{"id":5065,"date":"2025-06-24T08:00:13","date_gmt":"2025-06-24T13:00:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/schoolsofexcellence.com\/?p=5065"},"modified":"2025-06-26T05:56:58","modified_gmt":"2025-06-26T10:56:58","slug":"ep240","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/schoolsofexcellence.com\/ep240\/","title":{"rendered":"Episode 240: The 4 Phases of Tough Conversations: A Tactical Framework for School Owners and Directors"},"content":{"rendered":"[vc_row type=&#8221;in_container&#8221; full_screen_row_position=&#8221;middle&#8221; column_margin=&#8221;default&#8221; column_direction=&#8221;default&#8221; column_direction_tablet=&#8221;default&#8221; column_direction_phone=&#8221;default&#8221; scene_position=&#8221;center&#8221; text_color=&#8221;dark&#8221; text_align=&#8221;left&#8221; row_border_radius=&#8221;none&#8221; row_border_radius_applies=&#8221;bg&#8221; overlay_strength=&#8221;0.3&#8243; gradient_direction=&#8221;left_to_right&#8221; shape_divider_position=&#8221;bottom&#8221; bg_image_animation=&#8221;none&#8221;][vc_column column_padding=&#8221;no-extra-padding&#8221; column_padding_tablet=&#8221;inherit&#8221; column_padding_phone=&#8221;inherit&#8221; column_padding_position=&#8221;all&#8221; column_element_spacing=&#8221;default&#8221; background_color_opacity=&#8221;1&#8243; background_hover_color_opacity=&#8221;1&#8243; column_shadow=&#8221;none&#8221; column_border_radius=&#8221;none&#8221; column_link_target=&#8221;_self&#8221; gradient_direction=&#8221;left_to_right&#8221; overlay_strength=&#8221;0.3&#8243; width=&#8221;1\/1&#8243; tablet_width_inherit=&#8221;default&#8221; tablet_text_alignment=&#8221;default&#8221; phone_text_alignment=&#8221;default&#8221; bg_image_animation=&#8221;none&#8221; border_type=&#8221;simple&#8221; column_border_width=&#8221;none&#8221; column_border_style=&#8221;solid&#8221;][vc_column_text]\n<h1 style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Turn Frustration into Forward Momentum With These Practical Tools<\/span><\/h1>\n<div style=\"width: 100%; height: 200px; margin-bottom: 20px; border-radius: 6px; overflow: hidden;\"><iframe style=\"width: 100%; height: 200px;\" data-src=\"https:\/\/player.captivate.fm\/episode\/8a580a0a-4b19-4be6-b6dd-a6beaa5de17e\/\" frameborder=\"no\" scrolling=\"no\" seamless=\"\" src=\"data:image\/svg+xml;base64,PHN2ZyB3aWR0aD0iMSIgaGVpZ2h0PSIxIiB4bWxucz0iaHR0cDovL3d3dy53My5vcmcvMjAwMC9zdmciPjwvc3ZnPg==\" class=\"lazyload\" data-load-mode=\"1\"><\/iframe><\/div>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h2 style=\"text-align: center;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/schools-of-excellence-podcast\/id1553294786\">Listen on Apple Podcast<\/a> | <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0nhkp9Qvwk6TAsTFfxymuc?si=258aa1a1c3544def\">Listen on Spotify<\/a><\/h2>\n<h2><\/h2>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In this episode, leadership coach Gene Hammett joins Chanie Wilschanski to unpack the transformational power of tough conversations\u2014both in business and at home. Gene shares candid stories from life and work, revealing how leaders (especially school directors and owners) can become more <\/span><b>present, patient, and powerful<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> in every interaction. You&#8217;ll discover practical frameworks from Gene\u2019s book <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How to Have Tough Conversations<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, designed to help you stop avoiding conflict, lead with emotional clarity, and build deeper trust within your team.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>What You\u2019ll Learn<\/b><\/h3>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><b>Why presence equals care<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> \u2013 How small gestures (like putting your phone away) speak volumes.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><b>The 3\u00d7 time rule<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> \u2013 When a conversation <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">should<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> take 10 minutes, schedule 30 to allow space.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><b>Phase by phase<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> \u2013 From \u201cUnderstand &amp; Clarify\u201d \u2192 \u201cName the Pattern\u201d \u2192 \u201cBe Direct\u201d \u2192 \u201cFollow Up.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><b>Lead with energy management, not just time<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> \u2013 How to align your presence with others\u2019.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><b>Avoid the saboteurs<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> \u2013 Common pitfalls like avoidance and waiting until \u201cbig enough.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><b>Tactical questions<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> \u2013 Use Gene\u2019s curated prompts to guide clarity and collaboration.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h3><b>Key Takeaways<\/b><\/h3>\n<h4><b>1. Be Fully Present<\/b><\/h4>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Put devices aside and show you&#8217;re listening with both words and actions. Presence is your silent way of signaling care.