Golden Globes fashion roundup! (tm 
marakara)
Here’s where I found the photos: Click here. I apologize for not putting this in the order in which you will see the photos. I have alphabetized within each category here to help. That way, you can look at each photo, then come back here and find their name because you are thinking to yourself, "But what did Ropo think about that dress???" ;-) I took hair/makeup/age/intangibles into consideration when deciding whether they'd go in Like, Don't Like, or Middling. Also, OMG, it actually used to be my JOB to know everyone at the Golden Globes so I could yell in people's headsets when people arrived so ET could nab them for an interview, and now I don't know who half these people are.
My overall thoughts:
* Many of the younger women's dresses seemed to age them. They had a very '70s/'80s vibe, like they were going to Studio 54 right after this.
* Ugh with the beigey pale ick already. It washes almost everyone out. And almost no-one who had a skin tone that might work with it wore it. Case in point: Amy Adams - pretty dress, bad color. It worked for Megan Fox, but her dress was closer to white than beige, and her mermaid thing (see below) was subtle and flowy, not structured and icky.
*The mermaid thing almost never works for me but apparently it was the thing this year. I wouldn't have minded Kelly Osbourne's so much if it hadn't had that weird thing where the mermaid bit was an entity unto itself (and of course her hair color does nothing for her face or ... any outfit she might wear. She's kept that lavender for a while now but ... why? It's like a mistake that happens to an old lady at the salon). Many of the women who went mermaid-y didn't really need something that showed off their hips so much, usually to the detriment of their small breasts.
* Lace. Too much of it, both the amount on each dress, and the number of dresses that had it. It looks cheap to me in most cases.
* That really bright tomato red. Why so much?
I LIKED:
- Adele – Loved the top bit, very flattering. I think the dress would work better with a shorter hem, but it’s not bad for an awards show. Her hair and makeup makes it work, too.
- Halle Berry - If anyone could pull that pattern off, it would be Halle Berry. There was one photo of her showing off her leg through the slit where she looked like she was on the cover of a badass comic book, in a good way.
- Sally Field – The neckline was a tad low but otherwise I like it and it’s hard to dress sexy-not-slutty in your 60s.
- Jennifer Garner – Good color, good fit, nice subtle pattern.
- Megan Hilty – She barely makes it to the “like” list. Nice fit, good hair. Quibbles: The color’s a bit much (but quite a few people wore it so it must be in this year). OH, and seeing her on the 360, I see it's got an open back, which is a nice touch.
- Helen Hunt – I’m gonna give this one to her by a hair. Love the neckline and though the dress has a lot going on, the subtle color actually works on her and helps to make all the stuff going on look like a little less is going on.
- Jennifer Lawrence - a bit bright but not bad.
- Lucy Liu – Kinda crazy but it works on her.
- Katharine McPhee - Other than the neckline going to her belly, that’s a pretty swanky dress. (I might demote her. See the her 360.) WAY too open/low with that neckline.
- Lea Michele – She’s not my favorite but her dress was pretty and age appropriate, and with a high neckline she was smart and went for a halter to show that she’s not 80.
- Helen Mirren – Kinda weird but she can pull this shit off like no other woman her age.
- Nancy O’Dell – If you can look like this in a dress, I say go for it.
- Taylor Swift. Good color, good fit, she looked good in the dress (even though ugh, mermaid) ... I liked the top bit a LOT
- Rachel Weisz –marakara, I see your point about choosing between the top and bottom, but I liked it enough.
I DIDN'T LIKE:
- Helena Bonham-Carter – I’m sure they missed her at the prom in 1984 and wondered why she time traveled to the Golden Globes in 2013 instead. I do hand it to Helena for going her own way. But usually it’s a pretty messed-up way, and this is no exception. Crazy hair, a big lip purse… Oh Helena.
- Julie Bowen – The top looks like something on Brett Somers on “Match Game ’76.” Nice hair and makeup, but at least two too many bangles. I’m afraid she’s going to a key party after this.
- Rosario Dawson – You are a gorgeous woman. At whose ‘90s wedding were you a bridesmaid?
- Michelle Dockery. I don't even know what was going on there.
- Lena Dunham. Just not good. The color could've worked but that dress had a weird shape and a lot of extra structure going on that was just weird.
- Cody Horn – No. Maybe if the dress were a different, color, a jewel tone at the least, or all black. And she needs some jewelry or hair or makeup. Nice fit, at least.
- Kate Hudson – Your mom wants her vintage dress back.
