Ground and center. Then climb.
I've been rather down lately. I've been making a lot of positive personal changes of late-- some small, some larger, all difficult. And while I see some fruits of my labor here and there, there are yet other places where I feel like I'm staring up the steep side of a mountain.
Change itself is such an exhausting process, let alone dealing with its secondary effects: fear, uncertainty, nervousness. Moments of terrible panic. It's affected my ability to focus, my dreams, my digestion. At times I feel rather exhausted and sad-- I know that what I'm doing is for the best, but when you have no guarantee that things will turn out as you wish, it can be so hard not to get disheartened. Finding the resolve to keep climbing is sometimes nearly impossible, and all of these personal transformations require fuel.
Some of that fuel has been in the form of good friends. Thank you to everyone who's spent time with me lately-- Abby, Ariel, Aster, Flissy, Jeff, Noelle, Yancy, Agnes, Anna, Jon, Skyler. You make it a little easier to see my goals. But most of that fuel has to come from me, from my ability to calm and center and refocus consistently. To count to five, as Jack would say, when the fear starts to overwhelm me.
Last week, I cleaned and smudged my room of negative energy. I can honestly say that I've felt a difference. Around Christmas, that room was the scene of many hard conversations, many harsh words. Since the smudging, the energy feels a little more clear, a little more receptive to kinder words and security. I'm going to repeat the process tonight, after a hot shower.
As the moon is waxing, it's time to focus on giving myself more fuel. All of these positive changes are good, but unless I sustain myself, I won't have the proper energy to put into them. After the smudging, I have a little ritual planned using two particular TAL oils:
I've purchased a journal to chronicle these changes-- sometimes ink on the page has more of a lasting impact for me. This is phase two. Would that I had some Determination, but I'll work with what I've got. These are only focusing tools, anyway.
Deep breath. We'll see how this goes. Have heart my dear, have heart.
Change itself is such an exhausting process, let alone dealing with its secondary effects: fear, uncertainty, nervousness. Moments of terrible panic. It's affected my ability to focus, my dreams, my digestion. At times I feel rather exhausted and sad-- I know that what I'm doing is for the best, but when you have no guarantee that things will turn out as you wish, it can be so hard not to get disheartened. Finding the resolve to keep climbing is sometimes nearly impossible, and all of these personal transformations require fuel.
Some of that fuel has been in the form of good friends. Thank you to everyone who's spent time with me lately-- Abby, Ariel, Aster, Flissy, Jeff, Noelle, Yancy, Agnes, Anna, Jon, Skyler. You make it a little easier to see my goals. But most of that fuel has to come from me, from my ability to calm and center and refocus consistently. To count to five, as Jack would say, when the fear starts to overwhelm me.
Last week, I cleaned and smudged my room of negative energy. I can honestly say that I've felt a difference. Around Christmas, that room was the scene of many hard conversations, many harsh words. Since the smudging, the energy feels a little more clear, a little more receptive to kinder words and security. I'm going to repeat the process tonight, after a hot shower.
As the moon is waxing, it's time to focus on giving myself more fuel. All of these positive changes are good, but unless I sustain myself, I won't have the proper energy to put into them. After the smudging, I have a little ritual planned using two particular TAL oils:
Block Buster:: Used to open up options in your life, overcome obstacles, and create opportunities. This blend increases your potential for success, inspires creativity and quick thinking, and helps you to be more flexible, adaptable and open to change.
Lionheart:: Grants you immense amounts of courage and drive. Useful to help you recover from intense depression and ennui. Brings on a positive outlook, renews hope, and replenishes positive energy.
I've purchased a journal to chronicle these changes-- sometimes ink on the page has more of a lasting impact for me. This is phase two. Would that I had some Determination, but I'll work with what I've got. These are only focusing tools, anyway.
Deep breath. We'll see how this goes. Have heart my dear, have heart.