paper cranes

safequeen @ 2007-12-31T02:11:00

2007-12-31T07:10:46Z

http://www.asiajam.com/catalog/index.php/genre/1/cPath/12/sort/2a/page/2/limit/1

safequeen @ 2007-06-12T13:23:00

2007-06-12T17:23:15Z

safequeen @ 2007-05-28T12:30:00

2007-05-28T16:34:05Z

i decided to use livejournal again but i moved.
spoonah
i don't know if you want to read it, i talk about a lot of personal things in there but i really want to keep a record of the next couple of months because my life is going to change drastically, especially after i move out.

safequeen @ 2007-04-24T22:31:00

2007-04-25T02:31:05Z

mmm mmmm

safequeen @ 2007-04-22T21:04:00

2007-04-23T01:04:31Z

[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<blingyblob.com>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]

<blingyblob.com countdown="COUNTDOWN" begin="BEGIN" /> <br><a href="http://www.blingyblob.com/countdown/index.htm">Create yours at BlingyBlob.com!</a><br> <blingyblob.com countdown="COUNTDOWN" end="END" />

safequeen @ 2007-01-16T18:45:00

2007-01-16T23:56:18Z

I'm going on a Sufjan kick for a while. Jeeze, why is he so awesome?
Everyone thinks I'm on drugs. Hahahahaahah, oh gee. Not really. Well actually, yeah. I just have been acting really weird lately. I'm talking Paula Abdul-weird. Know why? I'm just really happy. Like, dsafjjdsaf/ You know when you are so happy, you just don't give a flippin' hoot about anything or anyone, you are just so happy that you are happy and that's all you care about!
Just little things make me happy. You know, I discovered an old friend today.
I went into the garage after school and I saw my old bike just sitting there with at least an inch of dust on the wheels. And I thought to myself, "Why don't I take this ole bessy for a ride?" So I kicked up the kickstand and took off, pedaling as hard and as fast as I could. I rode all the way to the library and chilled there for a bit. Then I went towards publix and back.
On the way home, I came around a corner and the sun burst into my eyes and it was brilliant. Just the sun shining on me and my hair being blown away from my face and it was just one of those moments where you feel infinite, where your reality is right then and there and it hits you.
Other things make me happy, too. Do you know how awesome these next few months are going to be? Senior effing year, right here baby. And I have an awesome, handsome and amazing boyfriend who I can't take my eyes off of, and awesome and amazing friends and so many good times ahead of me.
Despite hard times, you take what you have and make the best of it and screw the rest.

safequeen @ 2006-12-27T12:04:00

2006-12-27T17:22:50Z

Wellll, I still don't know what I did, heh.

Last Saturday, I went to Jarrod's Dad's place. It was awesome, because his neighborhood has its own private beach, and Jarrod has this one special spot that he wanted to show me. So there we were, walking along together lalalaa. It started to rain a bit and we couldn't see anything because it was dark and the moon wasn't out. But it was still nice. We rounded a corner and there before us was this cute little lagoon! I love that little place, I can see why Jarrod always goes there. And I don't know, it was just nice to be there with him.
And thennnnnnnnn it started to rain harder, so we walked back. We crawled through the gates and Jarrod's dad picked us up. I was nervous about meeting him! But there was no need for that, really. He was very nice and funny and made me feel right at home. He cooked the best freakin' shrimp I've ever had too.
dsfklajks Superstar was on the comedy channel so Jarrod and I watched it and we basically quoted the whole thing, haaaaa.
I had a stupid curfew, though. I'VE NEVER HAD A CURFEW BEFORE IN MY LIFE. grrrrsaerfsdf.
On the way home, Jarrod and I fell asleep on each other, ha. Except not really, I think we just dozed off a bit. But I was like, an hour late and I got in trouble. Sheesh.

fddsfds Friday is the He Is Legend concert! That's Jarrod's Christmas present to me, yayyyyy.
I am talking about him too much sorrryyyyyyyyy.

