Sarian

2013 huh?

sarian — Sun, 27 Jan 2013 06:27:27 GMT

Not much has changed really. Nothing new, just living.

Rob might be going to Vancouver to work, for 6 monthsish. He would be making his current wage plus my wage. So it would be best if I stayed home full time with Grayson. I could go to work 3 days a week, but I would only be making an extra $90. The rest of my pay would go towards child care.

I have been looking into renoing the house a smidge to make it okay for a day care. I would become an unlicensed or was it unregistered - I forget - either way I would be able to watch two extra children.

In a perfect world Rob would go to Vancouver and I would go to school for ECE (Early Childhood Education) That way I could get my degree and Grayson would be in child care AT the college ^^

What I was thinking of doing was exploring both options and seeing which one is the best for us right now. Ultimately I would LOVE to get into an ECE course, but I want to have a plan B as well.

Plan A - ECE. Plan B - Day care out of my home.

sarian — Fri, 26 Oct 2012 06:56:30 GMT

Alot has happened since my last post.

Grayson is walking 90% of the time. He has said doggie, fish and apple. He constantly says mama and dada, sometimes dad and daddy. If I am sitting cross legged, he will come and crawl into my lap. So I have become the mommy chair. He helps with getting dressed, likes getting his teeth brushed. Loves giving hugs and kisses. He has finally started petting the dog nicely...even though he still grabs sometimes, it not as much as before. Chaplin finally doesn't run from Grayson, he just lets out a small growl when Grayson goes for his face.

Grayson knows the noises for pig, lion, cow and monkey. He loves helping me with the laundry, he just takes the clothes out of the washer for me! I do have to grab them before they hit the ground, but still its nice to have the help. He loves being outside, going on "adventures" he squirms and wiggles for joy when the garage door opens. He dances so much!

I am going into work to tomorrow resubmit my SIN and banking info. I will be getting 30 hours and will be baking and sales. Rob said he would work around my hours. He currently works as a first aid attendant/traffic flagger. They are paving at night right now, so it works out perfectly for me to go back to work. However Rob's company just implemented some new policies that require us to buy more things. Which makes for a unhappy Rob, so he might take this opportunity to find a new job.

I want to make a list for Rob, more like a book on how I do things. Simple things such as if Grayson wakes up at 7 he will nap at noon. If he is going to nap around noon I give him a snack before and after, instead of a full meal before or after. If he wakes up later his nap is later, meaning I would give him a full lunch instead of two snacks. I know he will do a good job, I just want to leave tips that I have learned...sometimes the hard way. I just thought of separation anxiety. The last time Rob took Grayson out, Grayson started to freak out. They were gone for about an hour, and that was it they had to turn back. Rob would later tell me that Grayson calmed down when Rob asked him if he wanted mommy. Then again the boys will be in familiar territory, so Grayson will be 100% comfortable.

The more I think about work the more excited I get. Actual non baby related human contact. I am certain I will be returning next week, I am surprised how fast everything fell into place.

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Gwar!

sarian — Tue, 07 Aug 2012 01:26:16 GMT

Grayson's birthday is in 9 days, his party is in 12. I have finally decided to make mini banana cupcakes. I am going to hopefully not fail and pipe little monkey and lion faces out of chocolate. My plan is to pipe them onto wax paper, peal them off without breaking and place them on top of the cupcakes!

So far 7 people are going to show up, I am hoping Isla and Anna confirm Yay or Nay when we go to Toprak's party on the 12th. I am still waiting to hear from at least 4 moms, which would add another 12 people. My brother had mentioned that he would want to be here, but I haven't received an answer...I e-mailed him in July.

Dear boob problems, I thought you were out of my life. W.T.F? This current issue is no where as painful as my first 6 months of breastfeeding. I have a small open sore on my aeriola, to this day I have no idea how it got there. I blame Grayson's teeth, even though I never felt the injury happen. Every time Grayson would nurse it would hurt, breastfeeding should NEVER hurt so I knew something was once again wrong *sigh* Grayson was pulling on my nipple as he nursed, I didn't know until recently that his actions of pulling kept opening the sore. Today I figured out a way for him to have his boob and make me happy too!

We still have no idea if Rob is going to the oil rigs. However if he doesn't he has an opportunity to work in Vancouver. If he goes to Vancouver he will be making $25 an hour...? He told me, but was only guessing. Rob payed almost $300 for his Hs2 Alive course, so if he doesn't make it to the rigs that money just went down the shitter. If he doesn't make it to the Rigs and can work in Vancouver then we could see each other more.

It would be amazing if Rob could work in Vancouver, but I can't shake the frustration, angst and complete irkness I would feel knowing we just wasted $300. I am not going to think about that now.