- Rosie Huntington-Whiteley – WTF is going on with that huge bow? WTF is going on with that huge belt? Why, Rosie, why?
- Sarah Hyland – Pretty hair and makeup (OK, BIG hair, pretty makeup) but Alexis Carrington wants her gown back.
- Eva Longoria – Krystle Carrington wants her dress back.
- Zosia Mamet – Maybe if Neo were her date. And her hair and makeup are puritanical.
- Julianne Moore - Honey, with that white swath across your middle? She has a nice figure but chose to emphasize a flaw she doesn't even have? WTF?
- Emily Mortimer - Disco has been over a long time now, and what's with the high collar and long sleeves? Yeah, it was cold, but sheesh.
- Olivia Munn – No thank you to the top half. I’m noticing a lot of women had that straight-across strapless thing going on. I don’t like it.
- Sarah Paulson – This dress makes her look all out of proportion in a weird way. And the neckline is too deep and plain. And her lipstick is too beige.
- Giuliana Rancic – Ugh, just no. The top half ruins it all.
- Shaun Robinson – The top makes her bust look nonexistent and pattern/beads/whatever is going on there just annoy me. Also, she totally put on earrings that go with another outfit.
- Kristen Wiig – Too plain. Daytime hair.
MIDDLING:
- Jessica Alba – Nice color on the dress but her lipstick makes me want to slap some sense into her.
- Morena Baccarin – What a waste. It’s almost impossible to make her look frumpy, but it has been done! Imagine how fantastic she’d look if that dress were sleeveless and if that … that THING going down the middle of it were gone or greatly diminished. That thing belongs on a whole different dress. Great hair and makeup, wasted.
- Kristen Bell - Nice pregnancy silhouette but I didn't like that busy junk up top. The sleeves/shoulders were from the '80s and the collar was from Salem in the 1700s.
- Mayim Bialik – I know Mayim has trouble with these sorts of things. She not only has weird taste, but she is adamant about being modest due to her faith. So I cut her a bit of slack. This actually looks pretty good, considering.
-Emily Blunt. Not bad but the color had just enough green in it to look like puke
- Connie Britton - Not a bad idea but it made her look like she had no curves. And I wish people would choose between silver and gold rather than combine them. (I take it back! Move her up. See the 360 and her curves are there!
- Jessica Chastain - Yeah, her breasts don't look droopy but it's hard to tell when the dress looks droopy all around them. Nice color on the dress. But I also didn't dig her hair/makeup.
- Kaley Cuoco – You manage to look pretty awesome in a great-shaped dress, even though it’s beige, and then you ruin it with that lipstick? FOR SHAME.
- Marion Cotillard - Not bad, not awesome.
- Claire Danes - Not bad for a fancy '70s party. Sadly this is not the '70s.
- Emily Deschanel – Almost like it but Alexis Carrington and the Gladiator want their shoulder pads back
- Zooey Deschanel - Plain (except the color, which was a BIT much) but pretty, and she wore a few baubles for you, Mara! But the dress looked a bit like an ‘80s prom dress.
- Gabby Douglas – She can pull off the color with her skin… but why would she want to? It’s a fugly color. Nice fit, though.
- Francesca Fischer Eastwood – Too much mermaid, too much lace. (Though she looks great in the 360... maybe I need to move her up.
- Tina Fey/Amy Poehler - Tina's dress was too short or possibly too long (it would've looked great with a knee-length a-line skirt from the '50s, no?) Amy's pants were too short. They did show off her awesome shoes, but no. Too casual. She'd look great at dinner in that outfit but not a red carpet.
- Isla Fisher - I'm very close to liking this. I wanted a touch more depth to the dress's color.
- Jodie Foster – Nice color, and she’s wearing that dress for all she’s worth, in a good way. But the top bit is too “Julia Roberts that one year at the Oscars.” She almost made my “like” list.
- Carla Gugino - A bit too much going on there. Nice neckline on her but there was just so much dress.
- Savannah Guthrie – The best I can say is that it’s … age appropriate. But it comes from a different time. (Dear 1980s, why did you time travel all your party dresses to 2013?)
- Anne Hathaway - Anne always looks good but this was just not a dress I loved. Needed a necklace instead of two bracelets.
- Salma Hayek – Sooo close. That big bow kinda pisses me off. But at least she can put her slammin’ body in a dress like that and not look like a 10-year-old boy.
- Julianne Hough - Liked the dress quite a bit, didn't love the hair or pale lips.
