Simoriah's Sanctuary

Listen up, Fuckers

simoriah — Fri, 09 Feb 2018 05:11:40 GMT

So I'm writing a poem called Listen Up, Fuckers. It will be for any future boyfriends or potential male "suitors". Because truthfully I'm at the point of being sick and tired of being used for everybody's ragdoll/sex toy. I hate the fact that people even look at me like oh yeah sure I can certainly hurt you and it's no big deal. Oh, f*** off. My feelings matter. My feelings matter.

Listen up, fuckers.

I'm being forced to explain myself
So that people may understand
The "why" behind the things I do
Even though I'm as transparent
as possible, some people just don't get it. How I can be the way that I am.

I am a complex creature. Caught between
A ST:TNG style metamorph and my own domestic earthly Superwoman.
Because what people can't comprehend is
You don't end up so hell-bent on unconditional love unless
You grew.up thinking you're a defective toy
That could be exchanged at the slightest whim; and why did momma leave? Oh,
Even she couldn't deal with the me that I am

You don't love people so passionately unless you lived through a marriage so devoid of feeling anything but sadness and anger
You don't get to be so calm without knowing, realizing anger is a gift
Denied to all but the rich and powerful.
You don't grow to be so accepting of others without feeling so unacceptable
As a being, so different and weird
A life of an unfunny court jester
acceptance goes both ways
And you don't learn to walk away so hard
Without knowing the feeling of
Being utterly destroyed by unrequited love

I'm the type of person that only develops feelings for you
if your energy reflects a crush on me, even if
you'd rather deny the crush/ even if you don't exactly understand
why a fat middle-aged woman would cause those feelings inside you.

I don't know what I want anymore.
But I would rather be the Madonna
over being the whore.

My passion can be boundless, my spirit is endless.
Its why I come to rescue you from your thoughts at 3:45 AM,
why I rescue outside dogs at 20 degrees out, why I speak out
against any "ism". My passion is a blessing, but also
maybe why you learn to hate me.

I know this makes me a complicated book.
You will have fun enjoying the chapters but don't bother
picking me up if you don't plan on reading past the back cover.

Train Man now a "plane" man.

simoriah — Tue, 14 Nov 2017 15:39:24 GMT

So I guess it should tell you. Shit went down with Courtney. He's going to visit his ex-girlfriend /"love of his life" who dumped in 12 years ago because his ED issues. I wasn't so much upset over the newest Revelation as I was over the fact that he never really loved me during our entire relationship cuz he was never over her. I sensed this the whole relationship but I ignored it because I'm a tool. Also upset that most likely, he's moving to Seattle now, out of the blue (even tho he says it will take a lot of convincing, I'm not stupid).
Admittedly, I'm a little upset that he would never bother to even visit Collingswood for me but he'll go to Seattle for her. Like traveling was not in our cards but for her he'll visit the ends of the Earth.
I told him that I felt that the two and a half years we spent together was for nothing, and he started to cry. He felt as if I was insulting our relationship, and yet I felt as if him staying with me insulted me the whole time. He says he learned a lot. Like how a girlfriends love is actually supposed to feel. Like how unconditional love is supposed to feel. And now he knows what to ask for from his ex-girlfriend (because my love wasn't enough naturally).

My ex broke up with me all over again

simoriah — Tue, 14 Nov 2017 10:16:40 GMT

It's like my ex boyfriend is breaking up with me all over again. And I will get into that in a moment. And I promised myself that I will not hate that girl Maria that I work with who was from Russia because none of this is her fault I'm just projecting my feelings of hatred for his ex Maria onto my Russian co-workers also tall and skinny and beautiful. And none of this is her fault even if she ends up becoming like the boss which will most likely not happen but that's just a fantasy I have right now. Or can I call it a fantasy and I'm just projecting my feelings? Onto a really s***** situation? Anyway...

