screamlet!

dear yuletide author! (2015)

2015-10-18T22:01:01Z

HELLO AUTHOR! IT’S YULETIDE!

i’ve done yuletide roughly three hundred thousand times and every year it’s a horror and a joy, so in advance!! thank you so much for your story! thank you for taking a hot second out of capitalistpalooza to write a story!! i can’t wait to read it!!

IN GENERAL

i like: banter, absurdity, plot is fun!!!!, slice of life stories are amazing, well-written female characters every-fuckin-where, 5 things stories, character studies, big goddamn ensembles

i dislike: violence, racism, misogyny, a/b/o, humiliation, emotional abuse LOL YOU KNOW THOSE COMMON TROPES THAT ARE TOTALLY ONLY IN FIC AND NOT REAL LIFE.

so, onto the actual fandoms/requests!!

*

Hamilton - Miranda

hey u know what A CERTAIN PERSON made that fucked me up

i'm in deep with lin-manuel miranda's hamilton because it has so much of the things i love: a huge ensemble cast, tons of hilarious quotable dialogue, and enough tastes of history to drive people to read a 10,000 page biography just to dig further into the story told by the musical. that being said: i would love a story that focused on the relationships between the act 1 revolutionaries, especially hamilton and washington's relationship, whether platonic or romantic, explicit or subtextual, whatever! I LOVE IT ALL and, as the ASW-remix above shows, i love how complicated and intense it's portrayed in the musical.

i also requested laurens and jefferson, by which i mean i would love to see their individual relationships with hamilton, too. [EDIT: check out this amazing example of jefferson's kate-beaton-nemesis relationship with DEAD HAMILTON, god, american history is the trashiest historical romance ever written and i love it] but really, i would love hamilton/LITERALLY EVERYONE IN THE MUSICAL. take that as you will. and!!! if this is something you're concerned about/struggling with in writing for a Super New Fandom: i'm absolutely on the side of hamilton - miranda fic in contemporary vernacular.

Hamilton RPF

…...i’m on the LMM/groffsauce train. they seem to have so much disgusting fun together and they’re gigantic fucking dorks who adore each other, so if there's a ship, let it be that one?? and they’ve known each other FOREVER. ugh help dig me out of this hole

but, mostly, i love this cast. i love how young and wonderful and articulate and fucking talented and hilarious they are. i would LOVE a massive ensemble fic with appearances from as many of them as possible, something where nothing much happens but it’s fun to read.

also, a note (that i’m borrowing from a friend):

(a note: if you do end up writing this [HAMILTON RPF], i’d like to request that you please archive lock your fic. normally this doesn’t bug me one way or the other for rpf, but since hamilton is currently at a cultural apex, the fandom is very enthusiastic and the young, internet-savvy cast loves to interact with them, it feels like a perfect storm for fourth wall-breaking. archive locking is definitely the safest bet for lmm & co. not finding out that somebody wrote about them kissing or whatever. thank you in advance!!)

[my own totally weird standard is that if LMM is on tumblr every day, and knows about jgroffdaily, i just don’t want to break that last brick of the fourth wall.]

Northanger Abbey - Jane Austen

i’m an english lit person and yet somehow it took me until just a few weeks ago to read northanger abbey—holy fucking shit i fucking loved it. i loved its wry voice and how completely and utterly modern it read in its characterizations and, ugh, just everything. i’d love a story that, more than anything, could get that voice? maybe it could be set during those couple of days at the abbey when general tilney leaves and it’s just catherine, eleanor, and henry hanging out at the house and just being HAPPY? that could be adorable.

Crimson Peak (2015)

as of the writing of this letter, i don’t know what the movie is about except “hot people” “gothic romance” “sins of the past made manifest” and “hot people”, so, uh, YOUR CALL. HOT PEOPLE, SIGHING DRAMATICALLY. gothic romcom au: also amazing. honestly, even after i see it, i’ll probably think exactly the same thing, so vaya con dios into the land of blood and cravats. [EDIT: I SAW THE MOVIE. I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT. EPISTOLARY-STYLE BACKSTORY? NO GHOSTS! I DON'T KNOW.]

*

Wet Hot American Summer: First Day of Camp (TV)

lol ok i would love anything about any of these characters:

- elizabeth banks and chris pine’s whole storyline. don’t let that dirty plaid shirt masquerading as a human man be the last we hear of his stupid face!!!!

- mckinley and ben. forever. especially more of ben’s fucked up home, holy shit, those little glimpses in the show were terrifying. pleeeeease.

- all of camp tigerclaw?? oh my god, i would love a camp tigerclaw fic. maybe they can talk about boat waxing. boats get waxed, right? i read it in a book once.

thank you again for doing yuletide!!! i hope you have fun!!

2014 holiday fic roundup! (yuletide, yuleterrible)

2015-01-01T17:20:49Z

GIFT STORIES RECEIVED
Between Yuleterrible and Yuletide I had some amazing motherfuckers gift me some amazing motherfucking stories. READ THEM. CELEBRATE THEM. What a goddamn flawlesss year.

YULETIDE
Io Saturnalia (4043 words) by linaerys
Fandom: Coriolanus - Shakespeare
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Tullus Aufidius/Caius Martius
Summary: Attius Tullus Aufidius tries to write his memoirs.
Excerpt: Here Tullus put down his pen many nights previous. He can set nothing more in words. Martius had few enough words when he lived. Now, long since dust, no words can capture him, draw him for future generations to build in their minds and admire. Even now, Tullus cannot help but mix his love with his hate, longing with his bitter gall.
Note from me: FUCKING READ THIS!!!!!!!!!!!

YULETERRIBLE
Sure, It's a Coffee Stain. (1169 words) by waldorph
Fandom: Folgers "Home for the Holidays" Commercial
Rating: Explicit
Additional Tags: Sibling Incest
Note from me: When this appeared in my inbox, A Thousand Years started playing in my heart and hasn't stopped since. THIS IS FRIENDSHIP.

The Last Of Us (1830 words) by gyzym
Fandom: The Lord of the Rings (Movies)
Rating: General Audiences
Relationships: Boromir & Faramir, Éowyn/Faramir
Characters: Boromir (son of Denethor II), Faramir, Denethor, Éowyn
Additional Tags: Rule 63
Summary: A promise, a letter, and a moment of recognition. (Rule!63 Boromir and Faramir. Warnings for canonical character death.)
Excerpt: “I shall promise to remain here, and be all right,” says Faramir slowly, “if you shall promise to return here, and be all right.”

On The Way To Something New (2316 words) by leupagus
Fandom: The Lord of the Rings (Movies), The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Characters: Boromir (son of Denethor II), Faramir, Thorongil
Additional Tags: Rule 63, Genderswap, Pre-Canon, Alternate Universe - Pre-Canon
Summary: “Faramir,” Boromir said as patiently as she could, “We’ve already decided—“
“You decided that my vote only counts as a half because I’m shorter than you,” Faramir argued.
“Well that’s just democracy,” she reasoned.
Note: AS YOU CAN SEE, I asked for Rule 63 Boromir and Faramir and now it's ALL I FUCKING WANT.

LANYON IS FUCKING WONDERFUL AND WROTE ME A RANDOM TFLN PROMPTED STORY AAAAHAHAHA
We could just stay in and save each other (1179 words) by lanyon
Fandom: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Captain America (Movies), Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Rating: Not Rated
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers
Characters: Peggy Carter, James "Bucky" Barnes, Steve Rogers, Sharon Carter, Antoine Triplett, Tony Stark, Clint Barton cameo
Additional Tags: AU: Peggy is a Winter Soldier, Cock-blocked, Established Relationship, Tripp lives
Summary: Peggy is upset at being stood up for a date. It takes Steve and Bucky a couple of days to figure out why.
Excerpt: “Steve showed up two hours late and Bucky didn’t show up at all because he was in Medical because he lost his arm.”
Antoine stares at her, in shock.
“The left one,” says Peggy, dismissively. “Stark can make him another.”
“Oh, good,” says Antoine. “That makes it okay.”

GIFT STORIES WRITTEN
And in return, I wrote three stories for Yuletide and three for Yuleterrible! BEHOLD.

YULETIDE
a little night murder (4867 words) by screamlet
Fandom: QI RPF, British Comedy RPF, Actor RPF, British Actor RPF
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Relationships: Victoria Coren/David Mitchell, Abigail Burdess/Robert Webb, Stephen Fry/Jack Whitehall
Characters: David Mitchell, Victoria Coren, Robert Webb, Stephen Fry, Jack Whitehall
Additional Tags: Christmas Party, Rants, Bickering, Banter, Dialogue Heavy
Summary: God help them, the (Coren) Mitchells and Webbs are hosting a party this year.
Excerpt: And when David finished yelling into the now-empty skull of Jack Whitehall, TOTAL FUCKHEAD, he took another breath and said:
“YES, WE WILL BE HOSTING A PARTY THIS YEAR. AT ROBERT’S HOUSE, AS THIS YEAR I WON’T HAVE TIME TO CONVERT OUR SEX TORTURE DUNGEON INTO A DICKENSIAN WONDERLAND FOR YOUR SHITTY PLEASURE, JACK. HERE’S TO 2015, YOU WALKING, BLISTERING RECTUM.”
Note from me: Ummmmmm in case you can't tell, I loved writing this story. I loved it SO MUCH.

around the world in 80 beds (3988 words) by screamlet
Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe RPF, Captain America (Movies) RPF, Actor RPF
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Relationships: Chris Evans/Sebastian Stan
Characters: Chris Evans, Sebastian Stan, Scarlett Johansson, Anthony Mackie, Tom Hiddleston
Additional Tags: Travel, Touring, Dialogue Heavy, Reverse Chronology, First Time, Storytelling, Long-Distance Relationship, 5 Times
Summary: It started with Tom choosing his karaoke song.
Well, no, it started before that. It started in New York.
Actually, it started even before that.
Excerpt: The night ended after Scarlett brought down their tiny private room-house with a rendition of “American Pie” that she stretched out into 12 excruciating minutes by tapping into a ley line that connected straight to hell. Her lyrics took a dark turn into the truth about Channing Tatum and his quest for the still-beating hearts of men.
Note from me: I promised lanyon eons ago, maybe a whole entire year ago, that one day I would write her Evans/Sebstan, and I FINALLY fucking did it, writing this in a fugue state. The scene at the train station might be one of my favorite things?? IF I AM ALLOWED TO CHOOSE FAVORITES.

a way up (1050 words) by screamlet
Fandom: Only Lovers Left Alive (2013)
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Adam (Only Lovers Left Alive)/Eve (Only Lovers Left Alive)
Additional Tags: Post-Canon, Immortals in Space, Space Flight, Vampires, VAMPIRES IN SPACE
Summary: It takes a while before space becomes a viable travel destination.
Adam spends that time wondering about the sun.
Excerpt: She closes her eyes to think on the richness of space, the vast emptiness where a sound could travel for years without being heard.
“Just once,” Eve says. “I would like to see it all just once.”
Note from me: I wrote this in like, two hours the Saturday before the archive opened, on a whim, bc the prompt was so good! "These super intelligent and stylish vampires are going to live forever! WHAT IF THEY GO TO SPACE?" Ugh, not letting that premise go anytime soon.

YULETERRIBLE
Dwarf-Elf Relations at the Close of the Third Age (7030 words) by screamlet
Fandom: The Hobbit (Jackson movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Rating: General Audiences
Relationships: Kíli/Tauriel
Characters: Kíli, Tauriel, Fíli, Dís, Thorin Oakenshield, Bilbo Baggins, Thorin's Company
Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Weddings, Drinking Games, Female Bilbo Baggins/Thorin Oakenshield, Banter, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Post-Battle of Five Armies, Fix-It
Excerpt: “Legolas has had word from his father today. Well. He told me today, I can only assume he had it today.”
“How is the Lord of Robes Aplenty?” Kíli asked. “You never did tell me where he found a battle elk. Rams are one thing, but that elk. Really.”
Note from me: The ONE RULE we have for Yuleterrible, I mean the ONE RULE (because of me) is that NO ONE DIES. So, everyone lives! And there's a WEDDING! And a DRINKING CONTEST!

it's family time (6080 words) by screamlet
Fandom: Girl Meets World, Boy Meets World
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Shawn Hunter/Cory Matthews/Topanga Lawrence
Characters: Maya Hart, Eric Matthews (Boy Meets World), Riley Matthews
Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Polyamory, Adoption
Excerpt: “All anyone would have to pay are maintenance fees and utilities,” Cory said.
Shawn nodded and continued the tour through the rooms (already furnished).
“And it’s not haunted,” Cory said, “Unless the kids ask and then yes, it’s haunted. One of the ghosts is named Grandma Ruth, who died of loneliness when her grandkids didn’t send thank you notes.”
“Nice touch,” Shawn said.
Note from me: The story behind this story I wrote for waldorph will always be that she CALLED ME as she was READING IT to shriek and cry into the phone, sooooooooo bye

a very on-brand holiday (1754 words) by screamlet
Fandom: Actor RPF, Into the Woods (2014) RPF
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Characters: Anna Kendrick, Chris Pine, Elizabeth Banks
Additional Tags: Banter, Workplace Relationship, Crack, Mentions of Taylor Swift, Based on a Taylor Swift Song, Dialogue Heavy, POV Female Character, mocking male celebrities for no reason
Summary: “Banks. Banks, I need help. Code Dick. Code Hair Plugs. Code I just had a sex dream about Chris Pine.”
“DO NOT TOUCH THAT DICK.”
Note from me: Another fugue state fog written the day of our deadline LOL DO ENJOY.

DEAR YULETIDE WRITER

2014-10-22T00:11:13Z

oh boy hello

hi, yuletide writer! it’s like what, six weeks until christmas and i’m already thrilled to read what you churn out, aaaaah!!!!

i like:

- banter

- absurdity

- hijinks

- plot is fun!!!!

