Done!
Part two. AND I'M OUT.
runicbinary (1:51:12 AM): I think Lucci has probably known he's in love with Kaku for awhile now. So like...maybe sometime during W7. Would be my guess.
DemonOfShandora (1:52:02 AM): okay ^^ awww. I wonder how that went. another late night conversation
runicbinary (1:52:09 AM): Probably
DemonOfShandora (1:52:22 AM): started out random enough.
runicbinary (1:52:27 AM): I don't even know XD
DemonOfShandora (1:53:34 AM): Well, okay. You know how when people are in the throes of passion, orgasm, etc that they say things? XD
runicbinary (1:53:42 AM): Yes XD
DemonOfShandora (1:54:14 AM): it would probably be Kaku saying something breathlessly and halfway moaning XD
runicbinary (1:55:03 AM): and Lucci not actually realizing it until after because he was distracted at the time XD
DemonOfShandora (1:55:20 AM): because Kaku probably looks vaguely mortified at realizing he blurted it out XD
runicbinary (1:55:29 AM): Yes XD
runicbinary (1:55:40 AM): And Lucci is like "........" because he has no response to this
DemonOfShandora (1:55:49 AM): or deer in headlights laying there beneath him XD
runicbinary (1:55:59 AM): Or that. Also entertaining =D
DemonOfShandora (1:56:10 AM): Thinking to himself
DemonOfShandora (1:56:18 AM): "You know...death would be easier. Just kill me." XD
runicbinary (1:56:25 AM): XDD Poor thing
DemonOfShandora (1:57:23 AM): But he says nothing, because he's not going to deny it because that's just stupid. Lucci would see right through it. So he's laying there looing up at him, flushed from that and, er, other reasons, covered in a mess of his own making, and waiting.
runicbinary (1:58:24 AM): And Lucci is just sort of staring, having adopted an admirably blank but also very slightly alarmed expression, and eventually he would say "...What?"
DemonOfShandora (2:00:21 AM): Kaku would put a hand over his face, still catching his breath. "...It's exactly what you heard." He lays there for a moment, and finally moves his hand so he can look at Lucci. Call it very morbid curiosity. "You needn't concern yourself with it, especially since it will only complicate things."
runicbinary (2:06:37 AM): And then Lucci would actually blink in confusion, which he never does. "I..." His head still hasn't cleared, so he's at a loss for words for several reasons. "Complicate things," he eventually repeats. Then he gets up rather abruptly to sit on the edge of the bed. "I shouldn't concern myself." Forming original sentences isn't going very well.
DemonOfShandora (2:10:14 AM): Kaku's thinking to himself, "Well, fuck." Ina very un-Kaku like way. He just lays there, letting Lucci sit as far away as he needed on that bed. He sighs. "I have a better idea. Rather than I tell you how to react, you react as you feel is in your best interests." He's fully aware that he probably just screwed over this good thing they had going and goes to stand completely, casting the bedding aside. He moves with that soreness in his muscles, but without the languid fatigue that normally accompanies it.
runicbinary (2:16:23 AM): "That sounds like a better idea," Lucci says, almost snaps it, because he's irritated in a cagey way that he doesn't really understand. "Kaku...no. I don't know how to react to that. What exactly would I do or say in this situation that would be in my best interests? You just--" But he cuts himself off because he's not going to say it and he doesn't need to lose his metaphorical footing even further.
DemonOfShandora (2:20:02 AM): Kaku subtly winces at the snapping tone, but rallies magnificently. "Well, I suppose the simplest way to go about this would be that you either return the sentiment or you do not. Obviously, not loving me does not mean that you dislike me or are unattracted to me, I am aware of this. But...it is a completely different beast. One I should have known better than to unleash." he kneels to pick up his pants and begins to get dressed. "If you need time to think, that's also quite all right." He's surprisingly calm, even though inwardly he's a mess.
runicbinary (2:24:57 AM): "Stay," Lucci says. It's not a plea; more like an aggravated command. As though he's talking to a dog. He hasn't moved from his spot on the edge of the bed, and he doesn't plan to. "Kaku..." He wants to say a lot of things, things like, I don't know if I return the sentiment, I don't know how I'm supposed to tell, I can't get too attached, I can't be weak, what if I already am...but he can't say any of them. He just can't. "Fuck," he says instead, very quietly. That's another thing he doesn't say. THis situation is going nowhere good.
DemonOfShandora (2:00:46 PM): Kaku stays where he is, his pants on his hips but undone and sagging, his hair a mess. He carefully looks over his shoulder at Lucci, trying to catch a glimpse of what is going on behind that mask. It's a mask that looks, for a moment, as if it's about to break.
"I will not apologize for it," he finally says, equally quiet. "But I will apologize for doing this to you. I realize that...well, this was the last thing expected from either of us." He pauses thoughtfully and runs a hand through his hair, though it does little to improve the look. "You might think it's a weakness. You might be right. But it's only a weakness if the other person is a liability. I hardly consider you one."
DemonOfShandora (2:09:11 PM): (in the log. black slacks, jeans...what sort of pants should Kaku be wearing?)
runicbinary (2:10:32 PM): Lucci listens in very deep silence, and after a moment, abruptly gets up to find his pants, because suddenly he feels exposed in a way that goes far beyond being unclothed. "I don't know what you want me to say to that," he says, almost under his breath, as he pulls his pants on in a less than graceful fashion. How could it not be a liability? Lucci never even wanted to have emotions. So why does it feel like he's the one doing something wrong? "I don't know..." He pauses, thinking hard and staring at the shirt he has in his hands without bothering to put it on. "Why?" he asks eventually. Why did this happen, why me...
