Inside The Head of A Blonde

Almost time

singagirl3 — Tue, 22 Aug 2006 17:21:04 GMT

Well its my last day of work. Last day of monotony, looking for things to do, thinking too much, wishing for time to past. Back to school, the fast life, always on the go, good friends, the beauty of fall, memories in the making. A new beginning once more for the last time. New hopes, new ideas, inspiration gone wild. I can do it. All of it and there's nothing stopping me. Not even me, which is the normal situation. I always find a way, an excuse, some sort of wall to run into. NO MORE!I have found inspiration and I will encourage myself.

So have you heard this before? Because I've written it. So why does this feel so different. Well, easy it is. I have plans, and they will be achieved. I will take it from here. Waking up this summer, I found myself. I'm coming into me and guess what, this girl's not too bad.

Music has once again proven to be my rock, the foundation. And in looking into my reflection I have discovered that I AM Capable. There is more than a little work to be done, and the goals are layed out upon the path. This time it is different, because this time I will blaze down that trail.

Looking forward to this year everybody.

hmmm

singagirl3 — Fri, 18 Aug 2006 20:11:26 GMT

You Are 90% Extrovert, 10% Introvert

You are as outgoing as they come
The life of the party, you're friends with everyone
You're a people person, and you are quite the entertainer
You love being around a crowd and acting spontaneously

Are You An Extrovert or An Introvert?

Hmmm...

singagirl3 — Thu, 17 Aug 2006 20:33:26 GMT

You Are 50% Vain

You're a little vain, but more than anything you have a healthy amount of confidence.
Thinking the world of yourself is great. Just don't think less of those who aren't as pretty as you!

How Vain Are You?

Back at admin...

singagirl3 — Thu, 17 Aug 2006 17:43:20 GMT

Well, working once more. It all ends on Tuesday so I'll grin and bare it. Life is not too bad at all. I had a great visit last night with a friend who has taught me much about myself within the last month or so. I think that's important in life. Journey to find every thread that holds you together. And although one may seem insignificant, they all join at last to create the finished product. And its beautiful. Ok, Melisa...shut up, you've babbled enough.

So where are all my regulars? Huh? Nobody's posting, nobody's commenting. Hello is there anyone out there?

There's been nothing too interesting happening at home. I've been going to work, and following Mom, and playing the piano, and exercising...oh and whatever else. Time flies. I fully intend to be at the beach again this weekend. I think I've gone to the beach every weekend since I've been home. You know I absolutely love that.

Ok, I have nothing interesting to say today. So I won't bore you. Have a good one.

Would you agree?

singagirl3 — Wed, 16 Aug 2006 12:42:29 GMT

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

as stolen from jess....

singagirl3 — Tue, 15 Aug 2006 18:09:19 GMT

You Are Chocolate Ice Cream

You have a flair for the dramatic and love to party.
Your personality is super strong and unique.
Many people crave you constantly - while you turn a few off.

You are most compatible with coffee ice cream.

What Flavor Ice Cream Are You?

Feeling better...

singagirl3 — Tue, 15 Aug 2006 17:56:30 GMT

Well, my anxiety over death is subsiding thank God. I was reading over Katie and Allison's journals and realized that they too have had fears of dying. Its just this cold hard truth. It hits you hard and scares you to death. I know. I've been there. The last week I've been having a hard time sleeping at night due to anxiety about death. I have a horribly descriptive imagination and it means for me to imagine that my time is up and my run is done. I do believe that as people this is the hardest thing we must ever encounter or get over...! Realizing that you will no longer exist and that this twist of fate can happen at any moment. This is something we don't control. And that's that. Its scary. My friend and I were just having lunch and she was telling me that she is not afraid of death...when she dies she dies. I think she must be in denial. It will hit her hard one day and it will fill her with anxiety much like it has hit me. According to most therapists, it does this to all of us. Its a phase that we will actually encounter many times thoughout life especially as we age older and older. So, if you think like this from time to time, have no fear its healthy.

Can you believe that school is about to hit us smack dab into our senior year? I'm not ready to go back to school. Oh no. There is just soo much happening this year. So much to work for and so much I fear I will never accomplish. But the good news is that despite sleepless nights and stressful deadlines, all will get done. We can handle anything, and quite frankly we were built for just that.

Last night I went out for a long walk to soak up the dog days of summer. My friend Jess and I walked around the Litchfield neighborhoods asked random questions, talked about our ideal relationship, our ideal man, and so on and so forth. While we were walking Shelby picked up a dead for a while chipmunk and began chewing. We hardly noticed in the midst of our conversation until we heard crunching. Bones ofcourse. Thorougly disgusted we first commanded and then begged for her to spit it out, but to our dismay she swallowed it whole. Later we snuggled onto Stacie's bed with cups of tea to sooth the soul and Sex and the City to awaken the imagination. It was a great night. I ended the evening by sitting at the piano, practicing sight reading and testing my abilities with beautiful pieces such as Romance and Mandy Moore's Only Hope. That one's gonna take me a while though.

