Not with a bang, but a whimper.
I am now single.
I will write up the details elsewhere, but suffice it to say that I was blindsided with the news on the way to the grocery store on Saturday that he thought we weren't meeting each others' needs, and he wasn't sure he was willing to try out my suggestions to meet each others' needs. This, after no big fight in particular, and the night before spent out dancing. This, after hearing how ardently he wanted to make it work when he asked for me to reconsider our breakup in March. I was, and am, more or less at a loss to explain how unexpected this was. Brandie, you called it. You asked if he was behaving that way because he was considering breaking up, and I naively said no. I was wrong.
I moved out on Sunday. He says he wished we could have talked about it. I find that somewhat ironic. He says he wish I would have stayed there. I find that thought painful beyond measure. How can you sleep next to someone who says they might not be willing to help make your relationship work? Would sleeping next to him have helped any? Or would it have just made me more vulnerable?
Tonight sealed the deal. I laid it out on the line. I said that I was willing to compromise and make things work, because aside from my own well-being, my partner is my priority. I read him a letter I'd written when gathering my thoughts that he said made him angry, most likely because part of it detailed behaviors I've seen in him for the last week that I last saw before he started doing ShadowWork, and he refused to take the letter. He said he was still unsure about whether or not he was willing to try to resolve the differences he feels we have. He said he was tired of arguing. I said that I didn't want to argue either, and that compromising was not arguing, and compromising to meet ones' partner's needs is what makes a relationship work. I suggested a counselor, he said he'd have to think on it.
As for me, I have barely eaten since Saturday, and waiting passively for him to decide whether or not he's willing to be committed to our relationship is no longer an option for me if I want to continue to function. This is our relationship on repeat, and I simply couldn't bear the helpless waiting any longer. I told him to let me know if he has any thoughts on seeing a relationship counselor, and we may address them when/if they come, but as for right now, I consider myself single. I will not dangle, waiting for him to decide if he's willing to do the work that relationships require. I deserve better than that. I deserve to have my partner voice needs and work to compromise. Asking me to wait longer in the dark is too much to ask of me right now; I need to protect myself from maybes. I need a partner who will have my back, not just think about having my back.
He said he loved me, that he was in love with me.
And still, I am now single. I pick up the rest of my things on Thursday.
Time to get used to sleeping alone. This is the choice I made.
My heart is sick.
I will write up the details elsewhere, but suffice it to say that I was blindsided with the news on the way to the grocery store on Saturday that he thought we weren't meeting each others' needs, and he wasn't sure he was willing to try out my suggestions to meet each others' needs. This, after no big fight in particular, and the night before spent out dancing. This, after hearing how ardently he wanted to make it work when he asked for me to reconsider our breakup in March. I was, and am, more or less at a loss to explain how unexpected this was. Brandie, you called it. You asked if he was behaving that way because he was considering breaking up, and I naively said no. I was wrong.
I moved out on Sunday. He says he wished we could have talked about it. I find that somewhat ironic. He says he wish I would have stayed there. I find that thought painful beyond measure. How can you sleep next to someone who says they might not be willing to help make your relationship work? Would sleeping next to him have helped any? Or would it have just made me more vulnerable?
Tonight sealed the deal. I laid it out on the line. I said that I was willing to compromise and make things work, because aside from my own well-being, my partner is my priority. I read him a letter I'd written when gathering my thoughts that he said made him angry, most likely because part of it detailed behaviors I've seen in him for the last week that I last saw before he started doing ShadowWork, and he refused to take the letter. He said he was still unsure about whether or not he was willing to try to resolve the differences he feels we have. He said he was tired of arguing. I said that I didn't want to argue either, and that compromising was not arguing, and compromising to meet ones' partner's needs is what makes a relationship work. I suggested a counselor, he said he'd have to think on it.
As for me, I have barely eaten since Saturday, and waiting passively for him to decide whether or not he's willing to be committed to our relationship is no longer an option for me if I want to continue to function. This is our relationship on repeat, and I simply couldn't bear the helpless waiting any longer. I told him to let me know if he has any thoughts on seeing a relationship counselor, and we may address them when/if they come, but as for right now, I consider myself single. I will not dangle, waiting for him to decide if he's willing to do the work that relationships require. I deserve better than that. I deserve to have my partner voice needs and work to compromise. Asking me to wait longer in the dark is too much to ask of me right now; I need to protect myself from maybes. I need a partner who will have my back, not just think about having my back.
He said he loved me, that he was in love with me.
And still, I am now single. I pick up the rest of my things on Thursday.
Time to get used to sleeping alone. This is the choice I made.
My heart is sick.