Arrrrrgh.
This entry is now officially subtitled "Why Christina Should Contract Laryngitis."
Okay, let me preface this by saying that this is not the worst problem to have. You don't have to comment to tell me this or to tell me how flattering it is, I already know that. I am not complaining. However, this does not change the fact that I am so weirded out right now.
I keep getting asked out. I got asked out twice today. I think I have some big blinking sign on my forehead or something. God knows, it's large enough.
Guy #1 - Theater Josh. Cute enough for Heather to refer to him as "the cute guy." Seems able to carry on an intellectual conversation. He's into the arts and has an intact sense of humor. Actually, he's the type of guy I'd normally be into. I was even crushing on him at one point. And now? Ehhhhhh. It's not a bad thing or anything negative, I'm just not feeling it. I mean, sure, he might be fun to have a dinner with, but that's pretty much it. I didn't say yes, and he didn't press the issue. He gave me his email address and said to drop him a line if I ever wanted to grab a bite to eat, and he'd understand if I didn't. That was that. We should remain on friendly terms, and I think that's good enough.
Guy #2 - Hungarian Joe. I saw this one coming, and tonight he called. And I went, "uhhhhhh." Yep. I was that eloquent. See, I don't find him remotely attractive, and we have zero in common. We've never even had a significant conversation. He's nice enough, I guess. But there's nothing there-- no interest or spark. And so I stammered, "Well, um, I have senior sem and a lot of performances and I'm going to be off campus this weekend..., but like, if you want to have coffee in umm... two weeks..." It sounded lame. On par with "I have to wash my hair." Completely lame. I knew it. And he knew it-- I'm pretty sure he could hear me wincing over the phone line. I felt like such an ass.
I could have said "I'm just coming out of a long relationship and I'm kind of not in the right place to be seeing someone." This is infact no more true than "I'm too busy," but I suppose it sounds more plausible. The truth is I am seeing someone new, and even though there are no qualifiers and labels attached to it as of this moment, I just don't feel right juggling more than one person. It's not fair to anyone involved, especially considering that I have no real attraction to anyone else who has asked me out in the meanwhile, and I do very much like the guy I'm currently seeing. What I don't enjoy is feeling like such a lame putz when I stammer out some evasive, flimsy excuse. It doesn't make me feel good about me.
Or, hey, I should have just said "I'm seeing someone." But I had a spaz moment. I had a spaz moment over labels and "should I be defining this new thing any particular way at this stage? I mean, should I be ruling out seeing other people? We haven't even gotten to talking about that yet, and..." And then my brain answered itself with the fact that seeing more that one person at a time is so not a good thing for me and besides I don't even like Joe and why am I making this into some deep question-y thing about labels? It all suddenly became so much more about the person I'm actually seeing rather than the guy who was asking me out. Funny, that. And very telling.
Yes, my brain really is this strange.
At that point, I got sucked into my own personal spiraly black hole of weirdness. And in that time period, there was strained silence, and so I blurted out something to fill it, and that something was the above lameness. When it was pointed out, I realized that none of my own personal spaztasticness was at all relevant to the conversation as far as the poor boy was concerned. Sometimes, I think I'm stuck in a Sandra Bullock movie. There is stuttering and forehead-slapping. I can only hope it's half as endearing.
When it comes down to it, the thing about me is that even though I'm pretty thick-skinned and forthright myself, I hate shooting people down. I know how much it takes to ask someone out. The butterflies, all of that. I know I should just shoot straight, but I don't like to make people feel inadequate. And so I end up looking flustered and making dumb excuses. I need to fix that.
[/whine.]
On the other hand, I may very well be seeing my ex tomorrow night. No, not that ex. Ariel is coming dancing. We haven't spoken in over two years, and as some of you might recall, it didn't end well at all. I'm a little nervous. Not butterflies-in-the-stomach nervous. Bats, maybe. Bridget says she's all growned up now, but I guess I'll believe it when I see it. It's obviously going to be awkward, but I don't think there's going to be any kind of scene. When Aster met her last week, she said that by all accounts she seems much less bitter than I remember her. So. Maybe we'll get the chance to smooth things over-- we never really did get any real closure, anyhow. It will be interesting to see how it goes.
It's good that my Annabean will also be there. Anna either sends me into peals of laughter or helps me harness the chi. Sometimes, both. But that's what Annabeans are for.
