For Science
Title: Frolicking
Fandom: One Piece
Characters: Luffy, Usopp, Chopper, Keimi (Sanji is also there but he's unconscious)
Rating: PG-13 for mild discussion of sex
Word Count: 746
Summary: While the Straw Hats travel into town to save Sanji's life, they discuss the situation. And whine a lot.
A/N: After I read chapter 609, I immediately needed to record Usopp's thoughts on Sanji being the massive dork he has always been and will always be, and a conversation unfolded from there. I also needed to type the word "frolicking" a couple times.
“My friend is going to die,” said Usopp, his voice hollow and resigned. “My friend is going to die because he’s a pervert with no self-control.”
“Nobody’s going to die,” Chopper interjected firmly, beside him.
“My pervert friend is going to die and he’s going to die like an idiot,” Usopp continued. He was staring at a fixed point somewhere off in the distance.
“Chopper’ll fix him, Usopp,” Luffy explained. He sounded sure, almost casual. “Don’t worry about it.”
“It wouldn’t be so bad if he, you know, got stabbed or something,” Usopp continued, unaffected. “But no, he lost 80% of his own blood through his nose because of breasts. What am I supposed to say at the funeral?”
“It was more like 20%,” Chopper corrected, in a desperate attempt to be encouraging, as he rechecked Sanji’s pulse.
“‘Sanji was a fine pirate,’” Usopp pronounced, in full oratory mode. “‘A good man, and an excellent cook. Why, I remember the time he cooked us the same sea king for an entire month and managed to make every meal novel and unique--’”
“That was pretty cool,” said Luffy.
“‘He had a dream; he wanted to find All Blue ever since he was a boy, in spite of every claim of its purported fictionality. One day we’ll find it for him and toss his ashes over the open water in tribute. Or we would, if carrying his remains on our ship in light of the circumstances of his demise wouldn’t be downright embarrassing.”
“That’s not very nice, Usopp,” said Chopper, who was holding open one of Sanji’s heart-shaped eyes and peering critically into his pupil.
“He got himself killed because of frolicking,” Usopp insisted, his voice tortured. “Frolicking. Who does that? Actually, who frolics, for that matter?”
“That’s what mermaids do,” said Keimi. “We frolic.”
“Well, maybe mermaids need another hobby,” Usopp muttered. “Your frolicking got my idiot friend killed.”
“I think maybe Sanji-chin just needs to get laid,” Keimi said thoughtfully.
Everyone looked at her.
“What?”
Usopp sighed. “I guess she has a point.”
“I’m pretty positive that would kill him for sure,” Chopper said uncertainly.
“Maybe after Chopper fixes him we can find a brothel or something,” Luffy suggested.
Everyone looked at him.
“What?”
“You know what a brothel is?” asked Usopp. He looked worried.
Luffy shrugged. “Yeah, I saw one once in town and Nami explained it to me. You go there and pay people to have sex with you, right? She said I’m not allowed to ever go to one.”
There was a pause, and Keimi asked, “How come?”
Luffy shrugged again. “She said I’m not allowed to ever be in any situation where there’s even a fractional possibility of somebody getting pregnant with my child, or something. I don’t know why.”
There was another pause, and everyone nodded to themselves.
“I don’t think anyone should ever be pregnant with Sanji’s child either,” said Usopp, “and Chopper’s probably right, anyway. I think he’d just die outright if he ever saw a naked woman.”
“You know,” Chopper said thoughtfully, “If he is going to die, at least he got to see mermaids first. There are worse ways to go.”
“That’s true,” said Usopp, with a sigh.
“Poor Sanji-chin,” Keimi murmured.
There was a moment of silence.
“Hey, guys,” said Luffy, suddenly worried.
“What?”
“If Sanji does die, who’s gonna cook for us?”
“Luffy-chin!” said Keimi, distraught. “That’s awful!”
“We’re used to it,” Chopper and Usopp said in unison.
“How can you think of something like that at a time like this?” Keimi continued.
“I’m hungry,” Luffy explained.
“Yeah, me too,” said Chopper.
“I could stand for lunch,” Usopp agreed.
“Guys!” Keimi objected.
“Look,” said Usopp, with a shrug, “we pretty much face certain death every day of our lives. You kind of have to learn to work around it.”
“Yeah,” said Chopper. “If we get to town and nobody will donate blood for Sanji, then we’ll panic.”
“And then find another solution,” said Luffy.
Keimi smiled in spite of herself. “You guys are great that way, you know?”
“Maybe we should stop for lunch after we save Sanji’s life,” Luffy suggested.
“Yeah,” said Chopper, “but remind me to collect extra blood in case we need to do another transfusion in the future, and by ‘in case’ I mean we’re definitely gonna need to.”
“My friend is a pervert with no self-control and he’s going to die,” Usopp sighed.
“Luffy-chin, stop poking Sanji with a stick!”