Tonight I am off to see a movie with Jess and perhaps Kati if she will join us. I'm getting mentally prepared to make my way back to you folk. Its possible that you all keep me sane in the midst of insanity. I'm not rushing my last week of summer, tho. One more trip to the beach, a couple more nights home in the comfort of my very own bed. Events with friends who know me probably better than I know myself. Being with my family, talking with my mom, joking with my dad, cuddling with my Shelby, seeing my sister as she runs in and out. These are things I'll miss. But Tennessee is made up of its own unique idosyncrocies as well. I'm looking forward to exploring them as well.

mmmm...ya think?

singagirl3 — Tue, 15 Aug 2006 14:40:10 GMT

Your Birthdate: September 1

You are a natural born leader, even if those leadership talents haven't been developed yet.
You have the power and self confidence to succeed in life, and your power grows daily.
Besides power, you also have a great deal of creativity that enables you to innovate instead of fail.
You are a visionary, seeing the big picture instead of all of the trivial little details.

Your strength: Your supreme genius

Your weakness: Your inappropriate sensitivity

Your power color: Gold

Your power symbol: Star

Your power month: January

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Live and learn

singagirl3 — Mon, 14 Aug 2006 15:30:25 GMT

Life is a battlefield...we live, we learn, we do better next time and the pattern repeats. Its necessary along this path we follow. I find that it gets a bit more challenging every year. Why are we in such denial of who we really are on the inside? Why does it make us weak to show our fears, doubts, and insecurities? It just about cracks me up to run across those people who actually think that have none. NO issues, no doubts, no insecurities. That's life honey. It happens to the best of us. I'm learning so much this summer. Two years ago I took a journey, crossed a threshold into fakeness. NO, I'm not a fake person, but the idea of fake it til you make it dropped into my hands, and I ran with the idea. I felt secure in areas where I was not, but I put on a big smile and let it play out. And it only landed me back in the same place where I had first started. Until now...discovery leads us to new horizons.

This week I had my first run in with a friend who played the part very well, but in the end the truth was known. Its a rude awakening. You think that people will be in your life forever, but then instantly they leave you. It goes to show that you can only trust and rely in yourself and in God. You are your only stable entity and even that in the end will perish. But this entire experience has taught me to leap forward and to enter into the relm of knowing who you are and relying souly on yourself. Your friends are meant to be there to catch you when you fall. So take heed, not all of them are truly your friends. Some may be mere shadows that stand still only for a little while. Its a rough lesson to learn, but life happens and it isn't always pleasant.

I have firm values. No more of this relying on everyone else to solve my problems. They just end up throwing them in your face. I've got my life by reigns now and I took the first step by dismissing the cause. The effect, I am ten times stronger now for being in control of the issue at hand. My mother told me the other day that if I just realized what I was made up of, then I would have the world by the balls. Well thanks mom. Mom's always recognize your potential. So, now the same goes for me. I'm on the road to discovery, I'm taking the world by the balls.

Some wisdom throughout the ages...

The best way to prepare for life is to begin to live.
Elbert Hubbard

One way to get the most out of life is
to look upon it as an adventure.
William Feather

To live is like to love--all reason is against it, and all healthy instinct for it.
Samuel Butler

Life is like a game of cards. The hand that is dealt you represents determinism; the way you play it is free will.
Jawaharal Nehru

This is me.

singagirl3 — Thu, 10 Aug 2006 17:57:07 GMT

Today I was retreiving my lunch at a local coffee shop when I met an old man vasking in the glories of the day. The sun was shining, a light breeze clung to the air, and the scent of flowers wafted throughout the campus. As I walked by this particular old man I greeted him with an eager smile. He returned the gesture volunteering his views on weather. " What a beautiful day this is!" he said in a hushed but excited tone. "Oh yes it is," I said. He laughed and smiled once more, "We deserve it!" I agreed. I love those chance meetings with unique people who will talk to anyone. Why don't we do that more often? I find that when you're older you do engage in conversation with strangers more willingly. Leaving my new friend, I felt very uplifted and I smiled unabashedly showing that my day had taken a positive change.

If you were to look at who you really are, would you know what you're made of? Would you be able to discern between the man and the manmade? In other words, under all of the unreal, could you identify the man or woman inside? I have been asking myself this question a lot lately. I have a tendency to be introspective;I carry this need to explore the very thread that stitches me together. Why am I the way I am and how did I arrive at this persona? Are we just born to be ourselves or are we influenced and learned personalities? Are you true to yourself?

I think I'm getting there! I've got news for you ladies...and Thomas. In case you haven't noticed, I'm real. And proud of it.

I'm generally an upbeat person, I sing everywhere I go. I rarely get angry unless I'm tired but even then I am bound to supress my temper. I cry at the drop of a hat whether it be because I'm sad or accessively happy. Heck I'll even cry if I see someone else crying for either of those reasons. I laugh out loud at anything that strikes me funny, but beware, I have many different laughs. They each hold they're own life and hold their own subtext. I care about people, sometimes more than I should. Some days, I am the most secure person you could meet and when I'm lucky I have a strong sense of self. Other days, I doubt everything from my hair style to the way chose to address a certain situation. I tell it like it is and only lie when it concerns protecting certain people from being hurt.

