*blink*
So, last night I dreamt that the Scientologists felt the end of the world was at hand, and that Xenu was coming back to gobble up all non-Scientologists. Dispite the fact that Xenu is evil, or something.
Anyway, in the dream, people were taking this seriously, and all the Scientologists were gathering together to await his return. They had decided that his spaceship would land... well, right in the backyard of my childhood home, which is where the dream took place. Lots of apocalypt-y things started to happen, but only because people were scared. A Metro train full of Scientologists derailed in my backyard, and out poured the faithful, with plastic lawnchairs so they could get a good view. They were polite, they stayed out of the house, and my mother and I worriedly watched from our back screen door. Anyway, so many Scientologists arrived that there were rows and rows of plastic chairs spilling out of alleyways for blocks. There were press conferences-- Tom Cruise and the KatieBot, John Travolta, that chick from Dharma and Greg... Keanu Reeves ("But he's not Scientologist!" "He just converted." "Oh.") I guess Beck was busy or something.
Anyway, I remember going out and sitting next to a bunch of girls my age, who told me rather kindly that I should consider converting by about 12:45am, because that's when Xenu would land, and if I didn't, he'd gobble me up with his big, Predator-like teeth. Comforting. But really, she meant well. So I walked to the Inner Harbor where all the non-Scientologists were slowly beginning to panic. Time approached. People started blowing their brains out. Others, like me, went, "Oh for fuck's sake-- John Travolta played this guy in a movie once. How scary can he be?"
Long story short-- Xenu did not appear. However, people were so frightened that someone had planted a bomb in the sewer system beneath my house to blow him up when he arrived. Scarlett Johanssen had a cameo as a bag lady / angel who redirected the bomb to a place safely out of the reach of humans, and it instead blew up in the middle of the Bay. All the little $cinoes were terribly, bitterly disappointed. Although they did offer to mend the fence that they'd knocked down with their derailed Metro car.
People, I can't make this shit up.
Also of note to all of you Dane Cook fans-- I have indeed discovered the sound that makes me want to punch a baby. It is the sound of my roommate's parrot shrilling "Mommy mommy mommy mommy!" incessantly, without breath, for a solid fifteen minutes at 6:45am.
Anyway, in the dream, people were taking this seriously, and all the Scientologists were gathering together to await his return. They had decided that his spaceship would land... well, right in the backyard of my childhood home, which is where the dream took place. Lots of apocalypt-y things started to happen, but only because people were scared. A Metro train full of Scientologists derailed in my backyard, and out poured the faithful, with plastic lawnchairs so they could get a good view. They were polite, they stayed out of the house, and my mother and I worriedly watched from our back screen door. Anyway, so many Scientologists arrived that there were rows and rows of plastic chairs spilling out of alleyways for blocks. There were press conferences-- Tom Cruise and the KatieBot, John Travolta, that chick from Dharma and Greg... Keanu Reeves ("But he's not Scientologist!" "He just converted." "Oh.") I guess Beck was busy or something.
Anyway, I remember going out and sitting next to a bunch of girls my age, who told me rather kindly that I should consider converting by about 12:45am, because that's when Xenu would land, and if I didn't, he'd gobble me up with his big, Predator-like teeth. Comforting. But really, she meant well. So I walked to the Inner Harbor where all the non-Scientologists were slowly beginning to panic. Time approached. People started blowing their brains out. Others, like me, went, "Oh for fuck's sake-- John Travolta played this guy in a movie once. How scary can he be?"
Long story short-- Xenu did not appear. However, people were so frightened that someone had planted a bomb in the sewer system beneath my house to blow him up when he arrived. Scarlett Johanssen had a cameo as a bag lady / angel who redirected the bomb to a place safely out of the reach of humans, and it instead blew up in the middle of the Bay. All the little $cinoes were terribly, bitterly disappointed. Although they did offer to mend the fence that they'd knocked down with their derailed Metro car.
People, I can't make this shit up.
Also of note to all of you Dane Cook fans-- I have indeed discovered the sound that makes me want to punch a baby. It is the sound of my roommate's parrot shrilling "Mommy mommy mommy mommy!" incessantly, without breath, for a solid fifteen minutes at 6:45am.