Faeriecon Planning!
Virgo: The faintest star in the night sky is Van Biesbroeck's star. It's only about as big as the Earth and is just .002 percent as luminous as our sun. Every other heavenly light outshines it. From one perspective, then, it's a puny little thing. And yet it is visible despite the fact that it's almost 19 light years away from us. From that point of view, it's an amazingly intense, potent, brilliant body. Is there anything about you that resembles Van Biesbroeck's star, Virgo? I think there is. Celebrate and show off that part of you in the coming week.
Introspectively, I recall that people have often used the word "shining" to describe me, or likened me to other things that shine. Off the top of my head, I can recall the many times that Michael told me to shine like the sun, and even the time Skyler introduced me to a room as "Christina, [his] sun, moon, and stars." Pretty words, pretty words. And I was proud. It's true that in the past month, I have been dimmed. Dimmed by sadness, dimmed by anger, dimmed by anxiety and a lot of pain. There have been times I wanted to stay down and wave the white flag. I have felt wrath, I have felt betrayal, I have felt lied to deceived and used and disregarded and let down and discarded. But I haven't given up. Not yet. Instead, I've been pushing myself. Go out, be with friends, be creative, dance. Be open. Give myself pep talks and positive affirmation. Surround myself with love. There is a small fire inside of me, a little flicker in cupped hands that has kept me from giving up. I will not let someone else's damage and damaging behavior defeat me. At first, it was a simple matter of pride, but I see now that it's deeper that. This is what's best in me-- that I not only endure, but that I push myself to be better, and to meet the standards that I set for others. I will not content myself or congratulate myself for taking the easy way. My counselor, explaining why he requires a six week minimum commitment, said that it was because I wasn't going to like him very much after week three. I thought about it and nodded. If it were easy, everyone would do it. And I'm better than that. This is me, distilled. This is the spark in me that makes me who I am, and I suspect it shines brighter than I can see from so far away.
Ariel and I bought our FaerieCon tickets, so we're off to Philadelphia on Saturday. I aim to meet Holly Black and have a hell of a time at the Bad Faeries Masquerade. We bought glittery black wings, and I spent last night after class poking lace-like tatter holes in them with a lit stick of incense. They're half done and look terribly, terribly cool. I have to figure out caravan plans with Bart and Brandie, plus get phone numbers from LJ-peeps I might bump into. SO! If you're doing Faeriecon on Saturday and you want to meet up, put your number below!
Comments and phone numbers, please!
Other things that are good: had a decent practice with Flissy last night and we're working out interesting combos. Finished the choreography in Naimah's class. Decided to take the Saiidi class that's being offered next. Hung out with Bridget and Ariel last night, this time thankfully not involving Taco Bell. Ahem. Gratuitously swore like a sailor until I felt a little better. Talked a little bit with Yancy, and that made me feel better. I always value his perspective and insight. Have a session lined up for tonight, then fun hangout time with Sarah, Anna, and maybe Jenny. Am keeping head above water.
Also, Happy Birthday to the beautiful and lovely
nevebianca! I know it's a hard season, but we're gonna pull through it, you and I. You are loved.