I'll never be a mysterious person. I just don't hold that aura. I tick right out there on the front lines. Here I am world. What you see is what you get! I wear my heart on my sleeve and express every emotion openly. I'm a nervous person, anxiety ridden, far from calm, and almost never at ease. I'm driven and motivated, talented and intelligent. I have a lot to offer and if you don't want it, well that's just too bad. You'll probably get it anyway. If you don't like me, well, that's hurtful, but I'll survive. There are others out there who could use me were you couldn't.

I'm encouraging and positive. I can inspire anyone around me if I feel they need to be uplifted. Most often I can give out the most positve advice to others but am never able to follow it for myself. I can help people do great things but can never turn it around to my own experiences. This has always been the case. When I was six I taught everyone in the neighborhood how to ride their bikes without training wheels before I even knew how. When it came to my turn, I was too afraid. Oye. I'm getting past this.

I'm competative; I always want to be the best and one day I will realize that its just not worth it. I've come to that point in my life where I'm tired of caring what people think of me. I'm tired of minor insecurities. I have them and that's that.They are as much a part of me as is the nose on my face. I will no longer feed them. I'm on this new kick to be exactly as God intended.

I love to work out. The other day I learned a fabulous lesson in my work out. I just started TURBO JAM. Love it. Ofcourse I would. Tons of energy in this one work out. Anyway, I was going through these tapes and just about dying within the first ten minutes. I re-elvaluated my situation. I'm not out of shape, I should be able to do this. Oh yeah...I'm trying too hard. So I started up again with a new attitude. Take it easy, indulge slowly, go at YOUR own pace, you'll eventually get there. Now I'm making it through the work out. Such is life. No more trying to be me, I just AM!

Oh I could go on. And you could too. Feel free to tell me what makes you tick. I'm interested to know.

A survey

singagirl3 — Tue, 08 Aug 2006 19:23:57 GMT

*TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey*
Name:	Melissa Silver
Birthday:	9-1-84
Birthplace:	Nashua, NH
Current Location:	Work...oye
Eye Color:	Hazel or Brown depending on the day
Hair Color:	Blond
Height:	5'1
Right Handed or Left Handed:	Right
Your Heritage:	wa-wa-wa-what?
The Shoes You Wore Today:	High healed sandals
Your Weakness:	Chocolate...and beautiful singing voice
Your Fears:	Failure!
Your Perfect Pizza:	Ummm...all pizza is perfect!
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	To sing more beautifully than I ever have before
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:	LOL or heheh.
Thoughts First Waking Up:	There are too many to list
Your Best Physical Feature:	My eyes
Your Bedtime:	Whenever I'm tired...sometimes I have to force myself. I'm a night owl.
Your Most Missed Memory:	My Grammy
Pepsi or Coke:	Diet Coke...on special occasions
MacDonalds or Burger King:	Neither...I don't like fast food
Single or Group Dates:	Single...but a group date from time to time is fun. A single date allows some one on one get to know you time.
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	Both...no need to chose.
Chocolate or Vanilla:	Chocolate...who could disagree
Cappuccino or Coffee:	Coffee
Do you Smoke:	Never
Do you Swear:	Occasionally...trying to cut down.
Do you Sing:	Umm? Come on now! DO I Sing!
Do you Shower Daily:	Most definately
Have you Been in Love:	Who hasn't?
Do you want to go to College:	Currently...and I want to go to grad school.
Do you want to get Married:	One day when my prince will come.
Do you belive in yourself:	Depends on the day and the task at hand.
Do you get Motion Sickness:	Oh yeah
Do you think you are Attractive:	In my own way!
Are you a Health Freak:	Yes! Always striving to be better
Do you get along with your Parents:	Occasionally
Do you like Thunderstorms:	Oh yes.
Do you play an Instrument:	I play a mild piano.
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	Certainly have
In the past month have you Smoked:	A little redundant?
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	Not ever
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	I wish! I date myself.
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	Unfortunately
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:	Hmm...nope but its on the to do list
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	No...its expensive
In the past month have you been on Stage:	Surprisingly...no.
In the past month have you been Dumped:	Well...you have to be dating first.
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	Never have...another to do list item.
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	wouldn't you like to know!!?!!
Ever been Drunk:	Ofcourse
Ever been called a Tease:	Its my middle name.
Ever been Beaten up:	By my little sister...I refuse to hit her back.
Ever Shoplifted:	One time when I was real little. I was trying to bring my father home a father's day present, but both my parents caught me before I left the store. I was 3.
How do you want to Die:	When I'm very very very old and in my sleep...next to someone I love.
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	Sing everything...preferrably be on Broadway, perhaps become America's favorite country singer, and maybe I'll also conquer a classical market. The possibilities are endless.
What country would you most like to Visit:	Italy
*In a Boy/Girl..*
Favourite Eye Color:	Blue...brown, if they make me swoon, I'm there!
Favourite Hair Color:	Brown
Short or Long Hair:	Oh definately short.
Height:	Taller than me...and that's not hard to do.
Weight:	hmmm...average...but built.
Best Clothing Style:	Casual...and an occasional suit.
Number of Drugs I have taken:	does aspirin count?
Number of CDs I own:	Too many to count
Number of Piercings:	3
Number of Tattoos:	try again
Number of things in my Past I Regret:	Nothing, I've learned from it all.
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

Updating...

singagirl3 — Tue, 08 Aug 2006 16:00:40 GMT

Would you believe that the summer is two weeks from over? I can hardly believe it. I just got home. But that is to be expected. Time passes quickly and no matter how hard we try to savor the day and live in the moment, it leaves us all too soon. Its best described as trying desperately to hold a pile of sand in the palm of your hand. It somehow escapes your grip. Unfortunate.