- Stacy Keibler – She could look like a million bucks but she only looks like $50K. She can pull the dress off but it’s just a bit plain and so’s her hair and makeup. If the dress were thigh-length it could double as a beach cover-up.
- Nicole Kidman – So close to liking it, but there’s just a little too much going on. Cut out most of that gold junk at the neckline and she’d be in my “like” pile.
- Jennifer Lopez - That whole "skin color covered with lace" isn't a favorite of mine and a lot of people did it this year. On J-Lo it just looks a little cheesy, a little cheap, a little aging... I mean, she's va-va-voom but this dress isn't. Sort of.
- Julia Louis-Dreyfus - A little too much volume on the bottom half but at least she knew which party she was going to. See "skin color covered with lace."
- Maria Menounos – So close, but I don’t like seeing those seams in the front. I’m picky.
- Debra Messing - Eh.
- Alyssa Milano – The color’s a bit much.
- Sienna Miller – Daring, but lost in another era.
- Hayden Panettiere - The bottom looked like it belonged to a different dress, and the rest looked a bit stiff.
- Melissa Rauch – Some Carrington wants her dress back
- Nicole Richie - Color was good, dress was okay but again, why so high with the collar and long with the sleeves?
- Louise Roe – She nearly makes all this crazy lace work.
- Amanda Seyfried - Not enough color, daytime hair, weird patterns and lace on the dress. She has a figure and face where she could look good in almost anything but this isn't it.
- Sofia Vergara – Va-va-voom as usual, but a bit too much, if you know what I mean.
- Kerry Washington - Didn't love her hair. The dress was close to okay. Didn't love the belt either.
- Naomi Watts - I almost liked it but there was a LOT going on, and in the thumbnail I thought, Wow, Helen Mirren looks like a million bucks, then it was a much younger woman looking a bit staid, which seemed to be going around like the flu all over the red carpet.
- Jacki Weaver – That’s a LOT of green. (Meanwhile, check out the patterned hose on the girl behind her: W.T.F.???)
- Ariel Winter – I’d love this if the background wasn’t so very beige. Can you imagine how fucking adorable she’d be if the dress was black with all those bright flowers? Good hair/makeup on her, too.
- Catherine Zeta-Jones – I almost like it. She almost pulls off the pale color and the neckline, and I do like that even with all that bling going on, it’s still a bit flowy/dreamy.
ETA: E!News GlamCam 360 degree views! I have sprinkled comments and links throughout, but one new one:
Archie Panjabi ... why add volume to your tummy area? WTF?
My overall thoughts:
* Many of the younger women's dresses seemed to age them. They had a very '70s/'80s vibe, like they were going to Studio 54 right after this.
* Ugh with the beigey pale ick already. It washes almost everyone out. And almost no-one who had a skin tone that might work with it wore it. Case in point: Amy Adams - pretty dress, bad color. It worked for Megan Fox, but her dress was closer to white than beige, and her mermaid thing (see below) was subtle and flowy, not structured and icky.
*The mermaid thing almost never works for me but apparently it was the thing this year. I wouldn't have minded Kelly Osbourne's so much if it hadn't had that weird thing where the mermaid bit was an entity unto itself (and of course her hair color does nothing for her face or ... any outfit she might wear. She's kept that lavender for a while now but ... why? It's like a mistake that happens to an old lady at the salon). Many of the women who went mermaid-y didn't really need something that showed off their hips so much, usually to the detriment of their small breasts.
* Lace. Too much of it, both the amount on each dress, and the number of dresses that had it. It looks cheap to me in most cases.
* That really bright tomato red. Why so much?
I LIKED:
- Adele – Loved the top bit, very flattering. I think the dress would work better with a shorter hem, but it’s not bad for an awards show. Her hair and makeup makes it work, too.
- Halle Berry - If anyone could pull that pattern off, it would be Halle Berry. There was one photo of her showing off her leg through the slit where she looked like she was on the cover of a badass comic book, in a good way.
- Sally Field – The neckline was a tad low but otherwise I like it and it’s hard to dress sexy-not-slutty in your 60s.
- Jennifer Garner – Good color, good fit, nice subtle pattern.
- Megan Hilty – She barely makes it to the “like” list. Nice fit, good hair. Quibbles: The color’s a bit much (but quite a few people wore it so it must be in this year). OH, and seeing her on the 360, I see it's got an open back, which is a nice touch.