I title this new one "Sexual Validation"

One little kiss for the broken hearted
before we parted ways and
what was your name again?
I know it doesn't matter,
you came here to do the deed.
I knew what this was for,
and for me it was a bit more,
had to use it as something
other than your attempt
at a cum dumpster. **
So sexual validation.
One last reminder that
I still got it,
I can still get it,
that some piece of s*** ex-boyfriend
in Hamilton does not define me who I am.
That I poured my love into you for two
and a half years only for you to turn around
and tell me
that wasn't enough.
that you never really were over her.
And yet I always knew.
I blame myself for not
slapping myself in the face with the truth
over and over again
until I left you
while I still had some of my youth.
I took it upon myself to shoulder
the responsibility of your health.
I devoted my time to caring for you
feeding you, cleaning your messes
to prove to you and to myself that
I could still love like the best of them.
The benefit was yours to be had.
You now know how it feels
to receive unconditional love,
so you can ask for it from someone who
dumped you because your shit doesn't work.
(After I promised I would never leave you for that...)

When you love somebody,
I mean really love somebody,
you don't lead them on for two and a half years,
feed them your hopes dreams and fears
only to let them down
That you never got around
To getting over your ex love affair

And you swear
you won't move out there
that you won't accept her love unless
it's like the love I gave you,
Well, fucker,
You only learn to love like this
after never having it in your life
So I hope you find what you need,
But there is no guarantee
She will love you so freely even
After you pack up your life for her.
I'll never say, "she won't ever
love you like I do."
I love you too much for that.
I hope that you find your new life in Seattle to be perfect.
And while you tell me that this is just
for closure, I can't believe that.
I believe that if this is the one true love that you have,
you'll give anything in the world to have it.
Because I'm not fucking stupid either.
But I do find the last act I did for you,
taking your garbage out,
to represent that was what was the truth
of our relationship. Me taking care of you
and cleaning up your messes.
Meanwhile I still remain a Beautiful Mess inside.

so that only could you stay with me for two and a half years
but we ended up being friends for a year or longer and
even though you knew about this opportunity in the summer you didn't want to tell me because he didn't want to stop seeing me because he value our friendship that much. Except obviously if you valued your friendship you would have told me in the summertime allow me to soak up that hurt and absorb it better than a week before you're going Seattle.

Interesting s*** happening in my life

simoriah — Thu, 05 Oct 2017 17:04:16 GMT

There has been some interesting s*** happening in my life as of late. I wanted to write it on Facebook but some of it seems a little personal so I'll just put it here and then put it on Facebook and see if anybody wants to listen. So check this out:

- I keep getting these weird pregnancy dreams where I'm not even a party to the pregnancy. I'm just carrying a baby that I didn't know I was carrying. I wake up in this guy I used to know is claiming to be the father. And here he is with my family and his family and they're all happy that I'm pregnant. I'm not even a willing carrier at this point - yes I will admit those dreams spooked me.

- at a recent Grove events for a group I circle with, two of the divinations were sensual pleasure which I was told is a common one, and Fertile Earth. This only scares me because their Omens end up bringing very true in my life. They have signalled major changes and shit

- couple of my ex-boyfriends have found ways back into my life. And it's kind of weirding me out. I'm still friends with Courtney so that's not what I'm counting. Ira who I haven't spoken to in two and a half years just called me out of the blue and I think he's been calling a lot because a lot of those numbers that have been calling from a restricted and he knows that I won't pick him up
Ira who I haven't spoken to in two and a half years just called me out of the blue and I think he's been calling a lot because a lot of those numbers that have been calling from a restricted and he knows that I won't pick up if he calls. I let it go when one of my exes started liking my friends post ( we are not Facebook friends directly). It could just be a coincidence even though I was in a lot of them. I don't care at this point. What really weirded me out was the fact that a guy that I knew back in the days of migente. Com had contacted me out of the blue, after six years. What the hell really.

- the other day, I cheated death. I had a post about that but involved an 18-wheeler at 11:30 at night not slowing down at a yellow to red light when I was stopped.

