{"id":4692,"date":"2024-06-03T11:46:48","date_gmt":"2024-06-03T16:46:48","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/schoolsofexcellence.com\/?p=4692"},"modified":"2025-05-06T10:55:01","modified_gmt":"2025-05-06T15:55:01","slug":"ep181","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/schoolsofexcellence.com\/ep181\/","title":{"rendered":"Winning in the Dark: Shame and Anger"},"content":{"rendered":"<h2>Winning in the Dark: Shame and Anger<\/h2>\n<div style=\"width: 100%; height: 200px; margin-bottom: 20px; border-radius: 6px; overflow: hidden;\"><iframe style=\"width: 100%; height: 200px;\" data-src=\"https:\/\/player.captivate.fm\/episode\/e1d47758-de9a-4230-8236-7aa7cc0c013f\" frameborder=\"no\" scrolling=\"no\" seamless=\"\" src=\"data:image\/svg+xml;base64,PHN2ZyB3aWR0aD0iMSIgaGVpZ2h0PSIxIiB4bWxucz0iaHR0cDovL3d3dy53My5vcmcvMjAwMC9zdmciPjwvc3ZnPg==\" class=\"lazyload\" data-load-mode=\"1\"><\/iframe><\/div>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/schools-of-excellence-podcast\/id1553294786?i=1000508610144\">Click Here to Listen on Apple Podcasts<\/a>\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <a href=\"https:\/\/schoolsofexcellence.libsyn.com\/\">Click Here to Listen on Non-Apple Devices<\/a><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Recently, I was speaking with an owner who was opening a second location.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Despite this being an exciting time for her school, she was drowning in shame.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cChanie, I keep starting and stopping, starting and stopping,\u201d she told me.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I asked her what she meant.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">She told me she felt ashamed that she couldn\u2019t be consistent with her decisions. \u201cI keep creating policies, implementing them, then getting pushback, and changing the policy again. I feel like I\u2019m always backing out of my commitments.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">First of all, there\u2019s<\/span> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">wisdom in flexibility, and sometimes updating a policy<\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> is <\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">the right step.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But in this owner\u2019s case, she needed to build her self-trust so she could banish the shame.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And she was taking the <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">perfect<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> next step by exposing her difficult emotions in a conversation with me.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Shame thrives in the dark, but it withers in the light.<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When you share your shame with a trusted mentor or community, it doesn\u2019t seem so insurmountable anymore. <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> is what it means to win in the dark when it comes to shame.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Join me in the podcast this week for a conversation about:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Why shame and anger are common emotions for school leaders<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What promotes the growth of shame and anger, and conversely, what loosens their grip<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What your anger is telling you and to what extent you should listen<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How to win in the dark by finding constructive ways to proceed around your anger<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Real-life examples of how school leaders have overcome shame and anger, and managed to cultivate community and collaboration<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>Resources and links mentioned in this episode:<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you want the guidance of a caring, experienced mentor as you navigate challenging emotions, I welcome you to work with Schools of Excellence through a <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/schoolsofexcellence.com\/leadership\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Leadership Day Intensive<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. You&#8217;ll get a full day of on-demand, in-school training and discussions with me, plus various accountability check-ins, to help you and your team build a stronger, healthier center.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Don\u2019t let shame thrive in the dark. Shine a light on it by joining a genuinely supportive community. You\u2019ll loosen shame\u2019s grip on your heart as you learning it\u2019s safe to be vulnerable with like-minded school leaders who truly <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">get it<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. Please apply for our <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/schoolsofexcellence.com\/membership\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Owner&#8217;s HQ and Director&#8217;s Inner Circle<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> membership programs, where you&#8217;ll gain access to tools, resources, coaching, and community that will help you as you work toward building a school of excellence.<\/span><\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/schools-of-excellence-podcast\/id1553294786?i=1000508610144\">Click Here to Listen on Apple Podcasts<\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/schoolsofexcellence.libsyn.com\/\">Click Here to Listen on Non-Apple Devices<\/a><\/p>\n<h3><b>More about the show:<\/b><\/h3>\n<p>If you are an Early Childhood director or owner, prepare to transform your school and life with the Schools of Excellence podcast. Tune in each week to learn from Chanie Wilschanski, the founder and host of the Schools of Excellence Podcast and a mom of 4 little kids. Each episode will be packed with tools and strategies \u2013 equipping you to build schools with higher staff retention, teacher motivation, parent partnership, collaborative culture, and beautiful quality of life.<\/p>\n<p>Every week, Chanie shares the truth about the journey to excellence, the strategies that are working TODAY, and the mindset about the critical decisions and choices that you make every day which impact yourself, your teachers, parents, family, and children who you serve every day.<\/p>\n<p>In addition to weekly solo episodes, she\u2019ll also be inviting industry leaders and the changing makers of the landscape of education to give listeners the inside knowledge of what it takes to sustain excellence.<\/p>\n<p>Don\u2019t miss an episode, subscribe today for everything you need for your leadership journey!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Winning in the Dark: Shame and Anger Click Here to Listen on Apple Podcasts\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Click Here to Listen on Non-Apple Devices Recently, I&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":11,"featured_media":3765,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_wp_convertkit_post_meta":{"form":"-1","landing_page":"","tag":"0","restrict_content":"0"},"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[39],"class_list":["post-4692","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-podcast","tag-podcast"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Winning in the Dark: Shame and Anger - Schools of Excellence by Chanie Wilschanski<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"School leader shame: Starting &amp; Stopping? 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