Okay guys, I need to have a talk with the world about Fifty Shades of Gray. Specifically to its publishers and to all the ladies creaming themselves over this drivel.

WHAT THE HELL, GUYS.

You do realize that it's Twilight fanfic, right? BAD Twilight fanfic. The kind of bad Twilight fanfic that is so abominably without merit that its very existence makes me weep for talented authors struggling to get published.

I admit, I do like me some bad smut from time to time. But this is sooooo beyond the pale of OMGWTFery that I can't even. I only read the free preview and also the HILARIOUS "BDSM" exerpts being bandied about whenever the book is brought up, and I do not get the appeal. GUYS. GUYS. This is not a good book. Even its hilarious trainwreck qualities get kinda boring. The fact that actors are fighting over who gets to play Edward Christian makes my head ache.

AND OMG HER "INNER GODDESS" OMG LOL.

BAAAASICALLY, the one time I will EVER side with SMyer is right now. EL James wrote fanfic, posted it online, then did a search and replace on the names and published it. SHADYBUSINESS. (Also why I will never read Cassandra Clare). I don't know if there's legal precedent, but I hope SMeyer sues the hell out of her for profiting on her own non public-domain characters.

TL;DR: JUST GO RENT SECRETARY INSTEAD.