Alone In Wonderland

roxyboarder3243 — Wed, 21 Sep 2005 23:30:27 GMT

Okay guys. After toying with GJ I've decided I'm BACK BITCHES!
Wooooo!
You know you love me.
Even if I may only have like 2 friends LOL

roxyboarder3243 — Thu, 08 Jul 2004 19:20:28 GMT

Dear world,

I am in love with one of the best people alive. THE END!

roxyboarder3243 — Sun, 04 Jul 2004 22:44:56 GMT

YAY new layout!! =) oh yes, and if ANYONE has adobe photo workshop...I would LOVE to have it.

roxyboarder3243 — Thu, 01 Jul 2004 12:43:00 GMT

Okay...so, if you like me, like me. If you don't, don't! It's not that hard. God, are some people totally oblivious, or do they choose not to say anything about it? MY GOD. I don't understand it. One day you flirt all the damn time, the next, you act as if I'm barely your friend at all. What the hell. And maybe you haven't noticed, BUT I'M COMPLETELY HEAD OVER HEALS FOR YOU. And joking around or whatever, probably isn't the best way to go, because I can't tell you're joking.

And it's always gotten me in trouble in the past. So yeah, talking about your girl problems or WHATEVER doesn't make me feel to good. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to not be friends with you anymore...I just, want to know, for sure, weather or not you still...love me? Or if you ever really did. Was I just a replacement until you found someone else? Am I the girl you run to when you need someone to tell you they love you? The one you go to in those "in between days" the ones where you have no one else? Where you can't decide who you want to like? Well, it hurts me, that's all I know. I've never been the one who falls in and out of love quickly...so...don't play with me, please.

Oh jesus, I just realized how completely gay this as all been. Writing this, like you're actually gonna read it. And yeah, I guess what you're doing makes sense right? I mean, lets get real. And I guess that maybe I like it. A little bit of affection from you is better then none at all, right? Right! But when the affection stops...but I still keep on loving you...it hurts. Just please don't lie to me, don't tell me you'll always love me, if it's not true. I trust you. Anything you say I believe, so don't lie...please...especially if you think it's gonna make me feel better, because...it doesn't. It hurts it hurts a lot. No, you know what it is? I'm jealous. I'm jealous of everything I can't have. That people who live there...can have. They don't realize what they have. You have no idea how much I care for you. Or maybe you do...either way, I think, sometimes, I love you a lot more then you love me. That hurts too. Maybe it's not jealousy, maybe it's...just me being sad. Do I really mean something to you? More then a friend? All those things you've said...where you just playing around with me? Or where you telling me how you feel? It kills me not to know. But it's so awkward to ask.

Remember when we were on the phone, and I got kind of quiet? Yeah, you wanna know what was wrong? Because everything wasn't fine. I just didn't want to bring it up, kill the mood you know? Well, you know what was wrong? I was just thinking...about how you said there was a thong on your floor, and you said it was that one chicks. It kinda made me realize that (even if you were kidding, and yeah, this is a bad example) it could NEVER be my thong on your floor. Haha, yeah I know, bad example but hopefully, you get my drift. And when I thought that...it made my heart sink. Seriously. I started to cry. I guess it just took longer for me to realize it then for you. Maybe it's time I move on. But I don't want to. I REALLY don't want to. So I'm not. Even if you don't like me anymore...I don't want to give up on you. Haha, it makes it sound like we were dating. Were we ever anything? Well...I mean, I know...or I think, that we had something. But were we something?

I guess, in my mind, there's just a lot of doubt. A lot of wondering, and when I actually do talk to you, I'm to afraid to tell you what's on my mind, afraid that it might freak you out. And you'll tell me that I'm totally stupid for thinking that what we had was something serious. But I did okay. And yeah, I fell in love with you. Hard.

So anyway, I've probably lost half the readers (haha, readers, no one reads this except me.) by now...but if you are still reading, thanks, just thanks for listening

Volleyball camp! YAY

roxyboarder3243 — Thu, 24 Jun 2004 07:26:11 GMT

Okay, so, where should I start, should I tell you about my day on tuesday? (the last day of school YAYAYAYAYAYAY) So, tuesday was a half day and Anna, Leah, Niki, Kris, Kevin, Hannah, Stephen, Jake, Tyler, Jennifer, and Kim all went down to river bend to play some golf! Woot woot! Anyways, so I was with Anna, Leah, and Jennifer. Yeah, the whole golfing part was fun, but I don't wanna type everything that happened. OH! Execpt one little tid bit, Anna, being the great golfer she is, on the SECOND HOLE she was about to hit the ball when IT FLEW OUT OF HER HANDS and onto the farway. OMG it was funny as hell! So she quit, second hole. Anyways, after everyone was done with their game we went to sharies and had a grand old time! YAY! Yeah, so I skipped out on a lot, but I did have a LOT of laughs! We dropped leah off at home and I went back home and talked to Cory =). You know that e-mail I sent him awhile ago...well he sent me back something...look!

