Pour Yourself Over Me 2/2
Darren wakes up to a warm mouth on him. He groans as he becomes fully awake and sees messy black hair bobbling as Adam sucks him. He comes down Adam’s throat two minutes later and pulls him up to kiss him, tasting come and morning breath and not giving a fuck.
Adam breaks the kiss and grins at him. “I made pancakes.”
Darren thumps his head back on the pillow and tries to relearn how to breathe. “Blowjobs and pancakes? I have a feeling this is going to be a good day.”
Adam laughs his agreement.
*****
They shower together first, to conserve water of course, and Darren returns the favor, jerking Adam off lazily in the hot water, soap and spunk being washed down the drain as Adam comes for him on a long drawn out moan. They finish washing each other slowly, relaxed and post-orgasm happy.
They’re smiling and giggling like idiots as they dress (Adam makes him borrow some of his clothes and they’re only a little too big,) and head to the kitchen to wolf down the breakfast Adam made earlier.
Adam takes a sip of his coffee as Darren takes the last bite of a pancake. “So,” Adam starts, “You have to leave anytime soon?”
“No,” Darren replies. “Actually, I was planning on driving to my house in San Francisco and… staying there for the indeterminate future.” Darren takes a drink out of his own mug. “So no, I don’t have anywhere to be.”
“Me neither.” Adam starts stacking their dishes and asks, slightly hesitant, “You could stay here, for the weekend? If you wanted?”
“I would like that,” Darren answers, no thought necessary. He pauses for a moment, then continues, “Plus, you still haven’t fucked me. I can‘t leave yet.” Adam chokes on the sip of coffee he'd just took and Darren grins at him.
“Evil,” Adam says to him. “But you’re right, I think we should stay in in bed all day watching bad TV and having lazy sex. What do you think?”
“I think it sounds perfect.” They get up at the same time and Adam backs him against the kitchen sink before kissing him, slow and soft like they have all the time in the world. Adam tastes like coffee and maple syrup and Darren chases the flavor out of his mouth until it’s gone and there’s nothing left but the taste of them. They make out in the kitchen until their mouths are numb and red and Adam finally drags him to the bedroom.
They end up watching shitty Lifetime movies about selling babies, and one about a mom creepily sabotaging her daughter’s relationships, and just generally being in each other’s personal space.
They lose all their clothes by the end of the first movie; but it’s playful, no rush for completion, just getting to know someone through touch. Adam even falls asleep for a little while with his head on Darren’s lap and it make him feel weirdly protective and a lot older, for the first time since he got here.
He cards his hand through Adam’s soft hair and finally lets himself think about what he’s been studiously avoiding. It hurts, but he finds out that he’s actually at peace with it. He knows what he’s doing here, it’s a gorgeous vacation, an escape from reality, and he’s simply going to enjoy it while it lasts.
“Whataya thinking about?”
Darren looks down at his lap and Adam’s looking back at him, sleep mussed and with a small frown on his face.
“Hey, sleeping beauty’s awake,” Darren says.
“What’s that?” Adam asks, sounding sleep rough. He’s looking at Darren’s hand on his shoulder. More specifically, he’s looking at the ring that Darren’s been unconsciously fiddling with.
“My wedding ring,” and then wonders if he should have said that as Adam jerks up, wide awake, and looks at him incredulously.
“You’re married! When! Didn’t I ask you that before we had sex?” Adam sits up and edges over to the side of the bed.
Darren parses out his questions, “Yes? Uh, last year. And no, you asked if I had a wife which I don’t. Although, I do have an ex-wife but the less said about that…” Darren trails off as Adam gets up and starts babbling.
“Oh god, I’m a home wrecker. My mother’s going to kill me.”
“Adam,” Darren tries but is talked over.
“See this is another example of why we need gay marriage. I didn’t even think to look for a ring because we can’t get married. You’ve been wearing the ring this whole time! So two-timing bastards don’t even have the need to take it off–”
“Adam, we’re separated,” Darren exclaims, cutting off his rant and Adam goes silent, dropping the hands he’d been waving around for emphasis.
“Oh,” Adam murmurs, sitting back down on the edge of the bed. “Well, I feel stupid. Um... separated?”
Darren laughs and it isn’t pretty. “Yeah, as in he’s probably applying for dissolution as we speak. You know, the gay equivalent of divorce. Except, equal should never be in the same sentence as gay because we have to fucking call it dissolution.”