<\/span><\/p>\n<h4><b>2. Make Time for Tough Conversations<\/b><\/h4>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you think it\u2019s a 10\u2011minute chat, block 30 minutes. This breathing room allows for emotional processing and deeper dialogue.<\/span><\/p>\n<h4><b>3. Structure Matters: The Four Phases<\/b><\/h4>\n<ol>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><b>Understand &amp; Clarify<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> \u2013 Ask questions, show curiosity.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><b>Name the Pattern<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> \u2013 Share observed behaviors.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><b>Be Direct<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> \u2013 State expectations and impact.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><b>Follow\u2011Up<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> \u2013 Agree on a next step or revisit to reinforce.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<h4><b>4. Manage Energy, Not Just Time<\/b><\/h4>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Plan around when you&#8217;re at your best and when the other person is most receptive\u2014especially during high-stakes moments.<\/span><\/p>\n<h4><b>5. Avoid Common Pitfalls<\/b><\/h4>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Don\u2019t wait until it\u2019s \u201ctoo big.\u201d Early feedback prevents blow-ups\u2014the donkey doesn\u2019t have to fall before you help rebalance.<\/span><\/p>\n<h4><b>6. Lead with Tactical Questions<\/b><\/h4>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Download Gene\u2019s question prompts for starters like:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cHow do you feel about this?\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cHow did I contribute to this situation?\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cHow do you usually respond when feedback comes up?\u201d<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> These questions ensure deeper insight and reduce defensiveness.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h3><b>Quotes from the Episode<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cIt doesn\u2019t cost anything to show people that you care and that you\u2019re listening.\u201d \u2013 Gene Hammett<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cIf you think a conversation is 10 minutes, give yourself three times the amount of time\u2026 end with breathing room.\u201d \u2013 Gene Hammett<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>Why It Matters for School Leaders<\/b><\/h3>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><b>Build relational trust<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> among teachers, directors, and parents<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><b>Break the control habit<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> by shifting from command to curiosity<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><b>Normalize ongoing dialogue<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u2014not expecting one-and-done fixes<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><b>Move from conflict avoidance to confident leadership<\/b><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h3><b>Action Steps You Can Take Today<\/b><\/h3>\n<ol>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><b>Choose the next tough conversation<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> \u2013 block 3\u00d7 the estimated time.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><b>Download Gene\u2019s question prompts<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> (link below) and pick 2\u20133 to start.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><b>Plan your energy<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> \u2013 block it when you&#8217;re most focused and calm.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><b>Ask: \u201cHow did I contribute?\u201d<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> \u2013 start with shared ownership.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><b>Schedule a follow-up check-in<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u2014this is your \u201cmeeting after the meeting.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<h3><b>Resources &amp; Where to Find More<\/b><\/h3>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><b>Gene Hammett\u2019s book<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How to Have Tough Conversations<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> \u2013 available on Amazon, Barnes &amp; Noble, Walmart, and more<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><b>Gene\u2019s coaching at Core Elevation<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> \u2013 <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/genehammett.com\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">https:\/\/genehammett.com\/<\/span><\/a><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><b>Next step<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">:<\/span> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Tune in to explore how practicing presence and patience in tough conversations can transform