Word Salad

First post of the year, y'all. How's it going? Man, my holiday season was awesome. You only say that because of the lack of coal and fruitcake. And the mistletoe! Which you are taking down right this instant. And your girlfriend is going home tomorrow. Like, hi everybody! You're no fun. Hush, both of you. Anyway, today's essay is called Babble. Enjoy!

I’ve been told I have a tendency to babble. This is due to a chain of events that takes place in my brain, starting at the aural and/or optical processing regions and ending after my conclusions exit my mouth. First, I see or hear something I find to be nonsensical, aggravating, or nonsensical. Then I process the information and analyze it until I come up with a satisfying conclusion regarding the topic. The problems is that, during the analysis phase, I often churn up enough information for a good, long tangent that inevitably makes its way unbidden out of my mouth and into the open air.

 

Just this month, my family has been plagued by the “human hair is fundamentally useless” rant, the “anachronisms in movies really irritate me” rave, and the “at this point, I’m fairly convinced that government officials are selected solely for their value as comic fodder” one-sided argument. It’s only the 9^th.

 

My mom keeps telling me I’m getting a muzzle for my birthday.

So there you have it. Hope all of you had a good holiday season! Peace out!