- slice of life stories are amazing

- well-written female characters every-fuckin-where

and a little more about my prompts that were puked out in a scatterbrained fugue state:

Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit (2014)

So, this movie was. fucking hysterical. for so many reasons? and it asked a whole lot more questions than it answered. And for a spy thriller, it felt a lot more rushed and realistically slapdash than the perfect-clockwork of other spy movie plots, which made it all the more fun!

But I’ll be totally up front with you: the fic I would love to read is a canon divergence where Cathy and Viktor team up to fuck over Jack and then take over the world with her smarts and his hamminess. JUST BECAUSE. JUST FOR FUN. Because they have roughly 30,000 light years more chemistry than Cathy/Jack annnnnd because it’d be fun to read.

Sleepy Hollow (TV)

I’m LOVING Sleepy Hollow and the fucking insane ways that they shove the occult into America’s revolutionary history. So since we’ve already seen Ichabod unpaid interning for Ben Franklin, fighting alongside George Washington, taking shit from Thomas Jefferson- any story that comes out of this source material is fucking amazing, haha.

Dream fic request: a mashup of Sleepy Hollow and the musical 1776. I DON’T KNOW HOW. MAYBE ICHABOD WATCHES CSPAN AND WONDERS WHY NO ONE IS SINGING. MAYBE HE TRIES TO TELL HIS STORIES IN SONG. MAYBE HE SPENDS MOST OF HIS TIME SEWING UP HIS COAT AND COMPOSING SONGS FOR FUTURE MOMENTS. I don’t knoooooow but it would be beautiful if the past Ichabod lived in was also full of spontaneous musical numbers. (oops here's a playlist of songs from the musical how did this get here)

Coriolanus - Shakespeare

I’d be lying if I said I nominated this for a reason other than sex, violence, and Saturnalia.

White House Down (2013)

JFC this movie’s just so damn fun. I’d love to see the further adventures of Emily Cale like, 5-10-15 years down the line, or the President/John Cale as Prez/Secret Service cover 5EVA, or Emily, HER MOM, and Finnerty (Maggie Gyllenhaal’s badass Secret Service lady) having some crazy adventures- anything, anything.

THANK YOU!!!!

fic: the five-year mission

2014-01-04T04:21:37Z

the five-year mission (11106 words) by screamlet
Fandom: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Relationships: James T. Kirk & Leonard McCoy, James T. Kirk/Spock
Additional Tags: Post-Star Trek: Into Darkness, Exploration, Missions, Alternate Universe - Dark, Mirror Universe, Deathfic, Rocks Fall Everyone Dies

Summary:
15% — the percentage of the original crew roster that will be reported as dead or MIA within the first three years of a deep space mission.
*
The crew of the Enterprise tries to survive their first five-year mission.

YULETIDE!

2014-01-01T15:51:08Z

Another three-story year! Three written, THREE RECEIVED. SERIOUSLY. Three people I don't know just... wrote me stories! Three REALLY GOOD STORIES. PEOPLE ARE SO NICE. Here are the gifts:

Love Is The Root Of All Evil (1905 words) by devilinacardigan
Fandom: Scandal (TV)
Rating: General Audiences
Relationships: Mellie Grant/Olivia Pope, Fitzgerald Grant/Mellie Grant, Fitzgerald Grant/Olivia Pope
Summary: She wonders what she could say to make them understand: I’m your wife. I trusted you. You’re breaking my heart. I love you. She thinks maybe she could say: I had you first. She knows it wouldn’t make a difference.

That Braying Unpleasant Laugh (1703 words) by sandyk
Fandom: 30 Rock
Rating: General Audiences
Characters: Jenna Maroney, Liz Lemon, Wesley Snipes (30 Rock)
Summary: "I don't need a television role, you know. I'm the lead in the Broadway adaptation of the Call Me Maybe video parody," Jenna said.

just happy accidents (4032 words) by smartlike
Fandom: 30 Rock
Rating: General Audiences
Characters: Wesley Snipes (30 Rock), Liz Lemon
Summary: that's a series wrap on Wesley Snipes

*

And then for yuletide proper:

love in the time of appetizers (2330 words) by screamlet
Fandom: The Mindy Project
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Danny Castellano/Mindy Lahiri

this beautiful boy (2079 words) by screamlet
Fandom: Kill Your Darlings (2013)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Relationships: David Kammerer/Lucien Carr, David Kammerer & William Burroughs
Summary: There was something to be said about keeping oneself distant from one’s friends.

queen and consequence (1778 words) by screamlet
Fandom: The Princess Diaries - All Media Types
Rating: General Audiences
Relationships: Nicholas Devereaux/Mia Thermopolis
Summary: Heartblaze presents an Original Movie Event: Queen and Consequence: The Story of Mia, Nicholas, and the Throne of Genovia

And one short Marvel RPF thing I posted to clean out my WIPs folder—a stand-alone scene from a story I won't finish.

walk and talk (1503 words) by screamlet
Fandom: Marvel Avengers Movies RPF
Rating: General Audiences
Characters: Scarlett Johansson, Chris Evans, Anthony Mackie, Tom Hiddleston
Summary: The cast of CAPTAIN AMERICA: WINTER KISSES!!! hangs out at SDCC.

DEAR YULETIDE WRITER

2013-10-09T01:28:53Z

HI, FELLOW YULETIDER. happy fic exchange season! thank you so much in advance for- well, for everything. for puking up a thousand words towards building a fandom that doesn't get enough attention for the other 11 months of the year. what follows is a little of what I enjoy reading in fic, and if it doesn't help, feel free to disregard.

so, some tropes/devices/features I love reading:

stories that fill in canonical gaps- first meetings, first dates, what happened just before/after something important, some part of a character's life where the story doesn't even go- slice of life? oh my goddddd slice of life/day in the life fic is so fun to read;

banter between people who talk too fast for mere humans to keep up;

happy endings, ugh, i'm such a fucking sap;

ridiculous scenarios, the more ridiculous the better;

character studies!!!!

STORIES WITH FULLY DEVELOPED FEMALE CHARACTERS oh wow how'd the caps lock stick on that oh well better keep it like that.

and some things I'm not really into:

rape or assault;

slut-shaming;

humiliation;

emotional abuse;

and how about the actual fandoms! I've listed them from most to least popular, just based on the likelihood of what we're paired up on. or whatever. anyway:

SCANDAL (TV) - Olivia, Mellie, Fitz
Notes: So I just got into Scandal like, last month? I fell hard for it. Hard. I love that half the show takes place in the white house with a sitting president and I think they've done approximately two minutes of actual presidenting in the past season or so. Scandal has a lot of what I love: ridiculous but effective dialogue (AND JUST TO BE CLEAR, I AM THE HELL AND THE HIGH WATER), melodrama, and characters who just. make bad decisions. know they're not doing the right thing but it's the right thing for them, and so they'll do anything to get what they want. Basically, I'm so smitten with the show right now that I'll take anything featuring my three faves twisted up in each other. Maybe they try to make an OT3 work; maybe it's a ceasefire day when they put everything aside for five minutes of the greater good; maybe it's future fic, long after the dust has settled. I'LL TAKE ANYTHING, LITERALLY ANYTHING.

30 ROCK (TV) - Liz Lemon, Wesley Snipes
Notes: The last season of 30 Rock was incredible, like, I didn't know it could be that good after the last few slow seasons. I'd love to see Liz's life post-show and how working on a multi-cam sitcom fits in with her new life.

But, author. What I would love. What I would really, really love. Is Wesley Snipes. We didn't get a series wrap on Wesley Snipes! What is Wesley Snipes doing now? Did he find a Rebecca to his Russ?! Does he still ride his velocipede? DOES HE RUN INTO THE LEMON-CHROSS FAMILY AND HAVE A MELTDOWN? DOES HE HAVE PASTY BRITISH CHILDREN OF HIS OWN? If you're up for it, author, I would love to know what happened to Wesley Snipes. He promised we'd see him for sweeps. That's what they call spring cleaning in England.

RULES OF CIVILITY - AMOR TOWLES
Notes: I loved this book. I loved Katey, amazing practical Katey who never let anything get her down, and worked so hard for what she wanted, and her amazingly cavalier attitude towards sex and the guys she was involved with. I loved Eve, too, and the way she moved through all her different worlds and lives, devouring every new experience. I'd love anything featuring them: either Eve and her adventures in Hollywood (especially with Olivia de Havilland, holy shit), or Katey's life in New York (maybe more between Katey and Wallace?). Basically: more stories with women!

THE CAMOMILE LAWN - MARY WESLEY
Notes: So I just read this book and I was floored at how sharp and modern the characters were drawn, how they were all really intensely flawed. Not just flawed, but then put under this microscope of Life in Wartime and everyone having to Be Brave and be their best selves, self-sacrificing, stiff upper lip selves while also being terrified that they or their families would die in the next air raid. Yeah, A LOT OF FEELINGS. I'd love any story set in this universe, but I'm really interested in seeing more of Polly and her relationship with the Floyers, who had some time together but were mostly treated in side-long glances while their lives just kind of... went on. I'd love some day-to-day stuff, what Polly went through as they were on their missions together, how they got together, how they made their family work.

I'm going to love anything written for these fandoms and I can't wait to see what you come up with! I hope you get an excellent story in return, and that you have an amazing yuletide experience.

xxxx

fic: an upbeat kind of dirge

2013-06-01T15:54:33Z

an upbeat kind of dirge (17279 words) by screamlet
Fandom: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Amanda Grayson/Sarek, James T. Kirk/Spock
Characters: Amanda Grayson, Spock, Sybok, Sarek, Winona Kirk, James T. Kirk, Christopher Pike, Nyota Uhura, Original Female Character(s)

Summary:

If it had been her who died in the destruction of Vulcan.
She thinks about it, sometimes, when she can’t sleep at night.

AU: If Sarek had died in the destruction of Vulcan, but Amanda survived.

places and spaces and faces

2013-04-15T05:38:15Z

yo, i'm still "active." mostly on twitter.
twitter / @screamlet (i probably use this too much)
ao3 / screamlet (i'll crosspost here)
email / screamlet at gmail

Usually I call twitter a wasteland, but this week it's provided me with so much amusement:
- "maybe haraldson can be a METAPHORICAL villain, like the spirit of consumerism! or ryan lochte!"
- tunalock
- fake vikings spoilers designed solely to fuck with me
- [REDACTED SHERLOCK SPOILERS BUT I LAUGHED UNTIL IT HURT]
- that asshole on vikings (you know, in an adorable and loving way)
- chris pine having sex with cannolis (but first asparagus and chicken piccata omg baby corn)
- all the forms a Vikings Little Mermaid AU could take
- the AO3's fundraising drive and how best to cause waldorph pain

AND NOW IT'S 1.30 EDT AND IF THIS HAD A POINT IT'S LONG GONE, SO
BYE

yuletide reveals!

2013-01-01T19:38:11Z

Oh, yuletide, you were hard his year. I defaulted on my main assignment for the first time ever (lesson learned: NO, SERIOUSLY, SCREAMLET. DO NOT LIST FANDOMS YOU ARE NOT 110% SURE ABOUT.) and then ended up writing the three stories below!

In Pursuit of Happiness (7924 words) by screamlet for waldorph
Fandom: Kings
Rating: Mature
Warning: Major Character Death
Relationships: Jack Benjamin/David Shepherd, Michelle Benjamin/David Shepherd
Characters: Thomasina (Kings), Rose Benjamin, Ephram Samuels, Original Characters
Summary: And hey, I'm not the kind / To fall in love without good reason /And if that's a crime /Then baby I'm committing high treason. (Or: Michelle has left and Jack… hasn't.)

So! I've never writte Kings before; actually, I hadn't even seen the show until November when those enablers known as all of twitter (ok lanyon and aliassmith) were like YEAH IT'S TOTALLY GREAT ALSO YOUR HEART WILL DIE and then it did and then I wrote this and ruined waldorph's life in the process. OOPS.

*

The Disorient Express (4115 words) by screamlet for lanyon
Fandom: Political Animals
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Characters Thomas "T. J." Hammond, Margaret Barrish, Douglas Hammond, Anne Ogami
Summary T.J. thinks he'll blame youth-obsessed Western culture for making him ashamed to admit that his grandmother is his best friend.

God, I don't even know This is one of those stories where (like I told lanyon when commenting on one of her own) that it asked more questions than it answered, mostly about where TJ could go from the series finale. Ugh, stupid Political Animals, being all great and stuff with its world building. ANYWAY. It's amazing when a character's voice is so distinct that falling into their delivery and language feels like the easiest thing in the world, and that was definitely the case with Ellen Burstyn's salty grandma. Screeeeeeam.

*

a spring fling (5707 words) by screamlet for withthepilot
Fandom: Marvel Avengers Movies RPF, Actor RPF
Rating: Mature
Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships Chris Evans/Scarlett Johansson, Scarlett Johansson & Jeremy Renner
Characters: Scarlett Johansson, Chris Evans, Jeremy Renner, Tom Hiddleston, Anthony Mackie, Sebastian Stan, Elsa Pataky, Chris Hemsworth
Summary New York City, where every weekend is marathons of Halo and the coming of the Thor baby. (Definitely next in that "avengers cast does ridiculous shit" series that starts with "the one where they beat up barflesquat swashbuckle.")

I knew that, at some point, I would be writing Avengers RPF for yuletide, but I didn't know for who or why or when or how; then, Saturday the 22nd, I sat down and wrote this in a fugue state, which you can definitely mark by Tom Hiddleston's progression in the story from "hello people, I am humon" to everything else he says in the story. Also, there's ScarJo POV and awkwardness with babies and gift-giving anxiety and Sebastian Stan has a cameo so that I could say he appears in some form IN EVERY STORY I WROTE THIS YEAR. (WHY? DO I LIKE HIM THAT MUCH? OK??)

