Oh, brother.

Virgo:: When lightning strikes a human being, it's usually bad news. Not so in the case of a man from Maine named John Corson. After experiencing a whitish-blue bolt shoot through his body during a thunderstorm, he testified that his health became better than it had been in a long time. "I feel lighter and 100 years younger," he marveled. I predict a comparable (though less shocking) rejuvenation for you, Virgo. What you're going through or about to go through might cause a breakdown in some people, but for you it will lead to a breakthrough.

Dear Rob,

Could you vague that up for me?

Kthx,
Christina

My brother was released from the hospital. He's got a four-inch gash right around his ribcage-- he was jumped by three men at around 1am as he walked back towards his car in the city. He doesn't know why-- it's not as though he was robbed-- but he doesn't really remember a whole lot. What's worse is that when a police officer was called, he was given a rash of shit. Apparently, the pigfucker refused to believe Matt's story, instead baselessly speculating that it was simply a drug deal gone wrong. Luckily for Matt, he works for NSA and gets drug tested pretty ruthlessly, so that kind of rules out that theory. I hope Matt got the officer's name or badge number, because that asshole needs a smackdown. What kind of asshole visits a kid who's just been stabbed in the hospital and proceeds to be a jerk instead of doing his goddamn job? For fuck's sake.