I've spent a lot of time focusing on how quickly time travels. Its amazing. I will be turning 22 this September. What a scary thought. I don't do well with age. I know that sounds silly, but I never have. Even when I was turning 18 I had a very hard time moving on. Growing up is rough, but it is a gift. This is something I've also realized this summer. When you're my age, you think of age as an unwelcomed must. Yet we grow older and wiser, more secure with every passing phase. I have always believed that my current age is where I want to stay and acknowledge that time as the best time in my life. However, each year, I learn so much and there is still so much left undiscovered.

Life is so precious. I don't know if this has hit you yet, but we are mortal. This game is going to end...we will die...and the rest of the world will go on without us. Duh...you say. Ummm...that's what we've signed up for. But honestly, have you truly realized it? Do you sincerely understand? I suddenly have. It was all put into motion by JC's death and soon to follow came countless stories of freak accidents that just seem to remind you of how quickly our very breath can be whisped away from us. And it scares the life out of you. Why would we want to participate in something that's just going to end before we know it? I was laying on the couch thinking this the other day. My mind wandered back to the days when I was with Tim. Somewhere in my heart, I knew that our relationship would come to a close, but I hated and avoided the very thought. And when I did focus on it, I would ask myself why should I stay if I know that our run would soon end? Now as I look back it is clear. The experience, the stories, the laughter, the saddness...its all part of living. Its all part of a lesson I have learned, a way that I have grown stronger.

So, why do we participate in this life when we know most definately that it will end in death? For the experience...which is of our own making. All too often I find myself caught up in a competative atmosphere, stuck somewhere between being me and being lost. And I lose sight of what is truly important. We are all something, and we are all beautiful, and we are all unique....if we just let ourselves be. But that is easier said then done. How many of you have heard the saying, "Just be yourself?" Ya think? Sounds easy doesn't it. JUST DO IT...right? Yeah! Heheh. Well, unfortunately its not that easy. Because we get so caught up. Caught up in wanting to be like those we admire, wanting to look like Giselle, wanting to talk like so and so, wanting to sing like Martina McBride, wanting to dance like Fred Astaire, wanting to scate like Nancy Carrigan, wanting to write like Charles Dickens, and the list continues. However, being like everybody else is just plain ole boring. The world already had them...now give it you. It never used to make sense to me, but now its starting to. Being an immitation is boring. Be a first rate version...YOU are unique...and YOU are just as worth it. I really believe that. The more I have thought about it, the more I've realized just how true it really is. Honestly, let go and let God...and LIVE. Just be you. And you're in there, so go ahead, and stop trying to be everything else. I want only you, and so does everybody else.

Ok, so that's enough for today. I need some lunch, and its just about that time. Drop a line everybody, I'd love to hear from you.

Work by day.

singagirl3 — Tue, 26 Jul 2005 19:58:10 GMT

Can you say downtime? Because that's exactly what I'm experiencing right now. Some sincere never ending down time. It's quite insane. Dr. Gorman is on vacation and I am stuck here answering the non-existant influx of calls. Heheh. So in short, I'm looking at live journal, researching some of my most inspiring people, and finding odd jobs to be done around the office. Helllooooo! Could this week pass any slower.

I'm in a good place right now. Don't ask me why. Some times it happens. You know how it goes. When it rains it pours. Everything is well though. No fights with the parents, I'm getting along with my sister, and I continue to understand myself more and more each day. There comes a time in life when you just have to accept who you are and what you can't change...and try like hell to take care of what you can. I find each summer a time to somehow lose touch with myself and find out who I am all over again. And each time I come back to earth, I find I've learned even more than I already knew. Isn't it funny how you can somehow not know the person you've spent the most time with all your life? How can you not understand your very being? Your very reason for existence? Oh boy. It's all so interesting. But what's even more fabulousis how you wake up over time as your personality starts to come alive. You start to see that some of the things that you once cared way too much about doesn't matter anymore. When I was younger I used to want to be the most beautiful person in the entire world. When somebody questioned me as to whether or not I would rather be the beautiful or intelligent and confident, i would most likely have answered with beautiful. But now, as I've grown, I've never been more set on being noted for being intelligent and confident. Funny how that works. You kind of grow to understand priorities.

You know...I bought myself the Anne of Green Gables movies the other day. Oh boy oh boy. I'm sooo excited. I've already started watching them. I love those movies soooo much. But as I was watching the storyline progress I found myself entranced with my childhood hero. Anne Shirley is a character that most young girls would look up to. However, even now at the age of 20, I find myself still admiring and looking up to the character. She's bright, brassy, and bold. Furthermore, she's beautiful in her own distinct way. She turns everybody's head just because she is so undeniably her own person. She speaks her mind in the most polite of ways and she attracts the attention of the town hunk by just being Anne. Who could resist? To this day, I would love to be just like her and everything she stands for. Heheh. But seriously, those movies are such a treat for me. I wish I had thought ahead and purchased the DVDs with the cast interviews. I think I still will when I pay off my credit card bill. Ok...it's off to work I go...to finish out the last remain boring hour of the day.

