Headspace: Emotional Literacy
One of the tools I have come across to help me work through my emotions is this-- in a simplified manner, it has been said that humans have five basic emotions:
One of the things that helps me resolve my issues the quickest when I'm feeling a complicated emotion or confused about my emotional reactions is asking myself basic questions about what I'm feeling. Happy and sad are simple enough, not often hard to own. It's those pesky other three that carry so much cultural baggage that are often hard to face. Perhaps that's why when I ask myself honest questions about those unpleasant emotions, I find the most answers.
Am I ashamed because I don't feel good enough? This is the #1 question on my list, and usually the culprit of my funky moods. Nobody wants to feel ashamed-- that's why we put up such tough fronts and false pride. Insecurity is often another word for shame, and in my case, it's my Shadow numero uno-- that "I'll never be good enough" thing that rears its head in everything from stage fright to "fat days" to the way I busted my ass in school to petty jealousies to the way I relate to my family. When I'm cranky, if it's not low blood sugar, you can almost always bet it's because I'm feeling insecure about something.
Am I afraid because something or someone reminds me of something that has caused me pain or might cause me pain? I see this often in others, and sometimes in myself. It's one of the hardest things to own to, because we're told that fear equals weakness. But it's only in admitting the fear and owning up to it that I can find a way to deal with it in a constructive, adult way.
Am I angry about something? It's so tempting to quantify-- "I'm a little angry at..." / "I'm a little irritated at..." Bull. Emotions are what they are, and often quantifying them only serves to downplay them for others' sake, and quantifying can hinder in owning an emotion completely. I can say that I am angry about something right now, and now that I've stopped making excuses or feeling like a bad person for feeling angry, I can focus on a way to address and hopefully rectify my anger in a mature way. I'm certainly not going to pat myself on the back and call myself a mature adult while being avoidant and defensive. Fuck that passive hypocrisy. Problems just don't evaporate, and nursing resentment is not going to help my blood pressure or friendships any.
On to step two: problem solving. No concrete thoughts as of yet-- I need some time to let things percolate so I can address the issue with clarity.
-- Anger
-- Sadness
-- Happiness
-- Fear
-- Shame
One of the things that helps me resolve my issues the quickest when I'm feeling a complicated emotion or confused about my emotional reactions is asking myself basic questions about what I'm feeling. Happy and sad are simple enough, not often hard to own. It's those pesky other three that carry so much cultural baggage that are often hard to face. Perhaps that's why when I ask myself honest questions about those unpleasant emotions, I find the most answers.
Am I ashamed because I don't feel good enough? This is the #1 question on my list, and usually the culprit of my funky moods. Nobody wants to feel ashamed-- that's why we put up such tough fronts and false pride. Insecurity is often another word for shame, and in my case, it's my Shadow numero uno-- that "I'll never be good enough" thing that rears its head in everything from stage fright to "fat days" to the way I busted my ass in school to petty jealousies to the way I relate to my family. When I'm cranky, if it's not low blood sugar, you can almost always bet it's because I'm feeling insecure about something.
Am I afraid because something or someone reminds me of something that has caused me pain or might cause me pain? I see this often in others, and sometimes in myself. It's one of the hardest things to own to, because we're told that fear equals weakness. But it's only in admitting the fear and owning up to it that I can find a way to deal with it in a constructive, adult way.
Am I angry about something? It's so tempting to quantify-- "I'm a little angry at..." / "I'm a little irritated at..." Bull. Emotions are what they are, and often quantifying them only serves to downplay them for others' sake, and quantifying can hinder in owning an emotion completely. I can say that I am angry about something right now, and now that I've stopped making excuses or feeling like a bad person for feeling angry, I can focus on a way to address and hopefully rectify my anger in a mature way. I'm certainly not going to pat myself on the back and call myself a mature adult while being avoidant and defensive. Fuck that passive hypocrisy. Problems just don't evaporate, and nursing resentment is not going to help my blood pressure or friendships any.
On to step two: problem solving. No concrete thoughts as of yet-- I need some time to let things percolate so I can address the issue with clarity.