DEAR YULETIDE WRITER

2012-10-15T22:42:01Z

hi there, yuletide writer!
Hello! Thanks so much for participating in Yuletide! Ok that sounds like a "welcome to murderhouse" thing to say, but Yuletide is amazing and my favorite fandom challenge, so I'm glad we're in this together, haha. I'm so excited to read whatever you end up writing.

So I requested these fandoms because I love the worlds they're written in and any story written in them is guaranteed to be amazing. In my fic-reading habits, I'll read pretty much anything, but I especially love:

character studies;
slice-of-life;
stories that are light on plot and heavy on banter and hilarious dialogue;
and, as my friend oliveoyl pointed out, i very much prefer "characters to feel like they're written in the spirit of canon."

Not so cool with unjustified character bashing, slut-shaming, non-con.

and here are the requests!
Marvel/Avengers RPF: Scarlett Johansson, Jeremy Renner
Optional details: Anything as long as it's fun. And feel free to feature any/everyone in the cast because I LOVE THIS FANDOM.
Explanation: I... don't even know how to talk about this prompt. They are insanely gorgeous people who are hilarious together and have been friends forever (see: Renner recounting how they met). Sooooo, I'll take anything: their messy epic friendship through the years, or their messy epic on-again/off-again thing through the years, or Avengers press tour hijinks, or a lazy platonic Saturday, or a lazy romantic Saturday, or an ensemble piece that vaguely revolves around them, or ANYTHING, REALLY ANYTHING? They are weirdoes and I want to see more of these weirdoes and also their totally weirdo castmates.

Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969): Butch Cassidy, The Sundance Kid, Etta Place
Optional details: OT3, please!
Explanation: I'd love the story of those throwaway lines in the movie:

Etta: Butch?
Butch: Hmm.
Etta: Do you ever wonder if I'd met you first, we'd be the ones to get involved?
Butch: But we are involved, Etta. Don't you know that? I mean you are riding on my bicycle - in some Arabian countries that's the same as being married.

Like, the whole point is that it explains everything and nothing so as to leave you wondering and curious, so I'd love to see some version of their relationship. Doesn't have to be the beginning or how the three of them came to their understanding, but some new take on their whole relationship would be interesting to read.

Lion in Winter (1968): Philip/Richard
Optional details: NOW WITH A STRONG HELPING OF MELODRAMATIC MONOLOGUES? YES?
Explanation: What I love the most about The Lion in Winter is the total lack of subtlety, and how 95% of the movie is blatant monologuing by a giant cast of hams. A quiet love affair featuring sex and snappy yet insanely long monologues would be fantastic.

Midnight in Paris (2011): Zelda/Scott Fitzgerald, Hemingway
Optional details: Suppose Gil actually slipped back into the 1920s and interacted with the expatriates (Hemingway, the Fitzgeralds, Stein) during the course of the movie. What if some of the expatriates slipped forward and interacted with Gil after the events of the movie? Or generally, I'd love to see more of the Fitzgeralds and Hemingway.
Explanation: So this was like, a prompt! What the fuck! It's just a prompt/suggestion; the Fitzgeralds and Hemingway were my favorite part of the movie and I'd love to see more insane, highly-stylized banter from all of them. Plot is optional, style essential. Seriously, they could just sit in a bar and drink and smoke while talking about books and I would probably burst into tears of joy.

Soooo I hope this is helpful? I hope you have fun writing!

- 2011 letter

And here's this image again because ugh I loved this book as a kid and don't want to forget:

fic: at the end (and beginning) of the war

2012-09-05T22:34:24Z

at the end (and beginning) of the war (19.5K words)
Fandom: Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, Thor (2011)
Rating: Mature
Warning: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Relationships: Loki/Sif/Thor (and all combinations therein)
Summary: “There’s two things I don’t think about anymore: the beginning of the war and the end of it.”

AU | When Sif was very young, she was sent to be fostered in the house of Odin and raised with his two sons, Thor and Loki. When they grew up and the time came for Thor to take the throne, they assured each other that nothing would change—and then Sif declared war on her family.

Notes: Written for the summer 2012 avengers_rbb challenge with lilly_akame's excellent mix as a prompt. The story's roots are in the Thor movie, but squint and you'll spot influences back to the Norse Poetic and Prose Eddas and, because I'm a shameless nerd, the Homeric epics as well. You could read this as the story of Helen of Troy if Helen decided Mycenae was too damn small for her ambition and launched those thousand ships herself. Or, it's the story of three siblings who loved each other much more than the kingdom they swore to protect.

fic: the annual stark family fourth of july celebration

2012-07-11T21:56:52Z

The Annual Stark Family Fourth of July Celebration (5801 words) by screamlet
Fandom: The Avengers (2012), Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, Iron Man (Movies)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Characters: Tony Stark, Howard Stark, Maria Stark, Peggy Carter, Pepper Potts, Steve Rogers
Summary: July 4th is sacred in their house.
Notes: The years for everyone's ages and timeline of events at Tony's life are taken from this prop photograph.

fic: brain, tongue and heart (avengers!)

2012-06-05T00:49:02Z

Brain, Tongue and Heart (30539 words) by screamlet
Fandom: Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, The Avengers (2012), Iron Man (Movies)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Bruce Banner/Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov, Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov & Steve Rogers
Characters: Steve Rogers, Maria Hill, Ensemble, Happy Hogan, JARVIS
Summary: After the failed debut of Loki as supreme ruler of all humans, the Avengers left on Earth piece themselves together using JARVIS, The Sound of Music, science, war games, and anything else they can find.

fic: tearing through you (1/?!)

2012-04-25T01:24:36Z

tearing through you (6309 words) by screamlet
Chapters: 1/?
Fandom: Sherlock (TV)
Rating: General Audiences
Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Characters: Molly Hooper, Greg Lestrade, Irene Adler, John Watson, Sherlock Holmes
Summary: It's strange, but once you've been involved in a conspiracy or two and you’ve actually taken part in faking deaths, taking names—from dead people, stillborns, where ever—you can't help but see conspiracies everywhere. You really hope it’s just your imagination.
Notes: WORK IN PROGRESS! For darling oliveoyl on her 26th birthday, when all she wanted was fic about Molly. (Spoilers through S2.)

fic: throw over your man, i say, and come

2012-03-27T04:31:01Z

throw over your man, i say, and come (2265 words) by screamlet
Fandom: Downton Abbey
Rating: General Audiences
Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Mary/Lavinia, Matthew/Lavinia
Summary: I think she knows. I think she knows how much I want to go to London.
Notes: For dollsome's Mary and Lavinia Comment Ficathon that got a little carried away, inspired by zlot's prompt–a quote from one of Virginia Woolf's letters to Vita Sackville-West:

Look here Vita — throw over your man, and we’ll go to Hampton Court and dine on the river together and walk in the garden in the moonlight and come home late and have a bottle of wine and get tipsy, and I’ll tell you all the things I have in my head, millions, myriads — They won’t stir by day, only by dark on the river. Think of that. Throw over your man, I say, and come.

Set in some nebulous world before S2E5 and then there's a sharp detour into an AU. Linked to Adventuring for Ladies because I, too, borrowed Amelia for a second.

(25) YULETIDE 2011 RECS!

2012-01-02T20:05:40Z

Ha, okay, "later this week" meant "like 24 hours later," but my morning coffee was particulary strong, I guess! Anyway: RECS. 25 stories in 15 fandoms because I read like a fiend and had the best and bravest (oliveoyl for the record) sending me shit after I blew a gasket reading like, 40 stories on Christmas proper.

In some cases, I've replaced the summary with my favorite line(s) just because. And there's a helpful fandom table of contents because the list is otherwise a bit unwieldy! Fics organized alphabetically in their fandom and these are all very good uses of your time.

30 Rock
@MayorEmanuel
A Bear Named Winnie
Actor RPF
Breaking Bad
Broadway RPF
Clueless
Downton Abbey
Easy A
Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Happy Endings
Jane Eyre
Michael Fassbender with Pugs (Tumblr)
Parks and Recreation
Tombstone

*

30 ROCK

Kippers and Whistles (1663 words) by ijemanja
Fandom: 30 Rock
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Liz Lemon/Wesley Snipes
Characters: Liz Lemon, Wesley Snipes (30 Rock)
Summary:
"I should warn you, if you touch any part of me with your horrendously long toenails, I will scream," he countered.

*

@MAYOREMANUEL

The F**cking Movie Never Motherf**cking Ends (7484 words) by kel
Fandom: @MayorEmanuel
Rating: Mature
Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Characters: Rahm Emanuel
Summary:
"There's a million fucking universes, but most of them are the same old shit."

Have I told you about my enormous boner for Rahm Emanuel? No? It exists. Also, this has one of my favorite things in the world: GRATUITOUS SWEARING. Yesssss please.

Best lines:
Here's a theory: the time vortex was caused by an implosion of infinite Plouffes constantly time traveling from 1991 to send fucking FAXES. 9/26/11 12:11:27 AM
Fucking seriously, sometimes I miss my fucking friends so much it feels like I slammed my cock in the door of the Civic. 9/26/11 12:29:43 AM

*

A BEAR NAMED WINNIE

Observations (1730 words) by zlot
Fandom: A Bear Named Winnie (2004)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Harry Colebourn/Ian Macray
Characters: Harry Colebourn, Ian Macray, Winnie
Summary:
But he doesn’t, and Ian thinks that maybe Harry is like him — a bit oblivious to all outside his narrow focus. Harry’s focus is Winnie, and Ian’s focus is Harry, for some inexplicable reason, and he feels safer in his observations when he convinces himself that his subject won’t gaze back.

*

ACTOR RPF

hand it in tomorrow, it'll be all right. (3511 words) by cereal
Fandom: Saved by the Bell RPF
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warning: Author Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Characters: Mark Paul Gosselaar, Tiffani Amber Thiessen
Summary:
They tell time by Mark-Paul's roots instead.
(A press tour in France that really happened, and a whole lot of things that probably did not.)

HAHAHAHA. DID YOU KNOW YOU NEEDED SAVED BY THE BELL RPF IN YOUR LIFE? YEAH, I DIDN'T EITHER, BUT IT IS VERY MUCH NECESSARY FOR YOUR CONTINUED EXISTENCE ON EARTH. Press tour shenanigans is a legit RPF trope/genre because there's nothing like it and cereal has gone ahead and brought it to this backdrop and these characters you didn't know could fit in with the best in that genre. Then again, it's cereal, who is flawless and wonderful, so I knew she would blow me away somehow I just didn't know how until, you know, it happened.

Best line: It feels so much like a script she hasn't finished and all she wants is to be able to read faster.

the sky is breaking (3904 words) by Lizzen
Fandom: Sherlock (TV) RPF
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warning: Author Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: Benedict Cumberbatch/Martin Freeman
Characters: Benedict Cumberbatch, Martin Freeman, Amanda Abbington
Summary:
Later, Peter Jackson is pouring honey in his ear and then: "He absolutely adores you. I couldn't get him to shut up about this." Benedict is unsure what is making his heart beat faster, the fame or the favor.

*

BREAKING BAD

Badger and Skinny Pete are Dead, Bitch! (2497 words) by bogged
Fandom: Breaking Bad
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warning: Major Character Death
Characters: Skinny Pete, Badger (Breaking Bad), Jesse Pinkman, Walter White, Mike Ehrmantraut
Summary:
The great thing about Jesse, though, is that he never mistook leader to mean dictator. He has always been exceptionally careful to not only include him and Skinny Pete in his plans, but to make sure they’re taken care of. Other men may find that emasculating, but Badger likes knowing that one of his closest friends is thinking of him always, and wishing him well.

I don't watch Breaking Bad (it's a gory mess and I can't stand gore and if bogged has made peace with this, you should, too) but I know bogged is one of those writers who can convince me of, oh, ANYTHING. LITERALLY ANYTHING. This past big bang season, she convinced me that Daniel Radcliffe is a demon with a little heart of demon who works for the Zachary Quinto-shaped devil and enters into a bargain with Zac Efron. When she said her Breaking Bad fic was Breaking Bad does Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead, I said SURE, WHY THE FUCK NOT, WHERE CAN I SIGN UP? And the last lines are just pure boggedalot platinum. She makes everything amazing so this is just one more fandom where she's like "and there, I'm great, bye now." So go read this and then read everything she's ever written and bye.

*

BROADWAY RPF

How Do You Solve a Problem Like Mikita? (988 words) by bogged
Fandom: Broadway RPF
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Jesse Tyler Ferguson/Justin Mikita, Zac Efron/Daniel Radcliffe
Characters: Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Justin Mikita, Christopher Hanke, Daniel Radcliffe, Zac Efron, John Larroquette
Summary:
Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the playhouse
Every creature was stirring
Because they were snowed in and ready to kill from the close proximity to each other
Or: why actors are terrible people to be stuck inside with, a practical study.

Read the tags -- this is not for everyone, but it's insanely hilarious. It's Broadway RPF/Actor RPF/Niche RPF and you will probably love it if you like, I don't know, laughter. Especially ugly vomit laughter coming out of your mouth. Best line: Justin, his hair too distractingly awful for anyone else to hold a conversation, flops down on the bed. He closes his eyes, probably trying to have a thought, when he hears an odd sound from his closet. He immediately gets up and goes toward the sound, due to being dumb.

Our Thing (753 words) by zlot
Fandom: Broadway RPF
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Daniel Radcliffe/Christopher Hanke
Characters: Daniel Radcliffe, Christopher Hanke, John Larroquette
Summary:
Christopher pulls a prank on his new How to Succeed costar. It goes awesome, duh.

GAHHH a gift from oliveoyl who so loves the world she brought it HANKECLIFFE with a gratuitous serving of John Larroquette because she knows he touches me in all the best soul-places. Best line:

“Christopher,” Dan says, carefully. “I realize this may be my first week on Broadway, but it is not, in fact, my first week on planet Earth.”
“Are you sure about that?” Christopher does not ask, except in his head, where all the mean thoughts live.

