...because of that kerfluffle that's happening.
-- I, too, am a pagan.
-- I, too, think personal responsibility is important. If you fuck up, you apologize and fix it. That seems pretty basic, yeah?
But.
-- I will never, ever, ever use that general philosophy to place any onus whatsoever upon those who have experienced sexual assault. It's just simply not that fucking cut and dry. When someone else is assaulting you, whether it be pressuring you, blocking your exits, touching you, or even raping you-- you know who's the person who needs to take responsibility for their actions? Hint: it is not you. I know that there's a whole culture in America that exists solely to make women think it's their fault*, whether it's some tired rendition of "she should have known better" or "she invited it by being there/wearing a skirt/speaking to him/(insert bullshit justification here),"** but it is not. It is the fault of the person who is invading your person without first having obtained the consent to do so. Period. End of story.
*Seriously, you guys, I saw someone say "but she went up to their hotel room! EVERYONE knows what that means!" Um, no. At a con? Rooms are social hangout spaces among other things. And it's also fucking blaming the wrong goddamn person. SHE should have known better... you know, unlike the person who placed unwanted sexual pressure on her. Unlike the person who blocked the door so she couldn't get out-- which, let me tell you, as someone who has been in that very same situation? That is a fucking THREAT.
**This phenomenon is known in discussions of feminism and in survivors' support as "rape culture," and it encompasses everything from slut shaming to belittling the term of rape ("oh man, he totally raped me in that last round of games!") to all manner of reasons to why it's actually the womens' fault they were victimized, to violently sexist jokes. The entire point is, unsurprisingly, to perpetuate a social mentality solidly based in institutionalized sexism, which puts the onus for sexual victimization more on women (and also male survivors, who are often described in feminine terms like "bitch") than on the actual perpetrators, thus allowing the cycle to continue.
My favorite place to read up on all the way rape culture invades our lives without us knowing is the always-illuminating Tiger Beatdown, if you are so inclined to read more in an engaging and often amusing way. If you want the quick-n-dirty, there's Shakesville, or even Wikipedia.
What rape culture is not? And I quote: Seems to me that here on LJ, some folks use "rape culture" to mean "you don't agree with me, so you're evil." Fuck. Off.
Look, I wish rape culture didn't exist. With every single person who stands up and says "fuck, this is fucking unacceptable!" it will diminish. With every person who objects to jokes about rape, it will diminish. With every person who steps up and helps someone who is stuck in a bad situation-- whether they're too drunk to give informed consent or experiencing sexual peer pressure or the list goes on-- it will diminish. But the fact that we can and should fight it does absolutely not void the fact that it exists in the first goddamn place. It's a real thing. It's the reason why a lot of people who have experienced sexual assault and rape don't speak up about their experience. And telling those people that the onus for that experience is somehow on them because they didn't protest in a manner that was your liking? Congratulations, you've just contributed to rape culture.
Now, I have to go to work and not hulksmash things. Comments will be responded to tonight. But FYI: if you disagree with anything I've said here? Anything at all? Get the fuck off my friendslist immediately. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Just go the fuck away. I do not need to know you.
ETA:So, as an addendum to the last post, the person with whose words I took a lot of issue has talked a bunch of her thoughts out, and clarified through a discourse with
stoney321, and while there's still a lot of what she is on record saying that makes me headdesk, some headway still is being made. A bunch of us (200+ comments) were reading her comments in a larger context (many of which were made in Stoney's post about a specific incident), and so she came off looking considerably poorer than she meant to.
Anywho, so-- in light of that, I am not quite as appalled as I was last night and into this morning. There's still a whole lot there that's bugging me, but in any case, I'm not commenting any more because my comments, despite not calling names, are being deleted as well as being screened. Which takes back quite a lot of the goodwill she earned by eventually attempting to communicate and re-state her position from a place that sounds distinctly less like her ass.
ETA2: Nevermind, she's back at being a complete asshat on this matter. And just in case you were confused about context? http://www.journalfen.net/community/unfunnybusiness/257497.html
-- I, too, am a pagan.
