Deadlands Season Two: We're Back, A PC Party's Story
The Cast
CARRIE: A Buddhist.
CASSIE: An Agent.
CHARLOTTE: A Teenager.
HERBERT: A British.
RYAN: A Reporter.
HERBERT OOC: Is that Boss hyphen Tweed?
GM: 'Boss' is a nickname.
CASSIE OOC: Yes, the lawyer did pro bono cases for Bonio and Rover.
HERBERT: I've no doubt that Carrie will be prodding you, Charlotte.
(beat)
HERBERT: Not in that way.
RYAN: I thought kraken lived in the abyssal trenches?
CASSIE (sarcastically): Well, ain't you educated?
HERBERT: You are turning into a bit of an alcoholic.
CASSIE: What do you mean, 'a bit'?
HERBERT: I can't dispute that.
RYAN: As a gentleman, you should!
CASSIE: We haven't tried to injure him because he's British yet.
RYAN: What have you tried to injure him for?
CASSIE OOC: Why's the GM laughing?
GM: Because Herbert just mentioned having points in swimming.
CASSIE OOC: Oh, yeah. Hee hee hee.
HERBERT: I don't feel safe around you anymore.
CASSIE: Why did you ever?
HERBERT: ... you haven't shot me?
CASSIE:What gave you the idea I wouldn't shoot you?
CHARLOTTE OOC: One's got a private army and the other one's scary. Together, they are crime!
CASSIE: So other than the fact he tried to drown Charlotte, why are we killing this guy again?
RYAN: I could turn into a raven.
CASSIE: I don't think that's gonna help.
HERBERT: It never helps.
CASSIE OOC: Pull those fuckin' claws in, kitten! Wanna cut a bit deeper?
HERBERT: My wealth is invested. Industrially and trains.
RYAN: Can I suggest we don't blow anyone up?
CASSIE: THERE IS NO FUCKIN' QUOTA! WE DO NOT HAVE TO BLOW ANYTHING UP! WHY DON'T YOU TRY HARDER NOT TO?
CASSIE OOC: Goddammit, Edd- Ryan – whoever you are, shut the hell up!
RYAN: I'm gonna hit the bar and thus the woman. Well, you understand, I'm not gonna hit the woman.
CASSIE: Given she was prosecuted for killing her abusin' husband, good move.
CASSIE OOC (lecturing Charlotte): No! Daddy will smack!
CASSIE OOC: Let me get this straight. One of us is on her own?
CARRIE OOC: It's OK, I'm meditating.
RYAN OOC: Allow me to translate. She's also got her eyes shut.
CASSIE: You... fruity... useless... British...
CASSIE OOC: SHE'S SAYING YOU HAVE NO PENIS!
HERBERT: It may have sounded like Mistress but I said Miss.
GM: What does that word say? (about a letter this NPC wrote)
CARRIE: What do you think it says?
GM: Better get your bluff dice out, Carrie.
RYAN OOC: Not enough bluff dice in the world.
GM: Only one here and she can't read or shoot.
CARRIE: What can I say, I'm the moral centre.
CARRIE: I NEED AN ADULT WHO CAN READ AND SHOOT THINGS!
RYAN: Wait, hang on, the handwriting's not yours, Carrie.
RYAN: I don't know what actually happened, all I know is three of us heard an extra syllable.
CASSIE: I can change.
RYAN: Go on, then.
CASSIE: No, don't wanna.
HERBERT: I'm gonna fuckin' murder someone.
(Herbert's mispronunciation brings bears into the conversation)
CASSIE: This has no bearing on the situation! I think it's rather polarizing.
GM: Since when have you people ever had a positive working relationship?
RYAN OOC: I have. Not with these people, but I have.
RYAN: I wouldn't let Herbert rub off on you.
CASSIE: I don't think he swings that way.
RYAN: Women, or American?
CARRIE: We've blown New York up?
CARRIE: What hospital is it? No one's said yet.
RYAN OOC: St. Not-Relevant's!
RYAN OOC: Oh, come on, there's a perfectly good gun and burger shop downtown!
HERBERT: That, sir, is a cad thing to do.
GM: You just used an insult that made your friends laugh at you.
RYAN: Yeah, that is starting to sound like an Epitaph story, isn't it? An epitaph for that witness.
HERBERT OOC: We're being affirmative!
CARRIE OOC: If I was looking for guns, I'd walk down the road until I found a gunshop.
GM: Which road?
CARRIE OOC: Whichever one we're on.
CASSIE: Ur a jeenius! I haz guns.
CHARLOTTE OOC: Bubblegum and rainbows and ponies and Carrie's farts.
CASSIE OCC: What are you blithering about?
CHARLOTTE OOC: Things that sparkle!
CASSIE: It seems like we might all die, so I just want you to know, I despise you all.
CARRIE: Ah was about to hit her in the face, an' prob'ly not do much damage.
GM: Are you just assuming everything Herbert does is wrong?
CASSIE OOC: Yes.
CASSIE: I just want to say I really hate my job.
CASSIE: I hate you.
HERBERT: I hate YOU.
GM: Wow, Charlotte's really comfortable with dead children. Wonder why.
[beat]
GM:It's funny because your family are all dead.
CASSIE: You know, for once, this child's death is not my fault.
CARRIE OOC: My guts check is 31.
