Rants You Don't Really Want To Read

survey 2

2005-07-12T21:26:57Z

my new addiction. Another survey

Long Survey About Yourself
Created by bleedwithoutreason and taken 38198 times on bzoink!
What time are you starting this?	3:06 pm
Name?	Sarah
Nicknames?	Sarah
Date of birth?	August 2, 1989
Sex?	chick
Height?	short
Eye color?	hazel green
Where were you born?	Ada, Oklahoma
Number of candles on your last birthday cake?	15
Pets?	a cat
Hair color?	black
Piercings?	my bottom lip and 11 in my ears
Town you live in?	a little village at the top of the world
Favorite foods?	anything mexican or italian
Ever been to Africa?	no
Been toilet papering?	no
Love someone so much it made you cry?	yes
Been in a car accident?	no
Croutons or bacon bits?	crutons
Favorite day of the week?	Monday
Favorite resturant?	AppleBees
Favorite flower?	dont have one
Favorite sport to watch?	dont like sports
Favorite drink?	energy drinks and herbal tea
Favorite ice cream flavor?	mocha
Warner Bros. or Disney?	Warner Bros
Favorite fast food restuarant?	Sonic
Carpet color in your bedroom?	wood floors
How many times did you fail your driver's test?	didnt
Whom did you get your last email from?	Rich
Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?	Fuckthemainstreem.com
What do you do most often when you are bored?	listen to music
Most annoying thing to say to me?
Bedtime?	anywhere from 10 to 2
Favorite TV show?	anything on Fuse
Last person you went out to dinner with?:	my mom
Been out of country?	no
Believe in magick?	sure
Ford or Chevy?	neither
What are you listening to right now?	the tv in the background
Have you ever failed a grade?	no
If you have, what grade did you fail?	didnt fail
Do you have a crush on someone?	yes
Do you have a bf/gf?	no
If so, what is their name?	dont have one
How long have you been together?	dont have one
What are you wearing right now?	jeans a black tshirt and flipflops
Would you have sex before marriage?	no
Have you ever had a crush on any of your teachers?	yes
Are you a virgin?	yes
Do you smoke?	no
Do you drink?	sometimes
Are you ghetto?	no
Are you a player?	no
What are your favorite colors?	black and blue
What is your favorite animal?	dogs
Do you have any birthmarks?	no
Have you ever gotten your ass kicked?	no
Who do you talk to most on the phone?	I'm not a phone person
Have you ever been slapped?	yes
Do you get online a lot?	yes
Are you shy or outgoing?	shy
Do you shower?	yes
Do you hate school?	no
Do you have a social life?	no
How easily do you trust people?	it takes a lot for me to trust someone
Do you have a secret people would be surprised knowing?	yes
Would you ever sky dive?	yes
Do you like to dance?	no
Have you ever been out of state?	yes
Do you like to travel?	yes
Have you ever been expelled from school?	no
Have you ever been suspended from school?	no
Do you want to get out of your hometown?	I am out of my hometown. I want to go back
Are you spoiled?	no
Are you a brat?	no
Have you ever been dumped?	yes
Have you ever gotten high?	yes
Do you like snapple?	yes
Do you drink a lot of water?	yes
What toothpaste do you use?	crest
Do you have a cell phone?	no
Do you have a curfew?	no, I never go out to have a cerfew
Who do you look up to?	no one at the moment
Are you a role model?	my little brother thinks I am
Have you ever been to Six Flags or Cedar Point?	no
What name brand do you wear the most?	I dont
What kind of jewelry do you wear?	rings and necklaces
What do you want pierced?	my nose my eyebrow my tounge and my belly button
Do you like takin pictures?	yes
Do you like gettin your picture taken?	no
Do you have a tan?	no
Do you get annoyed easily?	no
Have you ever started a rumor?	no
Do you have your own phone or phone line?	yes
Do you have your own pool?	no
Do you prefer boxers or briefs?	boxers
Do you have any siblings?	yes
Have you ever been played?	no
Have you ever played anyone?	no
Do you get along with your parents?	most of the time
How do you vent your anger?	music
Have you ever ran away?	no
Have you ever been fired from a job?	no
Do you even have a job?	yes
Do you daydream a lot?	yes
Do you have a lot of ex's?	yes
Do you run your mouth?	no
What do you want a tattoo of?	a black rose
What do you have a tattoo of?	nothing
What does your ex bf/gf look like?	average hight and weight. blond hair w\ brow tips. hazel eyes
What does your most recent crush look like?	average hight and weight. blond mohawk and blue eyes
Whats her/his name?	Taylor
Have you ever been bitched out?	yes
Are you rude?	no
What was the last compliment you recieved?	''you look much prettier with your hair down''
Do you like getting dirty?	no
Are you flexiable?	yes
What is your heritage?	umm, white?
What is your lucky number?	2
What does your hair look like right now?	black hair w\ light brown roots, pulled back into a pony tail
Could you ever be a vegetarian?	yes
Describe your looks?	short. black hair. greenhazel eyes
If you had to completely dye your hair it'd be what color?	back to brown
Would you ever date someone younger than you?	yes, but no more than a year
Would you ever date someone older than you?	yes, but no more than 3 years
When was the last time you were drunk?	never been drunk
How many rings until you answer the phone?	2
Have you ever been skinny dipping?	yes
If yes, when was the last time?	a few years ago
When was the last time you went on a date?	a few weeks ago
Do you look more like your mother or father?	father
Do you cry a lot?	not as much as I used to
Do you ever cry to get your way?	no
What phrase do you use most when on the phone?	sup dude
Are you the romantic type?	hopeless romantic
Have you ever been chased by cops?	no
What do you like most about your body?	my lips
What do you like least about your body?	my face
When did you have your first crush?	kindergarden
When was the last time you threw up?	a little over a year ago
In the opposite sex, do you prefer blondes or brunettes?	brunettes
Do you ever wear shirts do show your belly?	no
What about cleavage?	I have it, but I dont show it
Is your best friend a virgin?	yes
Have you ever fucked someone up?	no
Have you ever been fucked up?	emotionaly
What theme does your room have?	rocker
What size show do you wear?	5 1\2
What is your screen name on AIM?	SoonForgotten14
How are you feeling right now?	content
When was the last time you were at a party?	dont remember
Have you ever given a lapdance?	no
Have you ever recieved one?	no
Has there ever been a rumor spread about you?	yes, but it was true
What is one of your bad qualilties?	I hurt people
What is one of your good qualilties?	I have a nice personality
Would you marry for money?	no
What do you drive?	I dont have a car
Are you more of a mommys or daddys child?	mommy's
So?	what
Well?	what
When was the last time you cried in school?	when I got into a fight with my best friend last year
Would you ever hook up with the same sex?	yes
What kind of music do you like?	rock
Would you ever bungee jump?	yes
What is your worst fear?	frogs
Would you ever join the army?	no
Do you like cows?	no
If you were to die today, what would you do?	die
If you had one last word to say to someone before you die, what would it b?	fuck
Do you like to party?	no
Hearts or broken hearts?	broken hearts
Moons or stars?	stars
Coke or pepsi?	pepsi
Favorite scent?	tribal scents or psycadelic mushroom incents
Favorite band?	dont have one
Would you ever dye your hair red?	yes
How many languages can you speak?	1
What time are you finishing this?	3:24
Create a Survey \| Search Surveys \| Go to bzoink!