*

CLUELESS

Unreasonable Degrees of Happiness (3574 words) by catie56
Fandom: Clueless (1995)
Rating: General Audiences
Warning: Author Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: Cher/Josh
Characters: Cher Horowitz, Josh
Summary:
Cher and Josh: one year, five years, and ten years later.

Best line: “Yes. First, puke, then diamonds.” Also, have you seen this photo?

*

DOWNTON ABBEY

I Am Entirely Sick of Shadows (5361 words) by Bow
Fandom: Downton Abbey
Rating: General Audiences
Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Mary Crawley/Matthew Crawley
Characters: Mary Crawley, Matthew Crawley, Violet Crawley, Cora Crawley, Edith Crawley, Robert Crawley, Isobel Crawley, Lavinia Swire, Richard Carlisle, Charles Carson
Summary:
Christmas is coming, and a ghost has moved into Downton Abbey. As usual, Mary is the one to suffer.

This is cheeky ridiculous hilarious Downton fic that reads like you and your friends' running commentary on any given episode. READ THIS. Best line: WORLD IS CHANGING STOP GHOSTS MUST CHANGE WITH IT STOP HOPE GHOST IS NOT OVERLY ATTACHED TO OUTDATED RIGID CLASS SYSTEM STOP

Lavinia and Mary Have An Adventure (6614 words) by Poshcat
Fandom: Downton Abbey
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warning: Author Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Characters: Mary Crawley, Lavinia Swire
Summary:
This is just a bit of fluff for Yuletide, wherein Lavinia and Mary kick some post-Victorian ass, Sir Richard is the mustache-twirling villain of the piece, there's a gay, drunk deus ex machina, and Mr. Bates is pretty much James Bond with a bum leg. I hope you enjoy it!

Oh, man, this is awesome. This is so awesome. oliveoyl apparently gives the best prompts ever because they produced THE best Downton fics featuring Mary and Lavinia being completely awesome together and, in this case, completely sexy. Best line: Mary’s eyebrows rise up in disbelief. “We tried to kill my fiancée and throw his body into a lake, and you're worried about this sin?”

The Place Where I Belong (2330 words) by chelsey
Fandom: Downton Abbey
Rating: Not Rated
Warning: Author Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: Sybil Crawley/Gwen Dawson
Characters: Sybil Crawley, Gwen Dawson, Robert Crawley
Summary:
After marrying Branson, Sybil realizes life with him in Ireland was not what she had been looking for.

My precious zap_rousdar went there and imagined shit between Sybil and Branson NOT WORKING OUT and hey, here's GWEN back in the picture. Yes. Yes. Yes. Please. Don't mistake the summary and excerpts for parts corresponding to the whole -- this is about Gwen and Sybil. Best line:

Letters arrive from Branson with alarming regularity, first filled with pleading for Sybil to return, and later with vague threats along the you’re my wife and love, honor and obey lines. Sybil reads each one and then tucks it away without a word of explanation. She never cries, and she never seems moved to return. Gwen keeps her promise and never asks a question.

the number one ladies' detective agency. (3757 words) by literary_critic
Fandom: Downton Abbey
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warning: Author Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Mary Crawley/Lavinia Swire
Characters: Mary Crawley, Lavinia Swire
Summary:
In which Mary Crawley and Lavinia Swire team up to solve crime, among other things.

This is a goddamned OUTSTANDING Yuletide fic. Do yourself a favor and read this. It's like a super-rec. Best lines:
"No," Mary says. "It's the funniest thing but I'm not jealous of you at all. I think I'm jealous of Matthew."
Lavinia blinks, slow in her understanding.
"Because he gets to marry you Lavinia," she explains quietly. "And when he does, nothing will be the same. I keep listening to you try to convince yourself that it will be, but how could it?"

*

EASY A
This was one of my requested fandoms this year and I got TWO stories in it! I am so insanely lucky to have gotten so many great stories this year from friends and strangers. Here they are -- variations on the same what's Brandon's story request, both go in different, really lovely directions.

From Under a Sky That is Falling (2206 words) by brandnewsoul
Fandom: Easy A (2010)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warning: Author Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Characters: Brandon (Easy A)
Summary:
"Post-Melanie Bostic's party, he's at CVS with a fake ID made for him by Adam Thayer--the very Adam Thayer who had, just the week before, been the one who started the fight that had gotten Brandon in detention with Olive, resulting in him pretending to (loudly) have sex with her in Melanie Bostic's bedroom." The story of Brandon.

I loved how this story made me feel I was Brandon, and I was there with him at the first thrill of being liked and pursued by someone. Best lines: Brandon laughs nervously and slides the fake license across the counter; Carver picks it up and studies it. His eyebrows furrow, and he places the card on the counter before looking back up at Brandon again. "So," he says in a low voice, "where's the party?"

The Company You Keep (3150 words) by carolinecrane
Fandom: Easy A (2010)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Brandon/Josh
Characters: Brandon (Easy A)
Summary:
Getting Olive to pretend to have sex with him turned out to be the best decision Brandon had ever made, though not for the reason he expected.

Ugh, this story is just really sweet and if the above story filled in what happened, this one fills in all the FEELINGS. Like: It was sweet and unexpected and all that other romantic bullshit Brandon had never let himself hope for.

*

FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF

One Thousand, Three Hundred and Fifty-Three Feet (4432 words) by Kyra, Kyra Cullinan
Fandom: Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Ferris Bueller/Cameron Frye/Sloane Peterson
Characters: Sloane Peterson, Cameron Frye, Ferris Bueller
Summary:
The question isn't "what are we going to do," the question is "what aren't we going to do?"

This showed up last night in my epic recs email with oliveoyl aaaaand oh my god. I would watch a six-part miniseries like this. The worldbuilding backstory is so nostalgia-soaked and full of yearning and perfect, and the present-day bittersweetness and complications are so good. It's your favorite 80s teen movie, now for grownups. Best lines: But she can't stop looking at Cameron, either: his wiry chest and shoulders, the serious, secret look he gives her when he skims a hand up her bare leg. Cameron, who used to give her his chocolate milk in the junior high cafeteria and make her laugh through high school assemblies by heckling the principal under his breath. Closing his eyes now when Ferris kneels behind him and reaches around to unbutton his jeans. She's not really surprised by any of this.

*

HAPPY ENDINGS

Apocalips (3179 words) by BluWacky
Fandom: Happy Endings (TV)
Rating: General Audiences
Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Dave Rose/Penny Hartz
Characters: Dave Rose, Penny Hartz, Alex Kerkovich, Jane Williams, Brad Williams, Max Blum
Summary:
Some moments are remembered for all the wrong reasons.

Best line: “Please never be a vaguely offensive stereotypical evangelist preacher again, dude,” Brad frowned, “notwithstanding your obviously incredible charisma and persuasiveness. Oh, and your ‘marriage license’”. Jane and Brad mimed the air quotes together. It was cute with a bitter edge, like a kitten wielding a razor blade dipped in lemon juice.

*

JANE EYRE

Even So Come (3259 words) by zlot
Fandom: Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
Rating: General Audiences
Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: St. John Rivers/Rosamond Oliver
Characters: St. John Rivers, Rosamond Oliver
Summary:
You met Rosamond the day she came home from school, all finished and correct: the very day.

AUGH. oliveoyl. THIS BITCH. She is personally responsible for getting me to A) watch Jane Eyre B) read Jane Eyre C) read her Jane Eyre fanfiction D) enjoy the hell out of ALL THOSE THINGS because she is an amazing writer who pops out of her academic hole 2-3 times per year to blow everyone away with SEXY VICTORIANS and other things of that ilk. She's written Dickens fic, now Bronte fic, fucking A Bear Named Winnie fic, and she manages to create these little moments that fit so well into the world you fell in love wth. AND? IT IS ALWAYS FUNNY, just like these books that aren't given enough credit for being hilarious. Best line: He looks as if he’s considering what you say in a serious light. The age of miracles is perhaps not past.

*

MICHAEL FASSBENDER WITH PUGS (TUMBLR)

Owned (12218 words) by winterhill
Fandom: Michael Fassbender with Pugs (Tumblr)
Rating: Mature
Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Characters: Michael Fassbender, A Pug, James McAvoy
Summary:
It was quite unusual, really, that Pugsley had made a Tumblr in the first place. What came after that was just downright weird.

GOD FUCKING DAMMIT. READING THIS? ALL 12K OF IT? oliveoyl's fault. And: no regrets. The voices are insane, well-written, hilarious, and somehow, Sharkbender is even crazier than the tumblr'ing pug. Also features the greatest portrayal of James McAvoy ever. Best line: The [wall of pug photos], looked at critically, was sort of horrifying. He and James stood in front of it, and James’s eyes were like saucers — presumably trying to work out if Michael was about to either a) stab him, b) ask him to dress in a pug suit and bend over, or c) start crying and have some sort of psychotic break.

*

PARKS AND RECREATION

Ben Wyatt, Christmas Disaster (2049 words) by lunarknightz
Fandom: Parks and Recreation
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warning: Author Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: Leslie Knope/Ben Wyatt
Characters: Leslie Knope, Ben Wyatt, Ann Perkins, Ron Swanson, Andy Dwyer, Tom Haverford, April Ludgate, Donna Meagle, Jerry Gergich, Chris Traeger
Summary:
Better a cube butt, Ben thought, than a Christmas disaster.

Best lines:
“The specific idea I had for Leslie is already bought and wrapped and under the tree. And I like you, Ben, I really do, and I’m so happy that you make Leslie happy.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. But I swear, if you come in between Christmas and me, I will cut a bitch.”

Community Clean and the Avian Flu (3549 words) by theravenwrites
Fandom: Parks and Recreation
Rating: General Audiences
Warning: Author Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: Leslie Knope/Ben Wyatt
Characters: Ben Wyatt, Leslie Knope, Chris Traeger
Summary:
Ben makes a decision. Set between Season Three and Season Four.

AAAAAAAH best lines:
"Shower first!" Leslie shouted in Ben's ear. "Shower first, Ann, otherwise you're going to smell like old people and death!"
"Ann Perkins!" Chris shouted in Ben's other ear. "I need to know if I am exhibiting any known symptoms of the bird flu!"

Tool Time with Ron Swanson (1185 words) by katsumeragi
Fandom: Parks and Recreation
Rating: General Audiences
Warning: Author Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: Ron Swanson/Chris Traeger
Characters: Ron Swanson, Chris Traeger
Summary:
Chris finds a way to break his coffee table and Ron takes it upon himself to teach him lessons of craftsmanship, Swanson family traditions, and to stop buying things from the Swedes.

Best lines:
“In the Swanson family,” Ron said, “we don’t use barbells or stretched fabric to test our strength. Ever since the 1700s Swanson women would abandon their sons in the woods with only a hatchet, a piece of rope, and a small slice of stale bread. If they made it back, they never needed to prove their strength again.” He took a long stare at Chris. “My mother didn’t even give me the rope.”

Chris blinked. “That might be, literally, the most terrifying childhood one could have.”

What to Expect When Expecting (1058 words) by Lexie
Fandom: Parks and Recreation
Rating: General Audiences
Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Andy Dwyer/April Ludgate, Leslie Knope/Ben Wyatt, Tom Haverford/Lucy (Parks and Recreation)
Characters: Leslie Knope, April Ludgate, Andy Dwyer, Tom Haverford, Donna Meagle, Jerry Gergich, Ann Perkins, Ron Swanson, Ben Wyatt, Jean-Ralphio Saperstein, Lucy (Parks and Recreation)
Summary:
"So we're going to have a kid or whatever," April says, and the entire office comes to a standstill.

Best line: Leslie holds the phone up to the camera, making an I told you so face. "Oh dear God," Ben's tinny horrified voice says.

new business idea: sushi shaped like mustaches (1099 words) by preromantics
Fandom: Parks and Recreation
Rating: General Audiences
Warning: Author Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Characters: Ron Swanson, Tom Haverford, April Ludgate, Jerry Gergich, Andy Dwyer, Donna Meagle, Leslie Knope
Summary:
Tom takes waking up in Ron's body much better than Ron takes waking up in Tom's (woman-smelling silk sheet encased) body.

Best line: A piece of sushi drops to the floor near Tom’s head. “You also have ten seconds to explain why you’d put tiny fish pieces into my body without my permission,” Ron says.

*

TOMBSTONE
Tombstone was the other fandom I requested and again, I was fortunate enough to get two fics in it! They are both beyond excellent and I am so fucking grateful to have such talented people put their time into crafting stories that kind of had me hyperventilating with glee. And if you haven't seen this movie, do. These are full of great banter and whimper-inducing.

Moonshine Lullaby (1220 words) by Perpetual Motion
Fandom: Tombstone (1993)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warning: Author Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: Wyatt Earp/Doc Holliday
Characters: Wyatt Earp, Doc Holliday
Summary:
Doc and Wyatt, alone one night and discussing the nebulous "after."

This story is so fucking sharp I read the whole thing like, clutching at my non-existent pearls. Best lines:

He tightens his grip on Doc and pulls him closer, pressing his face into Doc's neck. "You're a bitter piece of milkweed," he says.
"Milkweed is a hardy plant. I thank you for the compliment."

oxygen (and the lack of it) (1197 words) by pwrofbauer
Fandom: Tombstone (1993)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Wyatt Earp/Doc Holliday
Characters: Wyatt Earp, Doc Holliday
Summary:
Just a small Wyatt/Doc piece set during the Vendetta Ride. A bit AU, obviously.

This fic falls into my favorite genre/defense mechanism, BANTER TO DEFLECT THE WORST :( Best lines:

“Can’t find anythin’ better than creek runoff for a dyin’ man?”
“You’re not dyin’, Doc.” Wyatt hands over the canteen. “And you’re not drinkin’ anything stronger until you get a bit of water in your system.”
“Which one of us is the doctor here, ‘gain?”
“You’re a dentist, Holliday.”