- Helen Hunt – I’m gonna give this one to her by a hair. Love the neckline and though the dress has a lot going on, the subtle color actually works on her and helps to make all the stuff going on look like a little less is going on.
- Jennifer Lawrence - a bit bright but not bad.
- Lucy Liu – Kinda crazy but it works on her.
- Katharine McPhee - Other than the neckline going to her belly, that’s a pretty swanky dress. (I might demote her. See the her 360.) WAY too open/low with that neckline.
- Lea Michele – She’s not my favorite but her dress was pretty and age appropriate, and with a high neckline she was smart and went for a halter to show that she’s not 80.
- Helen Mirren – Kinda weird but she can pull this shit off like no other woman her age.
- Nancy O’Dell – If you can look like this in a dress, I say go for it.
- Taylor Swift. Good color, good fit, she looked good in the dress (even though ugh, mermaid) ... I liked the top bit a LOT
- Rachel Weisz –
marakara, I see your point about choosing between the top and bottom, but I liked it enough.I DIDN'T LIKE:
- Helena Bonham-Carter – I’m sure they missed her at the prom in 1984 and wondered why she time traveled to the Golden Globes in 2013 instead. I do hand it to Helena for going her own way. But usually it’s a pretty messed-up way, and this is no exception. Crazy hair, a big lip purse… Oh Helena.
- Julie Bowen – The top looks like something on Brett Somers on “Match Game ’76.” Nice hair and makeup, but at least two too many bangles. I’m afraid she’s going to a key party after this.
- Rosario Dawson – You are a gorgeous woman. At whose ‘90s wedding were you a bridesmaid?
- Michelle Dockery. I don't even know what was going on there.
- Lena Dunham. Just not good. The color could've worked but that dress had a weird shape and a lot of extra structure going on that was just weird.
- Cody Horn – No. Maybe if the dress were a different, color, a jewel tone at the least, or all black. And she needs some jewelry or hair or makeup. Nice fit, at least.
- Kate Hudson – Your mom wants her vintage dress back.
- Rosie Huntington-Whiteley – WTF is going on with that huge bow? WTF is going on with that huge belt? Why, Rosie, why?
- Sarah Hyland – Pretty hair and makeup (OK, BIG hair, pretty makeup) but Alexis Carrington wants her gown back.
- Eva Longoria – Krystle Carrington wants her dress back.
- Zosia Mamet – Maybe if Neo were her date. And her hair and makeup are puritanical.
- Julianne Moore - Honey, with that white swath across your middle? She has a nice figure but chose to emphasize a flaw she doesn't even have? WTF?
- Emily Mortimer - Disco has been over a long time now, and what's with the high collar and long sleeves? Yeah, it was cold, but sheesh.
- Olivia Munn – No thank you to the top half. I’m noticing a lot of women had that straight-across strapless thing going on. I don’t like it.
- Sarah Paulson – This dress makes her look all out of proportion in a weird way. And the neckline is too deep and plain. And her lipstick is too beige.
- Giuliana Rancic – Ugh, just no. The top half ruins it all.
- Shaun Robinson – The top makes her bust look nonexistent and pattern/beads/whatever is going on there just annoy me. Also, she totally put on earrings that go with another outfit.
- Kristen Wiig – Too plain. Daytime hair.
MIDDLING:
- Jessica Alba – Nice color on the dress but her lipstick makes me want to slap some sense into her.
- Morena Baccarin – What a waste. It’s almost impossible to make her look frumpy, but it has been done! Imagine how fantastic she’d look if that dress were sleeveless and if that … that THING going down the middle of it were gone or greatly diminished. That thing belongs on a whole different dress. Great hair and makeup, wasted.
- Kristen Bell - Nice pregnancy silhouette but I didn't like that busy junk up top. The sleeves/shoulders were from the '80s and the collar was from Salem in the 1700s.
- Mayim Bialik – I know Mayim has trouble with these sorts of things. She not only has weird taste, but she is adamant about being modest due to her faith. So I cut her a bit of slack. This actually looks pretty good, considering.
-Emily Blunt. Not bad but the color had just enough green in it to look like puke
- Connie Britton - Not a bad idea but it made her look like she had no curves. And I wish people would choose between silver and gold rather than combine them. (I take it back! Move her up. See the 360 and her curves are there!
- Jessica Chastain - Yeah, her breasts don't look droopy but it's hard to tell when the dress looks droopy all around them. Nice color on the dress. But I also didn't dig her hair/makeup.