Uhm. Yesterday, I spent $25 on underwear again :(
I don't know what I'm doing for New Years, I have to work until 7 or something. Ugh.

damn i need to find a ride tonight.
UHMMM ATTENTION PEOPLE IN TAMPA. I NEED A RIDE SOMEWHERE TONIGHT AND IT WILL TAKE LIKE, 20 MINUTES. SO IF YOU WANT TO TAKE ME I WOULD SERIOUSLY LOVE YOU FOREVER. pleaseeeeeee?
i'm serious, i would appreciate it x's 349829432.

safequeen @ 2006-12-21T23:32:00

2006-12-22T04:54:38Z

"Hey, Mum! I brought you home your favourrriiiiteee!" I handed her a loaf of Holiday Bread from Panera which she raves on and on about.
She half smiled.
"And I also brought home a Panini for Dad and a couple of pastries, too. Although the cookies are for Jarrod because those are the kind that he loves the best, you know. I practically had to hide them from everybody there."
Nothing, just a vacant stare.
"Oh and I also closed the Cafe area all by myself for the first time, no help or anything."
"That's great, honey."
And then I got that feeling. You know, that inexplicable feeling that you get when you know you have messed up realllly badly and everything is going to be different for a loong while.
I shifted in my seat. "Aren't you glad to see me? What's wrong?"
"I don't want to talk about it right now."

ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhfdsfjklds.
what did i do. seriously.

safequeen @ 2006-12-14T20:59:00

2006-12-15T02:05:35Z

it's amazing what a good night's rest can do. and a bit of retail therapy.
i got my paycheck, it was only a weeks worth pay but whatever, it's still nice to have some extra money in my pocket.
and my boyfriend won't tell me what he freaking wantssssss so i have to guess. :( but that's okay. i forgive him.
tomorrow he is coming home with me after school and we are going to chillax a bit and then go out to a nice dinner, hurrrah! i love dressing up for these things.

uhmmm my last two exams are tomorrow, yayy! and work was actually not that bad tonight.
so life is good.

ps eileen where are youu?

safequeen @ 2006-12-09T17:34:00

2006-12-09T21:34:35Z

So I was wrong! I am not forever deemed to be a Singleton! Now, we can safely scratch me out of that category and put me into "Happily Attached" or perhaps simply "Taken".

More details l8r frndz. And trust me, there are plenty. ;D

safequeen @ 2006-12-06T17:23:00

2006-12-06T21:23:08Z

I think I am almost drained of energy. Between exams and work, I haven't had any time to relax. It actually feels weird to just be sitting here, quietly listening to music without anything else to do. Granted, I do have study sheets, a poem to memorize for French and German, and a few other things but I don't really feel like doing that right now, hah. The French poem I almost have memorized, I've barely spent any time on it though. That German poem may get me, though.

I'm going to Jarod's church tonight! :D I'm excited. He better call soooooooon. We are going to climb trees and go on the rope swing.
And today at lunch, his hands found mine. :]

I think I may take a quick nap right now, just 20 minutes or so parce que je suis fatigue!

ETA: just woke up, he called. :D i have butterfliessssssss.

hay

2006-12-02T21:11:23Z

I started at Panera last Thursday and I actually really enjoyed myself. I was supposed to be in charge of dining room because that's where all new employees start but I ended up in bakery. I worked about four hours so it wasn't too bad.
Last night I worked from 5 until 11. When I came in, the manager was like, "Okay, don't freak out. Your in dining room and you are closing too but there will be people to help you so you won't be all by yourself." I guess people don't usually close on your second day. It was a lot of work but it was still fun in a way. And Lauryn, Katie and Mike were there! So that was cool.
Tonight I work from 5 until close again, but in the bakery instead (yesssssssssssssssssss) It's fun to be on the cash register because it's fun to talk with the customers.
I've already worked today for about 4 hours, it was just training and stuff.

Now I'm at a Gingerbread House Making Party! But I have to leave early. :(
I have HOMEWORK TO DO AAHHHHHHHHHH except I forgot until now, it's some take home test from Mad Eye Moody for English Honors. Merde times a million. And he is making us turn it in before first period so we won't copy anyone else's. Gfklgjfdlgjfjdfd

this is boring bai.

safequeen @ 2006-11-28T21:19:00

2006-11-29T01:19:49Z

So I ~~**privatized~~** my last two entries I made today because, I don't know. I just feel like privatizing things. I might make them public again, I don't know. Just to get those few things out in the open, I suppose. Yeah, that's what I'll do.

