by fans), Murder House. SPOILERS The conceit for this season is that there is this house in Los Angeles, well designed and beautiful that happens to trap the ghosts of all the people who have ever died on the property inside of it forever. To no surprise, over the years, a lot of people have died in the house. And these are not your appear in the background style ghosts. These ghosts can become very very solid and if they care to interact with you as a normal everyday person, you'd believe it.

The horror is well done, with creeping foreboding slowly trapping the current owners of the house as more and more unknowingly dead people appear to them. There are also nice flashbacks to how and why the ghosts that are currently there met their fate.

The only complaint I have with this season , (and with AHS in general) is that the season seems about 2-3 episodes too long. There comes a point where all the lose threads are tied up, everyone that needed to die is dead, and the battle between good and evil is over. Then you get an hour of needless "what happened next" that is not driven by anything else in the plot. You've stopped caring at that point because there is nothing left to care about and almost everyone is dead. Still, the series, and this season are worth your while.

Question.

skip_hunter — Tue, 31 Jan 2017 15:34:01 GMT

How far would you go Worth 7 minutes of your time.

Take a second for a scare. See you soon.

skip_hunter — Thu, 26 Jan 2017 16:30:43 GMT

Don't think it, don't say it, don't see it.

skip_hunter — Mon, 23 Jan 2017 18:37:44 GMT

It's been a second since I brought you a great horror movie to sink your teeth into, and it'll have to wait a bit longer, because I try my best not to see PG-13 horror movies. Simply because, to my sensibilities, anything rated PG-13 will not genuinely be scary. There have been a few exceptions, such as The Grudge or The Ring, but generally speaking most of those movies end up like The Faculty, (interesting premise, no one dies). Making horror movies is tough and making one where you cannot use legit scares is tougher.

Unfortunately for me, not only was The Bye Bye Man not at all scary, even worse, it was a bad bad movie. From the trailers/promotional items you get the basic gist of the plot: Urban myth style boogieman who appears under certain conditions and kills you/drives you insane. Pretty neat huh? It would be if the writers had developed the mythology of the character. Most horror movies, (not all but most), derive their tension and forward momentum from the question of "What is causing the killer to act this way"? Jason wants revenge on those nasty camp councilors. Freddy wants revenge on the parents that burned him alive. Chucky wants a body again. You get the point. The Bye Bye Man wants...something. He's pissed off for some reason or another.

The cues for this guy are also all over the map. You know how there are tells for when the killer is near, so you can prepare for the real scare or the jump scare? Music cues, background activity and so on. The Bye Bye man has a million of em. Having scares that come from out of nowhere is fine, but when your movie is predicated on the tension of the killer drawing nearer to his victim, that cue needs to be reliable. No set cues means that many of the scares that are expected fall horribly flat.

I'll not say too much about the acting in the film , mainly because it's possible that the lousy film-making had an effect, but at this point do you really need any further reason to skip this one? The Bye Bye Man isn't even so bad it's good. It's just bad.

It Follows

skip_hunter — Tue, 03 Jan 2017 18:34:24 GMT

I love horror movies. No big shock there if you've been reading this journal. I love gore, and slashers, and possessions and haunted anything. My favorite kind though are the ones where there is no clear reason for all the death and destruction. It's not the devil, or a ghost, or a kid psychopath that has hang ups about his babysitter/mother/being raised as a girl. It just is, and the people in the movie just have to deal with it. "It Follows" is one of those kinds of movies. Usually these kinds of films offer no structure at all to what is going on. As an example "Yellow Brick Road" has people go out into the woods and get driven insane for no decernable reason complete with supernatural effects that are totally unexplained. A path that leads to its own beginning? Fine. Guns showing up where there were no guns before? Sure. We allow it because it is fun to watch.