runicbinary (2:10:46 PM): (Probably jeans if he's just wearing a T-shirt)
DemonOfShandora (2:11:03 PM): (hopefully it's appealing to the eye XD)
runicbinary (2:11:20 PM): (I'm sure it would be XD)
DemonOfShandora (2:14:53 PM): Kaku looks very bemused then. "'Why'? It's not something you can rationalize, Lucci. It really doesn't make sense, and sometimes it happens without anyone meaning for it to." Kaku maintained his outwardly calm appearance, but inwardly he could feel himself gritting his teeth. "If it truly bothers you that much, then you needn't worry. I will not bring it up again." As he says this, he turns his head back towards the door, his voice getting quiet. It was entirely subconscious on his part. He would be able to move forward and act as though this never occured, and treat Lucci as plainly and professionally as he once had,and always did to the rest of the world.
runicbinary (2:24:43 PM): "I thought I told you to stay." This probably isn't the best time to be pulling rank, but it's an automatic response. "...It would be for the best if you did not bring it up again. But I'm not going to tell you to." He pauses to think, hoping he can find something to say that won't make Kaku decide to leave. He just needs to...figure out what... "How can you tell?" he asks suddenly.
DemonOfShandora (2:28:32 PM): "I wasn't leaving." This was true. He just needed to look away, for some reason. But at Lucci's next question, he gives Lucci a quick look. "Eh? Oh...I suppose that it's different from person to person, really. Some people think they are in love based on frivolous things like affection, pretty words, lust, and such. Generally, that's most likely fleeting infatuation. As for me..." He feels rather self-conscious, but, well, Lucci DID ask. "Attraction. Mutual respect. Understanding. Strength. The realization that you do not have to say anything for me to understand what it is you mean. No other person I have ever known have I made such a connection with on a variety of levels."
DemonOfShandora (2:33:21 PM): (I had to make it not sappy, man XD)
DemonOfShandora (2:33:28 PM): (or at least try)
runicbinary (2:33:46 PM): "...I see." Lucci feels that he should probably be able to come up with something better to say than that. "That...is interesting." It's interesting because he doesn't understand it; because he's still confused as to why anyone with such a good shot at being a relatively normal and well-adjusted person would pick him, of all people. And it's interesting because he recognizes it, that amalgamation of elements that all come together into...something. Something...strong. That's the only word he can use to describe it. But perhaps that's a good thing? "I'm confused," he says, because it needs to be said. "For several reasons. But I think I understand. Somewhat."
DemonOfShandora (2:36:38 PM): Kaku shifts slightly on his feet to turn and face Lucci completely. He still has yet to button his pants, but crosses his arms thoughtfully. "I had a feeling that you might be. You've closed yourself off from the world for so long." This is sad merely as a fact, without pity. "I'll do my best to help you understand whatever is confusing you, if it might help. I...get the distinct notion that this is not something we just walk away from."
runicbinary (2:42:50 PM): "No, it isn't." That much he's positive about. "I don't intend to stop closing myself off from the world. But I don't intend to close myself off from you." He says it completely matter-of-fact, expressionless and still, standing there and looking at Kaku across the room. He might be a little tenser than usual, or maybe a lot, but that's the only thing that betrays how hard it was to admit that. "What you said..." He turns away, finally, walking around to the other side of the bed as if looking for something on the floor, because he can't keep eye contact and talk about this at the same time. "I understand. I know what that feels like."
DemonOfShandora (2:44:17 PM): (Meaning that how Kaku feels as in the understanding, respect, etc etc, Lucci also feels?)
runicbinary (2:44:25 PM): (Yeah)
DemonOfShandora (2:47:01 PM): Kaku is silent for a moment, making sure he does not pick words that sound immature. "So, you also feel these things." A more impetuous person might have leapt at this, thinking it was a return of said feelings, but Kaku was not so foolish. "But that does not necessarily mean that for you, it equates to the same thing. You have to evaluate for yourself the importance my presence has in your life outside of our professional obligations. I can't believe I am saying this, but you can't just think about it with your head. It...doesn't work like that. It's instinct."
runicbinary (2:52:08 PM): "That may be part of the problem," Lucci admits. "I'm sure you're aware of this, but emotion and I have never gotten along particularly well." He tries to make it sound like a joke, but it doesn't really work. Finally he looks back up at Kaku again. "I do know that you're important to me beyond being a coworker or a person with whom I spend my nights." The last is harder to say, but he does anyway: "Or even a friend."
runicbinary (2:55:11 PM): (by the way, while you're here - what should Lucci get Usopp for his birthday? He wants to get him some kind of present that will be totally harmless but make him think it'll blow up or something. Just to wig him out)
DemonOfShandora (2:55:28 PM): (I'll think about it and tell you later XD XD hehe)
runicbinary (2:55:32 PM): (Okay XD)
DemonOfShandora (2:58:30 PM): Kaku nods. "I did not plan on ever saying it, honestly." He pauses, thoughtfully, and sits down on the bed again. "I guess we balance each other out, in an odd sort of way. What few shortcomings I have you compliment, and vice versa." He chuckles dryly. "Though claiming that you have any number of shortcomings is a tall order indeed. Listen. Be it far beyond me to force you to feel anything. If you come to the conclusion that this relationship wouldbe best ended at this-" He pauses, because he finds it very hard to say all of a sudden. He frowns. "...Then I will treat you no differently as though you were just my friend and nothing more." He looks down, hoping that Lucci will not notice, but realizes that it's a hope in vain.runicbinary (7:34:29 PM): Seeing Kaku like this makes some deeply-buried part of Lucci...hurt. He knows now that he's too far gone in this to turn back. “I don’t want us to be…just friends. I may not be as well-acquainted with normal human emotion as you are, but I do know that you are…” He’s just going to have to say it. “I care about you. You’re important to me. …I can’t tell you that I love you because I don’t know. But I hope that that won’t make you want to end this.”
DemonOfShandora (7:38:22 PM): Kaku does something he has never done in Lucci's presense but once. Three years ago, when Lucci had first accused him of, er, enjoying his own sorts of fantasies. When this whole thing had started. He turns a little pink. Not as red as that night, but still. The fact that Lucci just admitted to caring about someone was incredible. He is quiet for a moment before he smiles, a slow but warm expression.
