The state of the Christina
I am alive and well. There are so many things running through my mind.
First of all, Mike and I had a long but productive conversation this weekend. We're going to cool it, maybe do dinner a movie or see each other every few weeks or so. It's going to depend a lot on scheduling. My theory is that if we spend time apart, we won't fight when we do see one another, and we might remember just why we started spending time together in the first place. Considering how intrinsic we've been to each others' lives for at least three of the last four years, not seeing each other ever again would be far too dramatic and silly. At any rate, it's time for us to take divergent paths. If they reconverge in the future, well-- then they will. But right now, our path is not the same one. We were able to talk about this with no anger or recrimination, and that was so refreshing. I felt as though a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders.
We discussed seeing other people. I explained the type of person that I would like to see if infact I do see someone-- I am not out to get into another commitment-heavy relationship right now. I need to breathe. I want to have beautiful experiences. Conversely, the number one reason I would turn a potential date down is if I suspected that he or she only wanted to get into my pants. I certainly don't want something so empty.
Right now, if I do start dating, I will choose someone who I can go on fun dates with-- seeing cherry blossoms or visiting museums or riding roller coasters or or scouring markets for stargazer lilies or sharing brownies à la mode at an outdoor café on a sunny day. Someone who can make me smile or engage me in conversation. That is primarily what I want right now-- someone to spend time with, to share in all the beautiful experiences I want to have. A companion.
Condition number three is that if I ask someone out or accept an invitation, he or she will also have to have some understanding that Michael and I are still in touch and that he means quite a lot to me, and that I will be always be there to support him if he needs me to be. They'll have to be okay with that. I'm not looking for someone to fill his void. No one can, and that's fine. I'm okay with it being a void.
And you know what? I am okay. I'm doing fine. I am actually very optimistic. This will all work out.
Also, now that the show is over, I have so many things to fill my time. I have letters to write with the new fountain pen I purchased. Hell, I have a whole novel to write. I have flowers to smell. I have Spring to marvel at. I have a hell of a lot of LJ comments to catch up on.
My friends are the best. I have redheads that give hugs and drag me to fun restaurants, Annabeans that bring espresso brownies, guys that teach me to dance, Bridgettas that dole out massages, online friends that send thoughtful letters and support. I am a lucky, lucky girl. It will all be okay.
Now, if I could only make and execute a more fun layout. I'm thinking pink. Also, recommendations on happy music are greatly appreciated.
First of all, Mike and I had a long but productive conversation this weekend. We're going to cool it, maybe do dinner a movie or see each other every few weeks or so. It's going to depend a lot on scheduling. My theory is that if we spend time apart, we won't fight when we do see one another, and we might remember just why we started spending time together in the first place. Considering how intrinsic we've been to each others' lives for at least three of the last four years, not seeing each other ever again would be far too dramatic and silly. At any rate, it's time for us to take divergent paths. If they reconverge in the future, well-- then they will. But right now, our path is not the same one. We were able to talk about this with no anger or recrimination, and that was so refreshing. I felt as though a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders.
We discussed seeing other people. I explained the type of person that I would like to see if infact I do see someone-- I am not out to get into another commitment-heavy relationship right now. I need to breathe. I want to have beautiful experiences. Conversely, the number one reason I would turn a potential date down is if I suspected that he or she only wanted to get into my pants. I certainly don't want something so empty.
Right now, if I do start dating, I will choose someone who I can go on fun dates with-- seeing cherry blossoms or visiting museums or riding roller coasters or or scouring markets for stargazer lilies or sharing brownies à la mode at an outdoor café on a sunny day. Someone who can make me smile or engage me in conversation. That is primarily what I want right now-- someone to spend time with, to share in all the beautiful experiences I want to have. A companion.
Condition number three is that if I ask someone out or accept an invitation, he or she will also have to have some understanding that Michael and I are still in touch and that he means quite a lot to me, and that I will be always be there to support him if he needs me to be. They'll have to be okay with that. I'm not looking for someone to fill his void. No one can, and that's fine. I'm okay with it being a void.
And you know what? I am okay. I'm doing fine. I am actually very optimistic. This will all work out.
Also, now that the show is over, I have so many things to fill my time. I have letters to write with the new fountain pen I purchased. Hell, I have a whole novel to write. I have flowers to smell. I have Spring to marvel at. I have a hell of a lot of LJ comments to catch up on.
My friends are the best. I have redheads that give hugs and drag me to fun restaurants, Annabeans that bring espresso brownies, guys that teach me to dance, Bridgettas that dole out massages, online friends that send thoughtful letters and support. I am a lucky, lucky girl. It will all be okay.
Now, if I could only make and execute a more fun layout. I'm thinking pink. Also, recommendations on happy music are greatly appreciated.