- Kaley Cuoco – You manage to look pretty awesome in a great-shaped dress, even though it’s beige, and then you ruin it with that lipstick? FOR SHAME.
- Marion Cotillard - Not bad, not awesome.
- Claire Danes - Not bad for a fancy '70s party. Sadly this is not the '70s.
- Emily Deschanel – Almost like it but Alexis Carrington and the Gladiator want their shoulder pads back
- Zooey Deschanel - Plain (except the color, which was a BIT much) but pretty, and she wore a few baubles for you, Mara! But the dress looked a bit like an ‘80s prom dress.
- Gabby Douglas – She can pull off the color with her skin… but why would she want to? It’s a fugly color. Nice fit, though.
- Francesca Fischer Eastwood – Too much mermaid, too much lace. (Though she looks great in the 360... maybe I need to move her up.
- Tina Fey/Amy Poehler - Tina's dress was too short or possibly too long (it would've looked great with a knee-length a-line skirt from the '50s, no?) Amy's pants were too short. They did show off her awesome shoes, but no. Too casual. She'd look great at dinner in that outfit but not a red carpet.
- Isla Fisher - I'm very close to liking this. I wanted a touch more depth to the dress's color.
- Jodie Foster – Nice color, and she’s wearing that dress for all she’s worth, in a good way. But the top bit is too “Julia Roberts that one year at the Oscars.” She almost made my “like” list.
- Carla Gugino - A bit too much going on there. Nice neckline on her but there was just so much dress.
- Savannah Guthrie – The best I can say is that it’s … age appropriate. But it comes from a different time. (Dear 1980s, why did you time travel all your party dresses to 2013?)
- Anne Hathaway - Anne always looks good but this was just not a dress I loved. Needed a necklace instead of two bracelets.
- Salma Hayek – Sooo close. That big bow kinda pisses me off. But at least she can put her slammin’ body in a dress like that and not look like a 10-year-old boy.
- Julianne Hough - Liked the dress quite a bit, didn't love the hair or pale lips.
- Stacy Keibler – She could look like a million bucks but she only looks like $50K. She can pull the dress off but it’s just a bit plain and so’s her hair and makeup. If the dress were thigh-length it could double as a beach cover-up.
- Nicole Kidman – So close to liking it, but there’s just a little too much going on. Cut out most of that gold junk at the neckline and she’d be in my “like” pile.
- Jennifer Lopez - That whole "skin color covered with lace" isn't a favorite of mine and a lot of people did it this year. On J-Lo it just looks a little cheesy, a little cheap, a little aging... I mean, she's va-va-voom but this dress isn't. Sort of.
- Julia Louis-Dreyfus - A little too much volume on the bottom half but at least she knew which party she was going to. See "skin color covered with lace."
- Maria Menounos – So close, but I don’t like seeing those seams in the front. I’m picky.
- Debra Messing - Eh.
- Alyssa Milano – The color’s a bit much.
- Sienna Miller – Daring, but lost in another era.
- Hayden Panettiere - The bottom looked like it belonged to a different dress, and the rest looked a bit stiff.
- Melissa Rauch – Some Carrington wants her dress back
- Nicole Richie - Color was good, dress was okay but again, why so high with the collar and long with the sleeves?
- Louise Roe – She nearly makes all this crazy lace work.
- Amanda Seyfried - Not enough color, daytime hair, weird patterns and lace on the dress. She has a figure and face where she could look good in almost anything but this isn't it.
- Sofia Vergara – Va-va-voom as usual, but a bit too much, if you know what I mean.
- Kerry Washington - Didn't love her hair. The dress was close to okay. Didn't love the belt either.
- Naomi Watts - I almost liked it but there was a LOT going on, and in the thumbnail I thought, Wow, Helen Mirren looks like a million bucks, then it was a much younger woman looking a bit staid, which seemed to be going around like the flu all over the red carpet.
- Jacki Weaver – That’s a LOT of green. (Meanwhile, check out the patterned hose on the girl behind her: W.T.F.???)
- Ariel Winter – I’d love this if the background wasn’t so very beige. Can you imagine how fucking adorable she’d be if the dress was black with all those bright flowers? Good hair/makeup on her, too.
- Catherine Zeta-Jones – I almost like it. She almost pulls off the pale color and the neckline, and I do like that even with all that bling going on, it’s still a bit flowy/dreamy.
ETA: E!News GlamCam 360 degree views! I have sprinkled comments and links throughout, but one new one:
Archie Panjabi ... why add volume to your tummy area? WTF?