"Of course I don't want this to end. Lest we forget the whole reason this conversation came about."
DemonOfShandora (7:41:00 PM): okay I need some new Kaku icons)
DemonOfShandora (7:41:50 PM): (but I don't know who made a lot of them)
DemonOfShandora (7:43:14 PM): (FFFF AWWWW there's an icon my friend drew of Kaku playing Guitar Hero chibi XD It was part of a larger picture based on actual events between Angel (who rocks) and me (who used to suck) in which Kaku owned Lucci at Gutiar Hero XD)
runicbinary (7:44:09 PM): (I remember that XDD Also sorry I was making dinner)
DemonOfShandora (7:44:21 PM): (LOL it's okay!)
DemonOfShandora (7:44:32 PM): (Wow where did you see that?? XD)
runicbinary (7:44:56 PM): (I'm pretty sure there was a guitar hero picture on her y!gallery account?)
DemonOfShandora (7:46:16 PM): (Not Angel's. Ourfriend Misty (our Kumadori) drew it)
runicbinary (7:48:52 PM): For all his attempted stoicism in the face of monumental awkwardness, Lucci smiles a bit in response to Kaku's. It's almost imperceptible, more like a twitch than an actual expression, but it's there. (And he's thinking of exactly the same thing Kaku is at this moment, and that's only adding to the urge to smile.) "Good." But then he's serious again, fixing Kaku with the carefully scrutinizing expression reserved for when one of them has done something he doesn't understand. "I thought...that perhaps you wouldn't want to go on with this if you knew that I am...unsure. Of how I feel."
DemonOfShandora (7:48:59 PM): (by the way. if you know the creator of any of these icons please tell me who it is XD)
runicbinary (7:49:24 PM): (I will do that XD)
DemonOfShandora (7:50:32 PM): Kaku gave him an amused look. "And give up the fight that easily? I thought you knew me better than that." He chuckles, his shoulders moving pleasantly with the reaction. The smile, subtle as it was on Lucci's face, was comforting in an odd way. He was probably the only one to ever think that such an expression on Lucci's face might be comforting.
DemonOfShandora (7:53:03 PM): (I need a giraffe icon, don't I? XD)
runicbinary (7:56:03 PM): "Permit me to refrain from assuming at the moment," Lucci says, not unpleasantly. He hesitates a second longer, and then crosses the room to meet him, hooking his fingers through Kaku's beltloops to yank him closer. "So much for the afterglow, hmm?" he says mildly, and kisses him with a bit less outright violence than he normally would. He hopes it isn't out of line, given the circumstances, but he just wanted to touch him.
runicbinary (7:56:12 PM): (Okay I have to go help with dishes, brb)
DemonOfShandora (7:58:57 PM): "Permission gran-" But the words never completely leave his mouth because it becomes suddenly occupied. Oh well. He does manage another bit of laughter at Lucci;s second comment before returning the kiss. He admits to being vaguely surprised at the gentleness (though, gentle being a relative term here, considering), but doesn't complain at all. He raises his arms and rests one against the back of Lucci's neck beneath so many black curls, while the other rests on his upper arm.
DemonOfShandora (7:59:00 PM): (okay ^^)
DemonOfShandora (8:04:12 PM): (Making an icon out of one of Angel's artes)
runicbinary (8:16:23 PM): Lucci doesn't pretend to be particularly good at being gentle, but it seemed important to try. To express in some way other than words, which were failing him somewhat at the moment, that their...well, relationship means more to him than sex and violence. "We could always try it again," he suggested after he backed off an inch or two from the kiss, "and see if the second take goes any better."
DemonOfShandora (8:17:18 PM): "You know, I never did mind the encore." He's grinning again, wondering if Lucci means the whole thing, what he said, or a combination of both.
runicbinary (8:38:25 PM): Maybe just something lame like Kaku would say something Lucci was about to say, or finish his sentence or something
runicbinary (8:38:59 PM): And it would just kind of make him realize "No one else can ever get into my head like that"
DemonOfShandora (8:39:11 PM): hee!
DemonOfShandora (8:39:41 PM): and then Kaku realizes that there is a long pause coming from Lucci
DemonOfShandora (8:39:54 PM): and he looks up and looks perplexed. "...Is something the matter?"
runicbinary (8:40:35 PM): And Lucci would just kind of glance up all distracted and say "What? ...No." In an unconvinced tone of voice XD
runicbinary (8:41:09 PM): (I imagine this takes place on some random person's roof)
DemonOfShandora (8:41:29 PM): then Kaku is Weirded. Out. "...You're not normally a horrific liar. Has something just occured to you concerning all this?"
DemonOfShandora (8:41:30 PM): XD
runicbinary (8:42:33 PM): And Lucci would just do a perfunctory death glare, but then look away. "...Yes." And then he'd look up. "...This? The mission? No."
DemonOfShandora (8:43:37 PM): This makes Kaku even more suspiscious and astonished. "Your mind was elsewhere?" THIS IS UNHEARD OF.
runicbinary (8:44:14 PM): Lucci would get all defensive. "Momentarily. Something occurred to me. Never mind."
DemonOfShandora (8:45:01 PM): "Don't be offended, I just find it very...strange that you would find something more pressing than this distinct lack of information we have." There's not a bit of sarcasm in his tone.
runicbinary (8:45:55 PM): "It was more startling than pressing, and you're not making me feel particularly enthusiastic about it." Completely accusatory, like it's all Kaku's fault.
DemonOfShandora (8:49:09 PM): Kaku frowns, and while he feels rather affronted, he attempts to play it off. "Pardon me, I was unaware that I was responsible for startling and distracting you so from our main purpose here." He soundseven, but there's a subtle edge to his words that give it a little sting.