YULETIDE 2011 REVEAL!

2012-01-01T19:49:18Z

Blarrrrrgh I have like, 20something recs to post as this was the year I read ALL THE YULETIDE, but after getting completely wrecked last night, that's going to have to wait until later this week. So, here's what I wrote this year, all in fandoms I've never written before! How exciting!

The Idea of Love (3368 words) by screamlet
Fandom: Angels in America - Kushner
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Louis Ironson/Prior Walter
Characters: Belize
Summary: No one will ever hurt me the way Louis did.

This was my main assignment for my precious zap_rousdar -- fun story, I spent like, a month writing her two other fics and got about 5-10K deep in each of them before I abandoned them for this one, and this one is definitely the best of the lot. From Prior's first person POV. eeeee.

*

Yo, Bro-friend (2966 words) by screamlet
Fandom: Parks and Recreation
Rating: General Audiences
Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Leslie Knope/Ben Wyatt, Tom Haverford/Jean-Ralphio Saperstein
Characters: Ron Swanson, Jerry Gergich
Summary: "Oh, that's Jean-Ralphio," Tom says. "He's my bro-friend -- like a boyfriend, but not gay or anything."

I knew from day 1 that bogged wanted Tom and Jean-Ralphio being amazing, but I couldn't think of anything until I left for my parents' house on DECEMBER 23 and then I wrote half of this on my iphone on the bus. Clearly, I was moved by the spirit or something.

*

Checking the Horizon (1913 words) by screamlet
Fandom: Downton Abbey
Rating: General Audiences
Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Characters: Lavinia Swire, Edith Crawley
Summary: Lavinia has a proposition for Edith and the future. Set before series two, episode 8.

DOWNTON. For oliveoyl, who is the tumblr president of the Lavinia Swire Fan Club and the Edith Crawley Fan Club. Two very separate and distinct, and also very important, clubs. I think both of these ladies have been shafted in the worst way on the show, so this is like, fix-it fic? Ugh, you know, fix-it before everyone crashes headfirst into Spanish flu, MR. FELLOWES.

*

And that concludes my sixth yuletide offering! Gahhhhhh.

2011 end-of-year fic meme!

2011-12-31T03:51:53Z

Courtesy of therumjournals! <3

Stories listed by fandom, chronologically.

Star Trek RPF
(Just Like) Starting Over (6488 words) (for 2010 yuletide challenge.)
Dutchbag with leupagus (part of Dr. and Mrs. Princess Whitelaw (~8900 words)
The LA Chapter of the Ex-Boyfriends of Zachary Quinto Club (9022 words)
Filmmaking for Assholes (38K) (for rpf_big_bang)

Star Trek
This Year (part of So Far Gone) (9.9K)
Ctrl Alt Delete (9465 words) (for the Universal Constant zine)
Combinations (part of So Far Gone) (7464 words)

Niche RPF
Margin Calling (5329 words)
Those Guys (idek)

PLUS:
Three yuletide fics that, uh, man. Those come at a weird time, so I've included my 2010 Yuletide offering as a 2011 fic. DAMMIT, THOUGH, because my Yuletide fics were in three completely new (for me) fandoms! Ugh, you'll see on January 1.

WORD COUNT: 94,568(ish). Wow?

Overall thoughts: Hahaha, WELL. Okay, I posted almost 100K of writing this year! Holy fucking shit. I'm sure it was more last year, but 2010 was a stressful year, what with finishing grad school, starting a new job, moving, and generally going for some adulthood brass rings. I wasn't constantly ripping my hair out over academia/job insecurity/financial strain, so there was less of a need to stay home every night and write my problems away. When I did do that, it was for some sustained project and not just LA LA LA GONNA WRITE ABOUT BUTTS BECAUSE I CAAAAAAN. Also, I shifted into working on my original stuff a bit more, but the past two months have been chaotic and not much writing has gotten done at all outside of email chains with my mean girls.

My best story of this year: UMM. Shit. Think I'm going with (Just Like) Starting Over, just because the banter in that flows insanely well and I don't know how much was espresso and how much was pure deadline-induced panic.

My favourite story of this year: Hands down: Margin Calling, because Elizabeth Banks was so ridiculously, amazingly fun to write. She's going to pop up in more of my RPF, make no mistake. (If you still don't know who she is: EFFIE TRINKET. IMDb page. You have loved her in something. It's impossible not to.) Anyway, I LOVED WRITING THAT STORY. I LOVED WRITING HER VOICE. I LOVED WRITING HER CONVERSATIONS WITH ZQ, PAUL BETTANY, GROFFLES, AND JTF. I JUST. UGH.

Also: Ctrl Alt Delete. The structure was fun and I loved the idea of exploring grief in that piece, particularly between reboot Kirk and Spock who had simultaneously too much and not enough history/potential for it? Definitely a favorite for plot, execution, and the touches that came to mind when differentiating between the two narrators' internal voices -- particularly Spock's, who had to read as scientific (and much, much smarter than me), but also had to be be infused with the suppressed emotion he was trying to deal with.

Story of mine most underappreciated by the universe, in my opinion: Hands down: Margin Calling, and it's a little disheartening that my 2010 most underappreciated story was the Uhura POV chapter of So Far Gone -- overall, the female POV stories don't get as much feedback, and this one even more so because it was a niche RPF thing and fandom was completely butthurt about the appearance of JGroff on the scene. It's okay, though; I will hold this story close to me forever and love it all the more. It's the little story that could with an unpopular pairing and female kind-of-unknown's POV.

Most popular story: (Just Like) Starting Over and This Year.

Story with the single sexiest moment: I think that goes for Ctrl Alt Delete -- when a sex scene ends with the words "you broke me, you bought me"? Yeaaaah.

Most "Holy crap, that's wrong, even for you" story: I think, in some way, pretty much everything I wrote in 2011? BECAUSE, even though nominally everything above is Kirk/Spock and Chris/Zach, they're… well, I think oliveoyl says it best:

zlot: are you trying to alienate your whole readership
me: UM. :D?
zlot: "gary mitchell is a main character!"
zlot: "a whole chapter on uhura fucking males!"
zlot: "KIRK AND SPOCK: NOT MEANT TO BE?"
me: these are the best tabloid headlines ever

So, yes! It's kind of a tie between the Kirk/Spock at the expense of utterly breaking McCoy's heart in This Year with the Spones+Jim follow up of Combinations and the Pinto and JTF/ZQ ship-sinking Margin Calling and rocks-fall-everyone-dies death fic Ctrl Alt Delete.

Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters: Definitely Combinations aka "the one where McCoy realizes he and Spock are kind of perfect for each other and they have to navigate their way around a relationship with Jim, who has all the finesse of a blue whale in the Department of Mysteries." It took MONTHS to write, and I think I went through at least 15K worth of drafts trying to figure out how it would work before just burning it all down and starting from scratch. The language is very curt to fit McCoy's POV and the whole thing, well. Required a lot of thought.

Hardest story to write/Biggest Disappointment: Filmmaking for Assholes, my first big bang. Not my first foray into something 20-30K+, but I had so much time to work on it that I wrote about 30K in 4-5 weeks and then rewrote that until October and there's still big chunks that I think could be better. Hardly surprising, though, but the whole thing is so talky and ridiculous -- if I had to do it over again, I'm not sure I'd go with that idea because so much of it is meta humor and just plain meta. HOWEVER. HOWEVER! It presented Chris and Zach as friends better than any other story I wrote this year, and normal/functional Zach/Groffles, which made me proud.

Favorite OC: Not a lot of OCs this year! So the prize, possibly by default, goes to Ally from the Choverlord's section of Filmmaking for Assholes.

Biggest Surprise: Those Guys. WHAT WAS THIS? GOD. WHAT? WHAT? Also, Dutchbag with leupagus because 95% of the fun was making up future Hollywood stories like Chris Evans preying on Abigail Breslin when she was finally of-age and Abigail Breslin's public, horrible breakup with Dakota Fanning. You know, the usual for us.

Also: did not expect J.J. Abrams to be my favorite character to write ever.

Most Unintentionally Telling Story: Margin Calling is basically an ode to how much I want to be Elizabeth Banks (or just rich, beautiful and always armed with a glass of wine in my hand). (Guys, she swam with whale sharks in 2011. #futurewife)

2012 Ambitions: More original fiction! Different pairings! Publish things! Make time for writing! Write more! Write write write!

Top 5 Scenes from Anywhere I Would Choose to Have Illustrated: Ohhhh mannnnn. The art for Those Guys is the best I got this year, hands down. It still makes me laugh!

1. Margin Calling -- Paul Bettany carrying Elizabeth Banks through a hotel/arrival lobby at Sundance this January while she looks over his shoulder and watches Groffles drunkenly/adorably paw at Zach.
2. (Just Like) Starting Over -- Zach and Chris crammed into the captain's chair together from the last scene while everyone else is hiding behind their tablets.
3. Some text-filled wonder featuring J.J. Abrams and a diet coke or nine from either (Just Like) Starting Over or Filmmaking for Assholes.
4. Ctrl Alt Delete -- the first kiss from the third section. Or Jim and Spock holding hands across a chess board at the end of the first section.

And now I need to sleep off these beers and maybe eat some of this magic bread.

dear yuletide writer

2011-11-22T06:19:17Z

HI THERE, YULETIDE WRITER. first off: thank you so much for signing up for yuletide! this is my sixth year doing yuletide and it's just -- there's nothing like it? for the most part i'm a complete grinch about christmas, but yuletide is fucking different and magical. also, holy shit, you offered to write for one of these fandoms! clearly, you are amazing and whatever you write is going to be so fucking appreciated your eyes will piss tears.

okay, so! i requested these fandoms because I LOVE THESE FANDOMS and the works they originate from and want to know so much more about the universes where they're set and the characters in them.

HERE ARE THINGS I LIKE IN STORIES!
here's my AO3 bookmarks -- actually, ahahah, this is more for my reference because it's 12:30 AM here and i can't fucking think straight. so, things i loooove:
- character studies/super close POV stories, idk, whatever you call them.
- world-building/batshit crazy AUs full of world-building
- slice-of-life stories! dear fucking lord, i love writing them and i love reading them. i live and die for them.
- complete fucking silliness and banter and ridiculousness.
- ahahaha oliveoyl, whose dear yuletide author i've ruthlessly raided for formatting, articulated another thing quite well: when going any route, even if going the AU route, i'm a ridiculous stickler for "[wanting] characters to feel like they're written in the spirit of canon." so. there's that.

THINGS I WOULD PREFER TO GO WITHOUT?
- character bashing, slut-shaming, just totally irrational knocking down of some other character for not-entirely-justified reasons.
- ...there's not a lot i won't read, but non-con, abuse, these things i kind of can't deal with.

AND THE FANDOMS!

Easy A (2010): Brandon
What I asked for: The eternal question -- what happened post-running-away? Yay, the adventures of Brandon!
Elaboration: Ugh yeah this is a shameless plea for world-building -- also, thinking it over, it doesn't have to start post-running-away. Like, the narrative doesn't show much of Brandon after he's embraced by the hetero dudes of the school post-not-sex with Olive until he suddenly runs away. What the hell happened? An "in the meantime" story or "what was Brandon's life like after high school" story would be great.

Tombstone (1993): Wyatt Earp/Doc Holliday
What I asked for: idk, something totally gay, please?
Elaboration: UMMM FORBIDDEN GAY LOVE IN THE WILD WEST WHEN BOTH DUDES HAVE HUGE PRICES ON THEIR HEADS AND COULD LITERALLY DIE AT ANY MOMENT? ALSO THEY ARE WYATT EARP AND DOC HOLLIDAY? Yes please.

Broadway RPF: Christian Borle, Daniel Radcliffe, Christopher Hanke, Jonathan Groff
What I asked for: literally nothing.
Elaboration: Arrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhh hey so. Here's some ideas and additional characters? This fandom is so small and these individuals so absurd that I genuinely don't know where to begin. Maybe with:
MORE CHARACTERS: John Larroquette the love of my liiiiiiife; Sutton Foster; Bill Heck (of last year's off-Broadway Angels in America revival); everyone in the cast of The Submission; Susan Blackwell; Za-cha-ree Queen-toe?; Jesse Tyler Ferguson has done Shakespeare in the Park like ten thousand times so he totally counts SHUT UP HE TOTALLY COUNTS.
PLOTS WHAT?: Ummm I think of the characters I listed in my original prompt, only Borle hasn't done a Side by Side with Susan Blackwell, which could be fun? John Larroquette hasn't done one either! That bitch needs his face soundly licked. Stories that cross over into lots of other mini Actor RPF fandoms would make my heart MELT. New York stories are fantabulous, too.

OKAY OKAY so if you've gotten this far: thank you so much for agreeing to write this! i'm going to madly adore whatever you submit because it'll be in one of these three fandoms we don't see enough of, ever, and that's just fucking wonderful. i hope you have fun writing your yuletide story and that you get something totally great in return! also, [SOMETHING NICE ABOUT HOLIDAYS].

--me.

fic: filmmaking for assholes (2011 RPF big bang)

2011-10-18T02:33:59Z

Title: Filmmaking for Assholes
Author: screamlet
Fandom: Star Trek RPF, Actor RPF
Genre: Gen
Rating: Mature (for LANGUAGE, IF YOU COULDN'T TELL)
Word Count: ~38K
Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Jonathan Groff/Zachary Quinto, Chris Pine/Zachary Quinto, Chris Pine/Other(s)
Characters: Zachary Quinto, Chris Pine, John Cho, Karl Urban, J. J. Abrams, Jonathan Groff
Summary: For Zach's 34th birthday, J.J. Abrams give him the reins of the Star Trek reboot franchise and tells Zach to give him a script, a cast, and a shooting schedule by the end of the summer. Not to be left out, Chris helps out by turning the original screenwriters' swamp of notes into a shooting script and John takes over casting duties. Despite three months of whining, cereal, sighing, whining, and cross-country banter, they might just manage to get this movie together and make something new of their careers.