CASSIE OOC: WHOA. You're all the way to getting off on this!
CARRIE: A Buddhist.
CASSIE: An Agent.
CHARLOTTE: A Teenager.
HERBERT: A British.
RYAN: A Reporter.
HERBERT OOC: Is that Boss hyphen Tweed?
GM: 'Boss' is a nickname.
CASSIE OOC: Yes, the lawyer did pro bono cases for Bonio and Rover.
HERBERT: I've no doubt that Carrie will be prodding you, Charlotte.
(beat)
HERBERT: Not in that way.
RYAN: I thought kraken lived in the abyssal trenches?
CASSIE (sarcastically): Well, ain't you educated?
HERBERT: You are turning into a bit of an alcoholic.
CASSIE: What do you mean, 'a bit'?
HERBERT: I can't dispute that.
RYAN: As a gentleman, you should!
CASSIE: We haven't tried to injure him because he's British yet.
RYAN: What have you tried to injure him for?
CASSIE OOC: Why's the GM laughing?
GM: Because Herbert just mentioned having points in swimming.
CASSIE OOC: Oh, yeah. Hee hee hee.
HERBERT: I don't feel safe around you anymore.
CASSIE: Why did you ever?
HERBERT: ... you haven't shot me?
CASSIE:What gave you the idea I wouldn't shoot you?
CHARLOTTE OOC: One's got a private army and the other one's scary. Together, they are crime!
CASSIE: So other than the fact he tried to drown Charlotte, why are we killing this guy again?
RYAN: I could turn into a raven.
CASSIE: I don't think that's gonna help.
HERBERT: It never helps.
CASSIE OOC: Pull those fuckin' claws in, kitten! Wanna cut a bit deeper?
HERBERT: My wealth is invested. Industrially and trains.
RYAN: Can I suggest we don't blow anyone up?
CASSIE: THERE IS NO FUCKIN' QUOTA! WE DO NOT HAVE TO BLOW ANYTHING UP! WHY DON'T YOU TRY HARDER NOT TO?
CASSIE OOC: Goddammit, Edd- Ryan – whoever you are, shut the hell up!
RYAN: I'm gonna hit the bar and thus the woman. Well, you understand, I'm not gonna hit the woman.
CASSIE: Given she was prosecuted for killing her abusin' husband, good move.
CASSIE OOC (lecturing Charlotte): No! Daddy will smack!
CASSIE OOC: Let me get this straight. One of us is on her own?
CARRIE OOC: It's OK, I'm meditating.
RYAN OOC: Allow me to translate. She's also got her eyes shut.
CASSIE: You... fruity... useless... British...
CASSIE OOC: SHE'S SAYING YOU HAVE NO PENIS!
HERBERT: It may have sounded like Mistress but I said Miss.
GM: What does that word say? (about a letter this NPC wrote)
CARRIE: What do you think it says?
GM: Better get your bluff dice out, Carrie.
RYAN OOC: Not enough bluff dice in the world.
GM: Only one here and she can't read or shoot.
CARRIE: What can I say, I'm the moral centre.
CARRIE: I NEED AN ADULT WHO CAN READ AND SHOOT THINGS!
RYAN: Wait, hang on, the handwriting's not yours, Carrie.
RYAN: I don't know what actually happened, all I know is three of us heard an extra syllable.
CASSIE: I can change.
RYAN: Go on, then.
CASSIE: No, don't wanna.
HERBERT: I'm gonna fuckin' murder someone.
(Herbert's mispronunciation brings bears into the conversation)
CASSIE: This has no bearing on the situation! I think it's rather polarizing.
GM: Since when have you people ever had a positive working relationship?
RYAN OOC: I have. Not with these people, but I have.
RYAN: I wouldn't let Herbert rub off on you.
CASSIE: I don't think he swings that way.
RYAN: Women, or American?
CARRIE: We've blown New York up?
CARRIE: What hospital is it? No one's said yet.
RYAN OOC: St. Not-Relevant's!
RYAN OOC: Oh, come on, there's a perfectly good gun and burger shop downtown!
HERBERT: That, sir, is a cad thing to do.
GM: You just used an insult that made your friends laugh at you.
RYAN: Yeah, that is starting to sound like an Epitaph story, isn't it? An epitaph for that witness.
HERBERT OOC: We're being affirmative!
CARRIE OOC: If I was looking for guns, I'd walk down the road until I found a gunshop.
GM: Which road?
CARRIE OOC: Whichever one we're on.
CASSIE: Ur a jeenius! I haz guns.
CHARLOTTE OOC: Bubblegum and rainbows and ponies and Carrie's farts.
CASSIE OCC: What are you blithering about?
CHARLOTTE OOC: Things that sparkle!
CASSIE: It seems like we might all die, so I just want you to know, I despise you all.
CARRIE: Ah was about to hit her in the face, an' prob'ly not do much damage.
GM: Are you just assuming everything Herbert does is wrong?
CASSIE OOC: Yes.
CASSIE: I just want to say I really hate my job.
CASSIE: I hate you.
HERBERT: I hate YOU.
GM: Wow, Charlotte's really comfortable with dead children. Wonder why.
[beat]
GM:It's funny because your family are all dead.
CASSIE: You know, for once, this child's death is not my fault.
CARRIE OOC: My guts check is 31.
CASSIE OOC: WHOA. You're all the way to getting off on this!