Laying it out
Mike and I are doing the being apart thing. We talked yesterday evening and decided that we're going to not be together for at least the immediate future. This might only last a few months or it could be permanent-- I plan on seeing how it goes. He's supposed to come see the show this Saturday, and we'll decide when or if we want to see each other from that point. Basically, we're in completely different turning points in our lives right now-- combine that with wounds that won't seem to heal, and you've got a relationship rapidly declining towards discontent and bitterness. I never wanted to let a relationship that started so beautifully get as dark as it did, and I wanted to stem the tide before the ugliness became overwhelming. The bottom line is that this is a person that I've spoken to before bed for almost every single night for the last four years. I feel a bit like my own skin is ripping apart. Mostly, today was okay. I was so busy, it distracted me. When I got off from rehearsal at eleven, I went to call him to tell him about my day before realizing... oh wait. That was the hardest part of my day. That was the moment I almost broke down.
I'm going to be allright, though. I can still call him if I need to-- It's not like at this point we're never going to speak again. I hope I'm speaking for us both when I say that there's still a lot of caring for one another, it's just that lately, we haven't shown it. I don't know what will happen, though. Maybe another door will open. Maybe things will reconverge and we'll be able to appreciate one another better, be more considerate and more accepting. I just don't know. I do know that I cannot, at this point, burn any bridges. He still means a lot to me even if we're in some strange gray area with no label. I hope this has an outcome where the two of us aren't so unhappy, whatever that outcome may be.
So. Rehearsal. They've put me in a short, curly chocolate brown wig. I've discovered that I need double-sided tape for the eveningwear. Tomorrow is the last rehearsal, and I expect to be in the theater until after midnight because so many things need to be run. The costume change is currently the biggest concern for me-- I've got to change from one tight, delicate dress to another while not messing up my body mic or my wig, and do this in under 60 seconds. One wrong tug, and it will rip-- it's pretty disconcerting. I also have to find out wether they're going to mask my mic wire-- my dress is very low in both the back and the front, so it leaves a lot of wire exposed. And tomorrow, I add fake nails and false eyelashes. Eeeeee. Certain musical numbers still need work, especially one in which there's cardio-aerobic choreography and intricate harmony. Maintaining breath support has been a constant challenge, and a body mic will pick up any tonal badness.
I need to sleep now. Oy.
ETA:: Oh god. It's March already.
I'm going to be allright, though. I can still call him if I need to-- It's not like at this point we're never going to speak again. I hope I'm speaking for us both when I say that there's still a lot of caring for one another, it's just that lately, we haven't shown it. I don't know what will happen, though. Maybe another door will open. Maybe things will reconverge and we'll be able to appreciate one another better, be more considerate and more accepting. I just don't know. I do know that I cannot, at this point, burn any bridges. He still means a lot to me even if we're in some strange gray area with no label. I hope this has an outcome where the two of us aren't so unhappy, whatever that outcome may be.
So. Rehearsal. They've put me in a short, curly chocolate brown wig. I've discovered that I need double-sided tape for the eveningwear. Tomorrow is the last rehearsal, and I expect to be in the theater until after midnight because so many things need to be run. The costume change is currently the biggest concern for me-- I've got to change from one tight, delicate dress to another while not messing up my body mic or my wig, and do this in under 60 seconds. One wrong tug, and it will rip-- it's pretty disconcerting. I also have to find out wether they're going to mask my mic wire-- my dress is very low in both the back and the front, so it leaves a lot of wire exposed. And tomorrow, I add fake nails and false eyelashes. Eeeeee. Certain musical numbers still need work, especially one in which there's cardio-aerobic choreography and intricate harmony. Maintaining breath support has been a constant challenge, and a body mic will pick up any tonal badness.
I need to sleep now. Oy.
ETA:: Oh god. It's March already.