Right now I just need to focus on Grayson's party, I have everything except the food. I keep thinking his party is this Saturday, which is making my brain vomit nothing but stress.

Ugh I am so weird and blobish, can a person be blobish? I don't know, blarg just blarg.

The only things I need to worry about are tomorrow and then I can rest until Sunday. Sunday we are attending a birthday party, and then I have 5 days to get party food. I am having an internal battle over the 5 days, part of me is saying "Be calm, 5 days is lots of time" while another part is freaking out.

Blarg.

Yet another post about Grayson.

sarian — Tue, 31 Jul 2012 19:17:52 GMT

Grayson has boomed so much in the past two months. Standing on his own for half a minute, finally figuring out how to crawl and just recently he used his walker. He was walking between Rob and myself for a short time on Thursday or Friday. It didn't take long before he was getting frustrated, so we stopped. The next day Grayson decided he wanted to take his highchair on a tour de living room.

He only stopped when he "drove" his chair into the wall. (Thank goodness for the plastic bits on the corners of his highchair legs = no scratched floor or walls) When he stopped he got down right pissed. I decided that I would stand in front of Grayson and his chair to steer. We moved at his pace and made laps around the living room and kitchen.

Everyday since his tour, he has to walk. Rob and I took turns steering him and his walker yesterday. Today (Tuesday) he has been walking with anything that isn't tied down. The kitchen chairs, his toy box, walker and high chair.

I really was joking when I told him he had a month to start walking. Looks like he took me seriously.

He also waves at anyone and everything. He waves at the tv, at chappy and cars driving by. When he waves he moves his whole hand, think of the queens wave just sloppy.

Is it silly that I am freaking out about the attendance to his party? I gave people until the 11th to rsvp, which is still 2ish weeks away, so there is still time. I am just getting anxious, two people have already confirmed, so I just have to try my best and be patient.

Thank goodness for the olympics, they completely captivate Grayson when I try to trim his nails or change his diaper. Anything to distract him from fidgeting is great.

I have a feeling that I am going to cry on his birthday. Its a good thing his party is after his birthday, I really don't want to cry in front of everybody.

Rob's HS2 live course is Thursday. So we find out soon if he will be going up north. I really don't want him to go, because things have been so amazing lately. However if we are to get out of debt, this is the best solution....really its the only one we have left.

August 2nd my passport gets sent to me. The thought of being able to go anywhere just ahh its amazing. I feel that nothing can hold me back.

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I think I might have grown up a bit today.

sarian — Fri, 27 Jul 2012 18:58:47 GMT

So I have put on my big girl pants and have decided it will be best if we stay here. I am surprisingly okay with my decision.

Sitting in my living room, zoning out while looking outside helped. It helped me in a way make peace with myself.

UPDATE: FUCK YOU CIBC! Never use CIBC for anything! We get told we can refinance, and so we call them and ask "Hey can we get our refinance process going again?" That was a fucking gong show. Call this number, oh you have to call this number.The agent we finally talked to said that we would have to go through another financial assessment. First question - Where the fuck did our first assessment go? Second - Who the hell are you to tell us we can't refinance even before you get ahold of our assessment?

Banks are only out to help themselves. All they ever want to do is fuck over the little people, who by the way are trying their damnedest to survive. It is taking everything I have to not break down right now. I can feel the stress and frustration welling up into giant water works. After the water works I'll end up folding in on myself and just be a blob on the couch. Which isn't good, because its not fair to Grayson.

If I am in trouble for something, I'm sorry! Life, Karma, whatever are you happy now! I am emotionally spent!

The only thing I can think of right now, is to go soak in a hot bath.

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sarian — Wed, 25 Jul 2012 16:24:04 GMT

I'm done mentioning anything to do with Lethbridge, or Alberta. I know its only 15ish hours away, but it could be as far as the moon at this point.

Every time there is a possibility to go home, I get burnt. Its that damn kid with a magnifying glass and ants. I'm the stupid ant who always goes back for more.

Life. F U

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Huzzah!

sarian — Sat, 21 Jul 2012 21:17:33 GMT

So Thursday was great!

I finally went to the passport office and sent everything away. I would have sooner, but finding and extra $87 has been tough. According to the woman who helped me, my passport will be sent off on August 2nd. Grayson and I also went and bought birthday presents! There is a great series of board books called "Amazing Baby" Grayson absolutely LOVES them! We found them at this amazing new and used bookstore. The Amazing Baby books are all on sale, sometimes marked down twice. Finding $16 books for only $3 makes my day. So we bought 3 more, and even though I was saving them for his birthday I read him one to see if it would calm him down. It worked! He likes helping me turn the pages.