V-A-C-A-T-I-O-N

singagirl3 — Sat, 02 Jul 2005 03:41:07 GMT

Well...it's here. The week I've been longing for since I first heard we were going. I'm heading to the beach for a beautiful vacation tomorrow. What a blessed event. I really don't mind my job. It's a great job. I've been working for Dr. Gorman and the day just flies. He's so down to earth...sometimes...and we joke around all day. Furthermore, he sees so many patients a day and everything is completely fast paced. I sit at front desk and do reception work entailing, answering the phones, scheduling appts, pulling charts for next day, scheduling labs, making confirmation calls, ordering blood labs, odd jobs handed to me by the doctor, filing, and balancing end of day. Oh boy...and guess what? That all happens at once. Heheh! Imgagine. I'm a multi tasker, what can I say.

Umm...Hmm. Well tomorrow, Jess and I are driving up to the beach. We're going to meet my family up there and Jess is going to stay the night. We'll probably drive into Hampton Beach for it's happening night life and then we'll most likely take a night walk and wake up for a day on the beach. She'll leave Sunday evening and I'll most likely spend each day on the beach, reading and listening to music. I'm planning on waking up early to walk the beach by day and then end the night by another walk. That's probably my favorite thing to do in my life. The beach has always been a safe haven for me. It's beautiful and it's my escape. I remember walking down the beach fantasizing about my life and writing songs. What a great place for inspiration. I don't know...in that moment, everything just makes complete sense. The sky is so big sun or no sun, the waves crashing on the shore, the room to breathe, the ability to be free. In that moment, everything disappears, and I'm me. Alone...with me! I could never ever give up those memorable walks on the beach....because they are so therapeutic. I'm so damn excited.

Riss is coming up for a sleep over on Thursday...so that should be fun. Speaking of Riss, I went with her and her boyfriend and some friends last night for her birthday. We went to a gay club. DON'T Ask. I don't know why she wanted to go there, but it was a blast. I never felt so free. I think I surprised Riss because I got on the floor on my knees and just started swinging my head around in a seductive Britney Spears move. My entire group of friends started laughing. I'm just hysterical. Heheh. As for Rissa's boyfriend, I've decided that I don't like him anymore. He's such an arrogant asshole who can't make conversation with anyone. He expresses absolutely no emotion and most of the time I want to just absolutely beat the shit out of him. How could she date somebody like that! He has lost all form of personality. Oh boy. But I would never tell her that.

Ok...well...it's a big day tomorrow. I'm going to go finish watching Something About Polly, have a sleepy time tea, and climb into bed. I have to wake up early to pack. Nothing like waiting until the last minute!

On the home front

singagirl3 — Sun, 26 Jun 2005 04:45:20 GMT

Spontaneous...That's my new word for the summer. Well...life is not as hot and happening as it is in Tennessee, but it's happening. I go to work every day and have weekends off. I'm working for a great doctor who checks me out every day as if I were a piece of meat, but none the less...I still enjoy his office. He cracks me up and leaves every day a challenge to conquer. Time flies and I don't even notice the clock during my 7:30 to 5:30 shift. And I even get out of work early on Fridays. How nice is that? Pretty damn good if you ask me.

Home...not so hott. Heheh. My sister and I don't get along. She's a different person than when I last saw her. Everything from her personality to her look...every last inch of her has changed. It's tough. We fight all the time and I'm not talking bickering. I'm talking hair raising angry, passionate yelling. It's sad. I don't see this as something we'll ever grow out of. Oh boy.

As for my parents, same ole same ole.

But...I am being spontaneous. The other day I drove to the beach at
9:30 am at night, got a little tipsy and hung out with some old friends as we threw a light up frisby around in the dark. It was a blast and I was so proud of myself for not being the perfect child for once. And for not planning my every hour. My friends and I walked the boardwalk and really did absolutely nothing...but it was amazing. At one point we all just layed down in the sand and talked about what we're doing with our lives. And I never thought that hanging out with these guys would have been comfortable, but it felt just right and I truly enjoyed myself.

There is a prospect of a summer fling. I guess I would be the only one to make it happen. My sister has described this guy as beyond gorgeous. I just think that he's damn fine. He's about five to eight years older than me. And he's a triplet. Heheh. So there are three of them. I met his brother at work, and years ago, I would have given my right arm to have a chance with his brother. I probably could have, but Tim came along. But his brother and I talked and it sounds to me and my mother that his brother is trying to nonchalantly set us up. I can't say that I'd complain just as long as he knows that I'm not looking for anything serious and that I am in control of my head and my heart. If he's worth it, the rest will come. But...until then, I'm leaving in September and I don't suspect that this place will continue to remain home for me. So, distance will be a key ingrediant in any summer fling. Hehehe. Oh boy. I'm a piece of work. Welll.....I'm off. Enjoy your summer.