DemonOfShandora (8:49:14 PM): (IF ONLY HE KNEW XD)
DemonOfShandora (8:49:28 PM): "I did not realize that it was such an easy feat."
runicbinary (8:53:37 PM): "Hardly." Rob Lucci can pack more ice into one word than a deep freeze, and that one was a prime example. "You're right, of course; our little chain of dead-end leads and bad information is miles more important than my paltry revelation." He feels like a traitor immediately after he says it, because the job is always more important, but he keeps it to himself.
DemonOfShandora (8:58:40 PM): Kaku gives Lucci a long, hard look. Not as hard or coldas anything Lucci could dredge up, of course, but. He stands and looks out over the rooftops of Water Seven. "Clearly, we are not getting anywhere and we are making it worse by taking our frustrations out on each other. So. I shall leave you with your 'paltry revelation', as you seem unwilling to speak of it, and when we are not throwing sarcasm back and forth at one another, we can try this again." He begins to loosen up as if about to take one of his running leaps.
runicbinary (9:05:32 PM): Lucci sighs, making even that icy and bitter. "If you're so curious, I just realized that I love you. But if you're going to talk down to me, maybe we should go our separate ways for tonight and see if we can't dredge up anything useful that way. Report in the morning," he says curtly, turning to walk to the other side of the roof and head off in that direction.
DemonOfShandora (9:05:50 PM): (OH you just made Kaku stumble on his way out XD)
runicbinary (9:06:08 PM): (Oh dear XD)
DemonOfShandora (9:09:32 PM): Kaku was about to take his first step when Lucci spoke, and the sudden numbness took him by surprise. So much so that he nearly took a bad step, and his gaze turned sharply towards Lucci's retreating figure. God damn it, he always had to have the last word, didn't he? He catches his balance easily, immediately feelig ashamed because he HAD been talkign down to him, which was deadly for ANYONE to do. Kaku did not, until very recently, hold any fantasties that Lucci would not spare him his life should he deem it necessary.
"...Lucci!" he manages to say, but does not move from his spot.
DemonOfShandora (9:10:56 PM): (very recently being within the past five seconds XD)
runicbinary (9:11:21 PM): Lucci stops walking, but doesn't turn around, doesn't say anything, because damn it, he was talking down to him and it was unnecessary and he's not going to give him an opening to say anything unless he already has something to say.
DemonOfShandora (9:16:39 PM): Kaku is silent for a moment, regarding Lucci's back with deep intensity.
"Anyone else would have been dead by now had they spoken to you in such a manner. Perhaps I have grown far too cocky within this comfort level we have given each other. I have not forgotten that you can, and most likely will always, be able to kill me without hesitation should you deem it necessary. Until just now...I might have wondered why. Is this why I am still standing here, speaking with you? Or is it because I am too vital a part of this mission for you to eliminate?"
Of course, the professional side of Kaku realizes that if Lucci were to haul off and murder him here on a random soul's rooftop, the jig would be up, he would be tried for murder, and the government would have to go through a good lot of red tape and cover ups to bail him out of such a thing. It was too much to risk one's job and position on.
runicbinary (9:22:15 PM): "The reason I won't kill you is that the World Government needs you," Lucci says, still without turning around. After a moment, he turns his head so Kaku can see his profile from where he's standing. "...The reason I don't want to is that I do."
DemonOfShandora (9:22:47 PM): (AUGH <33 I have to go to Wal-Mart but I WILL RETURN I need power steering fluid)
runicbinary (9:22:57 PM): (OKAY GOOD <3)
DemonOfShandora (10:29:45 PM): Kaku's expression doesn't change at first. But then he's walking, a firm, solid walk. He's confident, as he always is, but this is different. The conviction is just the same, but somehow different. Then he is standing up behind where Lucci is.
DemonOfShandora (10:29:47 PM): (oops)
DemonOfShandora (10:32:54 PM): "I was out of line questioning you. You are leading this mission; if I am unable to follow orders and obey my superiors, then I have no business being a member of CP9." This is what he says, and he means it, but beneath it all, there is another meaning. "...Need. It's only a weakness if you allow it to be, isn't it?" This is spoken much quieter.
DemonOfShandora (10:36:17 PM): (I think your tag...may be the first time that Lucci has ever said that he was happy. woudl you think?)
DemonOfShandora (10:36:22 PM): (it made me sdfsjdlfkjg too, btw)
runicbinary (10:39:20 PM): "Yes." He feels similar to the way he did when this was first brought up; cagey and uncertain, things he rarely feels about anything. He also feels vulnerable, in a way, and he doesn't like it, not out on a rooftop in the middle of the city where anyone could see them if they looked hard enough. But around Kaku? It's...not as bad as it probably should be. He turns around to face Kaku, looking him straight in the eye. "You're right. You were out of line, and no level of comfort we have with each other should prevent us from doing our jobs. Ever. That's the most important thing. But you're also my second, and you're within your rights to tell me if I'm doing something wrong." He hesitates. "And I value your input. You know that. Even when it annoys me."
runicbinary (10:40:26 PM): (Yeah, it probably was the first time he's said it. I mean if someone asks him if he's happy and he says yes it probably doesn't count, especially because he's either lying or only like, you know, sort of happy with that particular situation)
DemonOfShandora (10:40:37 PM): right =3)
DemonOfShandora (10:47:30 PM): Kaku smiles a little. "The problem being that you are rarely wrong, and I more oft than not tend to agree with any course of action you take, as they are always the most prudent. However," Kaku crosses his arms as he continues, but the smile remains. "I will remember this, in case Hell freezes over and I ever question your judgment." He's silent then, and realizes that it is very late by now; the moon is almost setting. He glances towards the horizon. "I know that you hate this city, and I bear no real love for it myself. But at least it is tolerable."
runicbinary (10:50:31 PM): Lucci looks toward the horizon as well, thinking. "Sometimes," he says eventually. "Sometimes it's tolerable." He gives Kaku a pointed look. "Often enough."