Mandy, i'm so sorry about that. i should'nt of done what i did but i don't know why i even did it. i know i dissappointed you and actually it feels good to know how much you care about me.:)don't worry about the raft part, we couldn't of got lost or anything, it was like a boat and it was a trip that a lot of people were on and such. like the cruise line would've known if we were lost, so no worries there. i'm super sorry and i hope we can let this go or "water under the bridge" it? prolly not. i'm know i keep saying i'm sorry but i can't say it enough so here it is again i'm sorry. but thanks for caring :) i love you so much...

YAYAYAY. Okay so now on to...Wednesday.

Volleyball camp, 8 in the morning to 12 in the afternoon. For some reason it felt like a LOT longer then 4 hours, maybe because I was working really hard compared to softball. Hmm, probably lol. Well anyways, it was lots of fun!! But I have to go now and get ready for Volleyball. Later

roxyboarder3243 — Sun, 20 Jun 2004 21:35:14 GMT

WHO WHAT WHERE WHEN WHY & HOW

WHO...
X Was your first real love? Haha, Travis? If you could even call that love, if not, Cory
X Was your first kiss? hehe
X Is most talented? Mallory
X Do you admire? I admire different things about different people.
X Is most likely to succeed? Brianne, whatever she does.
X Gets on your nerves? Caitlyn UGH
X Always makes you laugh? Kelsey
X Gives the best presents? Leah...
X Do you love? My friends and family
X Never goes a day without showering? Leah

WHAT...
X Did you do today? Woke up, went to the mall with leah, painted my nails, did my hair, plucked my eyebrows, and hung out with leah, teri and riley.
X Are you doing tomorrow? Going to school for the 8th grade graduation and then to red robin to eat, and then after that hopefully Anna and I will go see a movie with some people.
X Do you want to be when you grow up? Psychiatrist
X Makes your heart beat fast? Right when someones about to tell you something you've been wanting to figure out
X Size shoes do you wear? 9 1/2
X Color makes you happy? Pink
X Angers you? Being overly dramatic
X Do you do for fun? hang out w. friends, watch movies, go shopping, sing, be stupid with my fellow stupids
X Is your biggest fear? dying alone
X Must you absolutely do before you die? Marry and have kids

WHERE...
X Did you grow up? Kent
X Do you wish you would've grown up? I like it here <3
X Were you last night? My house
X Do you see yourself 10 years from now? Just getting out of college, and hopefully, I'm happily with the one I'm going to marry <333
X Do you take vacations? My parents do, and I'm forced to come with...
X Do you like to shop? HELL YES I LIKE TO SHOP!!
X Do you wish you were right now? Somewhere with all my friends having a grand old time!
X Was the last place you set your keys? on that couch by the door.
X Are you going this weekend? Not sure...
X In the world is Carmen SanDiego? In my yard coming to get some milkshake LOL

WHEN...
X Was your first real love? Summer...
X Was your first kiss? Uh, this year, sadly
X Are you going to get married? Sometime...
X Were you last happy? Today
X Was the last time you laughed until you cried? Uh, that one time with Anna, but I don't remember what about lol
X Was the last time you were sick? A few days ago
X Did you realize 'you cant always get what you want'? A few months ago...=/
X Are you going to get your lazy ass off the computer? When I'm finished with this
X Is the right time to tell someone you love them? When you know you love them
X Is it not the right time to tell someone you love them? When you are questioning it

WHY...
X Do you fight with people you love? People have habits to take things out on the ones they love, not intentionaly. I don't really know why we do it.
X Are people prejudice? Ask them
X Are/arent you open-minded? I like listening to people's opinions and theories and being able to listen to them w.o a bias mind. I know I don't know the truth about everything, if anything, and same with everyoen else, so what does it hurt to take others opinions into consideration
X Are/arent you judgemental? I'm really judgemental...and I don't really care all that much =/. I dunno, like, my first impressions are normally wrong..lol, I should really try to change that...
X Arent you doing something fun instead of filling out this survey? because I'm cool.
X Dont you just tell him/her how you feel? Because, he already knows...
X Is the sky blue? I'm not sure, nobody really knows why anything is the color things are. It kind of makes you wonder, what if are self-concious is telling us what the sky and grass are b/c thats what we have made it to believe. It's really weird when you think about it. Did you know butterflys can see more colors then we can?! How awesome is that?
X Do people get morning breath? dirty mouths? Toothpaste can't last forever
X Is the president banning gay marriage? Because he is a homophobe that has this ideal american image in his head and if someone doesn't fit it, he's banning that to happen.
X Is it important for you to accomplish your goals? Goals are what make your life what it is

HOW...
X Are you feeling right now? Tired and lazy
X Do you let out your anger? I cry
X Do people know when you're angry/sad? I don't talk a lot
X Do people know when you're humored/happy? I laugh a lot, I smile a lot, and I'm very hyper and adventurous
X Old are you? 14 ::sigh::
X Many TRUE friends do you have? True and close are two different things...Most of my friends are true, but I only have a few close ones
X Do you wake up in the morning? Without my lovely mother I would be screwed.
X Do you get from point A to point B? do cartwheels
X Do you pass the time? Compy for sure!
X Will you spend your adolescent years? having a blast w. my friends!! =D

Happy Fathers Day!