Set during the summer of 2011 and, obviously, is complete fiction.

Link to fic: Filmmaking for Assholes
Link to art: Right here, yo.

Author's Gratuitous Notes: ALL RIGHT, MY FIRST BIG BANG. Endless thanks to the people who had to hear the whining associated with writing something of this length, and to those who frequently provided the talking cure when I was on something. You know who you are and you're completely wonderful.

Very importantly, there's gorgeous art to go with this by the amazing and patient maggie2mw, which you can find here. I've also included them embedded into the story, so: yay. Maggie, thank you for pointing out the completely obvious -- that this story is a lot about components and the sum of those parts rather than like, OH HEY THIS IS WHAT CHRIS'S BEARD LOOKS LIKE AT THIS POINT IN JULY (something I'd personally like to forget, thanks).

Something to keep in mind about this story as you read is that it's what it says on the box -- it's a story about making another Star Trek movie, and how to move forward from where the last movie left off. It's also about these guys and how they've evolved from who they were 2-3 years ago when they worked together so intensely, how they've changed since then, and where they can go from here. It's not a story putting forth any particular ship, though there are past and current relationships that come up. There's obviously elements of meta in this because I like meta and that's the kind of story I thought I needed to tell.

If you're looking for the epic story of how Zach and Chris made a blockbuster movie and fell in love again, THIS ISN'T IT. I promise you -- it's not. You can read therumjournals's very terrific Merry Bachelors for that.

OKAY, ON WITH THE SHOW.

RPF BIG BANG -- but first: THE ART!

2011-10-17T13:10:33Z

Also, Zachary Quinto came out yesterday -- how fucking wonderful is that?

BUT I DIGRESS.

I'll be posting my first-ever rpf_big_bang later tonight (EST!) due to the whole I have a job thing that plagues my waking hours. BUT IN THE MEANTIME. Here's the amazingly innovative and gorgeous art that maggie2mw has made for my story!! I want to roll around in the coloring and sketchy line art forever, gahhh. Thank you so much!

So click through the cover art below to see the full image and the three header pieces that will make a bit more sense later. Yes, I kept the title I came up with at 1 AM two months ago because it is still really apt. Aaaaah.

it's MONDAY. what, you were going to work?

2011-08-22T15:07:37Z

THE BLASPHEMEME SLASH COMMENT FICATHON

From the creator:

a comment ficathon of every fandom using biblical verses, religious iconography and saints stories as prompts, trying to get 72000 slash pairings pairings to make up the 144000 men who will enter heaven according to the book of revelations. since revelations makes the distinction that the men "were not defiled with women".

I just left like, five prompts and there are a lot more that are really intriguing (Inception/Harry Potter crossover!!) START FILLING. GOODBYE PRODUCTIVITY.

hodgepodge/crossposting/(+dreamwidth invites)

2011-07-29T11:31:19Z

If you care -- still not moving over to DW. I let shit build up here and then import it over there, because with crossposting, the text editor bothers me more than it should bother a normal person. And I crosspost everything from the AO3 as it is. Also, blah blah sense of community stronger here, I've been on LJ for nearly ten years, if you need the quick fandom fix there's always tumblr (or twitter, even), whatever. But if you want a DW invite code, here, have at it and pass them around; I'm screamlet over there, too, obv.

~~3ZG7NVAECZ472AAADSBQ~~ ~~Use this code~~
~~9G6A4VRW33SCFAAAH3FW~~ ~~Use this code~~
A3H3ECSR87NAVAAAH3FX Use this code
E92SMSC6W7NQFAAAH3FY Use this code
PAHQ8SV4JYD26AAAH3FZ Use this code
~~EM7KN57Z392AGAAAH3F2~~ ~~Use this code~~
X92W2F88TNP78AAAH3F3 Use this code
A9PVXX9YPPBR3AAAH3F4 Use this code
QDZ76F4S24JKHAAAMDHH Use this code
8R574WYNKWHMRAAAMV8P Use this code
~~7M3NJBAHM6D6GAAAPYHM~~ ~~Use this code~~
5RJS9BHWN9GB6AAAPYHN Use this code
BMJH6XM657XVJAAAPYHP Use this code
22YB576G9PG8MAAAPYHQ Use this code
~~377ESQX86NEJQAAAPYHR~~ ~~Use this code~~

Also, read the new OT3 wondertastic chapter of So Far Gone that I put up before everything was shot to hell. If you don't, I'll eat your face. I'll know if you haven't.

Also, how did I not know Howl by Florence and the Machine (MP3) was SO GOOD until like, two days ago when Turntable/cardiganed brought it to me? shit shit shit goodbye sanity.

fic: combinations [so far gone]

2011-07-24T14:52:28Z

So Far Gone (47974 words) by screamlet
This Chapter: Combinations (7464 words)
Fandom: Star Trek (2009)
Rating: Explicit/NC-17
Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: McCoy/Spock, Kirk/Spock, Kirk/Spock/McCoy
Summary: Leonard thought Spock barely figured into it -- Spock could have been anyone, really. Spock was The Thing keeping him and Jim apart. (Refers to prior events in So Far Gone.)
Notes: For my precious wonderful zlot on the (very) belated occasion of her 25th birthday.
And always omg thank you, waldorph, for talking me through it and listening to the endless bitching and gah. <3
Fuck, if I tell you the title comes from Eisley's Combinations, would you judge me forever?

It started with Spock's careful, controlled voice saying:

"I want to watch."

Leonard broke the kiss with Jim, the first one they had shared in almost two years, and looked to Spock for a split-second before looking to Jim --

who had accidentally pulled a 36-hour shift before their dinner for three;

who was looking into Leonard's eyes with absolutely no cues as to how Leonard should answer;

who had his hands on Leonard's waist -- not his hips, not his ass, not the small of his back, but below his fucking ribcage, and gripping not to seduce but holding on to steady himself;

whose own eyes looked too glazed over to be from just one drink;

who --

Leonard actually forgot he was shirtless until he felt Spock's warm hand on his shoulder, gently pulling at him and turning him, and he forgot about Jim as the skin-to-skin contact between him and Spock brought him back to the statement: I want to watch.

The brain works fast, and it works fastest when aroused; in that moment of contact, Leonard saw it all -- Jim holding onto Leonard as Leonard slowly lifted his eyes to meet Spock's; Spock prying one of the highly magnetized chairs up to position it at the foot of Jim's bed, Spock sprawling in the chair, loose-limbed and almost indolent, unzipping his pants and palming himself through his shorts as he watched Leonard on the bed, Leonard on Jim -- yet there was so little of Jim in it all --

That split-second was enough for Leonard. Spock turned him around and they bumped noses as they dove towards each other, pulled each other in because they each thought the other would need some coaxing. It was sloppy, the way they were so similar -- their mouths opened for each other, tongues met and touched, Spock grabbed on to every part of him until Leonard just let go. He bent a little so he pressed up against Spock, and he let Spock's tongue explore his mouth, his hand move from Leonard's shoulder to his hair and hold him there, another hand groping below, unsure of where to settle.

All of it was enough to almost make him stumble even though he was standing and not walking, even though Spock had a firm grip on him. Leonard adjusted his stance, setting one leg on the other side of Spock's, which opened a whole new can of worms. There they were, like a pair of fucking teenagers, Leonard wrapping his arms around Spock and rutting against his leg like they were at some fucking school dance and Spock just let him -- just kissed him harder, sucked at his lower lip until it hurt, pushed his leg against Leonard's crotch and brought a hand there to cup and palm and pull the top button open, finally pulled the zipper down so Spock could just slip his hand down Leonard's waistband.

Leonard might have moaned, "Not fair," just then as he was trying not to come already because -- because -- but he might not have said anything at all, actually. In any case, it didn't really matter as Spock pushed him down on the bed and left him alone for only the moment it took to undo his own pants and push them off his hips. Before Leonard could help, Spock was on him again, torturing his swollen lip then moving to his jaw, moving down and kicking off his pants and never letting Leonard forget for a single fucking second the touch of his mouth on Leonard's skin.

He remembered sparing one glance for Jim, wondering where he was -- there was Jim in the corner, the chair Spock would have picked up and placed at the foot of the bed for his viewing pleasure, and Jim was there, hand on his fly, fast asleep.

That was the last -- then Spock settled between Leonard's legs and began to slowly stroke, first Leonard's cock and then both of them, both their fists clamoring to meet and join and work together until Spock abruptly switched hands, steadying himself over Leonard with one arm by his head. He brought a finger, dipped in sweat and precome, to Leonard's hole and pushed in, and then quickly brought the other in -- not to open him up, but thrusting into him. Leonard took the cue and struggled to find a rhythm, first to fuck himself on Spock's fingers and then to bring them both off, their cocks trapped between their stomachs.

Leave it to his goddamned uncreative nature, but Leonard had to spare a ‘thank you’ to the athletic endorphins racing through his blood -- even laying there with Spock fingering him had Leonard's knees up and almost bending him in half, Spock using his fingers like another cock that needed to be thrusted in time, his whole body moving against Leonard's and shaking, especially the arm right next to Leonard's head.

"I'm close," Spock gasped, the few strands of Spock’s hair that weren't soaked with sweat and sticking to his forehead hanging limply near his temples. Then he leaned in to kiss Leonard, almost atoning for how out of control he sounded, almost like he was fucking Leonard through a mattress or something.

Leonard found his other hand in their tangle of limbs and brought it to the nape of Spock's neck and tipped his own head back, subconsciously baring his whole body, spreading his legs wider, making his stomach flatter so as to let Spock drive against him even harder, bringing a third finger into Leonard and crooking the three, thrusting them. As Leonard shut his eyes and felt himself getting close to the brink, that was when Spock said in his lowest voice:

"Come on them, come, can you feel them in you -- are my fingers thick enough for you -- feel how I open you -- and do you feel this?"

This was brushing against his prostate, saving the best for last, until Leonard could only still and clench hard around Spock's fingers and tighten his fist around their cocks as his own pulsed and spilled over his hand. He let go and took a whole second for himself before tightening his fist around Spock and encouraging him in his own low voice, "Come on now, just fuck into me, against me, fuck, Spock," all babbling and yet, it totally worked against the soundtrack of the creaking bed, their harsh breaths, and Spock's final cry as he shot into Leonard's hand.

Leonard woke up dead the next morning, fucked within an inch of his life. He found himself asleep on his stomach, face smashed into a pillow, drooling everywhere, with an arm draped across Spock, who had returned the gesture by draping a leg that weighed as much as three heavy children over Leonard.

They were (literally) a fucking mess and the room was calmly telling them to wake the hell up, they had meetings.

"It's my professional medical opinion that I'm never gonna walk again," Leonard informed the pillow.

"I will take Jim's shift on the bridge this morning," Spock replied. "Come. Shower."

"Leave me alone, let me die."

Spock had already untangled himself from Leonard and gotten up, and by the time Leonard had shifted on his back and begun the process of sitting up, Spock had started the sonic shower and picked Jim out of the chair he had slept in all night and dropped him semi-gently on the bed.

"He'll be so proud of himself," Leonard noted with a yawn. "All this destruction and wet spots, and he managed to do it with his clothes on."

"I'll make it worth your while if you can convince him of that," Spock replied.

"Just drag me into the shower already."

It wasn't like fucking a friend -- not like the casual we need this right now nights he occasionally had with Uhura and/or Christine, or the fun and lively I missed you so much! sex he had with Gary and Gaila when he saw them.

Spock would kiss him, close his eyes, then pull away and just linger there centimeters from Leonard's mouth. Sometimes he would mumble something beautiful and incoherent, whisper it against Leonard's skin, punctuate it with a quick taste --

More importantly, Leonard didn't realize that if someone was watching them, they'd notice how similar it all looked -- how Leonard would drop his head to Spock's shoulder and just breathe in his scent, lean in and bite the pointed tip of his ear so gently, trace the edges with his tongue, and Leonard would have fading marks on his skin from Spock's fingernails where he'd been held tight enough for his body to take notice.

He was finally taking notice of what he damn well deserved.

It took Leonard a few weeks, but he finally attempted the conversation with Spock that a responsible adult would have had before pushing Jim aside and commencing Operation Give Leonard's Bed Not Just a Reason to Exist but Be Thankful for Its Creation AKA Operation Yes Yes Fuck Right There Spock Yes.

He had a leg between both of Spock's and it was the intimacy of all this supposedly casual, random, seriously out of goddamned nowhere fucking that reminded Leonard of Jim. (Strangely enough.)

So Leonard said: "We have to talk about Jim. Tell me your side."

Spock liked to save the dramatic one-liners and biting quips for the bridge, and so did Leonard -- for the purposes of better joyfully humiliating each other, it was best if they had an audience of their peers. So Leonard tightened his hand on Spock's thigh and felt him think, work out his words, prepare for something short and… probably not sweet.

"We have the greatest natural affinity I have ever felt with anyone," Spock said. Leonard felt a hesitation in Spock and pat his leg in reassurance. "I knew that on the bridge, when I --"

"I know. I feel that with Jim, too. Still do. Go on."

"Then you know -- you more than anyone, except perhaps -- do you see!" Leonard pulled away a little to try and look at Spock, who wouldn't allow it and just pulled Leonard even closer. "Here I thought Jim and I were one of a kind, a pair made for each other, and when we had each other, everything else would fall in line."

"Yeah," Leonard agreed. "Living with Jim -- I mean really living, co-existing. It's completely different, isn't it? From everything you expected. Everything you wanted."

Spock rubbed his hand soothingly down Leonard's back and kissed his forehead. That was when Leonard knew they were in uncharted territory. Literally where no man had gone before, for Leonard anyway. Who'd been the last person to do that? His father?