DemonOfShandora (10:51:05 PM): Kaku meets his gaze with that same knowing smile. "Every once in a while, yes."
runicbinary (1:51:12 AM): I think Lucci has probably known he's in love with Kaku for awhile now. So like...maybe sometime during W7. Would be my guess.
DemonOfShandora (1:52:02 AM): okay ^^ awww. I wonder how that went. another late night conversation
runicbinary (1:52:09 AM): Probably
DemonOfShandora (1:52:22 AM): started out random enough.
runicbinary (1:52:27 AM): I don't even know XD
DemonOfShandora (1:53:34 AM): Well, okay. You know how when people are in the throes of passion, orgasm, etc that they say things? XD
runicbinary (1:53:42 AM): Yes XD
DemonOfShandora (1:54:14 AM): it would probably be Kaku saying something breathlessly and halfway moaning XD
runicbinary (1:55:03 AM): and Lucci not actually realizing it until after because he was distracted at the time XD
DemonOfShandora (1:55:20 AM): because Kaku probably looks vaguely mortified at realizing he blurted it out XD
runicbinary (1:55:29 AM): Yes XD
runicbinary (1:55:40 AM): And Lucci is like "........" because he has no response to this
DemonOfShandora (1:55:49 AM): or deer in headlights laying there beneath him XD
runicbinary (1:55:59 AM): Or that. Also entertaining =D
DemonOfShandora (1:56:10 AM): Thinking to himself
DemonOfShandora (1:56:18 AM): "You know...death would be easier. Just kill me." XD
runicbinary (1:56:25 AM): XDD Poor thing
DemonOfShandora (1:57:23 AM): But he says nothing, because he's not going to deny it because that's just stupid. Lucci would see right through it. So he's laying there looing up at him, flushed from that and, er, other reasons, covered in a mess of his own making, and waiting.
runicbinary (1:58:24 AM): And Lucci is just sort of staring, having adopted an admirably blank but also very slightly alarmed expression, and eventually he would say "...What?"
DemonOfShandora (2:00:21 AM): Kaku would put a hand over his face, still catching his breath. "...It's exactly what you heard." He lays there for a moment, and finally moves his hand so he can look at Lucci. Call it very morbid curiosity. "You needn't concern yourself with it, especially since it will only complicate things."
runicbinary (2:06:37 AM): And then Lucci would actually blink in confusion, which he never does. "I..." His head still hasn't cleared, so he's at a loss for words for several reasons. "Complicate things," he eventually repeats. Then he gets up rather abruptly to sit on the edge of the bed. "I shouldn't concern myself." Forming original sentences isn't going very well.
DemonOfShandora (2:10:14 AM): Kaku's thinking to himself, "Well, fuck." Ina very un-Kaku like way. He just lays there, letting Lucci sit as far away as he needed on that bed. He sighs. "I have a better idea. Rather than I tell you how to react, you react as you feel is in your best interests." He's fully aware that he probably just screwed over this good thing they had going and goes to stand completely, casting the bedding aside. He moves with that soreness in his muscles, but without the languid fatigue that normally accompanies it.
runicbinary (2:16:23 AM): "That sounds like a better idea," Lucci says, almost snaps it, because he's irritated in a cagey way that he doesn't really understand. "Kaku...no. I don't know how to react to that. What exactly would I do or say in this situation that would be in my best interests? You just--" But he cuts himself off because he's not going to say it and he doesn't need to lose his metaphorical footing even further.
DemonOfShandora (2:20:02 AM): Kaku subtly winces at the snapping tone, but rallies magnificently. "Well, I suppose the simplest way to go about this would be that you either return the sentiment or you do not. Obviously, not loving me does not mean that you dislike me or are unattracted to me, I am aware of this. But...it is a completely different beast. One I should have known better than to unleash." he kneels to pick up his pants and begins to get dressed. "If you need time to think, that's also quite all right." He's surprisingly calm, even though inwardly he's a mess.
runicbinary (2:24:57 AM): "Stay," Lucci says. It's not a plea; more like an aggravated command. As though he's talking to a dog. He hasn't moved from his spot on the edge of the bed, and he doesn't plan to. "Kaku..." He wants to say a lot of things, things like, I don't know if I return the sentiment, I don't know how I'm supposed to tell, I can't get too attached, I can't be weak, what if I already am...but he can't say any of them. He just can't. "Fuck," he says instead, very quietly. That's another thing he doesn't say. THis situation is going nowhere good.
DemonOfShandora (2:00:46 PM): Kaku stays where he is, his pants on his hips but undone and sagging, his hair a mess. He carefully looks over his shoulder at Lucci, trying to catch a glimpse of what is going on behind that mask. It's a mask that looks, for a moment, as if it's about to break.
"I will not apologize for it," he finally says, equally quiet. "But I will apologize for doing this to you. I realize that...well, this was the last thing expected from either of us." He pauses thoughtfully and runs a hand through his hair, though it does little to improve the look. "You might think it's a weakness. You might be right. But it's only a weakness if the other person is a liability. I hardly consider you one."
DemonOfShandora (2:09:11 PM): (in the log. black slacks, jeans...what sort of pants should Kaku be wearing?)
runicbinary (2:10:32 PM): Lucci listens in very deep silence, and after a moment, abruptly gets up to find his pants, because suddenly he feels exposed in a way that goes far beyond being unclothed. "I don't know what you want me to say to that," he says, almost under his breath, as he pulls his pants on in a less than graceful fashion. How could it not be a liability? Lucci never even wanted to have emotions. So why does it feel like he's the one doing something wrong? "I don't know..." He pauses, thinking hard and staring at the shirt he has in his hands without bothering to put it on. "Why?" he asks eventually. Why did this happen, why me...
runicbinary (2:10:46 PM): (Probably jeans if he's just wearing a T-shirt)
DemonOfShandora (2:11:03 PM): (hopefully it's appealing to the eye XD)
runicbinary (2:11:20 PM): (I'm sure it would be XD)
DemonOfShandora (2:14:53 PM): Kaku looks very bemused then. "'Why'? It's not something you can rationalize, Lucci. It really doesn't make sense, and sometimes it happens without anyone meaning for it to." Kaku maintained his outwardly calm appearance, but inwardly he could feel himself gritting his teeth. "If it truly bothers you that much, then you needn't worry. I will not bring it up again." As he says this, he turns his head back towards the door, his voice getting quiet. It was entirely subconscious on his part. He would be able to move forward and act as though this never occured, and treat Lucci as plainly and professionally as he once had,and always did to the rest of the world.
runicbinary (2:24:43 PM): "I thought I told you to stay." This probably isn't the best time to be pulling rank, but it's an automatic response. "...It would be for the best if you did not bring it up again. But I'm not going to tell you to." He pauses to think, hoping he can find something to say that won't make Kaku decide to leave. He just needs to...figure out what... "How can you tell?" he asks suddenly.