survey

2005-07-12T03:27:11Z

sorry for the lack of updates. but here's a survey!

Everything There Is To Know About You
Created by LanE and taken 316 times on bzoink!
About You
Name:	Sarah
Do you like your name?	not really
Do you want to change your name? To what?	I dont like it, but I wouldnt change it
If you were born a member of the opposite sex, what would your name be?	I kinda like Chris
Are there any mispronouciations people do with your name?	nope
Birthday - Month, Date, and Year:	august 2, 1989
Location:	Colorado
Age:	16
Age you act:	16
Height:	short
Do you like your height?	I wish I was a bit taller
Gender:	chick
Single?:	yupp
If not, do you want to be?	I am
If so, do you want to be?	doesnt really bother me
Straight/Gay/Bi:	Bi
Eye Color:	hazel\green
Do you like your eye color? What would you change it to?	I wish it had more green in it
Hair Color:	black
Lefty/Righty/Ambidextrous:	righty
Your living Arragement:	4 bedroom house with my parents
Have any pets?	a cat
What are they, and what are thier names?	Miricol
Do you have a job?	yes
What is it?	odd jobs mostly
If not, do you want one?	I have one... kinda
Piercings:	yes
Tatoos:	no
Obsessions:	not really
Addictions:	does the internet count?
Fetishes:	nope
Do you speak another language?	nope
Do you have a webpage?	does myspace count?
Do you like winter?	yes
Do you like rain?	yes
Do you find it sexy?	not really
I do...
About Your Life:
Do you hate yourself?	sometimes, but not normally
Do you live in the moment?	not really
Do you like your handwriting?	yes
Do you have any bad habits?	nope
Are you a loner?	not really. I stick to my little group of friends
If so, do you like it that way?	yeah, I'm content with it
What is the compliment you get most?	people seem to like my hair
Can you sing?	no
What are your #1 priorities in life?
Are you a daredevil?	no
Do you fear yourself?	no
Anything you regret doing or not doing in life?	my entire relationship with Brice
What do you like most about your body?	my lips
Do you think of yourself as pretty/handsome?	no
Are you perceived wrongly?
Do you hate it?
Favorite:
Food:	anything mexican or italian
Drink:	energy drinks and herbal tea
Scent:	tribal scents and psycadelic mushroom inscents
Ciggarette Brand:	dont smoke
Shoe:	dont have a favorite
Clothing Brand:	dont have a favorite
Genre of music:	rock
Band/Artist:	too many to list
Song:	too many to list
Lyric:	"if love is a labor I'll slave til the end"
Quote:	"you may have created my psat and screwed up my present but you have no control over my future" - You Dont Know Me by David Klass
Restaurant:	AppleBees
Sonic Drink:	vanilla Dr. Peper
Movie:	Empire Records
Actor/Actress:	Christina Ricci (SP)
Body part on the opposite sex:	hands
Eye Color:	green
Website:	VampireFreaks
Holiday:	I dont like Holidays
Cartoon:	Invader Zim
TV Show:	Dagrassi
Piercing:	my labret at the moment
Tattoo:	dont have any
Have you Ever:
Been called a tease?	yes
Hurt yourself?	yes
Smoked? Weed?	yes
Drank beer?	yes
Been drunk?	no
Done drugs?	other than weed, no
Been in love?	yes
Been if a fight?	yes
Been beaten up?	no
Beaten someone up?	no
Ran away from home?	no
Been picked on?	yes
Picked on someone?	yes
Thought about suicide?	yes
Slept outdoors?	yes
Been camping?	yes
Ever been in love?	yes
Had sex?	no
Had oral sex?	no comment
Pulled an all nighter?
Slept with a person of the opposite sex without actually having sex?	yes
Thought you were going crazy?	yes
Kissed the same sex?	yes
Broken the law?	yes
Had a re-occuring dream?	yes
Have you ever killed an animal accidentally?	no
On purpose?	no
Been in a mosh-pit?	no
Cried over a girl?	yes
Cried over a boy?	yes
Cried for no reason at all?	yes
I have...
Would you ever:
Have sex with the same sex?	I would
Move a great length for someone you loved?	I would
Become a stripper if you needed the money?	I would
Be a rock star?	I would
Do you:
Want someone really bad right now? Who?	yes. you dont know them, so dont worry about it
Smoke?	no
Drink?	no
Drink to get drunk?	no
Go to clubs?	no
Go to parties?	no
Like to drive fast?	yes
Have roadrage?	yes