- I got not one but two advertisements for pregnancy stuff. One so I can put a stork on my lawn if I wanted to announce to the World Hears my child please kidnap her, or I got some coupons for Similac because I'm not lactating enough. Because I'm not lactating enough because I don't have a kid you f****** dultz

- finally, I got my. Yesterday. It actually happened about 15 minutes after I got the notices in the mail. And I didn't believe it was my period at first because it has been a few months but today I started getting cramps. And the cramps started after I start taking the Aleve. It's like what the hell body

' so pretty much, I'm staying away from all men especially in the next two weeks until at least October ends. Cuz I cannot deal with this s*** right now. I say this now but who knows what the hell is going to happen

#NotAllWhitePeople, The Quiz

simoriah — Sat, 25 Mar 2017 17:15:49 GMT

This is a quiz that I found online. And I wanted to be able to answer in a non judgemental area before I put my answers online. This way I can think things through.

Ask yourself if you can honestly say ‘No’ to all of these questions.

It should go without saying that discussing racism is difficult. It’s awkward and uncomfortable and people often find themselves either talking past one another or retreating to their corners, never to meet again.

Over the past two years, I have devoted a significant amount of time to facilitating discussions about race on Twitter. I have learned, after watching and participating in thousands of these conversations, that one consistent sticking point is the assertion “White people are racist.”

Because in America, we have come to think of racism only in terms of its extremes (slavery, Nazis, the KKK, Jim Crow, etc.), when Black people call out systemic racism, the average White person, not seeing themselves in any of these extremes, responds with defensiveness. This resistance to being considered complicit in systemic racism is exemplified by the Twitter hashtag #NotAllWhitePeople. This is a constant refrain in my discussions. “I am exempt!”

In America, we have come to think of racism only in terms of its extremes.

But anti-Blackness is deeply rooted in American culture, extending far beyond the most egregious examples of racist aggression. Racism manifests in laws, in advertisements, in economic policy, in media portrayals, in criminal justice, and in general society. We have all been steeped in it, and that you as a person have been unaffected by it is highly unlikely.

If you still think there’s no way you’re at all racist as a White person, here’s a quick quiz.

For the record, I am sure I am prejudiced. We all are.

The questions aren’t exhaustive and nobody is scoring you but you. So be honest with yourself and ask yourself if you can say “No” to all the following:

● Have you ever presumed that a Black person was less qualified for a skilled job than a White person?

No. Same goes for all colors of the spectrum. I'm pretty boring like that.

● Have you ever defended accusations of racism by invoking Black friends?

After I thought about it, No. It's not often that I get accused of being "racist" (asshole, motherfucker, stupid bitch, go fuck yourself, n-word lover, I have heard them all immensely. Just not being racist all that often.) So by the time I was called racist, in my early thirties at work, I just agreed with the people who said it. Am I racist? Yes I am. (As a white person, there's nothing one can say to defend yourself to strangers without making yourself look bad. Or, maybe feeling that way is racist, I don't even know.)

● Have you ever laughed or poked fun at a characteristically Black name like LaTisha or Daquan?

As a teenager, Yes, I am sure I did. (not after age of 21). But when I was in college, and a friend of mine did laugh at a characteristically black name, I kind of looked at her quizzically. (We were in a Burger King, and the sign read, "Congrats to the employee of the month, "Rasheeda". She laughed, I thought the name was normal. Then my friend welcomed her to Elizabeth New Jersey.)

● Have you ever considered a Black friend “not really Black”?

No. (I never really assigned characteristics to a skin color, and had to be taught about different stereotypes just so I wouldn't repeat them.)

● Have you ever joked that you were Blacker than your Black friend because you engaged in more stereotypically Black aesthetics (clothes, slang, music)?

No. My parents shamed that out of me, in a bad way. (They accuse me of acting black, and because of that I went to full on white girl mode. Except that, I didn't know what white girls were supposed to act like anyway.)

My ex-boyfriend's mother also explained to me why it's insulting to do this (combining stereostypes, skin color and just plain trashy behavior that nobody should behave like.)

● Have the terms “welfare” or “poverty” automatically brought up images of Black people in your mind?

No. However, as a child, they brought up equally disturbing images of trailer trash and poor Latinos. ( I've since obviously retrained my brain on the "poor Latinos" stereotype.)