DemonOfShandora (2:28:32 PM): "I wasn't leaving." This was true. He just needed to look away, for some reason. But at Lucci's next question, he gives Lucci a quick look. "Eh? Oh...I suppose that it's different from person to person, really. Some people think they are in love based on frivolous things like affection, pretty words, lust, and such. Generally, that's most likely fleeting infatuation. As for me..." He feels rather self-conscious, but, well, Lucci DID ask. "Attraction. Mutual respect. Understanding. Strength. The realization that you do not have to say anything for me to understand what it is you mean. No other person I have ever known have I made such a connection with on a variety of levels."
DemonOfShandora (2:33:21 PM): (I had to make it not sappy, man XD)
DemonOfShandora (2:33:28 PM): (or at least try)
runicbinary (2:33:46 PM): "...I see." Lucci feels that he should probably be able to come up with something better to say than that. "That...is interesting." It's interesting because he doesn't understand it; because he's still confused as to why anyone with such a good shot at being a relatively normal and well-adjusted person would pick him, of all people. And it's interesting because he recognizes it, that amalgamation of elements that all come together into...something. Something...strong. That's the only word he can use to describe it. But perhaps that's a good thing? "I'm confused," he says, because it needs to be said. "For several reasons. But I think I understand. Somewhat."
DemonOfShandora (2:36:38 PM): Kaku shifts slightly on his feet to turn and face Lucci completely. He still has yet to button his pants, but crosses his arms thoughtfully. "I had a feeling that you might be. You've closed yourself off from the world for so long." This is sad merely as a fact, without pity. "I'll do my best to help you understand whatever is confusing you, if it might help. I...get the distinct notion that this is not something we just walk away from."
runicbinary (2:42:50 PM): "No, it isn't." That much he's positive about. "I don't intend to stop closing myself off from the world. But I don't intend to close myself off from you." He says it completely matter-of-fact, expressionless and still, standing there and looking at Kaku across the room. He might be a little tenser than usual, or maybe a lot, but that's the only thing that betrays how hard it was to admit that. "What you said..." He turns away, finally, walking around to the other side of the bed as if looking for something on the floor, because he can't keep eye contact and talk about this at the same time. "I understand. I know what that feels like."
DemonOfShandora (2:44:17 PM): (Meaning that how Kaku feels as in the understanding, respect, etc etc, Lucci also feels?)
runicbinary (2:44:25 PM): (Yeah)
DemonOfShandora (2:47:01 PM): Kaku is silent for a moment, making sure he does not pick words that sound immature. "So, you also feel these things." A more impetuous person might have leapt at this, thinking it was a return of said feelings, but Kaku was not so foolish. "But that does not necessarily mean that for you, it equates to the same thing. You have to evaluate for yourself the importance my presence has in your life outside of our professional obligations. I can't believe I am saying this, but you can't just think about it with your head. It...doesn't work like that. It's instinct."
runicbinary (2:52:08 PM): "That may be part of the problem," Lucci admits. "I'm sure you're aware of this, but emotion and I have never gotten along particularly well." He tries to make it sound like a joke, but it doesn't really work. Finally he looks back up at Kaku again. "I do know that you're important to me beyond being a coworker or a person with whom I spend my nights." The last is harder to say, but he does anyway: "Or even a friend."
runicbinary (2:55:11 PM): (by the way, while you're here - what should Lucci get Usopp for his birthday? He wants to get him some kind of present that will be totally harmless but make him think it'll blow up or something. Just to wig him out)
DemonOfShandora (2:55:28 PM): (I'll think about it and tell you later XD XD hehe)
runicbinary (2:55:32 PM): (Okay XD)
DemonOfShandora (2:58:30 PM): Kaku nods. "I did not plan on ever saying it, honestly." He pauses, thoughtfully, and sits down on the bed again. "I guess we balance each other out, in an odd sort of way. What few shortcomings I have you compliment, and vice versa." He chuckles dryly. "Though claiming that you have any number of shortcomings is a tall order indeed. Listen. Be it far beyond me to force you to feel anything. If you come to the conclusion that this relationship wouldbe best ended at this-" He pauses, because he finds it very hard to say all of a sudden. He frowns. "...Then I will treat you no differently as though you were just my friend and nothing more." He looks down, hoping that Lucci will not notice, but realizes that it's a hope in vain.runicbinary (7:34:29 PM): Seeing Kaku like this makes some deeply-buried part of Lucci...hurt. He knows now that he's too far gone in this to turn back. “I don’t want us to be…just friends. I may not be as well-acquainted with normal human emotion as you are, but I do know that you are…” He’s just going to have to say it. “I care about you. You’re important to me. …I can’t tell you that I love you because I don’t know. But I hope that that won’t make you want to end this.”
DemonOfShandora (7:38:22 PM): Kaku does something he has never done in Lucci's presense but once. Three years ago, when Lucci had first accused him of, er, enjoying his own sorts of fantasies. When this whole thing had started. He turns a little pink. Not as red as that night, but still. The fact that Lucci just admitted to caring about someone was incredible. He is quiet for a moment before he smiles, a slow but warm expression.