By the way everyone, I just wanted to say, that ya'll are the best people in the entire world and I'll love you FOREVER!

roxyboarder3243 — Sun, 20 Jun 2004 11:01:37 GMT

Okay, so, ninth grade graduation...cool cool. Awards cerimony, cool cool. Probably the funniest part was when Ms.Duff [our principle] kept trying to crack jokes and NO ONE laughed, in fact, everyone just gawked at her stupidity and bad taste in jokes. Anyways, after that we all went back to our 3rd period and hung out. It was really cool! =) Then I went to 4th period, to find it compleatly devoid of any of my friends [Chris left for he was a 9th grader and could leave early that day] So I was alone =( no fun. Ah, dreaded fifth period...NOT! I walked over to Mr.Ellis' class and Anna, Ben and I walked over to Mr.Stepans and I was just like "can I go to Mr.Ellis'? He was like "I don't care just give me note from him." So I'm like "Anna! Lemme see the note from Mr.Ellis" and she hands me this peice of paper which looks like a bunch of squigles lol. Oh well, Mr. Stepan let me go anyway, and on the way back Ben gave Anna and I the "pleasure" of hearing him resite his boyscout pleadge, LMAO. No, not really, it sucked so much, and Anna preteded she was opening a locker 10 feet away hahahaha. So fifth period was really fun! I played egyptian war with a bunch of people and LIKE ALWAYS I won =) the one thing i'm good at YAYAYAY. Ah, yes 6th period was mighty fun I hung out with Daniel and Jessica. Haha, I found out that Alex Longmire's favorite show is the O.C. HELL YES! Yay! Alex you're cool! =D. Okay, now for
*!*BiLLy'S ParTy*!*
I come two hours late, because I wanted to be. I find out that Billy's cat had kittens and I DIE!! I love kitties!!!! ::melts:: sooo adorable guys, you don't even know, I really should have took the cam but I didn't. ::tears::. Ah, it was really fun, we watched a movie of billy and his sister playing when they were little-FUNNY AS ALL HELL!! I guess Schotzi's not mad at me anymore yay! Uh...Yeah, his party was mucho fun. But I was really bummed that I couldn't spend the night =( Anyways, later

roxyboarder3243 — Wed, 16 Jun 2004 17:51:34 GMT

Yay! Today was really good! We got our yearbooks!!! YAYAYAY!!! The only thing that sucked was that because we went on that fucking gay ass trip to oregon, I missed the day where we go to all of our classes and get our fine thingy filled out. SO, EVEN THOUGH I FUCKING HAVE NO FINES, I HAVE TO GO RUN AROUND THE FUCKING SCHOOL AND FIND ALL MY GOSH DARN TEACHERS!!!! so, at this point i'm extremly pissed, but luckily I found 3 of my teachers really quick! After that...I knew mr.stepan was long gone, so I ask Mr.Lara to sign it, and HE DOES!! YAYAYAY he's really cool man! Anyways, so I get my yearbook. The end! But a good end haha. So then everyone was signin everyone elses it was great! OH OH OH, so you know that math test I missed when I went to oregon? Yes, well, I got 35 OUTTA 36 ON THAT...HELL FUCKING YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! While I was at the cashiers, Cory called me. Heres how the call went...
Me-Hello
Cory-Mandy?
Me-Hey, what are you doing?
Cory-I'm drunk...really drunk
Me-WHAT!? WHERE ARE YOU?!? HOW'D YOU GET THE ALCOHOL?!?
Cory-Kolby and I went on a raft and they gave us free rum punch...my head hurts...and so do my eyelids.
Me-Uh.....I'm sorry...I can't really talk right now though...call me tonight?
Cory-Oh, okay...
Yeah...=/ I'm really worried. I really hope they're not alone on that fucking raft...HOW COULD CORY BE SO FUCKING STUPID. He normally doesn't drink. DAMMIT. I wish there was some way for me to contact him...I don't think his texts work...I don't know how the hell he called me. He's in like the virgin islands...=/. God, I'm so worried...=( really worried. Well, I'm glad he called me first...I just hope he's alright...

YAY first entry!!

roxyboarder3243 — Tue, 15 Jun 2004 20:33:24 GMT

So...this is my first entry, this looks exactly like my old journal, but that's okay!! haha. Uh, I highly doubt that I'm going to be updating this one as much as I do my normal one, but hey. Today was really good. School wasn't boring, ninth graders got their yearbooks! Which, I am not one of them, but because I have connections ::cool face:: LMAO I hung out with all my friends in the cafeteria and signed yearbooks! It was great fun, but I was kind of paranoid that my dad would flip out and call so I was like "Leah, lets go!" and also...I felt like her bitch, cause I was kinda followin her around tellin her that she needs to LEAVE NOW! But yeah, I had great fun!! Haha, I wrote more on leah's shirt then I did her yearbook, I dunno why, I just couldn't think of anything to write. But anyways, after that we came home and looked at the yearbook, and OMG I'm in the yearbook hella! Who would have thought lol. Then I got my haircut!! YAYAYAYAYAYAY!! It feels so light and sexy ;) hehe, okay, I'm out.
*Mandy