Pray?	not usually
Talk to people even though you hate them?	yes
Talk to strangers who IM you?	yes
Take walks in the rain/snow?	yes
Go to church?	yes
Believe in God?	dont know
Believe in ghosts?	no
Believe in fate?	eh...
Believe in witches?	wiccan witches? yes. green ladies who fly around on brooms? no
Believe in astrology?	no
Believe in Yin and Yang(The good cannot exist without the bad)?	yes
Hate labels?	dont mind them
Believe it is possible to stay faithful forever?	yes
Wish on stars?	yes
Make a wish when the clock has all same numbers?	yes
Believe in the traditional view of Heaven and Hell?	no
Friends:
Are you happy with the friends you have?	yes, very
Do you have gay/bi/lesbian friends?	yes
Who is your best-friend?	Emi, Nicole, or Heather
Who is you funniest friend?	prolly Emi
Which friend have you known the longest?	Nicole
Favorite inside joke between a friend and you?	''So GOOOTH!''
Friend you miss being close to the most:	Nyssa
Have you lost any friends this year?	yes
To death?	no
Who do you talk to most online?	Benton
Who would you like to talk to most online?	Nyssa
Who do trust most?	Emi
Who do you fight most with?	Rich
Do you friends know who you truely are?	Patrick
Friend that lives farthest away:	Patrick
What do your friends think of you?	I think they like me
Do you trust easily?	no
I don't...
Romance:
What do you find romantic?	simple things
Who do you wish was there with you right now?	Nyssa
First kiss?	Brice
First time?	hasnt happened yet
Did you like it?	hasnt happened yet
What is your idea of a perfect date?	tacobell takeout while watching cheesy movies til 3 am
Do you want to get married?	yes
Do you know with who? Who?	dont know
Turn-ons:	biting and people breathing in my ear
Turn-offs:	smoking
Have you ever thought someone was attractive that everyone else found ugly?	yes
Best thing about the opposite/same sex:	they both suck
Worst thing about the opposite/same sex?	the bith suck
Are you in love?	yes
Do you find your signifigant other hot?	she isnt my significant other, I just love her
Do you think they find you hot?	she says she does
what is the most important trait your love interest must have?	sence of humor
Does you ideal guy'girl have piercings?	yes
Does your ideal guy/girl have tattoos?	no
Do you love your signifigant other?	I dont have one. but I have someone I love
Do you regret your first time?	hasnt happened yet
Have a crush?	yes
On who?	Taylor
Favorite eye color on the opposite sex:	green
Height:	average
Body type:	average
Favorite style in a guy/girl:	doesnt matter
Type of person you would never be caught dead dating?	a smoker
Where would be your favorite location/s to have sex?	dont know
Favorite hairstyle for the opposite/same sex?	long hair
Favorite Scent:	adidas
How does your wedding look in your mind?	dark
Honeymoon?	dont know
Do you believe in love at first sight?	no
Do you believe true love never dies?	yes
Can you picture yourself with the person your in love with forever?	yes
Do/did you guys fight?	yes
What kind of Romance do you want?	hopeless
Death:
How do you want to die?	drowning
Young or old?	middle
Slow and painful; slow and peaceful; fast and painful; fast and peaceful?	fast and painful
If you could kill anyone, who would it be?	Jeremy
How would you kill them?	havent really thought about it
Necrophiliate with the body/ies?	no
Make it slow and painful for him/her/them?	no
How would you dispose of the body/ies?	I wouldnt. I would leave it where I killed it
Do you want to cremated or buried?	buried
Any special requests?	no one wear black, unless it's their usual style
Does torture and pain turn you on?	sometimes
Would you go to Heaven or Hell when you died?	hell
Would you want to be necrophiliated?	no
Have you ever hurt yourself?	yes
Would you kill yourself?	maybe
Random:
Who was the last person to break your heart in any way?	Nyssa
Last person to disappoint you:	Patrick
Who was the last person you lost?	Nyssa
Do you miss them?	yes
What are you gonna go do right now?	watch TV
Are you listening to music?	no
I am...
Create a Survey \| Search Surveys \| Go to bzoink!

