Dear computer,

This is a really, really bad time to not recognize your disc drives.


Dear family,

I know you're family and all, but you just can't RSVP for a goddamn wedding the night before. You can't. It's too late to call the caterer or get the hall people to rearrange the tables.


Dear Zicam and Sudafed,

I LOVE YOU. PLEASE CONTINUE TO WORK.


Dear Noxman,

You are the sweetest kitty ever and I am so glad we picked you.


Dear Olive,

You act all tough, but we so know different. You fool no one.


Dear Mim,

If I catch you playing with the fish again, I'mma have a fit. I cannot put them up any higher than they currently are. In conclusion, please stop jumping so high, you freak.


Dear Jason,

I love you bunches and could not have possibly married a better man. I don't really mind that you leave your socks everywhere, though I will continue to poke you for it.


Dear Weather,

Light drizzle is okay. Can we please agree to light drizzle?


Dear Candy Corn,

Stop being so delicious. You and your many empty calories are turning into my pre-wedding stress pigout food.