Adam looks at him in concern. “I’m so sorry. Can I ask what happened?”
Adam looks so generally sympathetic that Darren smiles at him. “I don’t know, life happened, I guess.” Darren looks down and plays with the ring on his finger. “I loved him, hell, I still love him, but I guess it just wasn’t enough.” Darren’s proud of himself for only sounding slightly bitter.
“Bullshit,” Adam tells him and Darren jerks his head up. “That’s an excuse people tell themselves to make themselves feel better. When they give up.”
He sounds angry and Darren’s head is spinning trying to keep up with Adam’s mood swings. “What? Are you younger than I thought or really just that naïve?”
“Loving someone is hard, everyone knows that. Something that great has to be, or it would be meaningless.” Adam looks upset and gestures at Darren as he talks. “People say that shit, that love wasn’t enough or it wasn’t meant to be, when they don’t want to try anymore. When they give up and they don’t want to admit it because maybe, just maybe, it wasn’t worth it anymore. They weren‘t worth it anymore.”
Darren sees something in Adam’s eyes and understanding dawns on him. They aren’t talking about him anymore. “Did you give up?”
Adam looks self-conscious, but then laughs harshly, “I guess I did. We both did.”
“Do you still love him?” Darren asks.
“I’ll always love him.” Adam sounds wistful, but there’s a sharp edge to it. The wound is still obviously raw.
“But it wasn’t worth it anymore?” Darren feels a tightness in his chest that he doesn’t want to examine at all.
Adam looks unbelievably sad and whispers, “No, no it wasn’t.”
They sit in silence for a few moments, both lost in their own thoughts and worries. Darren doesn’t want to think about what if’s and could have been’s. He’s here to forget just how much his life sucks at the moment, not reveal in it.
Finally, Darren pulls Adam to him until he falls onto his lap, asking, “Hey, wanna do something fun? I kill at karaoke.”
Adam brightens considerably. “I have an idea.”
They don’t make it out of the apartment: Adam makes Darren sing with him, and there’s a distinct lack of clothes. It’s fun and easy, something that’s been missing in his life lately. After a parade of Madonna hits, Adam coerces him into singing some of his own songs, so he goes acappella on I Forgive You and Sense of Humor. Darren feels very self-conscious as Adam watches and listens to him intensely, so to lighten the mood again he starts singing Insatiable. He only makes it half way through the song before Adam tackles him onto the couch. They don’t get back up for a while.
Later, Darren realizes that although Adam is passionate and excited while talking about music, he’s silent about his job. He remembers last night’s lack of enthusiasm for doing theater.
“Hey, tell me about Wicked. Who do you play?” he asks a still debauched-looking Adam, laying across the couch with his feet in Darren’s lap.
“I’m an understudy for Fiyero and it‘s great, I love doing theater.”
“But?” Darren prods.
Adam sighs, “But it’s very… structured,” Adam sits up and runs a hand through his messy hair. “I want more, I want to be spontaneous, to create something. To, fuck, sing my own songs, you know?”
“Yeah, I might know what you mean,” he says with a teasing smile. “Have you thought of trying something else?”
“I was in a band for a bit, which was fun, but not something I want to do forever.” Adam looks hesitant and asks, “Can I tell you something? If you promise not to laugh?”
Darren snorts and waves a hand at them only in their underwear. “We’ve been practically naked all day. I think you can tell me anything you want.”
Adam smiles but then says quickly, “I’m thinking of trying out for American Idol.” Adam watches him like he’s a bomb ‘bout to go off, but Darren just shakes his head.
“You know how I became the lead singer of Savage Garden?” Darren asks.
“No.”
“I answered an ad in a magazine for an audition to be a lead singer for a band called Red Edge.” Darren smiles in remembrance. “If I hadn’t answered that, me and Daniel never would of started Savage Garden.” Daren laughs and says, “Where the hell would I be now if I hadn’t gone to that audition? So, why would I think trying out for American Idol be funny?”
“I’ll have to quit my job.” Adam says, mostly to himself, “I won’t be making any money.”
“Well, if you fail and become homeless you can come live with me and be my pool boy.” Darren smirks and has to dodge the couch pillow Adam throws at him. He laughs, “I’m lying. I don’t have a pool.”
Adam giggles and sits on him. “I would look good in those tiny shorts.”