● Have you passed by stories of missing Black kids while paying rapt attention to a missing White girl?

Yes, because I don't know what I did as a kid. As an adult I repost the stories of missing minority children more so than I do the white kids knowing full well that police will focus on the white kids.

● Have you ever thought or suggested that a Black person was exaggerating their experience of racism?

Yes. Totally guilty of this.

● Have most of your Black friends been people whose families and friends you know little to nothing about?

No. Quite the opposite. I wanted to learn everything about my boyfriend's (all of them) family and friends, and subsequently became friends with his family. I was more ashamed about certain aspects of my family being so racist.

● Have you ever caught yourself agreeing with the sentiment that Blacks ARE more criminal than Whites?

No.

● Have you ever felt more unsafe around a group of Black kids than around a group of White kids in the same circumstance?

No. (All depends on the energy of the crowd. I also learned early on that white women will be spared in a so-called "bad" neighborhood because hurt white women = unwanted police activity.)

● Have you ever dismissed movies with predominantly Black casts as “Black movies” and not of general interest?

No. Again, quite the opposite.

I used to force myself to watch all the movies for people of color, just because I felt like I had to. Then one day, I caught my aunt and uncle watching a "black" movie (rom-com type movie) and realized that if I hate Rom-coms, why would I like Rom Com's just because people of color are in it?

Now, show me a sci-fi fantasy with an all-black cast, I am on it. (Which reminds me, I gotta start watching Luke Cage.)

● Have you ever laughed at a Black stereotype?

Yes. I am sure I have. I grew up in an (extended) family that was racist after all.

● Have you ever been surprised that a Black person was eloquent?

No. (Going back to the "non assigning qualities to color or gender".)

● Have you ever looked at a cop shooting of an unarmed Black person and thought “Not my problem?”

No.

● Have you ever wished that Black people would “speak properly?”

No. (I never grew up with The Stereotype that black people spoke "jive, ebonics, the dialect, whatever.)

What is racist about me is that I hate white people who also speak "urban". I used to be a lot of worse about it and have quelled that a lot going forward.

● Have you ever presumed that you were smarter than a Black person without evidence?

Without evidence? No.

● Have you ever pointed to Obama as evidence of a post-racial society?

No. Never stupid enough for that. One could wish though.

● Have you ever assumed that a Black person got into a good school or job just because of affirmative action?

No.

● Have you ever told a Black person that if they’d just stop talking about race, it wouldn’t be so much of an issue?

Have I ever TOLD a black person this? No.

Yes. (not after age of 21). I'd be a liar to say that I have never thought this. But then the other part of my brain reminds me that I'm privileged enough that race isn't always an issue for me.

● Have you ever cringed at a family member dating a Black person?

Hehehehe No. But I was always that family member dating that black person so....

● Have you ever sat through offensive racist jokes about Black people and said nothing or laughed along?

Ill just say, "Yes", for now (not after age of 21). I'm pretty sure I found myself in situations where if I did express my offense, I might be injured or dead. Plus, there were no black people around.

At work, my fellow coworkers knew either not to tell racist jokes around me (because yeah, I lectured them; world of good that did, LOL) or, the opposite. They would tell them in earshot JUST to piss me off.

● Have you ever found yourself thinking of Africa as a country?

No. (There's so much I have to say about how Africans are treated as "one culture", and that good stereotypes are just as awful as bad ones. I'm to the point where I get mad at memes quo Read more... ting African tribal customs about happiness, and I've seen them a lot on my friends pages).

● Have you ever insisted on your colorblindness?

No. But I never said I was color blind. Color does Influence people whether we like it or not. And even from a practical standpoint, you have to take certain considerations in mind when you are hanging out with a person of color or a group of people of color.

● Have you ever felt the need to explain how racism works to a Black person?

No. I've done many stupid things in my past, but I'm sure if I ever did that, I get shut what I call the fuck up, and rightfully so.

● Have you ever thought of Black history as separate or tangential to American history?

Even as a kid, no. Made me mad that I didn't learn more about Crispus Attucks and other people of color that influenced our nation. *I hate musicals otherwise I should be in love with Hamilton.*

● Have you ever affected/mimed Black mannerisms in order to greet a new Black person?