Nev I know its early, but I have your birthday present too. I am horrible at buying presents, I just want to give them out the day I bought them. If I do that I end up buying something else to replace the previous present. I even want to wrap everything right now, but if I use Christmas wrapping it would bug me so bad.

We have another open house tomorrow. I think I will make a trip to the dollar store and see if I can find decorations. Yes it is early for Grayson's party, but the dollar store is going out of business. 25% off of already cheap stuff, I can't pass that up. I will make an amazing birthday party on a budget!

That is all for now. I must start cleaning, its going to take today and anytime available tomorrow. The house isn't that messy, Grayson is just that active.

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sarian — Wed, 18 Jul 2012 22:21:18 GMT

As predicted the offer on the house sank. I am not mad at the buyers, I completely understand not wanting to live in a place that tells you how to live.

Gloomy's ascot of hope has turned into a sun hat of hope. Apparently the Rise (the name of the area we live) is having a huge open house "celebration" Sunday. There are 6 units still for sale, and the prices have just been lowered again. Ellen has decided she wants in on this, so we are going to join in on the open house fun. The last open house brought us our first offer, so another one won't hurt at all. Plus its advertised all over the place, I am really hopeful.

Rob's H2S...HS2 whatever course is on August 2nd. If all goes well he will be up in northern alberta 2 weeks from that date. It means he will be here for Grayson's birthday, but he will miss the party. Which is okay with me, it means Grayson gets two parties! I really don't mind keeping most of the decorations up for three days! OMG YAY! I have just figured out our cake or cupcake dilemma! Of course this all depends on when Rob leaves, but I am not stressed about cake anymore. Fuck Yeah!

Well Chaplin is waiting to go outside, and Grayson is playing with his leash. I should go for now.

Thats it! Gloomy (for the time being) is no more, I am happy and hopeful about everything.

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Worst case senario...

sarian — Tue, 17 Jul 2012 23:29:22 GMT

...has happened. The deal on our house might fall through. Our relator didn't sound too happy on the phone this afternoon. The reason, one silly bylaw that in my opinion is complete bullshit. Apparently you are only allowed 1 cat and 1 dog in these townhouses. I am not sure if it is just the townhouses, the area or the whole city.

The buyers have two dogs. Ellen tried talking to the strata manager to see if we could get an exception. The council has no legal power to change anything.

I was so happy, thinking things would change.

We are doomed in every way. Rob pretty much said he was going to work on the oil fields. At this point we need all the money we can get our hands on if we are going to stay here. All of our options now include Rob working in Alberta. We can either rent this place, have it managed by Pemberton Holmes who manage our strata and we all rent a place in Alberta. We keep the house on the market and hope it sells.

I like option one for one reason. I can get my ass back to Alberta. Granted it might not be in Lethbridge, but it will be out of B.C. and more importantly out of Sooke.

Oh look its doomey the rain cloud of doom and gloom I will be living under for a while.

I hate Tuesdays.

Well shit

sarian — Tue, 17 Jul 2012 00:02:50 GMT

I just deleted some posts by accident, because I am a noob with this iPad app.

No news on our house yet - this waiting isn't good for my health.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPad.

In love!

sarian — Fri, 13 Jul 2012 02:45:48 GMT

Lj on my iPad was being stupid. I was curious to see if there was an iPad app.

Huzzah!

Oh and I found my photoshop disks again. I should hopefully have a new layout and icons soon.

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sarian — Thu, 12 Jul 2012 23:55:04 GMT

Can someone tell me how an event that releaves stress, later on creates more? BLARG!

* Nothing is set in stone yet*

Rob and I had to put our house up for sale, or else it was going to lead us to bankrupcy and bad juju. This past Sunday a couple put and offer on our house and we accepted it! So in two weeks from Sunday we find out if the bank clears their money and whatnot. While we waited for buyers, we had a bunch of ideas as to what to do next. Now that the moment is here we have decided to move back to Lethbridge.

We have a plan worked out, its just implementing the plan that is stressing me out.

Rob is talking about buying a new (new to us) vehicle to drive to Lethbridge. What?! Any money we get from the house, is for another house in Lethbridge. We can't afford a car. His parents owe him money and he has to wait until October. He is going to call his dad to see if he can get any money earlier. WTF! Yes I am aware it doesn't hurt to ask, but dude we seriously do not need a new vehicle. Can't you wait for 2 1/2 months?!

Also the biggest question of all. Where are we going to get all of the money for me to go to Alberta and back. We need a minimum of 5% of the final asking price for a downpayment. Taking the money from the house and adding it to Robs 2 1/2 months of pay, we should have 15,000. We need every penny for the downpayment, so how are we getting me to Alberta.