So tomorrow I'm going to be happy all 'round. Actually, tonight I'm going to be happy all around and here is what I'm doing!
-Taking a nice long hot shower
-Watching episodes of The Office
-drinking tea

omg. That's perfect. The perfect evening. So that's what I'm going to do right now, in 20 seconds.

PS-I HATE TELEPHONES!!!! Seriously, I hate phones. GRRR!

safequeen @ 2006-11-28T19:57:00

2006-11-28T23:57:39Z

I feel better. I guess some days are just harder than others.
It's funny how much a good cry helps. Just going in your room, shutting the door, and letting everything out and praying.
But now I feel okay.
It's been hard the past couple of days though, I must admit. I haven't really had anyone to talk to, Eileen hasn't been online and I haven't had the chance to really talk to Allsters.
Usually I talk to them about personal stuff, it seems so hard to have a serious talk with anyone I know at school. For the most part, it just seems like one long empty conversation (filled with empty words. sup switchfoot reference)
Last night I was listening to Hyper-Ballad by Björk.
"We live on a mountain
Right at the top
There's a beautiful view
From the top of the mountain
Every morning I walk towards the edge...
And throw little things off
Like car-parts, bottles and cutlery
Or whatever I find lying around.
It's become a habit
A way
To start the day
I go through all this
Before you wake up
So I can feel happier
To be safe up here with you
It's early morning
No-one is awake
I'm back at my cliff
Still throwing things off
I listen to the sounds they make
On their way down
I follow with my eyes 'til they crash
I imagine what my body would sound like
Slamming against those rocks
And when it lands
Will my eyes be closed or open?"

It's such a beautiful song but it's so damn depressing. Anyway, I was listening to it last night before I went to sleep and my dreams where filled with me standing on a cliff on a cloudy day and dropping things. Forks, knives, bottlecaps, cameras, and then I finally turned around and let myself fall backwards. I never saw myself hit the bottom. And just like the song, I wondered whether my eyes were open or closed.

And then I saw flashes of other people falling off cliffs, and I saw them at the bottom and it was terrifying. I don't usually have gory dreams like this, when I woke up I just dismissed it but for the rest of the day all I could think about was my dream.
My mood matched the weather, it was humid and rainy and so utterly grey.

Tomorrow will be better, I think. I called Dave the Manager tonight to get my schedule, he said I was working Thursday at 5 and Friday at 4 but me, being the loon that I am, forgot to ask if it was this week or next week. It might be next week because I have Planet Bread on Saturday which is the class that all employees have to take so sdfds I don't know. I'm scared to call back because I don't want to be a bother but I figure I'll do it at around 8 or 9 when they aren't busy.
Pray for me guyz. I feel so Jekyll Hydeish, it's I make one entry that's all happy and lalalal and then dfjasd9f7sdf7dsf8ads. So, uhm, sorry. ;/

safequeen @ 2006-11-28T17:15:00

2006-11-28T21:15:19Z

the room was spinning and
i was          just sitting
shut my eyes and the
wa                                                j
ter poured over
drop swirled with                                  e
black fell on my         desk
and he just walked into my brain.           f
i haven't really thought about him in a few months.
but then I was looking at this educational poster in my fourth period economics class and the teenage boy on it is smiling and it looks just like him. with his
floppy                                              f
blonde hair.
and then i recalled his words. how he would always be there. how he would always be just a phone call away.
and that one     night in febuary at a party when you smiled with your eyes and     asked me to
    be your girlfriend
And then i felt this huge sense of loss. it felt like how it did when i first found out that he was dead. and i really really
tried not to cry but i did.
i     miss      you
   so    much
i feel like such a mess without him right now
        i wish you were still alive. if you were still living i would call you and tell you how much my soul loves yours.
my heart is beating so hard just
think  ing about it. and him. and your funeral. and i want to do nothing more than to hold his hand.
God please help me, please heal my heart. I thought it was healed but it's not. It's in Your hands.

i can't type anymore.