No, and oh my God does this annoy this s*** out of me when white people do this.

(Again, my parents shamed me out of this as a teenager. Stepmom took me taking on someone else's accent as "acting black", and in all fairness, my friend did too. What was wrong about my stepmother was, she automatically thought that my friend took me on a walk in the woods to "teach me a lesson" about being white and acting black. Nothing like that happened, but I was so embarrassed about my stepmother bringing that up at the school picnic I pretty much stopped bringing people home.)

● Have you ever responded to a Black person discussing the damage inflicted on them by racism and answered “NotAllWhitePeople?”

Not out loud. And anytime I even begin to try to defend the white race, somebody steps up and remind me how shitty white people can be.

● Have you found yourself concerned with proving that you pass this test?

Maybe when I was younger I would of. Now, no.

You probably didn’t get through this without saying “Yes” to at least one of these things, and that’s okay. It doesn’t make you a bad person, it just shows that we are all affected by anti-Black attitudes and teachings in America. If you did get through this without saying yes, remember that it’s not an exhaustive list and getting all nos doesn’t make you immune to anti-Blackness.

We are all affected by anti-Black attitudes and teachings in America.

You may feel guilt, you may feel defiance, you may feel superior, you may feel vindicated. These are all valid responses, but the point is self-reflection. Racism in America is not sustained by hate groups. It is sustained by everyday, good-hearted people who do not realize how deep anti-Black biases can be planted in our minds and our culture.

If you find yourself in this list, don’t beat yourself up — take an opportunity to confront those biases, and encourage others to do the same.

This quiz doesn't even tread the surface on all of my prejudices towards all people of all colors. I grew up in the '80's when it was ok to mock Asians and we did so very much in my family. Latinos - yes I grew up surrounded by people of all colors but some were walking stereotypes. This included all of the people I knew who ID'd themselves from a predominantly PuertoRican home at least until I was 13. My aunt and her family lived in Texas so there was a whole other set of stereotypes I had of Mexicans, so I had at least that separation in my brain (as opposed to the white people who lump Puertoricans, Cubans, Dominicans, and Mexicans as all "brown" people who have the same customs and love each other completely). People with religious and lifestyle differences? Eh, things changed when I was 11 and my dad married my stepmother (or as everyone in my dad's family called her, "THE JEEEEWWW!!!"). For her part, my mom trying to keep me religious also gave me a few experiences with being the only 2 white people on a bus full of baptists to Philadelphia. So I don't think I ever had the chance to "other" people of color, as some white people with "culture shock" do.

I've done a lot of work in confronting those biases as they present themselves. Certainly I am not perfect. But I also don't need a pat on the back for doing what is the kind, compassionate thing to do anyway.

Revised Intentioning for "Person of my Dreams"

simoriah — Mon, 20 Feb 2017 17:20:30 GMT

My future partner/ love of my life.

Whenever the hell I decide to date again.

I bolded the important words for the tl;dr "10 second" rundown on qualities I want to see in a future partner.

In terms of looks: I don't think I have that many requirements. I have even less requirements for women - I can find myself attracted to women without a deep connection, whereas I really need that for a guy. Then again, who knows.

- Tall!! At least 5'9".
(This requirement is mainly for men. Women can be any height, as I have less of a need to feel like the "femme" in the relationship. The one female relationship I had, I was not the femme, but I've grown to like dresses far more now.)

Yeah, that is about right. I have dated some ugly mother fuckers so looks don't bother me much.

- Teeth. Person must have most of them. Preferably whitish with no real bad breath.

- Cleanliness

- Weight. I am not picky. I just hope the person is not skeletal in term of being thin, nor can he be Manuel Uribe fat. The person must be mobile.

- Recently, I have talked with anyone from "White" to "African American" to in between. Yes, it would be nice if he were latino since that is familiar to me, but at this time I have no preference. (This is mainly for men, as I've realized I find it easier to be attracted to a woman rather than a man. For women, I am far less picky in terms of race. This is so much more now, with the current political climate; I find it extremely hard to be attracted to white men, no matter their political affiliation.)