Shit.

"He isn't enough for us," Spock said, and damn it all if the contractions weren't still distracting (the informal voice as they called it on Vulcan and, apparently, in Standard textbooks on every Federation planet but Earth). "We deserve more, and we want it."

"And what about Jim? Because --"

"We should tell him."

"I'm sure he knows."

"So telling him should be no problem."

"Guys, I don't -- care. I don't. Not really," Jim said.

Leonard and Spock glared him down with the fiercest glares they could manage. Jim held up his hands in surrender and laughed a little, then rubbed at his eyes.

"Okay, no, wrong thing to say, fine. Okay. I care. You know I do. I love you both. But. Yeah. You guys together. Go for it. Do it. Let me watch sometimes. You do what you need to do."

Leonard and Spock blinked slowly and looked at each other, then back to Jim.

"Dammit, you idiot, what do you feel about this?" Leonard asked as he took Spock's hand and tightened more than he should have. It was fine. Spock could handle it.

"Does it matter?" Jim asked.

"Yes," they said together.

"Well."

And Jim looked so damn helpless, standing there on the spot, trying to find words for -- for what?

"Look," Leonard said before Jim burst a gasket in his genius-level but emotionally vacant brain. "What Spock and I have -- you and I never had it. You and Spock never had it. That disgusting, supportive, emotionally-involved romantic love the greeting cards in starbases try to cram down our throats at seasonal intervals. The kind where we genuinely don't want anyone else -- anyone but you. And we don't want you to feel left out."

"Leave me out of it, please," Jim laughed.

The corner of Leonard's mouth tightened just a little and he looked to Spock, who didn't look as rage-happy or frustrated as Leonard had imagined -- he looked fond of Jim, almost, and that was a good sign. Spock looked to Leonard just then and cleared his throat.

"What?" Leonard asked. Jim answered instead.

"Just 'cause I don't want what you want -- what you have -- doesn't mean I care any less," Jim said, his eyes focusing on both of them. He laughed and added, "Despite prior assertions, like when I said I don't care... I do. Just." He lifted his hand and ran it quickly through his hair, then asked, "So are we okay?"

"Looks like it," Leonard said. He looked to Spock and squeezed his hand for his attention. Spock looked away from Jim to Leonard and nodded slightly.

"It is not what I expected, but I believe it is the optimal solution," Spock said.

"Isn't that how it usually works?" Jim asked. "Isn't it the best anyone can hope for?"

Leonard grunted to himself, but agreed.

Before he and Spock started their thing, Leonard was completely indifferent to him. Okay, not indifferent -- bitter, angry, content to stay in his cocoon of anger at Jim, and satisfied that he would never care about anyone as much as he cared about Jim.

So, no. Not indifferent. But Spock barely figured into it -- Spock could have been anyone, really. Spock was The Thing keeping him and Jim apart, and were Leonard just a fraction more psychotic, there would have been trouble. Leonard being Dr. Leonard McCoy, surgeon extraordinaire, Jim's best friend, and exactly who he was, he was content to pickle himself in whiskey and focus on his work.

As for Spock -- well, Spock didn't even know he was drowning until Leonard yanked him out of the (metaphorical) water and reminded him what breathing felt like.

It changed on one afternoon in sickbay a few weeks before they… got together (with their dicks). Spock had been quarantined for a week and he'd had enough, so he threw a PADD at Geoff M'Benga.

Leonard pushed everyone out, closed the door behind him, and rather than ask Spock what was wrong, he said, "Fuck your quarantine," and grabbed Spock's hand in both of his own, refusing to let go. And the touch telepathy thing -- suddenly it was real and it worked, even on someone as dense as Leonard.

And someone as dense as Leonard did wonders for someone as stubborn and blind as Spock, the bluntness of both their emotional states smashing into each other as they gripped hands and stared at each other. Leonard could feel too much, see too many of Spock's thoughts, all of it rushing through their connection and through his mind: so much loneliness, frustration, disappointment, and Jim where was Jim why hadn't he visited where was he was it just the quarantine no of course not a quarantine couldn't stop him only Jim Kirk could stop Jim Kirk and that was when Leonard let go.

That was when Spock took his hand again and let Leonard feel his shields going up again; that was when Leonard shook his head and said, "You don't need to hide from me."

"Nor you from me," Spock replied. Leonard could feel him calm down -- not just his mind, but his vitals, too, had stopped their deafening beeps on the monitors.

Leonard stammered and said, "I didn't know you at all."

"I was born in the city of Shi'Kahr," Spock began and fuck, Leonard could feel his amusement, laughing at him. What the fuck was going on?

"I'll be back, all right?" Leonard said, pulling his hand away so Spock couldn't tell he was lying and actually he didn't want to come back at all until he had figured shit out.

Even without the touch telepathy, Spock lifted his eyebrow to show that he could tell because Leonard was a terrible liar.

Eventually, Jim did visit Spock, and Jim apologized for abandoning Leonard when they got back after the Narada disaster, and then Jim fell asleep in a chair as Leonard and Spock fucked (twice!) on Jim's bed. There was the catch, Leonard thought. Too much of it seemed like chance -- like Jim and Spock would still be, for all intents and purposes, married if Jim hadn't pulled a 36-hour shift that night Leonard and Spock fucked, or if Jim wasn't working particularly hard that week Spock was quarantined.

But if it wasn't those things, then they'd both pick on Jim and resent him for his general distance -- the way they both knew, deep down, that neither of them had never gotten to the core of who Jim Kirk was, yet with an instant of fucking hand holding in sick bay, they had understood each other as no one else had before.

So when Jim said he didn't care -- well, he loved them, of course, as much as he could love anyone or anything. As much as he loved exploring, doing the right thing, solving problems, his ship, being alive -- he loved Leonard and Spock more than himself, that was for sure. He'd die for them, no question.

Who could live with that? Who could build a life around that?

Leonard and Spock would, but they couldn't live there, in that nucleus full of adventure and fun and all of Jim's brightness, but devoid of warmth.

So what recourse was left them but to put their heads together and make something for themselves?

They went on shore leave to some beach planet with a Vulcan embassy that Spock's father allowed them to use -- Leonard, Jim, Spock, the rest of the bridge crew, and even Gary and Gaila made it out there to spend a week with them.

Gary had gotten "food poisoning" that he couldn't admit was closer to alcohol poisoning than anything else, so Leonard stayed in with him for the night while everyone else explored the city nearby.

"Don't tell Jim, but I didn't think it would last, you know, just the two of them," Gary said. "The whole monogamously happily ever after thing." They were outside on the balcony connected to Leonard's room, Gary on the floor turned on his side so his liver couldn't hurt him anymore (except when it did). Leonard pulled his knees up to his chest and looked out to the beach and the ocean with the light of the two moons shining on the water. "You don't go through what Jim's gone through and come out on the other end a functional human being. Okay, wait, functional, yes, but whole? No way."

"The hell are you talking about?"

"What? I thought you knew that, so you took what you could get when you were with him," Gary replied. "Somewhere along the line, Jim figured the best way to deal with his shitty, shitty life, was to… avoid feeling too much." Gary shifted a little on the floor so he could look at Leonard a bit better as he talked. "I was at their place when Spock resigned his commission, and they went to their room to talk about it. Then I get these projections, all this feeling of… needing and want and please don't go."

"So Jim does --"

"Jim was the one yelling and saying Spock had to come, but Spock was the one feeling those things," Gary explained. "All Spock needed him to say was come with me because you belong with me, because I want you, and do you think it even occurred to Jim for like, a second, to use pathos to get something he wanted? And if it did occur to him, that he'd know the right thing to say? Nope. He's just totally shut down there."

As much as Leonard hated to admit it -- that did coincide with the Jim and Spock he knew. That Jim was loud, boisterous, obnoxious, and a pain in the ass, but smarter and quicker than anyone he had ever met (except for Spock) -- Jim who had survived so much and lived a life trimmed of all the fat that made others comfortable and content.

Spock, who he hadn't known before the Narada, but who he knew now as someone who felt so much, constantly, and struggled every minute of every day with reining everything in to present that cool, consistent front. Spock who was always amused, proud, and so many things tangled up at once -- Uhura said he was crisp and clear compartments before the Battle of Vulcan, but Leonard has melded with him, too, and seen in his head, so he doesn't think that's totally accurate. There might have been a clearly distinct Vulcan side and a Terran side, but the Vulcan side was probably as neat and orderly as white walls a (Terran) toddler had taken all the crayons to while the babysitter napped.

It was still annoying, though, that Leonard had worked so hard and gone through so much to understand his friends as much as he did, while Gary could sum them up so simply. "Not everyone is a fucking test waiting to be gamed, Gary," Leonard said.

"Oh yes they are," Gary laughed shortly. "Everyone has a point of entry, point of exit; everyone has an easy path and a difficult one to the center; everyone has a shortcut to their most vulnerable spot." Leonard looked to Gary, who grinned and raised his eyebrows. "Wanna know yours?"

"Like I don't know them already," he replied with a roll of his eyes. "You can't live like you do, Gary. It's sick. I mean, who do you care about most? Who would you die for?"

"Seriously?" Gary asked. "That's not an accurate gauge of anything."

Leonard raised his eyebrows skeptically and Gary sighed. He did think it was stupid to lend any credence to the kid in front of him, lying on his side on a balcony floor and clutching his abdomen because he had thought half a bottle of Romulan ale was a great complement to his boring breakfast, but Leonard couldn’t help it. It was Gary and he was scarily astute about a lot of things, even if one of them wasn’t how much liquor can the human liver conceivably handle in one sitting.

"I know you guys go to lots of planets with strange customs and someone dies every time, but there's the catch -- you don't get to pick when. You won't get to hold up your hands and say now wait a minute -- take my boyfriend out of the firefight and put me in there first because I would like to die for him, if you please. Chances are, you're going to watch Jim or Spock die in your lifetime --"

"Been there, brought 'em back to life, continue," Leonard joked (but not really) and pretending he wasn't listening as raptly to Gary as he actually was.

"Point is," Gary said with a quick glare to Leonard and raised, skeptical eyebrows, "We're all going to die, so don't blow it on another mortal. For a shipful of people? For a planet? Yeah, definitely, but one person? It just doesn't add up. Not worth it. It'll make you feel better, but what's the return on that kind of sacrifice? You've only got one life. Make it count, you know? George Kirk that shit."

"How, exactly, are you and Jim best friends again?"

"I give great head. Also, he knows I'm right. Put a phaser in his hand and tell him that he has to kill you or Spock or all three of you die -- he'll kill Spock. You have a different, valuable skill set, and feelings don't matter in space."

"They don't," Leonard admitted, "But luckily, we live in starships, in rooms that we make our homes for years at a time, and those skill sets in uniforms become our families." He looked at Gary, who was thinking it over and then shrugged.

"Yeah, I concede," he finally admitted.

"Thank fuck. That's bordering on antisocial, Gary. Like, real, disturbing antisocial behavior."

"My Starfleet file calls it a firm grasp on realism," Gary replied as he grinned.

"And what's Gaila have to say about it?"

Gary suddenly looked cold and fierce, and said, "Buddy, you don't know Gaila. Just know that she agrees with me."

"Did I hit a sensitive spot?" Leonard teased. He lowered one of his legs and nudged Gary's abdomen with his toe, which had Gary groaning again. "Like… here?"

"Stop, I'm going to throw up on you then I’ll die," Gary moaned.

"Stop crying; if you haven’t died yet, you’ll be fine."

Just so the night wasn't a completely terrifying and slightly depressing wash, he and Gary talked about the latest season of The Lady and Her Robot, a terrible name for such an awesome one-hour serial drama they both obsessed over. They talked until the house filled up with people again, and Spock and Jim and Gaila came into the room to join them on the floor of the balcony, telling them about the city they absolutely have to visit before they all left.

"And what did you boys do all night?" Gaila asked as she draped herself over Jim's shoulders and reached over to stroke Gary's hair.

"Oh, the usual," Leonard said. "Talked about movies, television, books, Gary's latent sociopathic tendencies, the usual."

"He is so cute," Gaila cooed as she ran her fingers through his hair some more. "Thinking he can exert any kind of force over his miniscule part of the universe if he just talks at it long enough."

Everyone leaned over to look at Gary, who had closed his eyes and contentedly let Gaila play with his hair.

"Hey, gets you off, doesn't it?" Gary finally said. He cracked an eye open and looked at Gaila, whose hand stilled. She raised her eyebrows and nodded, giving him a scarily sweet and vaguely threatening smile.

"Ask me that when it's just you and me and you don't have to show off for your boyfriends," she said. "Especially poor Leonard -- you know how susceptible he is to people smarter than him."

"Hey," Leonard protested.

"Sorry, should have clarified -- seem smarter," she grinned. “Actually smarter doesn’t apply to Gary.”

"The hell it doesn't," Gary snapped playfully. "I AM A GOD!" he yelled to the empty beach as the rest of them laughed and Gaila asked Jim where, exactly, he had found this creature and why she was stuck with him.

Leonard felt a nudge at his side -- Spock had finally deigned to sit on the floor of the balcony with them and gave Leonard the ultimate shit-eating smirk that no one else saw, being too busy indulging Gary's megalomania (as usual). "Right?" Leonard agreed, and Spock just nodded before he lifted his hand and let it rest in Leonard’s hair, sending a shiver down his back as Spock’s fingers gently touched the edges of Leonard’s ear. He leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes, letting the bickering fade into the background and Gary’s bullshit float away into the ether.

The next morning, Jim raised an eyebrow and said, "No. Gary's full of shit."

Leonard was suddenly sorry he had brought it up and dug back into his breakfast, hoping it would go away.

"Save me from these empaths and telepaths who think they know me and what I've been through better than I know myself," Jim snapped. He looked across the table at Spock and pursed his lips. "You’re not one of them," he added after a moment.