..........I am beginning to think that buying another house, won't be possible. Which means we just rent, we are okay with that. Truthfully I think thats the better idea for us now. I just don't see us being able to buy a house. So stressful and hopeless.

sarian — Sun, 27 May 2012 02:37:24 GMT

Last weekend Rob's sister and her two kids came to visit.

It was a fun weekend. Sebastian and Kaile helped with Grayson it was too cute. We went to the park, skyped with Grayson's grandma and great grandma. We went into Victoria during the Victoria Day weekend celebrations. I was a smidge clausterphobic there were so many people x.x

That was the weekend that I FINALLY got my ass in gear towards getting my passport. I just need to get my photos taken, which I think will happen Tuesday. Then depending on my neighbours I can send everything away by the end of next week.

I lowered Grayson's crib mattress today and yesterday he climbed up the stairs to his room. I get stupid emotional when things like that happen. Then when I start thinking of his first birthday, I get all excited and have 62% of it planned now. I know that on his birthday I want to have a couple gifts and some type of cake or cupcake. Just a happy family day, because his birthday is in the middle of the week. Maybe the weekend before we will have a bbq partyness, then I will go all out. Cake, Decorations, Balloons! Then the next weekend we (hopefully) can make it to Washington for a bigger family party.

Oh lord that sounds expensive, I want it all to happen though.....omg Skype just "rang" and it surprised me.

All I know is I have no plans set in stone. At this point, all my ideas are just ideas.

What I need to focus on first is my passport.

Warning: A Ranty post that will be all over the place

sarian — Fri, 11 May 2012 06:28:54 GMT

Dear Shonda Rhymes.

I do not like the direction you are taking Grey's Anatomy.

April is an amazing Dr and she deserves to be with Jackson. Gold Star and confetti to Jackson who is trying to talk about their relationship and not become a huge pile of goo like April. Boo on you for April failing her boards. Clearly you have forgotten that This Is Sparta and that April is AMAZING!

Alex, Jackson, Meridith and April have to stay. Christina can die in the plane crash or move away :)

...That is to say IF there is a place crash, because you are a creative mother fucker when you start messing with metaphores. This whole plane crash COULD be a metaphore. Which really doesn't make sence AT ALL! Well it does, if you are trying to say that Mark finding Lexi alive, means they should be together.

OH AND WHAT FUCKERY IS GOING ON WITH BEN AND MIRANDA! Give her a break already!

The season should end with Christina leaving Grey's. The hospital then would have enough money to keep April. Owen would give April her job back, which would help her piece her self back together. Then she wouldn't be as broken, and would start talking to Jackson and confess her love to him! So Jackson would stay in Seattle to stay with April!

Arizona needs to go to Belize and be with her friend as he dies. Mark needs to tell Lexi he loves her and then they could be happy together.

McDREAMY NEEDS TO LEAVE! He should die in an accident as he is on his way to Boston :)

So lets see....

IF there is a plane crash please kill Christina :) Everyone else stays. April and Jackson work out their weirdness. Mark and Lexi work through their weirdness. Ben doesn't move and marries Miranda. OH! April gets her job back and everyone else stays in Seattle. ---Previews for next week show Christina alive...so IDK.

IF there is NO plane crash. Christina should leave :) Plus everything I stated above!

I tried playing Lineage 2, to distract me from ranting. Obviously it didn't work.

I need to go to bed.

*Shakes fist at Shonda Rhymes*

sarian — Thu, 26 Apr 2012 18:43:00 GMT

We have people coming to view our house on Friday. It is bittersweet. I want to stay here, but as I have said before for us to live we need to move to a cheaper place.

I reached out to my brother the other night via facebook. It has almost been a year since Grayson was born and in that time my dad has called maybe three times. I have invited them to visit every time they call. I have e-mailed and leaft facebook messages. It hurts that they are showing no sign of wanting to get to know Grayson. I am 90% certain that if I don't have another baby, that Grayson will be my fathers only grandchild and my brothers only nephew (True we have a half sister, but after we met her she fell off the face of the planet and took her two kids with her)

Now Rob had said that my dad and brother don't even know they are hurting me. I know the last thing they want to do is hurt me, but it still hurts.

On two happier notes, my hair is now long enough to put in a pony tail. Although its held together by bobby pins, hair clips and doesn't look like I care at all. don't get me wrong I love my hair when its in an inverted bob, but I love my long hair too.

