Starting School, Shirking Sakusha

Gashi soshite aisatsu, everyone, and welcome to Sasori's Rock! Ah, it's good to be back! (I am ashamed of you, Sasori Katana. How dare you shirk your duties as a sakusha!) I haven't been shirking my duties! By the way, who says "shirking"? (Just explain yourself!) All right, all right! Yeesh! Like I said, I haven't been..."shirking"...I've just been busy. (Lazy bum.) Excuse me? (Uh....nothing! Nothing, I didn't say anything! *Grins innocently, takes several cautious steps away from Sasori*) That's what I thought. Anyway, I have been engaged in very important activities as of late, and therefore I was unable to update my blog as regularly as I should have been. For this I am deeply, deeply sorry, and I hope that you will accept my heartfelt apologies and, one day, find it in yourselves to forgive me. (*Sing-songy voice* Liar liar pants on fire!) Okay, I was watching T.V. and moping about the fact that summer is almost over, are you happy now?! (Hai, I am. Kofuku, doeru inai waga kokoro!) What? (Kofuku, doeru inai waga kokoro. Happiness, dwell within my mind/heart/spirit. It's a new phrase I made up. Like it?) Actually...hai. Weird. Usually anything you come up with makes me roll my eyes, sigh, and rest my forehead against my left hand for a minute to try to get the oncoming headache to go away. (Wow! Sasori finds one of my creations useful and entertaining! I can't even remember the last time this happened!) I always find use for the inspiration you bring in my dreams. (Hai, but that doesn't count. I'm talking about stuff that I make up for personal use, not in your writings.) Oh. In that case, I can't remember the last time that happend either. Anyway, back to the matter at hand. School...st-starts...I can't say it, Takusan, it's too painful... (*Pats Sasori's back* It's okay, I'll finish for you. School starts tomorrow for the students of Lakeshore-) Don't say it! (Huh? Why?) Because we don't want anyone to know how old I am. It might change their opinion of me based on my age, which would be bad. (Oh. That seems kind of unfair.) Hai, but it's human nature to judge one another based on age, height, weight, and numerous other factors. It can't be helped, and I don't blame anyone for it- (Unless they can't keep their opinions to themselves and/or ridicule others based on their differences.) -right, except for that, but I do what I can to prevent it. Thus, I am secretive about my age and various other bits of information about myself. (Okay, that makes sense. Let me start over, then: School starts tomorrow for the students of the Lakeshore School District.) Arigatou, that was good. (Douitashimashite.) Hey, you didn't tell me that you learned to how say "Don't mention it"! (Well, I like to say "Don't mention it", so I figured it might be good to find out what it is in Japanese.) Cool. Okay, back to business. *Ahem* I have a short but vitally important message regarding the present topic. (*Pulls up folding metal audience-style chair, sits down, pretends to listen attentively while thinking about Amarini Kawaii*) I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK! (*Falls off of chair* Good Kami, woman! What was that all about?!) I don't want to go back to school! I want to stay home and be lazy and write and read more books by Christopher Moore and listen to music and do summer stuff! It's not fair! (Are you sure you're old enough to be in school?) What was that supposed to mean?! (You're acting like a two-year-old.) Shut up, this is my blog. Would you want to go back? (Rather than stay home cooking up inspiration for your writings and watching soap operas bacause there's nothing else on until 3:00? Hai, dangit, I would!) Well, that's because you're...you! And besides, you've never been to school! You don't know what it's like! (It's where you go to learn stuff -50% of which you will never use- eat bad cafeteria food, carry around a bag the approximate size and weight of Mount Rushmore, and possibly get crammed into your own locker. I've read books.) Okay...maybe you do know. But why would you want to go through all of that? (Have you ever watched Days of Our Lives?) Just once or twice. (Then you wouldn't understand.) Oh. Well, I think it's about time for us to go, folks. It was nice typing to you again. See you soon! (Sayonara!)

Aikou kara Sasori! (We could switch places!) You're a foot taller than me. And male. (It was just a suggestion...)

THINGS I DON'T UNDERSTAND

-The fact that they make athiests swear on the Bible in court.
-The fact that parents tell their children not to play with fire all year 'round, but come Independence Day, they hand the little ones a package of fireworks and tell them to have fun.
-The fact that some churches have lightning rods on their roofs. Doesn't that kind of show a lack of faith?
-The fact that bullies ask the question "What's your problem?" when they quite obviously don't intend to solve it.

QUOTE

"Mars is essentially in the same orbit...Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe." ~Dan Quayle, profoundly stating the conditions that so obviously make the planet Mars inhabitable.