fat bitch

2005-06-13T03:46:04Z

pinkpanther_4057@hotmail.com says:
hey
Cheer up chipper monkey, there'll be rainbows in the future says:
heyness
pinkpanther_4057@hotmail.com says:
wuts goin on
Cheer up chipper monkey, there'll be rainbows in the future says:
notta, just chattin, u
pinkpanther_4057@hotmail.com says:
?
Cheer up chipper monkey, there'll be rainbows in the future says:
I said notta, u
pinkpanther_4057@hotmail.com says:
notta...are you still dating Nicole?
Cheer up chipper monkey, there'll be rainbows in the future says:
one, how did you know about that? and two, no
C*h*e*l*s*e*a says:
one, I was told and two, why?
Cheer up chipper monkey, there'll be rainbows in the future says:
who told you
C*h*e*l*s*e*a says:
lets just say I was told...im not the kinda person that does that and says who tells me things...I keep my mouth shut....why arent you dating nemore? its not like I wasnt ok with it...I didnt care...I dont find that a problem
Cheer up chipper monkey, there'll be rainbows in the future says:
ok, one, it's none of your fucking bussiness why we arent anymore, and two, I dont apreciate knowing there are rumors going around about me and you not telling me who said them
Cheer up chipper monkey, there'll be rainbows in the future says:
plus, I just dont like you
Cheer up chipper monkey, there'll be rainbows in the future says:
so leave me the fuck alone
C*h*e*l*s*e*a says:
I couldnt give a fuck less if you like me...im not like that...I dont wanna be with a girl so I dont care if you like me or not, me and Nicole are friends and I will just talk to her about it
Cheer up chipper monkey, there'll be rainbows in the future says:
ok, one, you're fat and ugly, even if you were into chicks, I wouldnt be into you. and you can talk to nicole about whatever the fuck you want, just dont talk to me
C*h*e*l*s*e*a says:
why the fuck do you keep replying if you dont wanna fucking talk to me...and Im ugly? have you seen urself lately?
C*h*e*l*s*e*a says:
no wonder ur into girls...the guys wont be with you
Cheer up chipper monkey, there'll be rainbows in the future says:
I'm not going to fight with you about this
Cheer up chipper monkey, there'll be rainbows in the future says:
byes
C*h*e*l*s*e*a says:
ya fuck off you gothic bitch
Cheer up chipper monkey, there'll be rainbows in the future says:
haha, like that's supposed to be an insult?