“You should try it, you know.” Darren says and kisses his cheek. “You’ll regret it if you don’t.”
“I know,” Adam says, and leans down for another kiss.
For dinner Adam makes them grilled cheese sandwiches and soup, and they eat like starving men. Afterward, Adam decides to paint his nails and grabs Darren’s hand and starts painting his once he’s finished with his own. Darren’s amused as Adam keeps rambling, probably on the meaning of life, only commenting when he’s done. “Blue is probably more my color,” Darren says dryly, inspecting his black nails.
Adam blinks at him. “Oh,” and then he brightens up, “You should let me do your make up.”
Which is how he ends up sitting on the bathroom sink with Adam between his legs applying eyeliner to him. Darren lets himself be manhandled finding it weirdly enjoyable.
Adam’s focused on his eyes, but he suddenly exclaims, “You know, I’m really glad I brought you home with me.” Adam smears a thumb under his eye and Darren tries not to laugh at him. Seriously, what is Darren, a puppy? “Honesty, you’re not exactly the type of guy I usually take home with me.”
Darren tries to sputter out a laugh without getting his eye poked out. “Huh? What type of guy do you usually go for?”
Adam grins and hovers the pencil over his eye. “Hold still. And, um, my type is usually someone younger, smaller, and prettier than me.”
“Are you saying I’m old?” Darren scoffs, batting Adam’s hand away from his eye. “And not pretty?”
“What, no! You’re very pretty. I was just saying I’m glad you’re here is all.” Adam looks faintly horrified and Darren can’t keep a straight face anymore, bursting into laughter.
Adam’s confused for about two seconds, narrowing his eyes and muttering, “I hate you,” but there’s amusement lacing his words as he gently grabs a hold of Darren’s chin. “Now shut up and hold still.” Darren stops laughing, but he can’t keep the smile off his face. It matches Adam’s, so he figures it‘s okay.
It’s dark, and Adam’s hovering over him, shadowed and blurred, hot breath against his neck. Everything is slow and quiet, just the sound of skin on skin as Adam takes him a part. His fingers slip on damp skin as Adam slides into him achingly slow and Darren feels like he‘s burning up. He arches into Adam as he sets a leisurely pace and it’s good, sweet even. Darren drowns in sultry pleasure for what feels like hours until he kisses Adam as sparks shoot through him and he comes with Adam’s mouth on his.
Afterwards he falls asleep in a hot, sweaty mess; Adam tangled around him.
*****
The next day, Adam wakes him up and takes him out to breakfast at cute café where they eat outside in the sunshine. He convinces him to take a trip to the beach with him and they spend a glorious day in the sun; playing in the water and getting sand all over them. When it gets too hot and Adam starts turning a bright pink, they go out for ice cream and head home. They’re exhausted, and after Darren smears aloe all over Adam they pass out together in bed.
*****
Darren dresses in his own, newly laundered, clothes. Making sure that he has his wallet and keys, he walks into the kitchen to see Adam drinking coffee and playing with the rings on his fingers.
Adam looks up as he enters and asks with a strained smile, “You all set?” Darren nods, not really knowing what to say, and pats his pocket. He pulls a folded piece of paper out and hands it to Adam.
“What’s this?” Adam asks as he takes it.
“Every number I have or that I could think of,” Darren explains, “It’s, just, I have my own record company and if things don’t work out like you want, you’ll have another option.”
Adam’s speechless, and it makes Darren smile for the first time this morning. “You’re amazing, Adam. I probably wouldn’t have noticed you if you weren’t.” Darren pulls him up out of the kitchen chair. “The sex was totally just a bonus.”
Adam laughs at that and hugs him. “I don’t even know what to say.”
“Just say you’ll try. Really, you just need someone to take a chance on you.” Darren says as he breaks the hug. “And that you’ll take care of yourself, okay?”
Adam’s smile is a little sad. “I will. To everything.” Adam kisses him, gentle and sweet. “Darren, I, god... thank you.”
Darren nods and turns away, a little choked up despite himself. He kisses Adam chastely one last time and walks towards the door. He’s turning the door knob when he hears Adam behind him.
“Is he worth it?” Adam asks, and Darren doesn’t even try to pretend he doesn’t know what Adam’s talking about. He doesn’t turn around, and he doesn’t say anything for a long while.
“Yes,” Darren finally says and it comes out painful, a hard truth he hadn’t wanted to face.
