Holy Moly!

Some mail day I had!

I got a package from carmelonia full of Lush & other bath stuff samples.

I got Valentine's cards from zenmaster & jackie_alexis.

And I got the most gorgeous card from bellybalt-- the text of which I will share, because I think it applies to many of you, as well.

Some people only worry about getting the best life has to give.
But a few people-- special people like you-- think it's more important to give life your best.

Some people wait around, hoping good things will come to them;
You're working hard to make good things happen.

You're dreaming new dreams, learning new things, and accepting new challenges.
Some people might be afraid of new experiences, of taking risks, but you never let that stop you.*

Moment by moment, day by day, you're becoming the person you want to be.
You're someone I admire and someone I'm proud to know.

--Linda Staten

Don, thank you. It was so, so touching. I love you. Jackie, Jeff, Carmen, thank you. I love you.

*Minor disagreement. I have been afraid to take risks in the past. It has cost me. No more.

I really do feel like I'm embarking on something new. I gave too long to something that didn't give back in kind. To something that took all of my most vulnerable moments and ground me lower instead of giving support and compassion. I'm rebuilding that core in myself that looked to someone else for love, and letting my friends love me instead, as I treat myself gently. I'm going to start learning lindy at the Avalon for now, and my bellydancing is bringing me equal amounts joy and pride as it is frustration. And you know what? This is the me that shines. Growth brings pain, but it's better than stagnation. It's harder, and it shatters the perceptions I have of myself as untouchable. It makes me look at myself harder than I ever have before, writing out my life in painstaking detail. Changing what is necessary, reaching out for what will truly nourish me. I choose this path.

I have wonderful friends, thoughtful friends, and they show me every day what friendship is really supposed to look like. It's not selfish, it's not guarded. It's warm, and supportive, and it's absolutely generous. I only hope that when the time comes, I can give back in kind. At any rate, thank you for acknowledging the work that I am doing with myself. It makes me feel good that some of those fruits are starting to show-- I got a similar compliment from my roommate the other day, and it was enough to get me through an extremely trying day. I'm still having strong anxiety, still having a hard time eating, still not sleeping as I should. But it's getting better, and I know that I have the strength of my friends behind me.

Now, since I've watched possibly the most entertaining hour of tv I've ever seen (Supernatural was a total fanisode), I've taken a hot shower, and I've shared love with my friends, it's time for bed.


I am loved. Thank you.