Geese Louise Tumble in Cheese...

singagirl3 — Wed, 18 May 2005 04:21:24 GMT

Ok, the title of this journal entry has absolutely nothing to do with anything in my head. But quite frankly, I'm way tooooooo burnt out to care what comes out of my thoughts tonight. Heheh. Well luckily the two worst days of the final are over. Yes, I may still have two more, but they're easy and I no longer have to worry about juries. Thank the Lord in heaven above. Juries give me a freaking heart attack. I passed my piano juries and received strait A's on my vocal jury. I don't know...I feel like I just need a long break.

My mommy bought Phantom...yay for me. I'll be watching it the moment I get home. I can hardly wait.

Interesting Facts that float around in my head right now:

Tonight (and tonight alone)I want a cute boy to play with.

Schools almost out for the summer.

This is by far the most pointless journal entry....EVER!

I have no actual thoughts in my head at this moment.

Oh isn't that sad. Heheh. But it't late and I need to go to bed and face my Spanish final tomorrow. I surely hope I remember everything because although I did study...I was too burnt out to actually comprehend everything. Aaaaaah!

Oh me.

singagirl3 — Thu, 05 May 2005 12:56:33 GMT

Well...Thursday is just beginning, but you know what? That means its Friday tomorrow, and trust me there are no complaints. Can you believe that next week is the last week of classes? Oh boy oh boy. I'm gonna scream on Friday of next week. And then I'm going to do a happy dance on the Friday of the following week. Finals give me heart attacks. Heheh.

I hate how I only seem to live for Friday. During the weekend, I take each day in. But my Sunday night pep talk usually consists of..."Ok Mel...just get through the next week." Oh no. It's terrible. I'm afraid that I'm going to one day wake up and realize that I worked my life away. So...I've decided to quit school, quit work...and just live. That's my new profession. Amazing. Ok....well I'm surely just kidding, but that's alright.

Ok. Well I was trying to waste some time at work, but my thoughts are empty and I surely don't feel the need to annalyze anything in my life right now. I need to go to bed. But the problem with that is...I have lessons, class, and work. OH GOOD GOD, I'm going to die. Help me.

I'm out.

Over and over again...

singagirl3 — Wed, 04 May 2005 21:05:15 GMT

Monotony. But have no fear. It is soon to end as we all venture forth into the summer months of freedom. Well, I am certainly not going to be free, due to the fact that I will most likely be working every waking minute. But that's quite alright. I'll be rich.

The other day my mother called and asked if I wanted to stay at the beach for the week of July 4th in a cottage next to my grandmother's. I was so estatic. The Silver Family hasn't had a vacation in...God I don't even remember how long its been. But I have always loved the week that we spend at the beach. We used to rent those cottages years ago. And they made for a memorable vacation. So, my plan is to go to the beach, get up early mornings and go for a long peaceful walk, lay out and swim during the days, another amazing walk by night, and do whatever else I can find to do. My mother wants to take one day and go to the isles of shole. I'm all for that. I also plan on heading down to the beach late at night with my sister and dogs to just run around like crazy or go for a late night swim. I want to go out for breakfast at beachfront restaurant and somehow arrange a family clamb bake. My family is huge...and spread out...so that might be difficult. But I put nothing past me. I can do it.

There is nothing I love more than a long stroll down the beach. It's amazing. My thoughts are my own, and I'm locked away in my own world as I stare out over the waves rolling in. There is nothing more beautiful than the sun setting or rising over the ocean. Time seems to freeze and possibilities are endless. When I get old (which will never happen) but if I ever do, I plan on moving to the beach to live out the rest of my days. I'm going to have to be rich. Luckily...I will be.

Ok. Well...I have quite the night ahead of me. Sheesh. Wish me luck. Enjoy the weather. Adios.

What makes you smile?

singagirl3 — Sun, 01 May 2005 04:41:04 GMT

It occured to me as I was walking through the Walmart parking lot that I randomly smile at strangers. Why? Why is it that a simple gesture of a smile can not only bring cheer to someone else's life but add a little bit to your own when the smile is returned? Hmmm.

An odd question, I know. But I just can't help it. I'm just so damn happy lately and I have no idea why. Sure, school is drawing to a close. The work load is lightening up and I've decided between two very desiarable choices: Belmont or Maryville. (Maryville is the answer for those of you who didn't know.) And yes juries are in two weeks and I am far from prepared for them, nor do I want to prepare for them. Yet, I'm happy. I couldn't be happier. I feel so perfect in my shoes, so happy in my life, and I wouldn't want to step into anybody else's life other than my own. Hmmm. Let's hope it stays that way. I know we all go through those times. We're happy being who we are, but those times tend to fall down around us. Interesting observation.