"Of course I don't want this to end. Lest we forget the whole reason this conversation came about."
DemonOfShandora (7:41:00 PM): okay I need some new Kaku icons)
DemonOfShandora (7:41:50 PM): (but I don't know who made a lot of them)
DemonOfShandora (7:43:14 PM): (FFFF AWWWW there's an icon my friend drew of Kaku playing Guitar Hero chibi XD It was part of a larger picture based on actual events between Angel (who rocks) and me (who used to suck) in which Kaku owned Lucci at Gutiar Hero XD)
runicbinary (7:44:09 PM): (I remember that XDD Also sorry I was making dinner)
DemonOfShandora (7:44:21 PM): (LOL it's okay!)
DemonOfShandora (7:44:32 PM): (Wow where did you see that?? XD)
runicbinary (7:44:56 PM): (I'm pretty sure there was a guitar hero picture on her y!gallery account?)
DemonOfShandora (7:46:16 PM): (Not Angel's. Ourfriend Misty (our Kumadori) drew it)
runicbinary (7:48:52 PM): For all his attempted stoicism in the face of monumental awkwardness, Lucci smiles a bit in response to Kaku's. It's almost imperceptible, more like a twitch than an actual expression, but it's there. (And he's thinking of exactly the same thing Kaku is at this moment, and that's only adding to the urge to smile.) "Good." But then he's serious again, fixing Kaku with the carefully scrutinizing expression reserved for when one of them has done something he doesn't understand. "I thought...that perhaps you wouldn't want to go on with this if you knew that I am...unsure. Of how I feel."
DemonOfShandora (7:48:59 PM): (by the way. if you know the creator of any of these icons please tell me who it is XD)
runicbinary (7:49:24 PM): (I will do that XD)
DemonOfShandora (7:50:32 PM): Kaku gave him an amused look. "And give up the fight that easily? I thought you knew me better than that." He chuckles, his shoulders moving pleasantly with the reaction. The smile, subtle as it was on Lucci's face, was comforting in an odd way. He was probably the only one to ever think that such an expression on Lucci's face might be comforting.
DemonOfShandora (7:53:03 PM): (I need a giraffe icon, don't I? XD)
runicbinary (7:56:03 PM): "Permit me to refrain from assuming at the moment," Lucci says, not unpleasantly. He hesitates a second longer, and then crosses the room to meet him, hooking his fingers through Kaku's beltloops to yank him closer. "So much for the afterglow, hmm?" he says mildly, and kisses him with a bit less outright violence than he normally would. He hopes it isn't out of line, given the circumstances, but he just wanted to touch him.
runicbinary (7:56:12 PM): (Okay I have to go help with dishes, brb)
DemonOfShandora (7:58:57 PM): "Permission gran-" But the words never completely leave his mouth because it becomes suddenly occupied. Oh well. He does manage another bit of laughter at Lucci;s second comment before returning the kiss. He admits to being vaguely surprised at the gentleness (though, gentle being a relative term here, considering), but doesn't complain at all. He raises his arms and rests one against the back of Lucci's neck beneath so many black curls, while the other rests on his upper arm.
DemonOfShandora (7:59:00 PM): (okay ^^)
DemonOfShandora (8:04:12 PM): (Making an icon out of one of Angel's artes)
runicbinary (8:16:23 PM): Lucci doesn't pretend to be particularly good at being gentle, but it seemed important to try. To express in some way other than words, which were failing him somewhat at the moment, that their...well, relationship means more to him than sex and violence. "We could always try it again," he suggested after he backed off an inch or two from the kiss, "and see if the second take goes any better."
DemonOfShandora (8:17:18 PM): "You know, I never did mind the encore." He's grinning again, wondering if Lucci means the whole thing, what he said, or a combination of both.
runicbinary (8:38:25 PM): Maybe just something lame like Kaku would say something Lucci was about to say, or finish his sentence or something
runicbinary (8:38:59 PM): And it would just kind of make him realize "No one else can ever get into my head like that"
DemonOfShandora (8:39:11 PM): hee!
DemonOfShandora (8:39:41 PM): and then Kaku realizes that there is a long pause coming from Lucci
DemonOfShandora (8:39:54 PM): and he looks up and looks perplexed. "...Is something the matter?"
runicbinary (8:40:35 PM): And Lucci would just kind of glance up all distracted and say "What? ...No." In an unconvinced tone of voice XD
runicbinary (8:41:09 PM): (I imagine this takes place on some random person's roof)
DemonOfShandora (8:41:29 PM): then Kaku is Weirded. Out. "...You're not normally a horrific liar. Has something just occured to you concerning all this?"
DemonOfShandora (8:41:30 PM): XD
runicbinary (8:42:33 PM): And Lucci would just do a perfunctory death glare, but then look away. "...Yes." And then he'd look up. "...This? The mission? No."
DemonOfShandora (8:43:37 PM): This makes Kaku even more suspiscious and astonished. "Your mind was elsewhere?" THIS IS UNHEARD OF.
runicbinary (8:44:14 PM): Lucci would get all defensive. "Momentarily. Something occurred to me. Never mind."
DemonOfShandora (8:45:01 PM): "Don't be offended, I just find it very...strange that you would find something more pressing than this distinct lack of information we have." There's not a bit of sarcasm in his tone.
runicbinary (8:45:55 PM): "It was more startling than pressing, and you're not making me feel particularly enthusiastic about it." Completely accusatory, like it's all Kaku's fault.
DemonOfShandora (8:49:09 PM): Kaku frowns, and while he feels rather affronted, he attempts to play it off. "Pardon me, I was unaware that I was responsible for startling and distracting you so from our main purpose here." He soundseven, but there's a subtle edge to his words that give it a little sting.