- Minimal to no use of weed. Trust me, overuse of the green impacts certain people's looks over time (and smells *ugh*).

(This will be for any sexual configuration. These are "must/must not haves".)

Above all, as long as there is a "spark", I am good.

Most requirements that I do have are about his personality:

(A lot of these were designed to protect me from narcissism. Now, I'm getting better at spotting that, and cutting it off at that pass. I still want a lot of these qualities, but I gotta think lots of these should already be "understood".)

- S/he must be compassionate. And kind, to a point. Not as ridiculous as I am but, at least understands why I am kind.

- S/he must be patient. At least with me, his family, animals and children.

- S/he must be honest, but tactful. Time and place, and I'm learning certain things need not to be said.

- S/he must be trustworthy!!! I am not doing that again. If he feels at all like a "gaslighter" or a guy who talks in circles, he is not for me.

- S/he must respect me for who I am and yet encourage me to be my best. I will return the favor.

- S/he must be self-reliant.

- Going along with respecting who I am, he must respect that I need my alone time as well as time to be "Aspie as I wanna be". I will respect his need for football/ hobbies/ nothing box and whatever he likes to fill his "nothing" box with (the "nothing box" is a reference for time spent doing nothing but unwinding and nonstressful thinking. (OK, this is one I need to work on. Well....no. I don't care if a guy wants to watch sports, I will watch them with him. It's when he wants to spend an inordinate amount of time watching sports "alone". At that point, why be in a relationship.)

- S/he must love animals. Would be nice if he liked animals more than people.

- S/he must be even tempered. I will not date an ogre. I will not live in fear again.

- S/he must be intelligent. Would be nice if he was creative but hardly a necessity.

- S/he must like the outdoors. And traveling. Would be nice if he liked camping.

- S/he must be sociable to a degree but over his "party animal" ways.

- S/he must speak English as a language. Would be nice if he spoke Spanish. I did want a Spanglish household.
- S/he must be open minded to all forms of people, IE LGTBTAA+ plus plus..... some of my friends are kinky.

I realize now that all of my qualities are good qualities, but I actually need to find a person that has them all. Any sexual configuration.

- Would be nice if he had a sense of humor. Kinda could just laugh along for the ride.But also has limits to his sense of humor. He makes me laugh but doesn't willfully embarrass me for "fun"

- Would be nice if S/he was "handy". I can hang pictures and such but more than that, I am screwed.

- Would be nice if S/he was "car knowledgeable". Not a requirement by a long shot, but would be nice. I can handle simple stuff. Change a tire. Change the oil. Jumper cable. Beyond that, I need to call AAA.

- Would be nice if we had plenty of the same interests, including music. But, differences in certain areas can be a good thing, since I love learning and being exposed to different types of music and hobbies.

- Computers: Would be nice if S/he knew his/her way around them. Going along with the trust factor, I must trust that S/he doesn't have 12 different accounts on dating websites and such.

Religious preference: For practical purposes, I could not date a strongly focused Christian or Muslim simply because there is too much conflicting religious beliefs. If S/he is atheist, S/he must respect my Paganism. Any other religion, or lack thereof, is welcome.

He must also respect that along with the Aspieness comes the over sensitivity to people's emotions. I figure this is a bonus for him, since most men like their alone time, like their time for hobbies, and dislike conflict almost as much as I do.

Job:

- S/he must have a career that he is set in.

- S/he must be a good work ethic.

- Financial Security a big must

Car:

- S/he either must have one, or live in an area easily surrounded by PT.

Place:

- S/he must either have one, or at least many years experience living on his own knowing what a budget is and bills are.

- If S/he does live at home with his parents, there must be a good reason

Sex:

- He must be sexually adventurous. I guess my only hard core preference.....hmm...to say this in a ladylike way....he must be into being a "cunning linguist". Hell giving back is not an issue.

- Along with sex, must enjoy cuddling. And being affectionate. Because I do.

