The Tone Argument

"Your point did not reach me/others of my group as much as it could because it was abrasive and you are actually hurting your cause/causing the thing that you are explicitly trying to prevent."

"Despite the fact that you did not call me out by name or ping any of the behaviors I engage in, the tone of your post is hostile and I am here to tell you to BE NICER." (Bonus points if the speaker is the privileged party in the situation.)

"You ladies really should be nicer when asking us to do the bare minimum to be considered decent 'round these parts."

"But really, maybe more people would listen to your anger at being victimized if you were a little less angry about it! The problem here is your justified anger, and not, y'know, the problem! Yes, this really is about MY FEELINGS about your anger, after all, and not how to stop victimization."

"My bad behavior is justified because you were angry about something and it made me defensive!"

Heard any of these lately? I'm sarcastically paraphrasing, of course, but yeah, I have, so I need help.

Hey ladies and gents, I had, on my old lappy, a bookmark that was an excellent essay on the Tone Argument and why it is both derailing and damaging. My old lappy died, taking all of my bookmarks with me. I need said bookmark now.

Please post here any essays, posts, or comments you know of to explain why the Tone Argument does not work, or write an original comment if you please. Or please link to this post in your journal and invite your friends to leave theirs, as well.

I'm going to use this post as a resource in the future.