Gentle Readers, here are the small, humble things that I request this Giftmas.

-- Jensen Ackles, in a leather jacket. Brooding. On my sofa.
-- Sarah Shahi in thigh-highs and garters at my disposal for a 12-hour period.
-- A get out of work free card good for any five Mondays I choose.
-- New kidneys, so I can overcaffeinate myself to my heart's content.
-- A group date with the Mediaeval Baebes at an amusement park.
-- A trip to the memory-erasing doctor in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.
-- The ability to deliver a believable Irish accent.
-- Jake Gyllenhaal to wash my dishes and occasionally mow lawn. Even though I don't have a lawn.
-- Any partner, really, who will look at me just the way that Darcy is looking at Lizzy.
-- An 'undo' button for life, for all those times where I don't think before I speak.
-- Lapdances.
-- Screw magical breast-inhancing pills. I want a magical breast-reducing pill. A B-cup would be cute.
-- A personal hairstylist at my beck and call. I have the makeup-fu. I do not have the hair-fu.
-- Neil Gaiman's phone number. I get the feeling he'd be fun to prank call.
-- A magical ass and thigh area that looks fabulous in any pair of jeans I try on.
-- For a house to fall on my sister. Just kidding! (I think.)
-- A lifetime supply of pumpkin ice cream.

In lieu of these humble offerings, I will accept pretty cards celebrating whatever Winter holiday you so choose.

Now get on it.

:)