- I have yet to meet a guy NOT into my kinks (hair pulling, spanking) but still....would be nice. (edited to add: now, I have. *le sigh*)

I don't care if he has kids. It is almost preferable since I am on the fence about kids. I do care if he has hard core BMD. Get that shit settled. And the divorced finalized.

This is all my brain has at the moment. I am trying to go through my friends list to see if I missed anything. Also, feel free to comment on anything I may have missed.

You Think You Know Me......

simoriah — Sat, 19 Nov 2016 22:06:26 GMT

My journaling is for my peace of mind.....and for your protection.

Intentioning for "Man of my Dreams"

simoriah — Fri, 21 Dec 2012 07:24:47 GMT

My friend recently reposted hers. So I figured that I should do the same.

My future husband/ love of my life.

In terms of looks:I don't think I have that many requirements. Then again, who knows
- Tall!! At least 5'9".
Yeah, that is about right. I have dated some ugly mother fuckers so looks don't bother me much. Oh, wait
- Teeth. He must have most of them Preferably whitish with no real bad breath.
- Cleanliness
- Weight. I am not picky. I just hope he is not skeletal in term of being thin, nor can he be Manuel Uribe fat. He must be mobile. 4
- Recently, I have talked with anyone from "White" to "African American" to in between. Yes, it would be nice if he were latino since that is familiar to me, but at this time I have no preference.
- Minimal to no use of weed. Trust me, overuse of the green impacts certain people's looks over time (and smells *ugh*).

Above all, as long as there is a "spark", I am good.

Most requirements that I do have are about his personality:
- He must be compassionate. And kind, to a point. Not as ridiculous as I am but, at least understands why I am kind.
- He must be patient. At least with me, his family, animals and children
- He must be honest. Not rudely honest, but honest.
- He must be trustworthy!!! I am not doing that again. If he feels at all like a "gaslighter" or a guy who talks in circles, he is not for me.
- He must respect me for who I am and yet encourage me to be my best. I will return the favor.
- He must be self-reliant to an extent.
- Going along with respecting who I am, he must respect that I need my alone time as well as time to be "Aspie as I wanna be". I will respect his need for football/ hobbies/ nothing box and whatever he likes to fill his "nothing" box with (the "nothing box" is a reference for time spent doing nothing but unwinding and nonstressful thinking).
- He must love animals. Would be nice if he liked animals more than people.
- He must be even tempered. I will not date an ogre. I will not live in fear again.
- He must be intelligent. Would be nice if he was creative but hardly a necessity.
- He must like the outdoors. And traveling. Would be nice if he liked camping.
- He must be sociable to a degree but over his "party animal" ways.
- He must speak English (not ghetto) as his first language. Would be nice if he spoke Spanish. I did want a Spanglish household.

- Would be nice if he had a sense of humor. Kinda could just laugh along for the ride.But also has limits to his sense of humor. He makes me laugh but doesn't willfully embarrass me for "fun"
- Would be nice if he was "handy". I can hang pictures and such but more than that, I am screwed.
- Would be nice if he was "car knowledgeable". Not a requirement by a long shot, but would be nice. I can handle simple stuff. Change a tire. Change the oil. Jumper cable. Beyond that, I need to call AAA.
- Would be nice if we had plenty of the same interests, including music. But, differences in certain areas can be a good thing, since I love learning and being exposed to different types of music and hobbies.
- Computers: Would be nice if he knew his way around them. Going along with the trust factor, I must trust that he doesn't have 12 different accounts on dating websites and such.
Religious preference: For practical purposes, I could not date a strongly focused Christian or Muslim simply because there is too much conflicting religious beliefs. If he is atheist, he must respect my Paganism. Any other religion, or lack thereof, is welcome.
He must also respect that along with the Aspieness comes the over sensitivity to people's emotions. I figure this is a bonus for him, since most men like their alone time, like their time for hobbies, and dislike conflict almost as much as I do.