Fandom: One Piece
Characters: Luffy, Usopp, Chopper, Keimi (Sanji is also there but he's unconscious)
Rating: PG-13 for mild discussion of sex
Word Count: 746
Summary: While the Straw Hats travel into town to save Sanji's life, they discuss the situation. And whine a lot.
A/N: After I read chapter 609, I immediately needed to record Usopp's thoughts on Sanji being the massive dork he has always been and will always be, and a conversation unfolded from there. I also needed to type the word "frolicking" a couple times.
“My friend is going to die,” said Usopp, his voice hollow and resigned. “My friend is going to die because he’s a pervert with no self-control.”
“Nobody’s going to die,” Chopper interjected firmly, beside him.
“My pervert friend is going to die and he’s going to die like an idiot,” Usopp continued. He was staring at a fixed point somewhere off in the distance.
“Chopper’ll fix him, Usopp,” Luffy explained. He sounded sure, almost casual. “Don’t worry about it.”
“It wouldn’t be so bad if he, you know, got stabbed or something,” Usopp continued, unaffected. “But no, he lost 80% of his own blood through his nose because of breasts. What am I supposed to say at the funeral?”
“It was more like 20%,” Chopper corrected, in a desperate attempt to be encouraging, as he rechecked Sanji’s pulse.
“‘Sanji was a fine pirate,’” Usopp pronounced, in full oratory mode. “‘A good man, and an excellent cook. Why, I remember the time he cooked us the same sea king for an entire month and managed to make every meal novel and unique--’”
“That was pretty cool,” said Luffy.
“‘He had a dream; he wanted to find All Blue ever since he was a boy, in spite of every claim of its purported fictionality. One day we’ll find it for him and toss his ashes over the open water in tribute. Or we would, if carrying his remains on our ship in light of the circumstances of his demise wouldn’t be downright embarrassing.”
“That’s not very nice, Usopp,” said Chopper, who was holding open one of Sanji’s heart-shaped eyes and peering critically into his pupil.
“He got himself killed because of frolicking,” Usopp insisted, his voice tortured. “Frolicking. Who does that? Actually, who frolics, for that matter?”
“That’s what mermaids do,” said Keimi. “We frolic.”
“Well, maybe mermaids need another hobby,” Usopp muttered. “Your frolicking got my idiot friend killed.”
“I think maybe Sanji-chin just needs to get laid,” Keimi said thoughtfully.
Everyone looked at her.
“What?”
Usopp sighed. “I guess she has a point.”
“I’m pretty positive that would kill him for sure,” Chopper said uncertainly.
“Maybe after Chopper fixes him we can find a brothel or something,” Luffy suggested.
Everyone looked at him.
“What?”
“You know what a brothel is?” asked Usopp. He looked worried.
Luffy shrugged. “Yeah, I saw one once in town and Nami explained it to me. You go there and pay people to have sex with you, right? She said I’m not allowed to ever go to one.”
There was a pause, and Keimi asked, “How come?”
Luffy shrugged again. “She said I’m not allowed to ever be in any situation where there’s even a fractional possibility of somebody getting pregnant with my child, or something. I don’t know why.”
There was another pause, and everyone nodded to themselves.
“I don’t think anyone should ever be pregnant with Sanji’s child either,” said Usopp, “and Chopper’s probably right, anyway. I think he’d just die outright if he ever saw a naked woman.”
“You know,” Chopper said thoughtfully, “If he is going to die, at least he got to see mermaids first. There are worse ways to go.”
“That’s true,” said Usopp, with a sigh.
“Poor Sanji-chin,” Keimi murmured.
There was a moment of silence.
“Hey, guys,” said Luffy, suddenly worried.
“What?”
“If Sanji does die, who’s gonna cook for us?”
“Luffy-chin!” said Keimi, distraught. “That’s awful!”
“We’re used to it,” Chopper and Usopp said in unison.
“How can you think of something like that at a time like this?” Keimi continued.
“I’m hungry,” Luffy explained.
“Yeah, me too,” said Chopper.
“I could stand for lunch,” Usopp agreed.
“Guys!” Keimi objected.
“Look,” said Usopp, with a shrug, “we pretty much face certain death every day of our lives. You kind of have to learn to work around it.”
“Yeah,” said Chopper. “If we get to town and nobody will donate blood for Sanji, then we’ll panic.”
“And then find another solution,” said Luffy.
Keimi smiled in spite of herself. “You guys are great that way, you know?”
“Maybe we should stop for lunch after we save Sanji’s life,” Luffy suggested.
“Yeah,” said Chopper, “but remind me to collect extra blood in case we need to do another transfusion in the future, and by ‘in case’ I mean we’re definitely gonna need to.”
“My friend is a pervert with no self-control and he’s going to die,” Usopp sighed.
“Luffy-chin, stop poking Sanji with a stick!”