no more hope

2005-05-17T03:21:58Z

a convo between me and Pat:

need you. says:
wuts angst?
I hate that Angst, Muffin. Big fat Angst, Muffin. says:
"OMG, my life sucks so bad. I want to die. *cutt cutt cutt* look at me, I cutt, I'm so depressed.''
I need you. says:
cutting aint bout attention
I hate that Angst, Muffin. Big fat Angst, Muffin. says:
I know that. I'm saying angsty people cutt for attention
I need you. says:
not kool ppl
I hate that Angst, Muffin. Big fat Angst, Muffin. says:
my sn is from a song Nicole and I made about this chick we go to school with. she cutts, really shallow and in the most obvious places and she flaunts them around and when you ask her about them, she's all ''my mommy blah blah blah. I'm so depressed blah blah blah.'''
I hate that Angst, Muffin. Big fat Angst, Muffin. says:
I'm glad you're on thou, I wanted to talk to you about something
I need you. says:
wut it be?
I hate that Angst, Muffin. Big fat Angst, Muffin. says:
dont find me hypocritical for saying this... I havent been able to talk to you much, so I dont really know what you've been up to and what's going on. I just wanted to tell you, dont let this new image you have and this new life you're finding compramise your religion and you're faith. I always loved that you were so passionate about it, and I dont want you to give that up
I need you. says:
i been prayin lately
I hate that Angst, Muffin. Big fat Angst, Muffin. says:
for?
I hate that Angst, Muffin. Big fat Angst, Muffin. says:
or just in genral?
I need you. says:
just talkin to God bout da band
I need you. says:
we're gunna play more christian songs
I hate that Angst, Muffin. Big fat Angst, Muffin. says:
that's cool
I need you. says:
so far we play 2 christian songs and 9 greenday songs.....i think theres sumthin screwey bout dat picture
I hate that Angst, Muffin. Big fat Angst, Muffin. says:
I been thinkin a lot about God an all that stuff
I hate that Angst, Muffin. Big fat Angst, Muffin. says:
I'm still not really sure how I feel, I just want so bad to feel something
I need you. says:
i dont feel much anymore
I hate that Angst, Muffin. Big fat Angst, Muffin. says:
what do you mean?
I need you. says:
empathy, remorse, the most emotion i feel is wen im angry
I need you. says:
im so doped up
I need you. says:
i slur my words all the time
I hate that Angst, Muffin. Big fat Angst, Muffin. says:
what're you on?
I need you. says:
risperdal and abilify
I hate that Angst, Muffin. Big fat Angst, Muffin. says:
is it helping?
I need you. says:
kinda
I need you. says:
but, if i have a bad day, i just take sum of it
I need you. says:
cuz it makes me high
I hate that Angst, Muffin. Big fat Angst, Muffin. says:
you take it BECAUSE it makes you high?
I need you. says:
because i want to feel happy
I hate that Angst, Muffin. Big fat Angst, Muffin. says:
what's the dif in doing that an smokin weed?
I need you. says:
not too much
I need you. says:
i guess u could call it "popping pills"
I hate that Angst, Muffin. Big fat Angst, Muffin. says:
that's a bad habbit to get into
I need you. says:
im sure i dont have many brain cells left from being on them for 3 years and im already dependent on them so i dont see y not
I hate that Angst, Muffin. Big fat Angst, Muffin. says:
I dont know what to say
I need you. says:
i watched a video of me the other day that was made last week and its un believeable
I need you. says:
i was slurring all my words and i pointed at mat once and didnt put my hand down for like 5 minutes
I hate that Angst, Muffin. Big fat Angst, Muffin. says:
and you dont see anything wrong with that?
I need you. says:
i didnt kno i had it up
I need you. says:
i see sumthing wrong
I hate that Angst, Muffin. Big fat Angst, Muffin. says:
then do something about it, insted of just taking more pills
I need you. says:
i have to
I need you. says:
or they come back
I hate that Angst, Muffin. Big fat Angst, Muffin. says:
well this doesnt seem like it's much better for you
I need you. says:
nothing ever gets much better
I hate that Angst, Muffin. Big fat Angst, Muffin. says:
have you lost all hope?
I need you. says:
of getting better, yes
I need you. says:
of getting off meds, yes
I hate that Angst, Muffin. Big fat Angst, Muffin. says:
so what have you not lost hope in?
I hate that Angst, Muffin. Big fat Angst, Muffin. says:
and dont tell me God, cuz I know that isnt true
I hate that Angst, Muffin. Big fat Angst, Muffin. says:
cuz if you still had hope in him, you would have hope in other things too
I need you. says:
that God loves me
I hate that Angst, Muffin. Big fat Angst, Muffin. says:
honestly, I think he loves you a lot less at the moment
I need you. says:
love me less?
I hate that Angst, Muffin. Big fat Angst, Muffin. says:
that's brutal, I'm sorry. I just.. always depended on you to be the one to give me hope
I need you. says:
i may not be much more than a vegitable anymore, but i do know God
I need you. says:
and i kno he never loves anyone any less, if he did...he would love some more than others, and the bible says he loves all equal
I hate that Angst, Muffin. Big fat Angst, Muffin. says:
if I were God (and I'm sure it's prolly a sin to say that, but I dont really care) I'd feel like I was losing a very good friend. hell, I'm not God and I feel that way, so I cant even imagine how he must feel
I need you. says:
wut have i done wrong
I hate that Angst, Muffin. Big fat Angst, Muffin. says:
you've just changed. you used to have this passion that was freaking inspiring. you used to be so full of hope and love and just everything, and I cant see that in you anymore
I hate that Angst, Muffin. Big fat Angst, Muffin. says:
I dont know, maybe i'm being stupid. I'm going to shut up now
I need you. says:
i dont feel love anymore
I hate that Angst, Muffin. Big fat Angst, Muffin. says:
that hurts
I need you. says:
mayb its still in there.....burried under thousands of mg of meds....but now im just a totally pale shell of my life
I hate that Angst, Muffin. Big fat Angst, Muffin. says:
I want so bad to just close the window and tell you not to talk to me again until you've gotten shit straight and learned how to feel again. but I know how you used to be, before everything, and I'm still hoping for that, so I cant
I need you. says:
late at night i feel again
I need you. says:
but all i do is cry in my bed and pray for tonya
I need you. says:
till the meds kick in, then i fall asleep
(I'm Angst Muffin, he's I need you)
I want to cry. I want to ask him, do you ever miss me? Do you still care about me? but I wont, because that would be selfish. so I'll just keep it to myself and wait and hope for it to pass.

