Somebody needs to explain to me why, every time it is pointed out that rather than simply teaching women how not to get raped, we should also teach men and women how to respect boundaries and therefore not to rape, some asshole immediately has to start in on "yeah I agree, but women should carry guns and/or know martial arts."
Not exaggerating. Not at all. It's like it physically pains them to think about how we can teach people how not to rape instead of focusing all of our energy on telling ladies how they can prevent being raped. It simply cannot be done!*
Now, of course, I support people knowing self defense. I'm not anti self-defense. But knowing self-defense isn't the magical rape deterrent that these concern trolls are asserting that it is. People can still get taken unaware, or can be coerced/ taken advantage of/ plied with alcohol or drugs by people they trust. In fact, that scenario is WAY more common than the "stranger danger" scenario. Most rape happens between people with an established relationship, when defenses are down. Most people who've raped don't even call it that, even after they admit to various means of coercion, because they just don't think of it as rape. Not to mention, oftentimes those among us with the highest (statistical) risk of being raped are those who physically may not be able to defend themselves in the way that your average self defense classes would teach.
My main point: do these oh-so-helpful Nice Guys (tm) SERIOUSLY not understand how following up with the line about self defense in every discussion of rape ever still places onus on ladies to prevent being raped, and therefore feeds straight back into rape culture? [Ed note: rhetorical.]
To be frank, bringing up self defense in conversations about dismantling rape culture makes it harder for ladies who've been assaulted to come forward, because assholes who do this are taking the opportunity to subtly (and sometimes not so subtly) tell those ladies how they could have/ should have prevented the terrible thing that was done to them against their will. It's entirely counter-productive. Essentially implying, "so sorry that happened to you, but if you'd only known kung fu..." is only a splitty hair's breadth from "was your skirt too short?" or "did you flirt first?" None of those things make it even a tiniest bit the victim's fault. All of those things are derailing. Can we get past all gross victim-blaming bullshit framed as concern for just ten minutes so that we can get back to the point and discuss how to dismantle rape culture instead of just endlessly circle-jerking it?
I'm following a new plan of non-engagement when this stuff comes up on FB from here on out. Just unfollowing threads. It is so not worth the spike in blood pressure to have to explain things to people who clearly don't actually care.
*In all seriousness, I have actually flat out had dudes tell me it cannot be done. It never seems to dawn on them that the reason it's such slow going is because douchebags like them endlessly derail conversations with their bullshit.
Not exaggerating. Not at all. It's like it physically pains them to think about how we can teach people how not to rape instead of focusing all of our energy on telling ladies how they can prevent being raped. It simply cannot be done!*
Now, of course, I support people knowing self defense. I'm not anti self-defense. But knowing self-defense isn't the magical rape deterrent that these concern trolls are asserting that it is. People can still get taken unaware, or can be coerced/ taken advantage of/ plied with alcohol or drugs by people they trust. In fact, that scenario is WAY more common than the "stranger danger" scenario. Most rape happens between people with an established relationship, when defenses are down. Most people who've raped don't even call it that, even after they admit to various means of coercion, because they just don't think of it as rape. Not to mention, oftentimes those among us with the highest (statistical) risk of being raped are those who physically may not be able to defend themselves in the way that your average self defense classes would teach.
My main point: do these oh-so-helpful Nice Guys (tm) SERIOUSLY not understand how following up with the line about self defense in every discussion of rape ever still places onus on ladies to prevent being raped, and therefore feeds straight back into rape culture? [Ed note: rhetorical.]
To be frank, bringing up self defense in conversations about dismantling rape culture makes it harder for ladies who've been assaulted to come forward, because assholes who do this are taking the opportunity to subtly (and sometimes not so subtly) tell those ladies how they could have/ should have prevented the terrible thing that was done to them against their will. It's entirely counter-productive. Essentially implying, "so sorry that happened to you, but if you'd only known kung fu..." is only a splitty hair's breadth from "was your skirt too short?" or "did you flirt first?" None of those things make it even a tiniest bit the victim's fault. All of those things are derailing. Can we get past all gross victim-blaming bullshit framed as concern for just ten minutes so that we can get back to the point and discuss how to dismantle rape culture instead of just endlessly circle-jerking it?
I'm following a new plan of non-engagement when this stuff comes up on FB from here on out. Just unfollowing threads. It is so not worth the spike in blood pressure to have to explain things to people who clearly don't actually care.
*In all seriousness, I have actually flat out had dudes tell me it cannot be done. It never seems to dawn on them that the reason it's such slow going is because douchebags like them endlessly derail conversations with their bullshit.
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