Today I broke the news to my professors. When I told Ms. Wilner that I was staying, she not only hugged me three times in a row, but she kept me close and played with my hair affectionately as her eyes welled up. I told her my reasons for staying and she told me that she would feel as if something was missing if I wasn't here next year. And this just about warmed my heart. I could not help but feel loved, as if I had an affect on somebody who is such a role model for me. I just love Ms. Wilner. She is an amazing leader, a smart musician, and the best choral director that I have ever had. To know that she wanted me to stay that badly made my entire day. She was genuinely happy. Dr. Matascik was also very happy. When I first told her, she had a blank expression. I thought she would be disappointed in me. She was urging me to go. I also told her my reasons and proceeded to tell her how afraid I was to tell her. She told me that she was only urging me to go because somebody had to, but she really, secretly didn't want to. I was honestly soooo touched by that. I didn't know she cared as much as she does. She told me that she was happy to hear that I was staying. Those responses had such an amazing affect on my day. Soo...in short, that's what makes me smile. Feeling loved, wanted, needed, and the potential of being sorely missed. So that would be the reason for the random smiles in the Wal-Mart parking lot. Maybe, I helped cheer another person today. Let's hope. Hmmm.

Friday at last.

singagirl3 — Fri, 22 Apr 2005 16:44:16 GMT

Well...I think I've been taking way too much time for myself. Oh boy. I walk here, a twenty minute nap there...hmm. But it has felt so good to not control my life for once.

Tonight is Spring fling. I have a beautiful blue dress that I am absolutely so excited to wear. There so much fun in dressing up and getting pretty. Got love it.

So...we'll see how it all goes. Ok. I have nothing more to say today. I'm out.

If you don't believe, you otta....

singagirl3 — Mon, 18 Apr 2005 05:40:02 GMT

Why is that I every time I come off of a VOP tour I feel reinvigorated? Well this time it surely did it. I've always believed in God and have always been a good Christian girl for the most part. I've had some slip ups here and there and have made my mistakes. But...I've kept a pretty clean record. But today during our last VOP concert on tour...I realized that I've been missing something very important to my life. I close and personal relationship with God. Believe it or not, it's so important. Thank God for VOP.

When I first joined this southern black gospel choir, I was there for my benefit and mine alone. Black people can sing because they have rhythm and soul. I wanted to pick up on their technique. But over these past two years, the members and now my family in VOP have taught me just exactly why I am there. Amazing. This is probably my fourth tour with this group, but I have never in my life been as touched as I was today. We sang one concert last night and then woke up bright and early to perform three concerts today. As we first set out on this tour on Saturday morning, I could only concentrate on the fact that I had a pile of homework to do and a bunch of worries waiting at home for me to face once I returned. To top it all off, I was sick with a bad cold that was certainly going to prevent me from singing and I had two solos that I knew I wouldn't get through. But God pulls through and everytime I had to sing my solos, my voice was flawless. It wasn't me singing out there.

Today, surely was something else. I completely did not expect such an emotional breakthrough. But I surely received it. As we hit our last concert, Larry started giving speeches. His touched me as I watched the faces of my fellow VOP members. Some started crying, and I joined in. As always. Then as we gathered in a circle to pray, Larry gave me a big hug, told me he loved me and that he was proud and thankful of my sacrafices for this group. I immediately lost it there. But as we began to pray I felt connected to my friends and especially to God. It was liberating. I cried so hard out of the thought that next year as I go onto Belmont, I won't have these wonderful people surrounding my life. Where in God's name do you find another family like VOP? It absolutely broke my heart. I sang and enjoyed VOP tonight more than I ever have. I received many sincere compliments on my voice and appreciated every one of them. But moreso, I'll never forget that service as we all gathered round afterwards. I won't go into any explanation. It was just touching and it will forever remain in my heart.

So, if you haven't found your peace with God...I strongly encourage it.

Back to reality...again

singagirl3 — Tue, 12 Apr 2005 13:12:31 GMT

Isn't life just absolutely so splendid when it's utterly busy and it seems to rush past you in a blink of an eye. NO...actually it's quite sad. But that's alright. It will all catch up to me.

I tried to relax this weekend, but it just wasn't possible. I always start out on Friday thinking that I can do anything and everything but I have this guilty complex when it comes to not working when there's work to be done. However, on Saturday night, I sat down and mapped out every hour of my week. BaddaBoom BaddaBang...My life is back in control. Whoo! So that was the end of my worrying. I got all dressed up up and went out to listen to some live music with Kelly. Fabulous. We started our evening at a punk rock band concert. For anybody who doesn't think that this would be my taste in music, you would normally be right. However, in my two years away at college, I have learned to appreciate all forms of music from a more artistic point of view. Although I felt extremely out of place among the punk kids as they danced and sang along with the music, I was very much at home among fellow musicians. I watched the concert with envy wishing that I too could be up there in all my creative splendor. Heh. This concert was followed by a quick stop at Sonic for a corn dog and some tater tots and then we were off to another concert. This show was held in a tiny jazz like club. The beer was flowing ad the band was hot. I ofcourse did not drink but it didn't stop me from fully appreciating the music. Amazing. Now this type of musick is literally undescribable. It fell into no genre. It was of it's own making. The band was dressed in punk like outfits. Their faces were covered in make up of all different colors, but it directly suited their unique sense of style. Their music was so entirely creative and you could tell that they loved every moment of being up on stage. And again I wanted to join them. Sheesh. What a fun night. Kelly told me that I would probably run into more of this when I transferred over to Nashville. How exciting.