she hates me

2005-05-16T02:18:03Z

it's official, Nyssa hates me.
I wrote her a letter about a week ago, telling her about Nicole. I read her jorunal today an this is what she had to say...
so guess what, Sarah? Dylan asked me out. Yup, sure did. Want to know what I said? No. Looks like I havent found someone, doesnt it? But hey, you have all the fun you want with Nicole. And if you want to tell me about her, dont wait for me to ask. I wont be asking.
I dont really know what to say to that. I know she hates me. I hate her hating me, but there isnt anything I can do about it.
Nicole: dont worry, I'm not going to leave you or anything, I'm not even thinking about it. I just needed to rant a little. Loves you!

shallowthinker @ 2005-05-11T20:01:00

2005-05-12T02:06:22Z

hello. I know I havent updated in a while, but I havent really had much to update on. at the moment, I'm waiting for Nicole to sign on. I have an apointment with my doc tomorrow, and they're prolly gonna fuck with my meds again, and I have an apointment with Preston (my therapist) on Friday, which sucks, cuz that means I have to walk from school, to his office, then back to school. erg! anyways, less bitching.
I'm working with Jessica in Math for this geomiters (SP) sketch pad thing, and she is so fucking annoying. she thinks she's right all the time and damnedit if anyone tries to say otherwise. I had to call Todd over like twice to tell her that, no, it goes like this or no, that isnt a right angle. grr! ok, so maybe that was more bitching, but get over it.
ok, so I've updated, so you can stop bitching at me now. god, just shut the fuck up! grr!

cutting

2005-04-29T23:47:41Z

I hate Angie. she thinks she's so emo, cuz she cutts. but how pathetic is someone who doesnt even know how to harm themselves properly? her cutts turn into burns. and not like razor burns, like fire\hot burns. I was on the bus today an she was scratching her wrist and I looked over and saw like 4 really shallow cutts on her arm. I hate people who cutt for attention. Who run around ''oh, I'm so depressed, I cutt myself. look at me, look at me''
Anyways. Nicole has been sick pretty much all week. I saw her this afternoon before I got on the bus. she came to school to get her homework. I'm supposed to call her around 6:30-ish.
I dont have anything else to say.
oh yea... I'm passing Geomitry now. barely, but passing.