DemonOfShandora (8:49:14 PM): (IF ONLY HE KNEW XD)
DemonOfShandora (8:49:28 PM): "I did not realize that it was such an easy feat."
runicbinary (8:53:37 PM): "Hardly." Rob Lucci can pack more ice into one word than a deep freeze, and that one was a prime example. "You're right, of course; our little chain of dead-end leads and bad information is miles more important than my paltry revelation." He feels like a traitor immediately after he says it, because the job is always more important, but he keeps it to himself.
DemonOfShandora (8:58:40 PM): Kaku gives Lucci a long, hard look. Not as hard or coldas anything Lucci could dredge up, of course, but. He stands and looks out over the rooftops of Water Seven. "Clearly, we are not getting anywhere and we are making it worse by taking our frustrations out on each other. So. I shall leave you with your 'paltry revelation', as you seem unwilling to speak of it, and when we are not throwing sarcasm back and forth at one another, we can try this again." He begins to loosen up as if about to take one of his running leaps.
runicbinary (9:05:32 PM): Lucci sighs, making even that icy and bitter. "If you're so curious, I just realized that I love you. But if you're going to talk down to me, maybe we should go our separate ways for tonight and see if we can't dredge up anything useful that way. Report in the morning," he says curtly, turning to walk to the other side of the roof and head off in that direction.
DemonOfShandora (9:05:50 PM): (OH you just made Kaku stumble on his way out XD)
runicbinary (9:06:08 PM): (Oh dear XD)
DemonOfShandora (9:09:32 PM): Kaku was about to take his first step when Lucci spoke, and the sudden numbness took him by surprise. So much so that he nearly took a bad step, and his gaze turned sharply towards Lucci's retreating figure. God damn it, he always had to have the last word, didn't he? He catches his balance easily, immediately feelig ashamed because he HAD been talkign down to him, which was deadly for ANYONE to do. Kaku did not, until very recently, hold any fantasties that Lucci would not spare him his life should he deem it necessary.
"...Lucci!" he manages to say, but does not move from his spot.
DemonOfShandora (9:10:56 PM): (very recently being within the past five seconds XD)
runicbinary (9:11:21 PM): Lucci stops walking, but doesn't turn around, doesn't say anything, because damn it, he was talking down to him and it was unnecessary and he's not going to give him an opening to say anything unless he already has something to say.
DemonOfShandora (9:16:39 PM): Kaku is silent for a moment, regarding Lucci's back with deep intensity.
"Anyone else would have been dead by now had they spoken to you in such a manner. Perhaps I have grown far too cocky within this comfort level we have given each other. I have not forgotten that you can, and most likely will always, be able to kill me without hesitation should you deem it necessary. Until just now...I might have wondered why. Is this why I am still standing here, speaking with you? Or is it because I am too vital a part of this mission for you to eliminate?"
Of course, the professional side of Kaku realizes that if Lucci were to haul off and murder him here on a random soul's rooftop, the jig would be up, he would be tried for murder, and the government would have to go through a good lot of red tape and cover ups to bail him out of such a thing. It was too much to risk one's job and position on.
runicbinary (9:22:15 PM): "The reason I won't kill you is that the World Government needs you," Lucci says, still without turning around. After a moment, he turns his head so Kaku can see his profile from where he's standing. "...The reason I don't want to is that I do."
DemonOfShandora (9:22:47 PM): (AUGH <33 I have to go to Wal-Mart but I WILL RETURN I need power steering fluid)
runicbinary (9:22:57 PM): (OKAY GOOD <3)
DemonOfShandora (10:29:45 PM): Kaku's expression doesn't change at first. But then he's walking, a firm, solid walk. He's confident, as he always is, but this is different. The conviction is just the same, but somehow different. Then he is standing up behind where Lucci is.
DemonOfShandora (10:29:47 PM): (oops)
DemonOfShandora (10:32:54 PM): "I was out of line questioning you. You are leading this mission; if I am unable to follow orders and obey my superiors, then I have no business being a member of CP9." This is what he says, and he means it, but beneath it all, there is another meaning. "...Need. It's only a weakness if you allow it to be, isn't it?" This is spoken much quieter.
DemonOfShandora (10:36:17 PM): (I think your tag...may be the first time that Lucci has ever said that he was happy. woudl you think?)
DemonOfShandora (10:36:22 PM): (it made me sdfsjdlfkjg too, btw)
runicbinary (10:39:20 PM): "Yes." He feels similar to the way he did when this was first brought up; cagey and uncertain, things he rarely feels about anything. He also feels vulnerable, in a way, and he doesn't like it, not out on a rooftop in the middle of the city where anyone could see them if they looked hard enough. But around Kaku? It's...not as bad as it probably should be. He turns around to face Kaku, looking him straight in the eye. "You're right. You were out of line, and no level of comfort we have with each other should prevent us from doing our jobs. Ever. That's the most important thing. But you're also my second, and you're within your rights to tell me if I'm doing something wrong." He hesitates. "And I value your input. You know that. Even when it annoys me."
runicbinary (10:40:26 PM): (Yeah, it probably was the first time he's said it. I mean if someone asks him if he's happy and he says yes it probably doesn't count, especially because he's either lying or only like, you know, sort of happy with that particular situation)
DemonOfShandora (10:40:37 PM): right =3)
DemonOfShandora (10:47:30 PM): Kaku smiles a little. "The problem being that you are rarely wrong, and I more oft than not tend to agree with any course of action you take, as they are always the most prudent. However," Kaku crosses his arms as he continues, but the smile remains. "I will remember this, in case Hell freezes over and I ever question your judgment." He's silent then, and realizes that it is very late by now; the moon is almost setting. He glances towards the horizon. "I know that you hate this city, and I bear no real love for it myself. But at least it is tolerable."
runicbinary (10:50:31 PM): Lucci looks toward the horizon as well, thinking. "Sometimes," he says eventually. "Sometimes it's tolerable." He gives Kaku a pointed look. "Often enough."
DemonOfShandora (10:51:05 PM): Kaku meets his gaze with that same knowing smile. "Every once in a while, yes."