Why am I here?

I have been called many things in my life but never a writer. I have written in some form or another ever since I could hold a pen but every scribble, novel draft or poem was kept locked away (or destroyed on a dodgy apple mac hard drive). Almost seven years ago I gave birth to my my first daughter, shortly after that I made the decision to leave my job in education to help build my partners business which was building momentum quite quickly. Shortly after that; we fell pregnant with our second daughter and I became really unwell. Two kids under two with a chronic illness looked like; helping my partner with emails one handed whilst learning how to breastfeed, teaching myself how to use photoshop for branding whilst trying to wedge open my eyelids and spending every hour wondering how on earth I was going to make it through another day. We quickly realised our first born was likely neurodiverse, our second had developed severe eczema therefore sleep was non existent. I co slept with both of them for years to get even the tiniest amount of shut eye. The business was still in its infancy and my partner often worked seven day weeks around the clock in those first few years. I felt like a human rag doll; thread bare and used up.

During this time the endometriosis I had been diagnosed with as a teenager spiralled out of control, leaving me with the most debilitating fatigue, brain fog and hormonal imbalance to name just a few. All of this combined left me feeling permanently drained and pretty hopeless. In the deepest depths of lockdown I started to write letters to my children and my family; just in case. I would say it’s the lowest I have ever felt; here were two beautiful children that I simply couldn’t enjoy.

Since then we have all come to learn that neurodiversity is a key feature in our family and we tread this path together, much stronger than before. Everyday is a learning day for us! I wont talk about this too much here as I hope to divulge more on that in my essays to come. I have stage 4 endometriosis now but I am on a healing journey which teaches me how to honour my body; I am actually grateful for the lessons that living with chronic illness can teach you.

I have very much lived within the inner circle of my family for seven years, removing all social media from my life and focusing on; healing, growing, eating well, attending SEND courses, endless meetings at school, acting as full time parent/carer, life admin facilitator, navigating the world of autism and adhd, peace keeper and most recently; figuring out what’s next for me. I am back in the social media world, tentatively…

Putting pen to paper again has felt like coming home. Writing is how I make sense of the world. Writing is how I understand myself and my relationships. Writing has helped me through the darkest of times and helped me to celebrate the happiest. Writing is apparently, the only thing I never tire of.

What’s my vibe?

I write honestly and from the heart, it’s the only way I can write. I find it much easier to connect with people when they share life stories and experiences; I feel honoured when they let me in. One might call me an over sharer. I write mostly about neurodiverse family life and parenthood but I also have a deep involvement with holistic therapies and will likely speak about the ways in which they’ve healed me and my family. Prior to children I spent over a decade navigating debilitating vertigo and panic attacks, later training as a Cranio Sacral Therapist, so I proudly over share my journey with anyone it might help.

I’m a North London girl from a council estate who now lives in Hertfordshire (tried to loose the N Dubz accent but it sticks); there are bound to be a few F bombs and some humour thrown in. Thank you for being here till the end - I am very excited to nestle into this little corner to share my life’s tales.