school

2005-04-22T15:02:58Z

I'n at school and bored. Mom is checking me out to go see Preston, in about an hour, so I figured I'd kill some time and update. So here goes.
Mom and I are talking again, I guess. I mean, we're civil to each other, but I'm still really pissed at her. I still want to hear her say she's sorry for being such a total BITCH! But everyone knows that'll never happen. But I'm going to see Preston in a bit, and it should get cleared up. Again, prolly not, but I cant help think about it. I cant stand her. I cant wait for summer. I'm going to miss the hell out of Heather Nicole and Emi (especialy Nicole) But I just cant take it anymore. It's either go there for the summer and get a brake, ot stay here over the summer, break down, and eventualy move in with him. So I think the summer thing is a good idea.
I'm supposed to be working on my paper right now but I think I'll just do it at home this weekend. I have an extra credit project that I could be doing, but I have an A in this class so I dont really need to, I may do it when I'm done with this, cuz no matter how long I stretch this out, it wont take me a whole hour to make a journal entry. I'm already running out of things to talk about.
Nicole is moving. But not like away, just to BV. Which is cool cuz now we can chill at her house during lunch. woo and hoo. She says the house is pretty big and really pretty. She wants me to see it. I want to see it. So it all works out. Her mom is moving in next weekend I think, and she's moving in a few weeks after that.
Ok nothing else to talk about. if something comes to me while I'm working, I'll just add it on. Not that it matters, Emi and Nicole are the only ones who read this.

sucky

2005-04-21T01:41:55Z

Today kinda sucked. well, not really. but kinda.
I had to go to this meeting thing with my mom and the school psyc. the school special ed dude, and the principle to discuss whether I get help in math or not. We basicaly came to this conclusion, it's my fault I'm failing, the best idea for me is 504, and the only way I can get special ed is thru the fact that I'm bipolar. Yea, that really shot up my confidence (sarcasm)
Then later, I get on the bus to go home. Travis didnt ride, so it was boring. But that wasnt even the worst. We get to the bus stop and wait... and wait... and wait... and no one shows up. I call mom on her cell twice thinking, I'll call her on her cell, cuz I know she isnt home cuz if she was SHE'D BE HERE TO GET ME! no answer on the cell. So we get BACK on the bus and head back to the school. a little under half way there, mom calls back. Apperantly (SP) Shela was supposed to come pick us up but *says in pittiful voice* she forgot. can we say DITSY BITCH?! oh, I'm sure we can. SHE'S A DITSY BITCH! so I ride home with my mom. She's apologizing the whole way home, I'm like damn, it's okay, just shut the fuck up.
The good parts of today... I burned Linkin Park's Hybrid Theory and the soundtrack for Queen of the Damned. awesome, no? well shut up! I thought it was.
so yea, that was my day.

no subject

2005-04-19T02:10:39Z

Everything up until last night, has been perfect. I'm happy and content and everything. correction: was happy and content and everything.
Me an my mom had a fight, and I did a lot of thinking, about stuff I knew would depress me, but climbed it's way into my thoughts. I talked to Mouse. He helped. I really love him, he's such an awesome person. I talked to my dad, twice. That helped a lot. And I stayed home from school and talked to Preston (my therapist) today, that helped a little too. I'm moving in with my dad over the summer. but just for the summer, I'm coming back when school starts. I cant take being with my mom much longer, she's driving me fucking crazy. I swear had I had a razor last night, I would have slit my wrists. Well, really, I did have a razor, but I knew it wouldnt do much good, and I'm a big pussy, so I didnt do it. Oh well, SSDD.
And then there's Nyssa. I read her journal. She wrote in there that I left her. she said ''I dont know why it suprised me. this is what, the fourth time?'' I didnt realize that. I've hurt her so bad so much. No wonder she loved 'Cello more. Everytime she starts to get close to me again, I ditch her. I'm such a bad person.

blah

2005-04-15T02:09:21Z

Not much to talk about, I'm just bored, so I'm updating. Today at school was boring. I was supposed to get checked out during thrid block for a dr. aptment. But my mom didnt show. that kinda pissed me off. But it was cool, cuz I had funn in Biology. So I'm going to tell you about it, so sit down, shut up, and listen, please. lol ANYWAYS, to the story. We're mating fruit flies in Biology. Well Casy Duncan (SP) was in my group. We couldnt tell which flies were male and which were female, so we had the teacher pick them out for us. We got to class today, and our female wasnt fat. So we asked the teacher, why isnt this one fat? he said, uhh, cuz that's a male. I said, ok, so why isnt that one fat? he said oh, umm, cuz that's a male too. so we had to change flies. The funny\ironic part about it is Casy is gay, and I'm bi, and we're the ones who ended up with the gay flies. shut up, I thought it was cool.
Nicole and I are supposed to be going out with her mom this weekend. we dont even know wut we're doing yet, we're gonna figure it out when we get there. so I'll prolly be spending all day Saturday with Nicole. woo and hoo for me. And I asked my mom if she would do my hair in micro braids again Sunday an she said we'll see. I hope she does. anyways, not much else to talk about.
the end.