Okay, let me preface this by saying that this is not the worst problem to have. You don't have to comment to tell me this or to tell me how flattering it is, I already know that. I am not complaining. However, this does not change the fact that I am so weirded out right now.
I keep getting asked out. I got asked out twice today. I think I have some big blinking sign on my forehead or something. God knows, it's large enough.
Guy #1 - Theater Josh. Cute enough for Heather to refer to him as "the cute guy." Seems able to carry on an intellectual conversation. He's into the arts and has an intact sense of humor. Actually, he's the type of guy I'd normally be into. I was even crushing on him at one point. And now? Ehhhhhh. It's not a bad thing or anything negative, I'm just not feeling it. I mean, sure, he might be fun to have a dinner with, but that's pretty much it. I didn't say yes, and he didn't press the issue. He gave me his email address and said to drop him a line if I ever wanted to grab a bite to eat, and he'd understand if I didn't. That was that. We should remain on friendly terms, and I think that's good enough.
Guy #2 - Hungarian Joe. I saw this one coming, and tonight he called. And I went, "uhhhhhh." Yep. I was that eloquent. See, I don't find him remotely attractive, and we have zero in common. We've never even had a significant conversation. He's nice enough, I guess. But there's nothing there-- no interest or spark. And so I stammered, "Well, um, I have senior sem and a lot of performances and I'm going to be off campus this weekend..., but like, if you want to have coffee in umm... two weeks..." It sounded lame. On par with "I have to wash my hair." Completely lame. I knew it. And he knew it-- I'm pretty sure he could hear me wincing over the phone line. I felt like such an ass.
I could have said "I'm just coming out of a long relationship and I'm kind of not in the right place to be seeing someone." This is infact no more true than "I'm too busy," but I suppose it sounds more plausible. The truth is I am seeing someone new, and even though there are no qualifiers and labels attached to it as of this moment, I just don't feel right juggling more than one person. It's not fair to anyone involved, especially considering that I have no real attraction to anyone else who has asked me out in the meanwhile, and I do very much like the guy I'm currently seeing. What I don't enjoy is feeling like such a lame putz when I stammer out some evasive, flimsy excuse. It doesn't make me feel good about me.
Or, hey, I should have just said "I'm seeing someone." But I had a spaz moment. I had a spaz moment over labels and "should I be defining this new thing any particular way at this stage? I mean, should I be ruling out seeing other people? We haven't even gotten to talking about that yet, and..." And then my brain answered itself with the fact that seeing more that one person at a time is so not a good thing for me and besides I don't even like Joe and why am I making this into some deep question-y thing about labels? It all suddenly became so much more about the person I'm actually seeing rather than the guy who was asking me out. Funny, that. And very telling.
Yes, my brain really is this strange.
At that point, I got sucked into my own personal spiraly black hole of weirdness. And in that time period, there was strained silence, and so I blurted out something to fill it, and that something was the above lameness. When it was pointed out, I realized that none of my own personal spaztasticness was at all relevant to the conversation as far as the poor boy was concerned. Sometimes, I think I'm stuck in a Sandra Bullock movie. There is stuttering and forehead-slapping. I can only hope it's half as endearing.
When it comes down to it, the thing about me is that even though I'm pretty thick-skinned and forthright myself, I hate shooting people down. I know how much it takes to ask someone out. The butterflies, all of that. I know I should just shoot straight, but I don't like to make people feel inadequate. And so I end up looking flustered and making dumb excuses. I need to fix that.
[/whine.]
On the other hand, I may very well be seeing my ex tomorrow night. No, not that ex. Ariel is coming dancing. We haven't spoken in over two years, and as some of you might recall, it didn't end well at all. I'm a little nervous. Not butterflies-in-the-stomach nervous. Bats, maybe. Bridget says she's all growned up now, but I guess I'll believe it when I see it. It's obviously going to be awkward, but I don't think there's going to be any kind of scene. When Aster met her last week, she said that by all accounts she seems much less bitter than I remember her. So. Maybe we'll get the chance to smooth things over-- we never really did get any real closure, anyhow. It will be interesting to see how it goes.
It's good that my Annabean will also be there. Anna either sends me into peals of laughter or helps me harness the chi. Sometimes, both. But that's what Annabeans are for.