"It Follows" has a similar basic structure as to why this is happening, but as a framing mechanic that makes the film a lot tidier, it gives everyone a ruleset. Simply put, whatever it is that is killing people is sexually transmitted. Once you've caught "it" only you, (and other people that already caught it), can see it, and it can look like anyone, dead or alive. It only moves at a walking pace, but it is always moving day or night. It pursues people in backwards order of sexual contact, so the only way to delay it at all is to have sex with someone and pass it along.

A killer entity with that kind of presentation would be enough, but I have to say that this is also a well crafted film. The majority of our characters are high school aged children , and the writing is such that it neither makes them miniature adults, nor complete idiots that act cluelessly for two acts. These high school kids are high school kids and very believable as such. There is also a nice 80's vibe running through the film reminiscent of horror films from that era. The violence and scares are well done, with the majority of them coming from the simple premise of something that is invisible to most people is slowly walking toward you. The director also makes the wise decision to sometimes allow you to see "it" as if you were who it was stalking, and sometimes as an invisible force fucking people up.

The last, and not so subtle thing about the film is the fairly direct allusions to STDs. The monster is transmitted through sex, and a small thread running through the film is the behavior of people who know that they can pass on something deadly to others through intimate contact. Do you tell, do you not? Do you rape, do you allow the burden to be carried by loved ones? What would you do to stay alive? Fin this film and enjoy.

Bone Tomahawk

skip_hunter — Sat, 31 Dec 2016 13:53:30 GMT

Heh. I said Bone.

Every so one in a while you get a horror film with name actors. Actors that you not only recognize, but you could easily name a number of their starring tuns in other, non horror projects. So. The actors in this film. You know Kurt Russel, he's Snake Plissken. Matthew Fox is the guy from Party of Five if you are old, Lost, if you are not. Patrick Wilson is the guy who plays the Lead in another horror series, The Conjuring. And a bunch of "Hey it's that one guy from that thing I like." What I am getting at is that this is not just some film that did a bit of stunt casting, but one where there are quality actors involved and no one is mailing it in. Every character gets fully fleshed out, warts and all. You are involved with everyone on screen even before the killing starts.

Speaking of killing. This movie is a Western, (and a good one), for 2/3 of its runtime. The basic plot is one of retrieving the wife of one of our posse from the Indians who stole her. There are personality conflicts, physical challenges, feats of derring-do in the wild frontier! Even though you have signed up for a horror film, (which does happen), you are not at all bothered by the western that you get.

Then the Indians show up, and you get punched right in your horror bone. These Indians...Combine the hillbillies from "The Hills Have Eyes" and the natives from "Green Inferno" and you'll get the gist. Our movie goes from a neat little western with a moderate pace, to a survival horror flick that rivals anything that you could see in Hostel. But somehow, it all fits. This is not blood and guts for the sake of blood and guts; inside the context of the movie, it all makes sense and nothing comes across as being done for the sake of shock value.

I usually watch horror films once, just so I can say Yeah I watched that, but this one would actually be worth repeated viewing. Recommended.

Train To Busan

skip_hunter — Thu, 29 Dec 2016 18:35:06 GMT

Another Holiday vacation day spent working doing nothing, another Horror Flick.

I went with foreign horror this go around, a nice treat called I appreciate horror from different countries, in part for the same reason that it is fun to visit different countries. Things are mostly very similar, but the small difference pack a big effect. Call it the movie version of serving beer at McDonald's or putting mayonnaise on your fries. This film hails from Korea, and despite the small differences it translates well.

Train to Busan is a zombie flick where the majority of the action takes place on a train. To Busan. Please don't consider the movie ruined, because I'm not sure if it is possible to really ruin a zombie movie. We're all aware that any given zombie movie is not so much about the zombies as much as it is about the people the zombies are happening to, what the zombies act like, and where our heroes are trapped.