happy happy

2005-04-13T01:44:54Z

hehe, as you can tell by the title, I'm just a weebit ESTATIC! lol. I wont say it in here, cuz I dont know how many people from school have livejournals, and we decided we were only gonna tell Emi and Heather. Which we did, and I think Emi was more happy about it than we were. lol. I love you Emi!
I broke up with Nyssa. I felt really bad about it. I love her SOO much, but I just cant stand it anymore. I love her so much, that being with her drives me crazy. if that makes any since at all, but w\e. I told her she could go out with Josh and I was okay with it, we would just be friends. she didnt seem to happy about it, but she said she was okay with it. I know she was lying. She's gonna call me tomorrow, so I'm glad we can still be friends.
anyways, not much else to talk about. LOVE EVERYONE! 'special you. hehe

title

2005-04-10T18:33:23Z

I was having a good day today. I went to church an hung out w\ lots of people I dont really care about (dont ask me what's good about that, I just like it) and I was going to wait and make an entry tonight after I'd had more good stuff happen. but now, it doesnt matter what happens, my day is ruened.
I read Nyssa's journal. We had a convo the other night about what would happen if her an Josh hooked back up. We decided she wouldnt say no, and we would stay friends. Well in her journal, she made it seem like they hooked back up or that there was a really good chance they were going to. So I think I just lost her.
the end.
ok, so maybe not the end. Convo w\ Nyssa:
Stitched Deceit: no
SoonForgotten14: then wut was that journal entry all about
Stitched Deceit: he still loves
Stitched Deceit: me
SoonForgotten14: so are you going to hook up?
Stitched Deceit: no
Stitched Deceit: i told him i didnt want to lose you. so he said he'd wait, and if we dont break up and i cant be with him then thats okay, because he wants me to be happie
SoonForgotten14: whow, I dont know how I feel about that
Stitched Deceit: about what?
SoonForgotten14: what you just said
Stitched Deceit: you said that if i got back with him, we'd have to break up. and i dont want to do that/
SoonForgotten14: neither do I, but I also know you love him more and would be happier with him. but I dont want to break up either
Stitched Deceit: then whats the problem?
SoonForgotten14: I know you love him more and would be happier with him
SoonForgotten14: but I wasnt really worried about it, cuz the other night you said there was no chance of you hooking back up
Stitched Deceit: i didnt think there was
Stitched Deceit: and then we talked for like 3 hours last night, and he just spilled
Stitched Deceit: i wasnt worried about it either.
Stitched Deceit: listen though, okay?
SoonForgotten14: listening
Stitched Deceit: i love you. and i dont want to break up. i want to be with you. if i have to sacrifice josh, then i'll do it.
SoonForgotten14: *hugs* I love you
Stitched Deceit: *holds you close* i love you too.
Stitched Deceit: so dont worry about anything. i was just exstatic to know that he still loves me
SoonForgotten14: ok
Stitched Deceit: *kiss*
SoonForgotten14: *kiss*
Stitched Deceit: :-)
SoonForgotten14: I'm sorry I ever doubted you loved me
Stitched Deceit: dont apologize. i havent been the best girlfriend lately. or even as good as i could be
Stitched Deceit: its my fault
SoonForgotten14: no it's not. but it doesnt matter anyways, cuz everything's ok now
Stitched Deceit: okay good
Stitched Deceit: *kisses you softly*
SoonForgotten14: *kisses you back and pets your hair*
Stitched Deceit: *smiles* i love you
SoonForgotten14: loves you too
Stitched Deceit: so how are you?
SoonForgotten14: better now, u?
Stitched Deceit: good
Stitched Deceit: were you really worried about that?
SoonForgotten14: yea
Stitched Deceit: what were you thinking?
SoonForgotten14: that either he'd asked you back out or you asked him out, an either him or you, said yes
SoonForgotten14: cuz you told me the other night if he did ask you back out, you wouldnt be able to say no. so I've been preparing myself for it ever since then
Stitched Deceit: i told you not to listen to me
SoonForgotten14: well I know how much you love him, so it was kind of hard not to
Stitched Deceit: im sorry
Stitched Deceit: i was really upset that night
SoonForgotten14: yea, I noticed. but it's ok

first entry

2005-04-10T02:47:28Z

My first livejournal entry! Emi and Nicole and Heather will be so happy! I fianlly got off my lazy ass and made an account. Woo and Hoo for me.
My day was boring. I woke up and imed Nyssa. Found out she couldnt call me today. Made plans for her to call me tomorrow. Got dressed. Did my makeup. Got in the car and went to tutoring. Found out Nyssa couldnt call me tomorrow. Learned a lot of boring math stuff. Came home. imed Nyssa again, told her when to call. Watched tv. Went to church. Came home. and made my account! wow, that's a lot of pointless info. hmm, well, get over it. I'll update more when I have more to update on.