LET ME TELL YOU, INTERNET
Allow me to spin you a tale of my morning yesterday. So traumatic was it that I could not gather the courage to post until right now. Also I never had time. Whatever.
THE CAST
Me - Yours truly
Centipede - A giant killer house centipede (Google at your own risk) who has been stalking around my bathroom for days
SCENE
The shower
Me: *shampoos hair, oblivious to the horror about to unfold*
Centipede: *crawls down the wall from the shower head*
Me: Heeey, nothing's the matter with your head, baby, find it, come on and find it~
Centipede: My love! Finally, we are together! Why do you run whenever I am near? Why do you pelt me with heavy objects? I only follow you to protect you!
Me: Hell with it baby, 'cause you're fine and you're mine and you look so divAAAAHHHH CENTIPEDE IN THE SHOWER AAAAAHHHH
Centipede: *rears up off the wall, front legs waving in the air* Come into my embrace, my sweet, and together we will--
Me: *chucks bottle of shampoo, panic-stricken*
Centipede: *is no more*
Shampoo: *is forever soiled*
Me: ...I-I swear, officer, I didn't mean to do it, he's been following me for weeks, I've found him in my room - I couldn't take it anymore, it just happened - I was scared, s-so scared...
Centipede: *twitch*
Me: AAAAAHHHHH
Long story short, I finished washing my face in the downstairs sink. On the bright side, NOTHING WORSE CAN HAPPEN TO ME THIS MONTH.
THE CAST
Me - Yours truly
Centipede - A giant killer house centipede (Google at your own risk) who has been stalking around my bathroom for days
SCENE
The shower
Me: *shampoos hair, oblivious to the horror about to unfold*
Centipede: *crawls down the wall from the shower head*
Me: Heeey, nothing's the matter with your head, baby, find it, come on and find it~
Centipede: My love! Finally, we are together! Why do you run whenever I am near? Why do you pelt me with heavy objects? I only follow you to protect you!
Me: Hell with it baby, 'cause you're fine and you're mine and you look so divAAAAHHHH CENTIPEDE IN THE SHOWER AAAAAHHHH
Centipede: *rears up off the wall, front legs waving in the air* Come into my embrace, my sweet, and together we will--
Me: *chucks bottle of shampoo, panic-stricken*
Centipede: *is no more*
Shampoo: *is forever soiled*
Me: ...I-I swear, officer, I didn't mean to do it, he's been following me for weeks, I've found him in my room - I couldn't take it anymore, it just happened - I was scared, s-so scared...
Centipede: *twitch*
Me: AAAAAHHHHH
Long story short, I finished washing my face in the downstairs sink. On the bright side, NOTHING WORSE CAN HAPPEN TO ME THIS MONTH.