For instance: if I say a bunch of jerks stuck inside a mall with a mass of shambling moaning things you know I'm talking about Dawn of the Dead. This one is a bunch of semi jerky people learning valuable life lessons while stuck on a train with fast moving, fast turning zombies. The film hits the usual notes: people you instantly sympathize with due to age, infirmities or heroism, the self centered jerks, (one total bastard), and the cannon fodder. There are chase scenes, fight scenes, and scenes where you are amazed at how horribly people behave in a simple zombie apocalypse, and of course heroic sacrifices. Nothing new there.

The small difference that makes this film unique, (to western eyes anyway), were the zombies. It wasn't a uniqueness a-la "The Last of Us" as much as what they had the extras doing. Apparently they hired a bunch of contortionists and mimes as extras because these guys did an awesome job in displaying being physically messed up mindless herky-jerky eating machines. The zombies move unnaturally, and despite a lack of guts hanging out or brains being exposed, project a real sense of menace. Fast menace in ever growing numbers. The other notable difference is: the film is in Korean. Not a huge impact to read subtitles, but there is that slight disconnect between reading words and the acting. Not a huge deal, but it's there.

Zombie movies have never been fun due to specific plot points. Since Romero "created" the genre, tweaks to the formula are all we've had. Zombie movies are fun because zombies are fun, and these are some decent ones. Nothing groundbreaking here, but it's the little things that make it. Not the greatest Zombie movie of all time, but perhaps of this year.

Chainsaw

skip_hunter — Tue, 27 Dec 2016 14:50:04 GMT

Happy middle part between Christmas and New Years! Did you get good loot? I got some neat stuff that probably wouldn't sound neat to you, but I think good gifts are like that.

Having family about during the Holidays makes it difficult to watch a horror film, so I am forced to rely on shorts. Horror in fifteen minutes or less. The latest one is called There are generally two kinds of horror shorts. Because of a lack of time you can either build suspense and save the payoff for the very end, or you can ditch suspense altogether and get to the gore. This, being an Eli Roth produced deal, goes the gore route.

Our premise here is pretty simple. What would happen if your standard chainsaw wielding maniac was able to get into the horror attraction of your standard carnival/state fair? Would anyone notice the difference between a guy killing people for real, and the fake death they expected to see?

Not a lot of plot development or characterization or pacing here. I'll give props to the special effects guy for being able to provide that gore that Roth enjoys on what I'll assume was a limited budget.

There are some shorts that really make the most of the time they have and wow you with great acting and pushing against the limits of time and money. There are others that serve as decent "proof of concept" films where you can imagine a feature length exploration of what you just saw. This is not that short. This is: I've got a few minutes and I want to see some people die painfully.

Which is what you get. Recommended for a quick hit during the least scary time of year.

Another day

skip_hunter — Fri, 23 Dec 2016 16:38:55 GMT

Another horror flick.

If you are wondering how an adult male has so much time to sit around watching movies, well...I (still) work in the finding people for the government business, and believe it or not, I am working all through the holidays. It's a big time for us.

Anywho, today's movie is The Autopsy of Jane Doe, a haunted setting/supernatural entity flick that is worth a watch. The essence of the movie is in the title. Two characters, father and son, are conducting an autopsy on an unnamed woman in their family morgue.As they proceed the creep factor slowly dials up till who Jane Doe is and how she dies is much less important than attempting to survive.

If you are looking for a gorefest, this is not exactly the film for you. While there is death and scenes of death, the vast majority of the blood on display comes from the fact that the majority of the film takes place in a morgue during an autopsy. This is a "bottle episode" kind of film limited to one location, so a lot of the work done in gaining scares comes from lighting and sound effects.

The acting is excellent, with the major charters all falling into the "hey it's that one guy from that thing" category. The cast plays to one another well, you believe the relationships presented, and fortunately this is not a film where you need to "root" for any one character.I prefer movies like that because all the characters become disposable. If Jennifer Lawrence is starring in a horror flick, you are pretty sure she's making it to the end of the film. Scream and Drew Barrymore excepted.

I recommend the film. The acting is good, the scares are of the increased tension type, and the "bad guy" is an interesting conceit. Worth your time.

