If I find my way, how much will I find?
I don't really know what to say. My parents have done it again, turned my day completely upside-down, turned sunny optimism into hitching breaths. As per usual, about twenty seconds into the conversation, she started to grill me about post-college, and I told her (again) that I'm working on looking at all kinds of internships and this and that. "When are you applying to NSA?" Short, to the point, highly judgemental. "When my resume is in order and I get the application in." "Oh, so you can go out with your friends and go dancing, but you can't put in an application?" "It hasn't come in yet, so no." Moron. The thing about my mother is that she's gotten every job she's ever had via connections, so she knows jack about the way the hiring process usually works.
Then she started in on Mike the moment I mentioned that we were in the "it might be nice" phase of possibly moving in together a year or so after I graduate. At the moment, my philosophy is that I'm not moving in until a) it's right for me financially and b) it's right for us as a couple, and right now we have a ways to go before that happens. "So you can't spend a weekend together without fighting, but moving in is okay now?" she said nastily. Did I say that? Don't you think you're overreacting just a little?
Also, did you know you're not allowed to have rough patches if you're not married? I didn't get the memo. Apparently, you're only allowed to work it out if you're married, because then you have an "obligation" to do so. Yes, we have had our problems. Yes, we still have our problems. We're working on it, taking everything one day at a time, not setting anything in stone. We're young still, and that has been the cause of some of our problems, but that doesn't mean we're stupidly rushing into anything. At any rate, I'm certainly not. Neither of us are in harm's way, so kindly butt out, and while you're at it, quit talking smack about the guy who has gone beyond the call of duty to be nice to you. My mother has the habit of only seeing the negative, bitching about the one little thing she can't stand instead of seeing all the goodness in people.
Before I could get a word in edgewise, she just started going off, then had my stepfather call me, all the while swawking in the backround like I was some child who just announced she was eloping to Siberia with a bearded lady to join the circus. They want me to move back in after college, get a high-paying job, put away money, and buy a house. That's not what I want right now, and the possibility of moving back in with my parents makes me ill. I cannot deal with the close-mindedness, the nosiness, the bigotry, and having to censor who I am constantly so they don't feel uncomfortable. I don't know what I want, but I don't want to be tied to any particular future. I am not making plans until the job offers come in and all the cards begin to fall into place. I'm not rushing anything.
I had to listen to spiels about how my cousins stayed with their parents until they were ready, and now they're having half-million dollar homes built. If they want to stay in Maryland for the rest of their lives in their mansions, more power to them. I want to see the world, experience more things than that. Buying a house is not my goal right now. For all the "potential" they're constantly telling me I have, they should understand that I will work things out. They also need to figure out that it's my life. I have an inkling that to them, the money money financial security money! obsession is in a way competing with my cousins, who are quite frankly, dimmer bulbs. But I am not them, and I have no interest in working slavishly, mediocrely, at a job for which I have no love. I know that we are not a rich family and that my parents had to struggle. Even so, I'd rather be poorer and happier, and they just can't wrap their heads around that.
It basically boiled to "Adrian, I am not an idiot. I am on top of things and I'm not being rash. Period." What I wanted to say is "Kindly remind your wife that I at least wasn't pregnant by age 19 with no prospects. I have a college education, which neither of you do. It's a decent possibility that neither will Matt or Andi, judging by grades. I, on the other hand, have very good grades and good recommendations. I adapt well and will be good at anything I choose to do. So just get off my back."
They have no right to make me feel so worthless. I am allowed to not have my life planned out at age 21. I am allowed to look at my options and realize that things change, relationships change, jobs change, so I'm going to look at the big picture to decide where I'm going. I'm not committing to anything right yet, but even if I did? I'm allowed to make mistakes. Lord knows, they've made enough.
Then she started in on Mike the moment I mentioned that we were in the "it might be nice" phase of possibly moving in together a year or so after I graduate. At the moment, my philosophy is that I'm not moving in until a) it's right for me financially and b) it's right for us as a couple, and right now we have a ways to go before that happens. "So you can't spend a weekend together without fighting, but moving in is okay now?" she said nastily. Did I say that? Don't you think you're overreacting just a little?
Also, did you know you're not allowed to have rough patches if you're not married? I didn't get the memo. Apparently, you're only allowed to work it out if you're married, because then you have an "obligation" to do so. Yes, we have had our problems. Yes, we still have our problems. We're working on it, taking everything one day at a time, not setting anything in stone. We're young still, and that has been the cause of some of our problems, but that doesn't mean we're stupidly rushing into anything. At any rate, I'm certainly not. Neither of us are in harm's way, so kindly butt out, and while you're at it, quit talking smack about the guy who has gone beyond the call of duty to be nice to you. My mother has the habit of only seeing the negative, bitching about the one little thing she can't stand instead of seeing all the goodness in people.
Before I could get a word in edgewise, she just started going off, then had my stepfather call me, all the while swawking in the backround like I was some child who just announced she was eloping to Siberia with a bearded lady to join the circus. They want me to move back in after college, get a high-paying job, put away money, and buy a house. That's not what I want right now, and the possibility of moving back in with my parents makes me ill. I cannot deal with the close-mindedness, the nosiness, the bigotry, and having to censor who I am constantly so they don't feel uncomfortable. I don't know what I want, but I don't want to be tied to any particular future. I am not making plans until the job offers come in and all the cards begin to fall into place. I'm not rushing anything.
I had to listen to spiels about how my cousins stayed with their parents until they were ready, and now they're having half-million dollar homes built. If they want to stay in Maryland for the rest of their lives in their mansions, more power to them. I want to see the world, experience more things than that. Buying a house is not my goal right now. For all the "potential" they're constantly telling me I have, they should understand that I will work things out. They also need to figure out that it's my life. I have an inkling that to them, the money money financial security money! obsession is in a way competing with my cousins, who are quite frankly, dimmer bulbs. But I am not them, and I have no interest in working slavishly, mediocrely, at a job for which I have no love. I know that we are not a rich family and that my parents had to struggle. Even so, I'd rather be poorer and happier, and they just can't wrap their heads around that.
It basically boiled to "Adrian, I am not an idiot. I am on top of things and I'm not being rash. Period." What I wanted to say is "Kindly remind your wife that I at least wasn't pregnant by age 19 with no prospects. I have a college education, which neither of you do. It's a decent possibility that neither will Matt or Andi, judging by grades. I, on the other hand, have very good grades and good recommendations. I adapt well and will be good at anything I choose to do. So just get off my back."
They have no right to make me feel so worthless. I am allowed to not have my life planned out at age 21. I am allowed to look at my options and realize that things change, relationships change, jobs change, so I'm going to look at the big picture to decide where I'm going. I'm not committing to anything right yet, but even if I did? I'm allowed to make mistakes. Lord knows, they've made enough.