safequeen @ 2006-11-25T18:46:00

2006-11-25T22:46:16Z

So orientation at Panera was today. After sitting awkwardly for a few minutes, Nicole came over (she is the person who was running it and everything). She said she was expecting a couple other guys but they never showed up so, yeah. It went well, she just went over the handbook and the company's polices. I am assuming that I start sometime next week after Planet Bread which is a 4 hour class downtown which initiates all new employees. So I'm excited! She gave me my VERY OWN OMGZ hat and nametag, too.
So after that I called my parents who were at the mall, they were nowhere near being done so I just walked over to circuit city and I saw Drew just kind of sitting there which is weird. We talked a bit until his parents were finished and then I called Amanda and I decided to walk to her house since it's kind of but not really around the corner and she was going to meet me halfway. So I'm walking and talking with her on the phone and I put my nametag on my shirt just so I could feel cool. So yeah lalal walking and then I look down and OMG HOLY CRAPPP my nametag is GONE. AS IN NOT THERE. AS IN DISAPPEARED. AS IN GONE. So I'm like MERDESHIESSA!!! So I started walking back a bit to see where I dropped it and I'm like dude I'm the most stupidest person evaarrr and then I prayed, hah. So after a few minutes of backtracking I started going back to meet Amanda and I'm very sad :( And then, in all it's laminated glory...I SEE IT! Lying there in the road! And so I'm like, jumping around and dancing and cars are honking at me because I'm awesome. And I screamed a lot too and Amanda could hear me, like 945u6 miles away.
So now I'm at her house and I was supposed to go to Starbucks with her and Mal and Kristen and Danny but I can't because I have to clean my room or something what the heck.
bai.
PS EILEEN WHERE THE HECK ARE YOU.
PSS- sorry everyone that this is so boring.

Operation: Get Samantha A Job So She Can Buy A Car is...

2006-11-24T21:29:28Z

A SUCCESS! I got the job at Panera and dsafjaadsfljdsajklaads I am so happy/relieved. My interview lasted about 10 minutes and then he said the legendary words, "I would love to bring you on board." I was really nervous before but not so much during the interview, it was pretty relaxed and everything.
All I needed to assure him of was that I am willing "to bust my ass" and work (his words, not mine). He said I had a great personality, too!
Orientation is tomorrow at 3. Eeeee!

And to top it all off, I found a killer pair of boots and dress pants that fit me perfectly.

I think an evening of celebration is in order, I'm going to hang with Laura tonight at Starbucks/Moe's. And hours of laughter will ensure.
I've realized that I've been updating this wayyy too much, but whatevs. I need to keep a more detailed account of the daily grind anyway.

safequeen @ 2006-11-24T12:22:00

2006-11-24T16:22:46Z

Here's to life, liberty and the pursuit of an awesome pair of pants!

Wish me luck, mates.

safequeen @ 2006-11-23T18:28:00

2006-11-23T22:28:19Z

Oh my giddy gosh trousersss, my interview is tomorrow. What on earth am I going to wear?
I have a cute pair of dress pants that are insisting that I wear them, but said pants require one to wear uncomfortable knickers. (I must avoid VPL at all costs, you know) But I am forcing myself to rule those out (sorry, pants!).
I think I may have to pop out to the JC Penny's before 3:15 tomorrow. There should be some really good sales on.
I think I have come to a decision career wise. I can really see myself becoming a teacher. Either teaching kindergarten or French so hmmdeedoo. And I was kind of apprehensive about it because my Mum didn't want me to become one because it doesn't pay very well. Vati was always very supportive, though, and I think he talked to her about it because this morning she said that she just wants me to be happy.
So things are all set, for me, I just need to decide where I'm going. Muti is adamant, or very persistive at least, about me going to USF but I don't want to go there. :( I've never wanted to go there, and I've always said so. I don't know, perhaps I could go just for the first year or something and then leave. I'm going to apply anyway. I can't let my pride get in the way of this if this is what God wants. Sigh.
I have been listening to Kings of Convenience alllll day.
Oh and the Chinese resteraunt was v. v. good. Except I am completely stuffed and very sleepy. After today, it's back to dieting. Fabuloussssssssssss. Except I like dieting, it feels good and rewarding. Yes.
I might watch Bridget Jones again today.
And I need to call Laura and finalize our outing plans for tomorrow.
Happy Thanksgiving!

