Despite tensions at work, I've been remarkably peaceful lately.
I've begun a spirituality journal, and writing in it has brought me a profound sense of calm. Part of me has always been hesitant to record my experiences, because the writing of them never quite captures the feelings and strange magic that are woven into my life like threads of a beautiful tapestry. On paper, it has always looked flat, too simplistic. I'm beginning to overcome that. Once I have this journal well underway, I will start again on my compendium set. Time really is the main constraint at this point: my two days off are split between family, friends, Skyler, and my own personal projects. It'll all work out. I'm also going to buy myself a Rider-Waite deck of tarot cards to learn the major arcana. The entire system is a little daunting to learn all at once, and so I'm going to start meditating on the major arcana one card at a time. I may acquire BPAL decants to help, since any kind of sensual memory trigger is likely to aid me.
The more time I spend with my family, the more of a disturbing phenomenon I've begun to uncover: I actually like them. Sure, they have their oddities and their judgements, but I find that they're not nearly as controlling as they used to be. This is probably because now, most of their attention has been focused on Andrea, but it is probably equally true because they've realized that I'm a pretty solid person and they have little reason to stick their nose in my business anymore. Regardless, I can spend time with them now and not immediately feel the need to seek refuge in the quietude of my room.
Anna is coming over in a little bit-- I'm hoping that if I offer to pay for gas, she'll help me run an errand. Sita's feeding day is tomorrow, and I don't know if I'll be able to get to the pet store for her crickets and fish then. I've really enjoyed seeing more of her-- it's hard feeling as though we haven't lost touch when during college, we rarely saw each other more than a handful of times each year. We've started sharing a journal again, and that in itself ensures that we see each other at least weekly. I only hope that I'll have my liscence within the year so I can ease the burden of putting all driving on her.
I spent a good portion of my day running errands-- I at least got to stop in a bookstore and I picked up two recent young adult novels to peruse. I've been reading a lot of Liz Hand and Neil Gaiman as of late, but I want to also keep my finger to the pulse of the genre that I hope to be a part of. I picked up Adrian a father's day gift-- his favorite Burberry cologne, and I gave my father a call. I got his voicemail for the second time in two days. On a practical level, I also got a shower caddy for my LUSH stash. One of my friends had sent me samples of Big shampoo and American Cream conditioner. I fell in love and placed an order for full sizes right away. I also have Ocean Salt cleanser, which is a lovely blend of coarse sea salt, grapefruit, lime, coconut, and vodka-- my skin has never felt better. I do believe I'm slowly turning everyone in my immediate vicinity into LUSH junkies.
On a personal level, I am happy. I'm getting there. It's good, but a slow process. I tell myself that I can only heal myself-- I cannot help anyone else if I'm broken, and so first things first. I've had such amazing support and patience from those who are close to me. Every day, I re-learn gratitude.
Michael is coming over in an hour. He needs to pick up the printer he loaned to me some time ago. He got a freelance job that sounds quite promising, and I'm very pleased to hear that. It's a step in the right direction, something positive to focus on. It will be hard to see him, but hopefully in a good way, if that makes any sense at all. Finding what we mean to one another after our romantic relationship has ended has been a difficult process. I can say that on the surface level, but it is so much more than that. It's going to take time. Time and patience and understanding and support. But most of all, time.
Also, I got a delivery today. A beautiful bouquet of daisies and orange lilies and irises and carnations that are the color of the sunset. The note read, Thinking of you. Thank you, Skyler. They are beautiful, and you are wonderful.
Expect a few transcriptions of my written entries in the near future, since I haven't had a whole lot of computer time. I'd love to let you in on some of the deeper things just as soon as I can find the time to write them up.
I've begun a spirituality journal, and writing in it has brought me a profound sense of calm. Part of me has always been hesitant to record my experiences, because the writing of them never quite captures the feelings and strange magic that are woven into my life like threads of a beautiful tapestry. On paper, it has always looked flat, too simplistic. I'm beginning to overcome that. Once I have this journal well underway, I will start again on my compendium set. Time really is the main constraint at this point: my two days off are split between family, friends, Skyler, and my own personal projects. It'll all work out. I'm also going to buy myself a Rider-Waite deck of tarot cards to learn the major arcana. The entire system is a little daunting to learn all at once, and so I'm going to start meditating on the major arcana one card at a time. I may acquire BPAL decants to help, since any kind of sensual memory trigger is likely to aid me.
The more time I spend with my family, the more of a disturbing phenomenon I've begun to uncover: I actually like them. Sure, they have their oddities and their judgements, but I find that they're not nearly as controlling as they used to be. This is probably because now, most of their attention has been focused on Andrea, but it is probably equally true because they've realized that I'm a pretty solid person and they have little reason to stick their nose in my business anymore. Regardless, I can spend time with them now and not immediately feel the need to seek refuge in the quietude of my room.
Anna is coming over in a little bit-- I'm hoping that if I offer to pay for gas, she'll help me run an errand. Sita's feeding day is tomorrow, and I don't know if I'll be able to get to the pet store for her crickets and fish then. I've really enjoyed seeing more of her-- it's hard feeling as though we haven't lost touch when during college, we rarely saw each other more than a handful of times each year. We've started sharing a journal again, and that in itself ensures that we see each other at least weekly. I only hope that I'll have my liscence within the year so I can ease the burden of putting all driving on her.
I spent a good portion of my day running errands-- I at least got to stop in a bookstore and I picked up two recent young adult novels to peruse. I've been reading a lot of Liz Hand and Neil Gaiman as of late, but I want to also keep my finger to the pulse of the genre that I hope to be a part of. I picked up Adrian a father's day gift-- his favorite Burberry cologne, and I gave my father a call. I got his voicemail for the second time in two days. On a practical level, I also got a shower caddy for my LUSH stash. One of my friends had sent me samples of Big shampoo and American Cream conditioner. I fell in love and placed an order for full sizes right away. I also have Ocean Salt cleanser, which is a lovely blend of coarse sea salt, grapefruit, lime, coconut, and vodka-- my skin has never felt better. I do believe I'm slowly turning everyone in my immediate vicinity into LUSH junkies.
On a personal level, I am happy. I'm getting there. It's good, but a slow process. I tell myself that I can only heal myself-- I cannot help anyone else if I'm broken, and so first things first. I've had such amazing support and patience from those who are close to me. Every day, I re-learn gratitude.
Michael is coming over in an hour. He needs to pick up the printer he loaned to me some time ago. He got a freelance job that sounds quite promising, and I'm very pleased to hear that. It's a step in the right direction, something positive to focus on. It will be hard to see him, but hopefully in a good way, if that makes any sense at all. Finding what we mean to one another after our romantic relationship has ended has been a difficult process. I can say that on the surface level, but it is so much more than that. It's going to take time. Time and patience and understanding and support. But most of all, time.
Also, I got a delivery today. A beautiful bouquet of daisies and orange lilies and irises and carnations that are the color of the sunset. The note read, Thinking of you. Thank you, Skyler. They are beautiful, and you are wonderful.
Expect a few transcriptions of my written entries in the near future, since I haven't had a whole lot of computer time. I'd love to let you in on some of the deeper things just as soon as I can find the time to write them up.
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