Recording
Got acupuncture last night to help with the anxiety. It helped me get dinner in me. Yesterday was Jason's birthday. This morning, the anxiety is back with a vengeance. I suppose it has to do with confirmation later today. 4pm. I may pull out all of my hair before then.
On a brighter note, Olive and I had a wonderful cuddle this morning. She little-spooned herself against my chest and rested her head against my hand. We slept like that for about an hour or so.
tamnonlinear gave us good guidelines for what a good quality of life means in these situations. If she can still do the three or so things she loves best, then life is worth prolonging so long as there's no serious pain. As it stands, Olive's favorite things in the world are a) snuggling with mommy and daddy, b) eating breakfast, c) rolling in catnip, and d) licking her toes for hours on end.
Right now, she seems quite happy to enjoy all of the above. We may look into buying her a few extra months of happiness with steroids. We are still undecided about chemo. Not about the cost, but about whether or not it would be a selfish decision on our parts, or if those five months or so that chemo would buy (which basically adds up to a third of her life, give or take), would be good enough for her to chance it. But I'm bad with loving something intensely while knowing that I will have to let it go-- and in this case, rather quickly-- so.
I am confident J won't let me make a selfish decision. He has more than enough experience with cancer, and he will guide us in making the best choice.
On a brighter note, Olive and I had a wonderful cuddle this morning. She little-spooned herself against my chest and rested her head against my hand. We slept like that for about an hour or so.
tamnonlinear gave us good guidelines for what a good quality of life means in these situations. If she can still do the three or so things she loves best, then life is worth prolonging so long as there's no serious pain. As it stands, Olive's favorite things in the world are a) snuggling with mommy and daddy, b) eating breakfast, c) rolling in catnip, and d) licking her toes for hours on end. Right now, she seems quite happy to enjoy all of the above. We may look into buying her a few extra months of happiness with steroids. We are still undecided about chemo. Not about the cost, but about whether or not it would be a selfish decision on our parts, or if those five months or so that chemo would buy (which basically adds up to a third of her life, give or take), would be good enough for her to chance it. But I'm bad with loving something intensely while knowing that I will have to let it go-- and in this case, rather quickly-- so.
I am confident J won't let me make a selfish decision. He has more than enough experience with cancer, and he will guide us in making the best choice.