Lesson from shitty Mary Sue masturbatory splooge NY Times Bestseller:: If you're on a first date and you find yourself in his windowless, ruby-colored love nest, be worried. If you strip him down and find that he's wearing matching red bikini underwear, run the fuck away.


...I'm only on page 50 and I already want to spork myself in the eye. I think I'll just underline the truly hysterical sentences for posting later.