-- I, too, think personal responsibility is important. If you fuck up, you apologize and fix it. That seems pretty basic, yeah?
But.
-- I will never, ever, ever use that general philosophy to place any onus whatsoever upon those who have experienced sexual assault. It's just simply not that fucking cut and dry. When someone else is assaulting you, whether it be pressuring you, blocking your exits, touching you, or even raping you-- you know who's the person who needs to take responsibility for their actions? Hint: it is not you. I know that there's a whole culture in America that exists solely to make women think it's their fault*, whether it's some tired rendition of "she should have known better" or "she invited it by being there/wearing a skirt/speaking to him/(insert bullshit justification here),"** but it is not. It is the fault of the person who is invading your person without first having obtained the consent to do so. Period. End of story.
*Seriously, you guys, I saw someone say "but she went up to their hotel room! EVERYONE knows what that means!" Um, no. At a con? Rooms are social hangout spaces among other things. And it's also fucking blaming the wrong goddamn person. SHE should have known better... you know, unlike the person who placed unwanted sexual pressure on her. Unlike the person who blocked the door so she couldn't get out-- which, let me tell you, as someone who has been in that very same situation? That is a fucking THREAT.
**This phenomenon is known in discussions of feminism and in survivors' support as "rape culture," and it encompasses everything from slut shaming to belittling the term of rape ("oh man, he totally raped me in that last round of games!") to all manner of reasons to why it's actually the womens' fault they were victimized, to violently sexist jokes. The entire point is, unsurprisingly, to perpetuate a social mentality solidly based in institutionalized sexism, which puts the onus for sexual victimization more on women (and also male survivors, who are often described in feminine terms like "bitch") than on the actual perpetrators, thus allowing the cycle to continue.
My favorite place to read up on all the way rape culture invades our lives without us knowing is the always-illuminating Tiger Beatdown, if you are so inclined to read more in an engaging and often amusing way. If you want the quick-n-dirty, there's Shakesville, or even Wikipedia.
What rape culture is not? And I quote: Seems to me that here on LJ, some folks use "rape culture" to mean "you don't agree with me, so you're evil." Fuck. Off.
Look, I wish rape culture didn't exist. With every single person who stands up and says "fuck, this is fucking unacceptable!" it will diminish. With every person who objects to jokes about rape, it will diminish. With every person who steps up and helps someone who is stuck in a bad situation-- whether they're too drunk to give informed consent or experiencing sexual peer pressure or the list goes on-- it will diminish. But the fact that we can and should fight it does absolutely not void the fact that it exists in the first goddamn place. It's a real thing. It's the reason why a lot of people who have experienced sexual assault and rape don't speak up about their experience. And telling those people that the onus for that experience is somehow on them because they didn't protest in a manner that was your liking? Congratulations, you've just contributed to rape culture.
Now, I have to go to work and not hulksmash things. Comments will be responded to tonight. But FYI: if you disagree with anything I've said here? Anything at all? Get the fuck off my friendslist immediately. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Just go the fuck away. I do not need to know you.
ETA:So, as an addendum to the last post, the person with whose words I took a lot of issue has talked a bunch of her thoughts out, and clarified through a discourse with
stoney321, and while there's still a lot of what she is on record saying that makes me headdesk, some headway still is being made. A bunch of us (200+ comments) were reading her comments in a larger context (many of which were made in Stoney's post about a specific incident), and so she came off looking considerably poorer than she meant to. Anywho, so-- in light of that, I am not quite as appalled as I was last night and into this morning. There's still a whole lot there that's bugging me, but in any case, I'm not commenting any more because my comments, despite not calling names, are being deleted as well as being screened. Which takes back quite a lot of the goodwill she earned by eventually attempting to communicate and re-state her position from a place that sounds distinctly less like her ass.
ETA2: Nevermind, she's back at being a complete asshat on this matter. And just in case you were confused about context? http://www.journalfen.net/community/unfunnybusiness/257497.html
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