So, a male friend and I have been having dialogues about what it's like to be female. In the course of one of our many conversations, he repeated a cultural quote to which I took offense because of its sexist nature. Being one of the good guys, he heard me out, apologized, and told me to call him on it whenever/if ever he slipped up again. I said sure, and in the interest of giving him good background reading, pointed him to naamah_darling's great response and links post to the whole boobie-touching kerfluffle last month.

That whole debacle highlighted for me how so many guys-- even our lovers, best friends, brothers, men who truly love us-- don't understand why so many women get so fired up about feminist issues. I think most of them recognize sexism on the institutional level-- ie, how much pay disparity and glass ceilings suck. But for the most part, they just don't get how it's much more than that. Objectification, degradation-- most of it even culturally accepted. It's so woven into the fabric of our culture that it's not something most of them will even notice. It is simply not part of their everyday experience. Just like a white person will never know what it's like to be a racial minority, your average US-born citizen will never truly grasp the experience of those living in the third world. A man will never truly understand a woman's experience. And vice-versa, of course, but the comparison I'm drawing here is one of privilege. We are often blind to many things when we have privilege-- I include myself in this, as I am, after all, white. I can be an idealist at times, and I need to be called out when I've got my own blinders on and make ignorant assumptions about another culture. I need to be reminded often that the world is not the colorblind place I'd like it to be, and that I don't see many of the ways it isn't simply because it is not in my everyday experience. As a white person, I am treated better than a racial minority due to cultural privilege. Ours is an imperfect and unequal world.

Tonight, I got an email asking for personal accounts and instances, because truly, it's the human factor that puts the face on the issue and makes it feel real to those who have no firsthand experience. This was my reply, drawing from today alone:

Well, for starters, in the 45 minutes it took me to get home today, I was honked at seven times, hit on once on the bus by two rather skeezy men, and one person pulled up his truck alongside me and asked if I'd like to come home with him. It used to only take me 30 minutes to get home. I started taking the longer way because the shortcut was not as public, and one day, I noticed that I was being very clearly followed by three men who meant me no good. I instinctively took off running, and have never walked that way since.

Welcome to womanhood; get used to being ordered by perfect strangers to smile like a pretty girl.

Anyone else care to share?


ETA: Note to self: bump this post next week, when half the awesome chicks on my flist aren't at Wiscon.