Doing the work.
Went to faire today and had about as good of a time as I could have, all things considered. I got hangout time with Abby, Diana, Ariel, Jim, Colleen, and Greg (plus a little Liz & Phil, and Sati & Ric, Marda, plus a random assortment of college people). I am floored at how many people asked to take my picture. Seriously, it was all day long. My favorite was a father who asked for his two young daughters, who were bashfully shy. I felt a little bit like a Disney princess. Of course, there was also the father who asked for his son. I expected him to be, like, four or something. Homeboy was around fifteen. Best compliment of the day: an older lady came up to me and told me it was her first time at faire. She said that she'd seen a lot of beautiful costumes, but I was the first person she found that really looked beautiful in the costume. It's good to know that there are people out there who practice random acts of kindness that can erase a lot of the mindless negativity people inflict on one another. I had my hard moments today-- I kept thinking how Skyler was supposed to be there with me; other plans we made that vanished so quickly, and I still don't understand why. But my friends were there with lots of hugs, because they're good people like that. I also got a fantastic tarot reading that affirmed pretty much everything else that's going on in my life right now. I'm going to do a lot of internal housecleaning this winter, and in the spring, I will emerge glowing. The first card drawn was Strenth-- major arcana. A clear message. This is something I have in spades, and it will nurse me through this tough time.
At any rate, there will be pics from Ariel's camera when she downloads them.
Emotionally, things are going. I have decided on one thing: not to distract myself from the pain I am experiencing. I mean, I don't really want to dwell on it either, but I know that will be nigh impossible while the wounds are so fresh. But I'm going to go through it. My reading said to do the homework, and I will. I'm buckling down for the ride, and I'm going to talk it out and cry it out and scream it out and punch pillows and then write it all down. I'm going to be literate about my emotions. I'm going to do the work, not just talk about doing the work while I do everything I can to distract myself. I can do it because I'm strong, I have integrity, and because it will make me a better person and more worthy of the kind of relationship I want and deserve. I certainly know I deserve a lot better than the one I had, as much as I love Skyler and miss him dearly. I deserve better. And I'm going to get it.
At any rate, there will be pics from Ariel's camera when she downloads them.
Emotionally, things are going. I have decided on one thing: not to distract myself from the pain I am experiencing. I mean, I don't really want to dwell on it either, but I know that will be nigh impossible while the wounds are so fresh. But I'm going to go through it. My reading said to do the homework, and I will. I'm buckling down for the ride, and I'm going to talk it out and cry it out and scream it out and punch pillows and then write it all down. I'm going to be literate about my emotions. I'm going to do the work, not just talk about doing the work while I do everything I can to distract myself. I can do it because I'm strong, I have integrity, and because it will make me a better person and more worthy of the kind of relationship I want and deserve. I certainly know I deserve a lot better than the one I had, as much as I love Skyler and miss him dearly. I deserve better. And I'm going to get it.