They were eating breakfast in their suite, and Leonard knew the tension in the air, the one where they were all working out what to say next. Well, Jim and Spock were -- he was done opening his fool mouth.

"Just because I don't want…" Jim shoved the rest of his toast slice in his mouth and used both hands to motion to the two of them and the space between them, waving his hands around to signify some invisible magic that had Leonard rolling his eyes already. "Doesn't mean there's something wrong with me," Jim finished as crumbs flew out of his mouth.

"And how do we fit into your feelings on the matter?" Spock asked as he prodded at his breakfast and avoided eye contact with them. Leonard watched him and then looked to Jim, who looked ready to burn down the embassy rather than evaluate his feelings for another second.

"Does anything have to change?" Jim asked sharply. "Do you not want us to sleep together anymore? Do you guys need a schedule or something so you're not at my beck and call? Do you want to invite Chekov and Sulu into the mix because, like them as I do, I'm kind of good with just the two of you and the occasional… not you."

"Can we just drop it," Leonard interrupted before Jim broke the butter dish and Spock cut his own throat with the shards. Fuck, at least they were all terrible at this. He'd have to drown Gary in the ocean later, though, no question about that. "I think we're overthinking this." He cleared his throat and said to both of them, "This would matter more if we were ever going to settle down someday." He glanced at them each in turn and added, "But since it looks like we all like what we do too much for that, and we're going to be big damn space heroes until we die, our system works just fine."

There was a beat, and then Spock asked, "When did you become the logical one?"

"Does your space psychiatry certification really allow you to say that denial is the best course of action here?" Jim added.

"Guess what," Leonard began. "We've been here five days and we still haven't had sex. Explain that."

"Speak for yourself," Jim replied, and then thought about it for a moment. "Oh. Us three. Yeah, we should get on that. We three. Not… me and… okay, do you know how creepy the two of you are when you do your eyebrow things? Because it's so creepy."

Leonard and Spock's eyes met and Leonard had to laugh at the legitimate creepiness of their eyebrow synchronicity. Leonard leaned against his hand and looked to Jim, knowing he looked a hapless, unwashed mess who, fuck, didn't need this right now in the middle of breakfast on their damn vacation. Jim raised his eyebrows a little in silent agreement.

They both looked to Spock, who was about to drink from his glass. After a moment's consideration, he tipped the glass at them and looked away, which they both took as a unanimous agreement to shut the fuck up about their fucking feelings for the rest of their fucking shore leave.

And, of course, that they should bone later.

Every time the three of them have sex, Leonard thinks they should work out some kind of system or schedule to make it a regular occurrence so none of them would be caught off guard or on an off-night.

Yet the three of them are together pretty often (sometimes they even just sleep together) and have done so for months now -- he thinks if there were problems, they would have been voiced already. The three of them are vocal about goddamn everything; one would think that at some point, if the way the cards had fallen didn't please someone, one of their big mouths would say, "Look, this has been fun, but --"

Maybe the fact that it hasn't been an issue yet -- that Leonard, the most easily irritated person in the galaxy and the first to make his bitching heard no matter how delicate the situation -- is a sign that it's working. That there's nothing to fix. That this is how it's supposed to be.

Leonard means to delve into it every time Jim shows up at the door of whose room they're staying that night, but he doesn't. He can't, really. Not when Jim is standing in the doorway, the door sliding closed behind him with a quiet whoosh, his eyes settling on both of them and then the space between them in bed.

It doesn't fit any established paradigm Leonard knows, and maybe that's what unsettles him every time Jim appears at their door. When this happened at the Academy, Leonard was the silent one, Jim bantering with Gary or Gaila until they lost themselves in fucking and being fucked. It's different now, though -- maybe because they all know that once they get past small talk into something serious, they'll talk and bicker all damn night and go to their shifts in the morning ready to snap off everyone's heads and/or blow up a planet to let off some steam.

So it's for the best if Jim just walks in and sits on a side of the bed (Leonard or Spock's, it's pretty random every time), and start with a touch.

Like he sits on Leonard's side some nights and ask about the memo he just sent that he knows Leonard's reading on his PADD, and they'll nod and talk about following up for a few seconds, and then Jim's hand is on Leonard's leg, stroking the calf and moving up, his finger running along the back of Leonard's knee.

Gary claims it's proof that Jim's an empath, the way he can just touch Leonard and there's instantly arousal -- empathy is the exchange of feelings, a push and pull between minds and feelings, what Leonard and other psi-null people would call "reading people well."

Leonard thinks of that every time, every time Jim's hand first touches him or when Spock takes Jim's hand and pulls him into bed, linking their hands together and losing himself instantly as Jim pulls a couple of Spock's fingers into his mouth and sucks hard -- whatever the reason, he stops thinking of Gary and memos and damn near everything every time Jim touches him.

"Get up here already, will you," Leonard growls as he grabs his hand and yanks a little roughly. Jim laughs and takes the cue, tumbles forward and then takes the opportunity to straddle Leonard's hips, the thin layers of their shorts barely separating them. Spock looks over and gives them five seconds to each other, for Leonard to just rock up against Jim and run his hands over Jim's thighs and grip his hips.

Then Spock puts his PADD away and slides over so his body presses along Leonard's side, Jim's knee kind of pressing in between them, and he turns Leonard's face and kisses him hard. By now, he knows Leonard needs this, to be pulled away from his thoughts once and for all, and he's happy to do it while Jim climbs off and makes away with their shorts (which -- why do they even bother -- oh, right, emergencies, which aren't rare enough for their liking).

As Leonard slides down the wall/headboard and gives his mouth over to Spock, Spock and Jim cover him -- the heat of Jim's mouth engulfs his cock while Spock lazily explores his mouth, one hand in Leonard's hair. Spock's other hand travels down to his sensitive lower stomach, so close to Jim's mouth, and teases. Leonard eyes are closed and his arms are as wrapped around Spock as they can be, but he can almost see it -- Spock's hand pressing his hips down into the bed so he can't thrust up, then letting him go so his fingers can run through Jim's hair.

When he does break the kiss and look down, Spock has his eyes closed and his cheeks are flushed -- his fingers are down by Jim's mouth, tracing the base of Leonard's cock, occasionally slipping into Jim's mouth and being taken along for the ride in Jim's greedy mouth.

"Mouth like a quasar," is what Leonard manages to half-moan and Spock laughs, kisses him approvingly, while Jim digs his fingers harder into Leonard's thighs -- obvious approval right there, too. It's like you work in space! is probably what Jim would say, were his mouth not full of Leonard's balls at that moment.

Then it usually plays out like this:

- Spock prefers to avoid being penetrated;
- Jim prefers to be penetrated;
- Leonard would do anything to anyone because flexibility is key when his space husbands are that attractive, and they may not have strong preferences beyond LET’S DO THIS NOW, but have strong opinions about what 'this' shouldn't entail.

Really, Leonard thinks as he watches Spock rim Jim's asshole and listens to Jim put on the moaning and thrashing show he knows Leonard loves, the three of them together are so ordinary and boring (in the best way).

(Leonard admits to himself that it's hard to recall that blasé attitude later when he's pushing down on Jim's shoulder blade so his body's at that perfect sharp angle every time Leonard slams into him, or when he's alongside Spock, sucking at his neck and stroking his dick as Jim thrusts hard between Spock's thighs -- Jim can whine sometimes about non-penetrative sex being a cop-out, but that just makes Spock press his thighs closer together and have Jim really work for it.

Blasé is really a difficult attitude to maintain at times like these.)

The three of them spent, the lights off, Jim curled up into himself tightly because that's the only way he can sleep, Leonard and Spock's hands linked briefly over Jim until they fall asleep -- it's a wonder Leonard bothers to question why they work.

Outside the bedroom, away from shore leave, in the day-to-day -- well, Gary was right again. Leonard hated when Gary was right.

Gary had cynically said that Leonard would be preserved above everyone else because he was a valuable skill set and, yeah, okay, that was true, and it was the accepted contingency plan whenever shit went wrong on a planet. Even when nothing went wrong, Jim would return to the bridge, survey everything with that appraising eye, and Leonard knew he was thinking about what would happen if it were threatened.

The plan looked something like this --

- Get Leonard off the planet and back to the ship;
- Get Scotty on the bridge;
- Get the Enterprise the fuck out of there.

It wasn't like they didn't have any other doctors, but Leonard had to be whisked back to the ship before anyone else and protected, and to hell with all that nonsense like he could still be of some use to the away team down on a planet.

That was when Jim confirmed Gary's view on preserving Leonard above all things, but put a less disturbing spin on it.

"Not this again," Jim snapped as he took a swig of whiskey from the bottle Leonard kept in his private office in sick bay just for these harrowing occasions. "We're not arguing about it again."

Even Spock looked tired and Leonard could see him eyeing the bottle being passed between Leonard and Jim, which Leonard silently offered to Spock the next time it came to him. He declined it and continued to wilt in his chair. After the three of them and the rest of the away team had escaped a venomous spore-ridden planet where the air turned toxic within minutes of stepping into some kind of innocuous-looking but inevitably evil meadow, the least Jim and Leonard could do was drink and the least Spock could do was let his posture slip a little.

Times like these, Jim liked to stay quiet, but that day had too close of a call for their collective comfort, and Leonard raised an eyebrow at Jim’s sudden rush of babbling before he took the bottle back for himself.

"I think we've been to enough places and encountered enough cultures, peaceful and not, to know that everyone values self-preservation, and doctors are way higher than diplomats on the scale of people liable not to be murdered on an away mission." Jim reached for the bottle, rolled his eyes when it was denied him, and tapped his fingers impatiently on Leonard's desk. "We're always going to choose you," he added, "So just shut the fuck up about it."

Choose him, Leonard thought, meant they would choose his vocation, but what about him?

"Funny you say that when there are a dozen other --"

"There isn't another you," Jim snapped.

"M'Benga's perfectly equipped to --"

"Are you an idiot?" Jim asked as his head turned quickly to look at Leonard with a hard look. "I said there isn't another you -- there isn't another Leonard Horatio Stubborn Stupid Fucking Idiot McCoy on board this ship, and that's who me and Spock want. That's who everyone on board this ship wants."

Leonard stared for a moment and Jim took the opportunity to snatch the bottle back and take a deep swig from it.

"Yeah, send me all the personnel profiles you want, highlight all their relevant work experience and specialties, but it all adds up to they're not you and we want you."

Spock took the bottle from Jim's hand, had a quick sip, and added, "Yes."

"To what?" Leonard asked Spock, and his voice betrayed that he was more flustered than he cared to admit. "To the part where --"

"Yes," Spock insisted, and Leonard took the bottle back and didn't bring it up any more.

"I've done a lot of stupid shit in my life, and I mean a lot," Jim began. Leonard looked over at him and saw his glare fixed at a point on a distant wall, almost like he was afraid of making eye contact with either of them. "But the worst was letting both of you go. Won't do it again."

"Yet Admiral Pike so looks forward to your action-packed mission reports," Spock remarked.

"I'm never letting the two of you out of bed again," Jim decided. "Nothing bad ever happens there."

"Except the occasional sprained muscle," Spock said.

"You say so now," Leonard said to Jim. "Tonight we'll be murdered in our sleep by renegade Romulans. Way to go."

"Shut up," Jim said.

Leonard reached across the desk, past the whiskey bottle, and grabbed Jim's nervously tapping hand, clutching it tightly. It took Jim a couple of long moments, but he finally twisted his hand and clutched Leonard's, too.

It was irrational, really, for Jim to think he could stop either of them from dying just through his sheer force of will, so Leonard took Jim's declaration that they would never die, ever, for what it was.

Spock reached over and laid his hand on both of theirs, squeezed them hard, and that was that.

Leonard doesn't want to know what their lives are like in other universes where he, Spock, and Jim weren't broken so thoroughly while still so young -- universes where they had time to piece themselves together before the three of them met, rather than three fragile things smashing against the same wall and still figuring out how they work now.

Because they do work. For Leonard, it's impossible to imagine a life without both of them -- without Starfleet, his friends, his staff, his calling.

Then again, hadn't he also thought the same thing about his daughter? About his wife, his hometown, his parents just down the road, his practice, his friends?

No -- things are different now. He knows it, he feels it every time he steps onto the bridge and looks out at the nebula or planet they're approaching. Every time Jim or Spock pages him and says, "You should come up here, you'll never believe this" or however Spock phrases it -- now he's learned to read Spock and he can hear the faintest little warbles in his voice when he's excited and trying to control it.

It's taken him long enough, but he's learned how totally unimaginative he is, and he's even made peace with the fact that sometimes he'll just have to believe six impossible things before breakfast.

Like those days when Jim has unfurled from the tense shell he becomes in his sleep and Leonard gets to wake up with Jim's back pressed against him and Jim's hand resting on Spock's chest; he wakes up to Spock looking at him over Jim, his eyes still opening and closing lazily as he wakes up. (Something he knows and loves -- really, really loves? That Spock is a morning person and he doesn’t like it. It makes him giddy to know Spock hates mornings as much as Jim and Leonard do.)

Yeah, and sometimes he wakes up on the floor of some pseudo-Roman prison, in a cave, or in the decadent room of some palace on a batshit crazy planet, but on those days when he wakes up and they're the first people he sees -- that's where he belongs, with his two jackasses, and it's worth the ever-changing, occasionally deadly scenery and bit players who try to make their boring lives interesting.

THINGS I'VE WANTED TO TWEET BUT I CAN'T BECAUSE I STUPIDLY DELETED MY TWITTER ACCOUNT...

2011-06-28T03:05:09Z

LIKE A FUCKING STUPID PERSON:

LOL GUYS LJ ATE MY HUGE ENTRY OF FANDOMY TWEETS

HOW AWESOME IS THAT

fuck it.

i have a new twitter account --

SHARKTOOTHED