Later today in about an hour and a half, we are going in to Victoria. Rob has some things to take back, which knowing Rob he will be there for longer then needed. Its not a bad thing at all, I have just told myself he is very social. An example of Robs "socialness" he likes to tell people his life story. We were at the bank yesterday, getting me addedd to the other bank account we opened. Not sure houw it started this time, as I was looking after Grayson...but Rob kept going on about how our house has lost value and all of our financial woes. All I kept thinking was "Stop talking, I don't think they care"

I often get myself into trouble when Rob goes on a tangent, because I just tune everything out. Then out of no where people are looking at me for an answer, and I just sit there "I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention" or something ^^;

....I REALLY just went in a completly different direction then I wanted. Let me put myself back on track and here we go. Rob will go do his thing which is okay. The area of Victoria we will be going, is close to the ocean! So I was going to take Grayson and go walk along the pier. Down the streets with all the older buildings. Just have a nice mommy & Grayson adventure day.

Le Sigh. Now we might not be going out until 4 - 4:30ish. I should be happy, because someone is coming by to buy some of Robs Warhammer 40k models. I just have a feeling this is going to end up like every other time plans get pushed back - They never happen. We will be getting money for bills though.

sarian — Tue, 24 Apr 2012 06:51:57 GMT

So I should be sleeping, but I have been planning a trip to Victoria. Going to Victoria takes time while using the transit system. Its damn near impossible while carting around a 8 1/2 month old. Its not even a fun trip, its a trip to the services canada building. Why? because for the past 3 days they have been so busy, they can't connect me to an agent. I call roughly 10 minutes after their offices open. I am sure you have been that busy, that quickly for the past three days.

I just really want to walk up to an agent and

Now tomorrow when I wake up I will call the Victoria office and see if I can get answers. If not I will have to decide if I go tomorrow or Wednesday. I could go tomorrow, but I would be out of the house from 9:30 until 3:30. There is no way in hell Grayson will be happy that long. Wednesday is a free day, which means Grayson won't be stuck in his stroller as long. I just need to ask one simple question! Thats going to take 5 minutes to ask and 5 more to get my answer! However the trip with a car will take 1 1/2 hours round trip, using the bus oh dear god 3 1/2 hoursish.

Hey Life

In other news. I am now a sheep. I shall try to have gifs in every post. They convey emotion so much better.

sarian — Thu, 19 Apr 2012 00:31:46 GMT

Today is not a good day. I really don't want to care about anything. That however is really unfair to Grayson.

We have to sell our house. I hate the idea, but if we are to survive it has to be done.

Grayson and I are both sick. Yay.

Telus can suck my left nut, I want my tv to work. It is sad how much I depend on tv to distract Grayson while I clean or eat.

I had a rough night. Grayson woke up 2 hours after I went to bed. I spent the whole day cleaning, and wanted nothing more to do then sleep. Luckily he fell asleep within a half hour. He woke up again at 3, and this time because Rob was awake he took him. Until 5:30 when Grayson was screaming bloody murder. In total I had 5 1/2 hours of sleep. I wonder why I didn't want Rob touching me, in any way close to sexual. Of course no matter how much we talk and say we will/are trying to change nothing does. I just spent all fucking day cleaning our house, I have only had 5 hours sleep. Don't fucking come at me for sex.......we ended up having sex, because in the end I feel guilty for not giving in. Rob has a wonderful way of guilting me into sex.

Oh and I will never have another room mate in my house, unless I can trust said person with Graysons life. That way I won't have inconciderate bastards who steal, lie, don't pay rent and leave a giant fucking mess.

FML

Hunger Games leave me starving for a better movie

sarian — Fri, 30 Mar 2012 06:38:14 GMT

I shake my fist at thee Hunger Games movie. I could have been sleeping, but decided to watch you. Wasting what could have been some nice cuddle time with my dog, while we shared a pillow.

sarian — Tue, 27 Mar 2012 23:47:50 GMT

Friday was Robs and mine anniversary. I was so happy that we would be able to go out, just the two of us. So I wore a dress! Oh I was so happy, I had heels on, matching jewelry I felt great about the way I looked. Then I had a wardrobe malfunction.

The dress ties around my neck were a bit tight, and digging into my arm. So I figure I would adjust the ties, and then one became loose. I try to fix it, but without an emergency sewing kit nothing worked. So we figured we would go to wal-mart and get me a cute outfit, after we hopefully bought our Hunger Games tickets. The 7, 7:15 and 8:30 shows were all sold out :/ we decided to get dinner instead.

When we were on our way to Wal-Mart, Rob asked "Superstore has clothes don't they?" By the time I walked into Superstore, my dress and bra had fallen down. Luckily I had a small sweater on, so I just hugged my weist as we walked through the store.

Grayson sat up on his own on Sunday, and figured out how to successfully drink from a sippy cup.