And as for Belmont, Hmm. I'm handling it. When I first found I was more than excited. I was absolutely estatic. But then my parents told me that it would be a major financial risk. We would spend every night bickering on the phone.
And then I began to grow way to comfortable with staying here at Maryville in the quiet isolated campus with friends who have become more like family than anything at all. But what an exciting prospect. I really think it's all going to happen. And it's going to be such an adventure. This is why at this moment in my life I love being single. I am at liberty to do whatever I want, whenever I want. I feel as if the world is at my fingertips and all I have to do is reach. So, in short, I plan on going, despite the fear and financial situationg. I can and will overcome both. Ok...it's time to go. Adios.

A lotta thinking to do...

singagirl3 — Sun, 27 Feb 2005 23:06:32 GMT

Hello all. I have some fabulous news to share! I got accepted Belmont University in Nashville Tennesee. Okay, relax before you get those tissues ready. The decision isn't final. There is still much to think about. And honestly, I'm scared. But it's a good scared. It's a I'm more than certain I can do it sort of scared. It's a challenge is waiting for you, go and conquer it kind of scared. And it excites beyond anything else. But it also makes me thing...lots of thinking.

We were watching Sex In the City this weekend. I say it like that because it did take a lot out of our weekend. And it was just amazing. My girls and I sat around the TV, laughing and crying as we said goodbye to our four other girls. They have been our entertainment and our source of comfort. Although they are not real, their characters stand for and symbolize the actions of many a girl in this day and age. And we all relate. It was FABULOUS! I'm going to miss watching my daily dose of Sex in the City. Awesome.

Well, it's Sunday night and I may be done my homework, but there is still much to do. I need to head on down to the FAC and practice. It's time I perfect and master this skill of mine if I'm going to be showing it off next year in NASHVILLE, TENNESSEE! Heheh. Ok, well wish me luck. We'll talk soon. Adios.

What a day!

singagirl3 — Sat, 19 Feb 2005 18:03:20 GMT

Last night was interesting. The only word to discribe it. I started out foolishly reading my Western Civ book, knowing that I had a massive amount of homework to complete and will most likely not find the time this weekend to do it. Then I declined the option of going out to see a movie, wrapped myself in a blanket and popped in a movie as laid on the couch bed eating corn chips. Heh. What can I say...I know how to have a good time. But soon after my friends came back claiming that the movie they went to see got sold and they wanted to go to the later viewing. I gave in, decided to 20 instead of 50 and went out to see Hitch. What a movie. It was fabulous. Very funny, extremely witty, and surprisingly true. Although this movie may be about a ficticious love doctor who fixes guys up with the girls of their dreams, many of the sayings and teachings he used do hold extreme presedence over being you. Will Smith, as gorgeous as he taught his clients things like, "Stand up tall, talk loud, let people know that you're there." I was impressed. I cannot express that enough. Be bigger than you feel and your emotions will soon catch up to you. Seriously, stand up, make a difference. Don't back down to people who seem bigger than you. You are just as good as they are. And although this movie stood for a comedic relief, the lessons struck a sincere chord. It said everything that I advocate. Great movie. Everyone should see it and learn a little something.

After the movie we all went to IHOP for a late night breakfast and coffee. I put away three cups of coffee and was off the walls for the rest of the night. Too bad too, because it was one o'clock when I started downing my caffiene overdose. Heh. I was up for the rest of the night...well that was until I fell asleep around 3. And then I woke up this morning a little later than I intended. Yes, I have loads of homework waiting for me, a huge rehearsal, and hours of practicing still undone. But, all in good time. Which in short means...sometime this weekend if there are enough hours. Ok. I need to go work out...pump that iron...tone this here body. Adios.

Another Monday

singagirl3 — Mon, 14 Feb 2005 15:44:05 GMT

Well, good morning. Yesterday ended up being a great day, despite the fact that it was Sunday. I never give Sunday a chance due to the fact that, it means catching up really quickly because you put everything off until today. Well, I'm not really like that so, I don't really have to worry. But I always make myself so anxious. Most likely because I have a crazy hectic schedule and I don't look forward to exploding onto the Monday scene. But yesterday was good. It was rainy. We all packed into a car and went to church. This week I went to a Catholic mass. Yes I've been going to church since I've been here, but I've been visiting every other religion but my own. Hey leave it to a girl to experiment. But it was nice to be back in a place where I know the rituals. Made me feel homey. After mass, the girls and I went over to Cracker Barrel and had a fabulous breakfast, while talking and laughing. And then...crunch time. I did my laundry, worked out, practiced, and saw a movie for film class. Not too bad at all. And now it's Monday.

My week consists of back to back scheduling. Come Friday, I'm so tired all I want to do is crash. It drives me insane. But I've always been a busy girl and I secretly like it that way. Ssssshhh...don't tell anyone. I have some down time right now before I sprint off to Spanish, then to Aural Skills, then to Film, and then to lab, and then...to Concert Choir. Whoo!. But I'll make it. It's tommorrow I need to really worry about. I have to work three jobs in one day. Fabulous. But I really need the money. So I'll just balance the three until I'm rich. I work at the ESL computer lab in the morning, the kidergarten in the afternoon, and then the Social Sciences office in the late afternoon. This semester shall be a challenge. But I'm up for it.

Well, I'm off to conquer the world. Don't you just love it.