Job:
- He must have a career that he is set in.
- He must be a good work ethic.
- Financial Security a big must
Car:
- He either must have one, or live in an area easily surrounded by PT.
Place:
- He must either have one, or at least many years experience living on his own knowing what a budget is and bills are.
- If he does live at home with his parents, there must be a good reason
Sex:
- He must be sexually adventurous. I guess my only hard core preference.....hmm...to say this in a ladylike way....he must be into being a "cunning linguist". Hell giving back is not an issue.
- Along with sex, must enjoy cuddling. And being affectionate. Because I do.
- I have yet to meet a guy NOT into my kinks (hair pulling, spanking) but still....would be nice.

I don't care if he has kids. It is almost preferable since I am on the fence about kids. I do care if he has hard core BMD. Get that shit settled. And the divorced finalized.

This is all my brain has at the moment. I am trying to go through my friends list to see if I missed anything. Also, feel free to comment on anything I may have missed.

Cuz I Can Never Write a Good "About Me" Section in Facebook

simoriah — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 06:46:41 GMT

Dunno what is "wrong" with me, or if anything is "wrong" with me (maybe it's YOU). But I know I can relate to 99% of this list and with all the other sh*t that went on in my life, it all makes sense. My commentary is added in the color I could find closest to Dusty Rose.

Taken from: www.myaspergerschild.com/2011/01/aspies-get-bad-rap.html

Aspergers is often called the “Geek Syndrome” because Aspies act so different from the social norm and have excessive knowledge and obsession with different things. For example, they may obsess about things like Robin Hood, the Peanuts gang, maps, trains, baseball cards, and Civil War history. This is not seen as normal to many people (these days it's FAR more important to obsess about the Kardashians, Jerseylicious, or the latest "Youtube" video.) and these obsessions help contribute to the ostracism and rejection.

Here are a few more reasons why Aspies do not get the acceptance they deserve:

1. Most Aspergers children and teens are smart, they study hard (really, I tried), and they respect authority – but this isn’t cool. What’s cool is using school-time as an opportunity to socialize, disrespecting authority, and getting into trouble. (People also like to use Work time for this, and since I don't....it also gets me in trouble. I go to work....to work. Not to discuss the various aspects of "planking".)

2. Most Aspies are gentle and somewhat passive. NOT COOL! However, it is cool to be tough or "hard" and to fight.

3. Most Aspies are talented – but being a clarinet player in the school band is viewed as dorky. To be in sports is cool though.

4. Most Aspies have a child-like innocence (a bad trait to have if you don’t want to get your head knocked off). This is not cool. To be cool, you act older than your age and go around playing tricks on, and making jokes about, other people.

5. Most Aspies can make amazingly loyal friends – but how goofy is that?! The cool thing to do is to have a bunch of peers to hang-out with and to take advantage of as many of them as possible.

You want some more examples of ‘GEEK’ behavior? O.K. Here they are...

Most Aspies:

• adhere unvaryingly to routines (actually jobs in retail made me flexible but I hated it)
• are able forgive others
• are accepting of others (to a FAULT!)
• are honest (again....to a fault. Most people hate honesty. Sorry. Wait, NO I'M NOT!!!)
• are not bullies, con artists, or social manipulators
• are not inclined to steal
• are perfectly capable of entertaining themselves (if nothing else, we can people watch the "muggles")
• don’t discriminate against anyone based on race, gender, age, etc. (I figure there is enough of a reason to hate you just by watching the things you say and do).
• don’t launch unprovoked attacks, verbal or otherwise
• don’t play head games
• don’t take advantage of other’s weaknesses
• enjoy their own company and can spend time alone
• have exceptional memories
• have no interest in harming others
• notice fine details that others miss
• prefer talking about significant things that will enhance their knowledge-base rather than “shooting the bullshit” (I HATE SMALL TALK!!! I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE KARDASHIANS, JERSEYLICIOUS OR THE LATEST YOUTUBE VIDEO!!)
• will not go along with the crowd if they know that something is wrong (wrong of course, is very subjective here)

As an aside: some have sensory issues. I know with me, smell is a big one. If you got "Banchee Body Odor", now you know why I don't want to talk to you. Nothing personal. Also, hearing is a big one. If you insist on screaming at me for no reason, I will hate you and find a small way to get revenge on you.