Watching the Harry Potter movies, makes me want to read all of the books.

I wish spring would stop being so rainy. Thats what I get for living on the coast though.

sarian — Fri, 23 Mar 2012 02:57:23 GMT

Dave might be moving out as early as the end of April. This makes me really happy I can not begin to explain my happiness.

I am blah right now. You wouldn't think so with Rob taking a nap with Grayson. The reason its upsetting is I have only seen Rob for about 30 minutes. Then when he was trying to settle Grayson down, Grayson fell asleep. Before I left the room I looked at Rob and knew he was going back to sleep. He wanted to be woken up at 8 which is in 7 minutes. *sigh* I feel silly.

Tomorrow we are going to hopefully watch "Hunger Games" Sadly I have only made it half way though the 4th chapter. Tomorrow while we are out will also be the longest I have been away from Grayson since he was born.

I am going to wake up Rob, or wait...Grayson will.

Why am I not sleeping?

sarian — Tue, 06 Mar 2012 07:08:31 GMT

I went and got myself a library card roughly two weeks ago. I figured with all of this time on my hands, I could have a book read in three weeks. Erm I have no idea what I was thinking, but I was so very wrong. Rob suggested I try and find books in pdf format, and put them on my iPad. Well obviously iPad is an apple product, and it likes to be difficult. So I was having a hard time trying to put "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies" onto my iPad, until I found a lovely youtube video. I spent the better part of my evening emailing myself pdf books, and opening them in iBooks. I went a tad crazy, and I am still looking for some more!

Today I had this sudden need to make cupcakes or brownies. I think it was because I wanted icing and chocolate, but that doesn't matter. I had all of the ingredients except oil. Just now at 10:40pm do I think, that applesauce could have been a nice replacement.....but then I remember that Grayson ate the last of it. Still trying to figure out where the baking urge came from. I think it came from the other night, Rob and I baked cookies and made an amazing dinner. I think I wanted to recreate the happiness that cooking and baking makes.

Some time in February before Valentines Day, Rob, Grayson and I went into Victoria. Rob was at Games Workshop nerding out to Warhammer 40k, so I went and did my thing. The great thing about the location of the Games Workshop store, is its smack dab downtown Victoria. Any store worth visiting is within walking distance. The tourist shops, the ocean, amazing little lunch stops etc. The best part besides Dots clothing, is the bay center. Oh Grayson and I (mostly me) had a wonderful day. Grayson and I went for tea, took the bus into town. I had an adventure trying to breastfeed in the truck. I had a wonderful lunch at Edo Japan : D but then the best surprise of the day - I walked into Coles to look at Hunger Games and to get a book for Rob when I thought "Oooo the manga section" and then my heart stopped.

Rerelesed Sailor Moon and Sailor V. I promptley squeed and texted Rob all in caps. Rob is awesome :) on his way home from work he passes a locally owned games store, that also has walls of manga. He signed up to be notified and have a book put on hold, when new Sailor Moons come out. Now I can finally find out what happens with Sailor Moon R, Super S and SuperS. I know bits and pieces, but not everything. So I am beside myself with excitement.

My roommate is in the hospital for the week recovering from intestinal surgery. I don't mind looking after his cats, buts its 11 at night and they want outside! I don't think so, I will let you out tomorrow when I got to Baby Talk. I shouldn't even be awake right now. I am usually in bed the minute Grayson goes down. Which tonight was 10. Now I did let the cats out onto the balcony, I am hoping they will be back inside once I go get my laundry. Speaking of which I think it just ended.

Time for cat wrangeling and then bed!

sarian — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 00:58:26 GMT

I wish people knew how to close doors around here..."Gee there is a baby sleeping, I'll just close the screen door loudly" I'm not upset, as Grayson had been sleeping for about two hours already. He also didn't wake up crying, so thats a bonus. Its good he woke up, I did a horrible job of washing his face. He still has a smudge of food on his nose. Feeding a baby is fun, and so much more messy then I thought.

...did I say food?! Last Tuesday Grayson and I went to baby talk where they were talking about first foods. Turns out he was trying to tell us he wanted more to eat then breast milk. He was watching us eat, he was following our utensils to our mouths. I gave him a spoon out of curiosity to see what he would do. The little booger was putting the spoon end in his mouth. Rob and I decided we would see if he really is ready. Dave had received four packages of some organic apple, sweet potato and berry puree baby food. The first couple faces were a mix of "Wtf!" and "I want more NOW!"