Darren feels a hand on his shoulder and turns to see Adam smiling softly at him. “Then what are you still doing here?”
Darren hugs him hard, almost knocking him down, and clutches at him. “Thank you,” he says, voice tight.
He leaves with red eyes, a new plan, and a dash of hope.
London, June 27, 2007
Darren arrives on his doorstep exhausted and terrified. He knocks on the door and waits. Finally, the door opens and Richard’s standing there, looking confused and more than a little angry.
“Can we talk?” Darren blurts out in a hurry, not wanting the door to be slammed in his face. “Please?”
Richard looks like he’s actually thinking of doing just that, but Darren throws out a hand, clutching the door to keep it from being shut. His chipped black nails are dark against the white door and he takes a deep breath. “Just talk, I promise. Richard, please.”
Richard relents and lets him walk past. It’s a start.
*****
San Francisco, March 17, 2009
“I swear, the older I get the more horrendous that flight gets,” Darren complains as he flops across the bed. “I’m beat, man. I could sleep for a week.”
Richard’s already unpacking as he rolls his eyes. “It’s only seven something. Go take a hot bath, okay? I’ll fix us something to eat.”
“Have I told you lately how much I love you?” Darren struggles up off the bed and kisses Richard on the way to the bathroom. “’Cause I do. A lot,” Daren calls and can practically hear Richard straining his eyes from rolling them so hard. He smiles.
Darren comes out the bathroom relaxed and sees Richard watching TV and cooking, what looks like some kind of pasta dish, and gets his hand smacked when he tries for a taste.
Darren pouts and makes himself a cup of tea. He turns to the TV and asks, “Whatcha watching?”
“American Idol. I know how much you like Simon,” Richard tells him absently, and Darren flicks the back of his head as he walks toward the couch. He looks up in time to drop his cup of tea, vaguely hearing it shatter as it hits the floor. “Oh my god.”
His eyes are riveted to the screen but he hears Richard coming up behind him. “Hey, what happened?”
“I know him,” Darren says weakly and watches the guy on screen talk to Ryan Seacrest.
Richard looks lost, looking at the TV and then back at Darren. “Uh, what?”
“I had sex with him,” Darren says stupidly and watches a clip of Adam talking to Randy Travis.
Richard still looks lost, but also a little amused. He raises an eyebrow and says, “Go on.”
Darren rips his eyes away from the screen and looks at Richard. He hesitates before beginning, “Remember that summer when we were split up? ‘Bout two years ago?”
Richard sits down on the couch and says, “Of course.”
Darren joins him and continues, “I, uh, I met him at a cabaret after one of my shows. I spent the weekend with him.” Darren’s a little nervous, even though they had both already admitted that they hadn’t exactly been celibate while broken up. They still haven’t really talked about it, let alone had it thrown in the other’s face like this.
Richard just watches as Adam does a trippy rendition of Ring of Fire and murmurs, “He’s good.”
Darren remembers and smiles. “I know.” He looks back at Richard and shares his smile. “You know, he actually helped me realize what an idiot I was for letting you go.”
Richard looks surprised and turns back to the TV. “Really?” Darren nods and Richard looks thoughtful. “We should send him a fruit basket.”
“We should vote for him,” Darren says and grins when he sees Richard write the number down.
London, May 30, 2009
“Your husband sent me a fruit basket,” Darren hears as soon as he answers his phone.
“What? Who is this?” Darren asks, confused.
“I’ll give you a hint. I was just voted runner up on this year’s American Idol,” there’s a cough, “And we’ve had sex.”
“Adam,” Darren exclaims. “What? I mean, hey, how are you?”
Adam laughs and says, “I’m good. Really, good.” There’s a pause and Adam continues, “So, why did your husband send me a fruit basket?”
Darren laughs self-consciously. “Oh, um, we saw you on Idol and I told him about you? And that you might have helped us get back together?”
There’s silence on the other end, and then a deep inhalation of air. “You told your husband that a fling with a LA club kid made you get back together with him... and he sends me a fruit basket?”
“Um, yes?” Darren says hesitantly.
Adam bursts out laughing, and it cackles across the phone. “When can I meet this lovely, lovely man?”
Darren grins and says, “When you’re done taking over the world with your music.”
“What about the next time I’m in London?” Adam asks him with another laugh.
“Yeah,” Darren answers, and he’s overcome with a fierce joy that he’d met Adam Lambert. “I would like that.”