safequeen @ 2006-11-23T00:23:00

2006-11-23T04:23:16Z

I feel like an oversized daft cow at the present. And I am also very cold. But I like the cold. So whatevs.
I am also vair vair sleepy so I might just snuggle up and go to bed. I was reading over my diary on Monday and I realized how much of a prat I am. Hah. Not really prat, persay. I guess just slightly idiotic.
My Thanksgiving well be spent in a chinese resteraunt, hoofla! But they have this really lovely ginger root there that you can eat with your chicken or something of that sort. It is v. v. yummy scrumboes and quite possibly scrummy yumboes. So after tomorrow, I am probably not going to eat for about a week. I think that will even things out a bit, yeah?
Mutti and Vati are insisting that I clean my room tomorrow but I don't see the point, really. Because it will just look the same in a week or so. Why stir things up? I could use all that energy to do something productive. Like knit a balclava, perhaps.
I am feeling very nippy noodles right now. I need to start thinking of what I will wear to my interview at Panera. And I need to eliminate the word "great" from my vocabulary because I must've said it about 20 times when Dave the Manager called.
It was Daddy's birthday today and it was lovely! We did lots of family-type things.
Am off to bed now, head is slowly starting to get closer and closer to my desk and before I know it, I will wake up with a lovely imprint on my forehead.

safequeen @ 2006-11-22T09:57:00

2006-11-22T13:57:59Z

My ears are still ringing from the show last night but it was worth it. I was dropped off at Subway where Caleb was and he took me there and he scared me 394 billion times except only once. Hah. Annnnnnnnnd then we couldn't find it but we did pass a SCHNITZELHAUS and I wanted to go in there but he wouldn't take me except I didn't really want to go in there, I was just kidding. Oh and never use Walgreens to go to the bathroom. We stopped off there so he could call someone and I went to the back and there were all these signs and things on the door to the bathroom but I mean, honestly? Who reads signs? So I opened the door and then this really loud alarm came on and I freaked out and ran away. So I never got to go to the bathroom.
Oh yeah and on the way there Caleb asked, "What's going on with you and Jarrod?" (why is his name like that I don't know) and I was like dsfjkldsfkl;ds I don't know. Because apparently everyone thinks we are togetha'. Well not everyone, but you know. Everyone. Everyone at lunch, yeah. So I was thinking, do we act like we are? Or maybe we are both just super nice to each other? I mean, he gives me his jacket when I'm cold, he puts his arm around my shoulders to warm me up sometimes. And sometimes, when he is sitting at another table at lunch, I'll look at him and he will look at me and we will just smile. I don't know. I think I'm going to play it safe for now and not make any assumptions because that is never good. But I could really like him if I wanted to allow myself to. Hmmmm.
Anyway, the show was at a really small place, I was suprised because Showbread is kind of, uhm, big. But it was good. And they played my favorite songgggg :D And this other pretty sweet band called Tyler something played. And one of the guitarists had killer cheek bones. But they were good, very catchy.
We went to McDonald's afterwards WHICH I FEEL VERY GUILTY ABOUT but I got a happy meal with apple dippers even though I really want fries so Caleb gave me some of his so, thanks dude. EW AND THEY PUT PICKLES ON IT EW. But that's okay, they didn't go to waste because I gave them to Caleb. AND THERE WAS A NUN BESIDE US OMG.
So anyway, in a walnut shell, I had fun. It was a good way to start off Thanksgiving break. NO SCHOOLLLLLL YESSS.
OH and another really good thing happened yesterday! I got a call from Manager Dave at Panera! And he said he would like to schedule another interview with me at Friday at 3:15 pm!! YAYYYYYYY so that's really good.
I'm going to go play Sims 2 now. And make some oatmeal.