The way he tells us he isn't done eating, oh they are hillarious but so messy. He starts to move around, which makes us miss his mouth. He will open his mouth and shake his head looking for food, if we miss judge his head movements we miss his mouth. He also likes to grab the spoon and try to feed him self, which means food goes every where. His hands, his face, his hair...I clearly don't have enough bibs. I think we shall try beans tonight. Its been long enough that we know apples, sweet potatos and berry's won't upset his belly.

....beans get a ick face......And I just lost the rest of my update omfg fml

sarian — Sat, 21 Jan 2012 22:47:49 GMT

Grayson is beside me semi freaking out, so this will be quick. Sorry for spelling mistakes and all grammatical errors that will occur.

I feel as if I am stuck between a rock and a hard place atm. Right before Rob went to bed this afternoon he said I should call the local bakery and see if they are still hireing. This took me by surprise. Right from the start we have said "Who ever gets paid more will work, the other will stay home with Grayson"

The local bakery Little Vienna, was hireing right as I went on mat leave back in July. So I didn't think twice about it. When Rob used to work in town he would go to the bakery often, and him knowing how much I would love to bake cookies, cakes and pasteries besides bread started talking to the owners. Now it has been 5 1/2 months since they were looking for a baker, but Rob said to call just to see whats happening. We had a full conversation about it, and all I remember is "Have you thought about going back to work?" "I don't want to work for Chad anymore, and this way you can get out of the house more"

Does that sound douchey to anyone else?

Now instead of I don't want to go back to work yet, I just said Okay I'll get right on it. Then after I talked to the current owner, I went to tell Rob what happened and started to cry a bit. Then I told him how I really felt "Well its a part of life, you would have had to go back anyway" Which is true, but I thought I could atleast take more time. What ever happened to me going to school through coorespondance?

Now if I get the job it is doable. Depending on the hours I will still be able to spend 7 hours a day with Grayson. I will be working a 5 minute drive 15-20 minute walk away. I will be making $2 more then Rob, which isn't alot. Rob has benefits for the family, with me working we would lose our benefits. My parental leave from the government would also get docked, or completly stop arriving. Which means Rob would have to find a way to make $904 a month to cover what I bring in on EI.

I am... Not miffed, I have no idea how I feel...displaced? Can a person feel that way? I like to plan for things, and I feel as if I have been thrown into the prospect of going back to work. I also feel like I have made a commitment, because Susan is waiting for my resume. She was telling me that the baker they just hired has excellent skills, but she is still not sure if he can handle the night shift.

I have no idea what to do. I REALLY don't want to go back to work yet, but if I can bring in more money then Rob currently is then why not? I just get so sad when I think of leaving Grayson.

FMl! I had a whole thing wrote out and it didn't autosave. *sigh*

One more try...Sorry if I repeat myself from my earlier entry.

One thing I remembered when I was putting Grayby down for a nap, was Rob had mentioned maybe being able to work the 5 hour shift. Which means I could work 8 hours, get atleast 8 hours of sleep and still be able to spend atleast 6 hours with Grayson. If I remember correctly Little Vienna bakers start at 4am. So I wake up at 3, work from 4 until 12. I would get home around 12:30, sooner if Rob picks me up. Spend the rest of my day with Grayson while Rob is at work from 1 until 6. When Rob gets home I go to bed!

What would be amazing is if the rest of my Parental Leave weeks could go to Rob. When I was signing up for Maternity and Parental Leave I was asked if anyone else would be taking time off too. At that time Rob was making almost $25 an hour so it was a no brainer that he would take no time off. Now with Maternity and Parental Leave a person can take 50 weeks off of work. 15 weeks for Maternity and the rest is Parental. The thing with Parental is you and your spouse split those remaining weeks. Now if I get this job my payments might just dissapear all together. If I call EI and layout my story, I wonder if they would give Rob the remainder of my weeks! Depending on when he would get his ROE, and if the government would want to take Rob through the proccessing process all over again. We might end up looking at 2 or more weeks before we would get another EI payment. At this point, we can't afford to miss any type of payment.

In a perfect world Rob's job would be flexible enough, they would allow him to work 1 to 6. Which allows me to work Wednesday to Saturday, I want Tuesday off so Grayson and I can still go to Baby Talk. Why not work Sunday and Monday you ask? The bakery is closed! So in reality I would work Tuesday night to Friday night. That way if my EI dissapears Rob and I (would hopefully) make enough money that it wouldn't matter! .........Rob and I just wouldn't see eachother at all, unless he was able to take Sunday and Monday off. Then we would have those days and Saturday evening! That works right? 2 and a half days, its alot more then I remember my parents seeing eachother. They did what Rob and I are contemplating doing. Please just this once can things work out 100% the way I want them too. *Prays to every available god,diety, spirit and other worldly being able to help* :)

Happy baby and very happy mom.

sarian — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 21:40:56 GMT

Last night was fantasticly amazingly perfect. I was able to get 7 hours of sleep. I woke up when Rob got home which was around 6:30, but went back to bed for another 2 hours after I had breafast. So all together I slept for 9 hours! I had to wake Grayby up for Baby Talk this morning. In the past 5 months I have never had to wake him up for anything.