I've been

skip_hunter — Thu, 22 Dec 2016 18:50:28 GMT

on a serious horror movie kick, and since I came back to LJ I may as well talk about it here.

The movie today is SiREN. It is a full treatment of a short from the first V/H/S film, which is worth a watch itself. Slight spoilers for V/H/S and SiREN follow. Yeah, it's good. Not as directly bloody as I like, but worth a watch.

If you are unfamiliar with V/H/S it is anthology based horror film and this film is based off of one of the shorts. The basic plot is drunken dudes out for the night obnoxiously try to pick up women. The nice one meets what appears to be a manic pixie dream girl, but shes really not.

For the full length version take the drunk dudes and make them a bachelor party. Have said party make it to a very unusual club and leave the rest the same. Mostly. The Siren herself also gets some hypnotic powers that were not on display in the short, as well as an interesting sexual aggressiveness.

The most interesting thing that happens with the story involves some pretty decent world building. The minor antagonists of the film are the club owner and his employees who are exactly the type of people who would be able to keep a sex trancing, flesh eating creature prisoner. The story does not lean on these characters, but it all hints at a world that is deeper than the film's immediate concerns.

There is also good work done in getting the viewer to sympathize with the characters. They aren't unique characters by any means, but none are so flat or disposable that you cease to care what happens to them. The ending is a bit pat, but I'm willing to allow that for a tight little movie with a unique monster.

I'lll rate this one as: not a waste of your time.

I created a community aimed at re-connection.

skip_hunter — Tue, 20 Dec 2016 19:04:10 GMT

Recently, Facebook has somehow re-popularized coming back to LiveJournal. I think this is because Facebook is kind of dangerous in how they commercialize and thus censor what you write and what you are doing. If you post that you want to get handled by a group of sex midgets, (hi FLAMEAMONGCOALS), your mom might see that, or your work, and that would be bad.

On LJ however, there is no such threat. Unfortunately, some of us have been gone so long that our friends and groups have vanished into the ether, or even worse, grew up.

So. So, adult_returnis a place were you can arrive safely, tell like minded people who you are, and get back to doing what you have been missing. Just because you got older and had a kid or two does not mean that you forgot what rope feels like on bare skin.

And if you did, we'll remind you.

I was convinced

skip_hunter — Tue, 20 Dec 2016 00:29:11 GMT

To "wake up" this blog. Let's see how this all goes. I'm looking back on my old posts, and I am a dirty dirty man.

Seems about right.

Death metal Friday

skip_hunter — Sat, 26 Mar 2011 14:33:10 GMT

You are welcome.

skip_hunter — Tue, 22 Mar 2011 00:45:51 GMT

This had better not suck.

skip_hunter — Sun, 12 Dec 2010 15:04:42 GMT

Loki, the destroyer....the shield link...looks OK.

BWA-HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

skip_hunter — Fri, 10 Dec 2010 12:49:19 GMT

Buttons.

skip_hunter — Sun, 14 Nov 2010 18:40:18 GMT

These aren't all of them, but she is punching a few.

I'm catholic but...

skip_hunter — Tue, 26 Oct 2010 12:16:37 GMT

This guy for Pope. the TL;DR version: Anti gay folks, you lost. I'm not going to argue with you anymore. Your arguments are stupid and mean. Your position is outdated and mean.

Also as a bonus: Patton Oswalt's version of it gets better. TL;DR? Don't be the guy standing behind the bully. It may be safe, but it is not cool. I know, I was that guy. ( Not me, Patton was.)

Super bonus: Shut up. TL;DR...Shut up.

I would

skip_hunter — Mon, 18 Oct 2010 22:51:34 GMT

never get anything done. Naked consultant.

Serious moment over.

skip_hunter — Thu, 14 Oct 2010 11:19:00 GMT

Have some comedy. If I directed Superman II, this is what I would have done too.