leadership and deepen connection in all your relationships &#8211; <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/schoolsofexcellence.com\/profit\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">https:\/\/schoolsofexcellence.com\/profit\/<\/span><\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n[\/vc_column_text][nectar_global_section id=&#8221;5020&#8243;][\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row type=&#8221;in_container&#8221; full_screen_row_position=&#8221;middle&#8221; column_margin=&#8221;default&#8221; column_direction=&#8221;default&#8221; column_direction_tablet=&#8221;default&#8221; column_direction_phone=&#8221;default&#8221; scene_position=&#8221;center&#8221; text_color=&#8221;dark&#8221; text_align=&#8221;left&#8221; row_border_radius=&#8221;none&#8221; row_border_radius_applies=&#8221;bg&#8221; overlay_strength=&#8221;0.3&#8243; gradient_direction=&#8221;left_to_right&#8221; shape_divider_position=&#8221;bottom&#8221; bg_image_animation=&#8221;none&#8221;][vc_column column_padding=&#8221;no-extra-padding&#8221; column_padding_tablet=&#8221;inherit&#8221; column_padding_phone=&#8221;inherit&#8221; column_padding_position=&#8221;all&#8221; top_margin=&#8221;40&#8243; column_element_spacing=&#8221;default&#8221; background_color_opacity=&#8221;1&#8243; background_hover_color_opacity=&#8221;1&#8243; column_shadow=&#8221;none&#8221; column_border_radius=&#8221;none&#8221; column_link_target=&#8221;_self&#8221; gradient_direction=&#8221;left_to_right&#8221; overlay_strength=&#8221;0.3&#8243; width=&#8221;1\/1&#8243; tablet_width_inherit=&#8221;default&#8221; tablet_text_alignment=&#8221;default&#8221; phone_text_alignment=&#8221;default&#8221; bg_image_animation=&#8221;none&#8221; border_type=&#8221;simple&#8221; column_border_width=&#8221;none&#8221; column_border_style=&#8221;solid&#8221;][vc_column_text]\n<h3><b>Episode Checklist<\/b><\/h3>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Schedule 3\u00d7 the time for your next tough talk<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Choose a question prompt to guide your opening<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Plan for a follow-up conversation<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<hr \/>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h3><b>About Our Host &amp; Guest<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Chanie Wilschanski leads Schools of Excellence with a passion for cultivating soulful, effective leadership through intentional <\/span><b>rhythms<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. Through podcasting and coaching, she empowers directors and owners to thrive with grace, clarity, and sustainable systems\u2014never at the expense of their well-being.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Gene Hammett<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> is the co-author of How to Have Tough Conversations, founder of Core Elevation, and has spent over a decade coaching fast-growth leaders through courageous communication.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you found this episode valuable, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with a fellow leader ready to step into more purposeful conversations. Let me know which question prompt you\u2019ll try first.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you found this episode valuable, please rate, subscribe, and <\/span><b>share it with a fellow school leader who\u2019s ready to stop over-carrying and start leading with radiant, sustainable rhythms of joy.<\/b>[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column][\/vc_row]\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>[vc_row type=&#8221;in_container&#8221; full_screen_row_position=&#8221;middle&#8221; column_margin=&#8221;default&#8221; column_direction=&#8221;default&#8221; column_direction_tablet=&#8221;default&#8221; column_direction_phone=&#8221;default&#8221; scene_position=&#8221;center&#8221; text_color=&#8221;dark&#8221; text_align=&#8221;left&#8221; row_border_radius=&#8221;none&#8221; row_border_radius_applies=&#8221;bg&#8221; overlay_strength=&#8221;0.3&#8243; gradient_direction=&#8221;left_to_right&#8221; shape_divider_position=&#8221;bottom&#8221; bg_image_animation=&#8221;none&#8221;][vc_column column_padding=&#8221;no-extra-padding&#8221; column_padding_tablet=&#8221;inherit&#8221; column_padding_phone=&#8221;inherit&#8221; column_padding_position=&#8221;all&#8221; column_element_spacing=&#8221;default&#8221; background_color_opacity=&#8221;1&#8243; background_hover_color_opacity=&#8221;1&#8243; column_shadow=&#8221;none&#8221; column_border_radius=&#8221;none&#8221; column_link_target=&#8221;_self&#8221; gradient_direction=&#8221;left_to_right&#8221; overlay_strength=&#8221;0.3&#8243; width=&#8221;1\/1&#8243; tablet_width_inherit=&#8221;default&#8221;&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":18,"featured_media":5036,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_wp_convertkit_post_meta":{"form":"-1","landing_page":"","tag":"0","restrict_content":"0"},"footnotes":""},"categories":[7,9],"tags":[39],"class_list":["post-5065","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-podcast","category-schools-of-excellence","tag-podcast"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.9 - 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