safequeen @ 2006-11-21T18:01:00

2006-11-21T22:01:44Z

Life is really going smoothly right now, actually. Yesterday was one continual blessing. I think I might have a job at Panera which I am very very very happy about! I had an interview yesterday and the manager told me that he would call me and that orientation is on Friday so we can fill out all the necessary paper work. So I guess that is good news.
After that I came home, and found my ACT scores sitting in the mailbox. I was terrified, really, because I FORGOT MY CALCULATORRRRRRRRAAAWHHHHHHHHHWH when I took the test. But I did really well! Way above average so that felt really good.
And no schoooooooooooollllllllll for the rest of the week. Triple freaking yes with knobs. Thank you, Abe Lincoln. And dear Gott in Himmel.
Tonight I'm going to see Showbread and some other bands I've never heard of with Caleb/Cabel/Jacob/Caleeb. I'm pretty stoked even though I haven't listened to them that much but I've heard great things. So cheers.
And things are going a-okay-chardonnay in the boys department. I am chillin'.
Uhmmmmmm k I'm going to play the Sims 2 before I start getting ready for tonight. Except I'm too lazy to change clothes so whatevs. Except I had something else I wanted to talk about but hey guess what I forgot!
dflkjdsf k bai.

safequeen @ 2006-11-19T19:02:00

2006-11-19T23:02:14Z

ahem. So my cable connection randomly decided to take a cigarette break, and also quite possibly a trip to the loo. Thanks a lot, man. And I am in such a state of distress, I even actually went to the fridge and ate one of the individually wrapped Reese's from Halloween so now I feel guilty. Today I have majorly cheated on my diet but whatevs, I deserve it I think.
This weekend has been very relaxing and nice. Friday evening I went to Starbucks (or Starbz) with Lauryn and we exchanged summer stories except her's was really awesome and mine was really lame! But that's okay. It was really great to chillax with her.
Saturday I went to the same mall twice. What the heck?, is what I would like to know. After my first trip to the mall, I went to Lee Roy Selmon's to watch the Ohio/Michigan game. Ro Ro told me to wear red and grey so I did, and as soon as I entered the resteraunt, Ohio scored so all these random dudes were hugging me and giving me high fives, while I just stood there like a loon on loon tablets. But whatevs. Eventually Ro Ro and I got bored so we walked over to Starbucks, I ordered tea. And then we walked across the street(and almost got killed. It was like Frogger level 2394, I swear) and sung Death Cab songs, and we went into Circuit City, and then to Panera. I applied to Panera on Friday and I reallyreallyreallyreallyx's 432354 want to work there. We sat at Panera and I knitted my scarf for a minute or twenty. Twenty five. Yeah.
Mal picked us up and we went to the mall. And I looked at 454353 billion articles of clothing that I couldn't buy. Guh. They were beckoning me to buy them, I swear. But I pushed them away with a firm hand.
Tonight I am going to a Bible study at Starbucks.
I have been to Starbucks every day for the past 4 days, wow.
I think now I am going to play Sims 2. I spent like, 30 bucks on that game and I never play it. What the heck.

safequeen @ 2006-11-17T18:36:00

2006-11-17T22:36:52Z

roflllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllldsfkjdsfsd
So today, I moped around. And tonight I'm going to mope around some more at Starbucks or something.
If anyone wants to join me and play "let's cheer up Samantha" then gr8t lols. It's just been one of those days where my eyes have always found their way down to my shoes. And I just need someone to laugh with.

safequeen @ 2006-11-16T17:13:00

2006-11-16T21:13:21Z

dsfjsfjkldsfkljsdflkjsfksfljkdsfkl;jdsfl d;sflkjdsfds;fjsd;fjads;fjdsfkljdfjcmisfdjdsf
I had lots of fun last night! And I saw people from camp! But my leg hurts right now.
Uhmmmmmmm I think on Saturday I'm going to Lee Roy Selmon's with Amanda to watch the Ohio/Michigan game that everybody is freaking out about. I have no idea what I'm going to do tomorrow night. I'll probably end up hanging out at Starbucks/Moe's/Coldstone like everyone else does. And on Sunday, there is a bible study at Starbucks. WHY IS MY LIFE REVOLVING AROUND STARBUCKSSSS but that's okay.

And I realized on the way home from school today that I take things too seriously. I get upset over the littliest things but I won't be like that tomorrow so cool. I will be casualosity all around. Oui, vraiment.

Tonight I'm going to Starbucks with my Mum and sister. And I'm going to knit a lot.