Baby Talk was awesome! I actually breastfed in public! Which for me is a big thing. This morning I was hoping Grayson was full enough that he didn't want to eat until we got home, but that wasn't the case. By the time Grayson was starting to fuss, I had noticed 3 other moms who were breastfeeding. I was nervous, because I had never done that before "Lets just whip my tits out in public!" Unless you know what to look for, you would never notice what was going on.

I just lifted up my shirt, unlatched my nursing bra and Grayson did the rest. He latched himself and went to town, then fell asleep. Figuering out how to nurse in public just makes me a more confidant mom. It also means when all of us are out, I can just throw a blanket over my shoulder or go out to the truck when Grayby is hungry!

I can't begin to tell you all how amazing I feel right now. I feel as if I could take on the world! My batteries are recharged. To finally have 7 hours of uninterupted sleep! I haven't been able to sleep longer then 4, for about 7 to 8 months. Grayson will fall asleep after his second supper. Then I have the fun task of moving him from my lap to his crib. Its not too bad, however he might wake up in two hours and the minute I bring him into my bed he falls asleep for 4 more. One of the moms and the nurse suggested putting something that smells like me in his crib. A security blanket idea "Oh mom is here..." Grayby falls back asleep.

I must say he is already taking after his father. One little girl 6 or 7 months old, sat down infront of Grayson while taking a break from crawling. He reached out and was feeling her bum. I just chuckled to myself and before we knew it she was off and crawling again. When Grayson is on his back he likes to stretch out his arms and grab what he can. It was just perfect timing.

There was a 2 month old there that melted everyones heart. I was looking at him thinking "Grayson used to be that small" Being around Gayson all the time I never really notice if he is taller, chubbier or anything. Once I start comparing him to other babies I notice how big he is. Pretty soon we will be in 6 to 9 month clothes. I swear it was just yesterday when he out grew his newborn clothes. I just thank the high heavens for family and friends who bought clothes for him. We don't have to start buying clothes for Grayson until he is a year old. That hasn't stopped us though. I am a sucker for the local consignment stores "Oh look a cute onesie for $2! Yes please!!"

This is the life, sitting on the couch with the internets. Grayson asleep on my lap after lunch and chappy to my right dreaming away :) The ONLY thing I would change...I would have placed Graysons diaper/travel bag closer to me. It is across the living room and I wants it :(

This week is going to be awesome

sarian — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 01:36:54 GMT

Am I the only one who thinks its weird that for a week or so I will crave and drink coffee (only a cup a day while still breastfeeding) and then I won't want anything to do with it for another few weeks? Oh well.

OMFG! Grayson started to lift himself up on hands and knees on Friday. Everytime he does I get excited that he will start crawling. He held him self up for about 30 seconds and I started to cry. Oh how quickly I become emotional when it comes to me little man.

I want a food processor. I can't even begin to tell you how badly I want to learn to cook. I told Rob the other night that I want Grayson to say "My mom makes the best (insert dinner item here)!" he laughed and said "Grayson will say that about me, he will say that about your baking" Be that as it may, I feel like I fail a bit. I want to be super mom, making dinner, dessert, cleaning the house, making time for the family.

Rob and I were talking about me going back to work. I still have parental leave until July 28th, so I don't have to work until then if I don't want to. I can work now, but can only make $90 a paycheque or risk getting money taken off of my EI. I just have so many different choices right now. Do I go back to school? Do I go back to work at Cobs, where I know I have a job waiting. If I go to school I would die of happiness if I could go culinary school. If I was able to call myself a pastry chef, I would explode of happiness. There is an amazing bakery right around the corner looking for a baker. I just hope that door is still open when I am done parental leave.

Oh bah too much to think about. I am not going to worry about it and go relax by icing my sugar cookies :)

Bah! A bit of a P.S. here. I am excited for tomorrow! Grayson and I are going to Baby Talk. Mommies and Babies get together once a week to talk about all sorts of topics. First foods, infant massage, child proofing, etc. It makes me happy to learn all I can about my little man, and even more excited that Grayson will get to make friends!

Thursday omg thursday. I am going to spend some time with Tara while Rob stays home and watches Grayson. Social life oh how I have missed you! .......damn you P.S. I just HAD to write you, and now Grayby is awake! Oh well after his belly is full then I shall ice those cookies! :D