This is awesome.

skip_hunter — Thu, 14 Oct 2010 11:01:51 GMT

This takes place in Texas. This man for whatever he wants to run for. This is what real adult and moral behavior looks like:

What is awesome? This is.

skip_hunter — Sat, 09 Oct 2010 02:20:04 GMT

If this

skip_hunter — Fri, 01 Oct 2010 22:07:21 GMT

reads as romantic or mushy, it is only because I am sad. Give me a bit, and I'll be back to myself.

Your mouth, to say welcome home, providing a kiss to my brow after a hard day. To smile at me when I lose my temper at something silly like a football game or the drek Rachel ray is making on TV. To kiss me. To talk me out of things I shouldn’t do, and talk me into things you’d like, if you know the words.

My companion’s mouth is the font of strength. The place where I get the words that keep me going, make me achieve and endure. It makes the laugh that can clear any mood, and the whispers that set the mood. I could storm the world on a word from her, or be with her in silence…waiting.

Your eyes to be the glance that re ignites the inside joke. To watch for any sign of pain to vanquish, or lust to satiate. To be a gauge of mood, a reflection for sympathy and a place to look when all else is unbearable. To play that devilish “come and get me” look that promises everything…slowly.

My companion’s eyes are the key to her soul, a rich mix of keeper and kept. Worrying over me, and making it impossible for me to worry over much else. They are eyes that can haunt you in your dreams and are a delight to wake up to. Eyes to swell with pride with, or look demurely though lashes in vulnerability meant only for me.

Your hands: to hold mine. To make me hard when you can, so soften me when you must. To help me. To be the source of all things peaceful in my home. To play games with me, be they board or bedroom. To be unbound in their strength of purpose, to be bound in our purpose of passion.

My companion’s hands are provenance. When I come to peace and comfort it is those hands that brought it into being. Not unused to work, but soft upon me. Never raised in anger, or lowered in defeat, but extended to me. Hands that can be bound, weathering the storm of my lust, or binding, moving slowly but with purpose, sating me with skill.

Your curves, to be the apex and focus of the peace you bring to my home. To be an ode to femininity in work or play, active or sitting still. To rest my head upon in sleep, or when we talk. To steal the blankets in bed or be the instantly recognizable silhouette I home in on in a crowd.

My companion’s curves are epic. Not little girl, or plaything or simply seductress, those are a woman’s curves. They are classic vases and epic poetry and the gravity that pulls my tides. She is strong in form yet graceful, a dancer and worker at once. The artist and the art.

Your mind, to coordinate the whole. To be greater than the sum: mouths and hands and curves all at once and more. To engage my mind, and broaden my horizons. To see the things I do not see, and know the things I could not know. To educate and be patient with, and to be devilishly dirty.

My companion’s mind is whip smart and twice as fast. It holds all she says, sees, holds, and does in beautiful harmony. Still and stern and geeky and sexy all in one. This is a mind that is the genesis of all she does. Regardless of what she is doing at the moment she is herself. Her mind holds the key to lust, peace and happiness. It turns me on.

Goodbye.

skip_hunter — Fri, 01 Oct 2010 13:33:21 GMT

It was not even as if she was a good cat. She was a scratcher of things you didn't want her to, including people. She had a knack of not being around when you were looking for her, and showing up wanting love, (to be followed by scratches) when you didn't. Most of the time she ran from me as if I abused her. If I went up the steps,she went down. If i had treats, she didn't want them. She would wait till 4 a.m. to notify me that she was low on food. Not out, just low. She didn't know how to trim her old nails, so i would have to stalk her in order to trim them , which led to more scratching.

But.

She was mine. I rescued her, named her, fed her, and I will miss her out of proportion purr and meow. She made a good sleeping cap and was the best bug killer ever. She didn't jump on my counters, and was cool with going back to dry food if i ever had to feed her wet. Her name was Morgan.

In

skip_hunter — Wed, 29 Sep 2010 19:28:53 GMT

A writing mood. Requests? Responses screened for your pleasure.