People say that leaving things behind is easy. Forgetting is easy, moving on is easy.
But I don’t relate to that.

How is it easy when everything gives you a constant reminder of them?
That corner of your house.
That sports
That song they liked.
That street where you used to walk just so you could talk to them.

When whatever you do gives you a constant reminder of them.

When that ache in your heart never gets healed.

And take you back when you hear their name.

When you have these constant questions that are weighing on your mind, why am I still pushing them away? Why can’t it go back to what it was?

When they want to come back,
when they want another start,
why can’t I have a new start with them?

Forgetting everything that had happened.

Maybe that would be easy to do, just listen to my heart and accept them back.

but then
The reason why I left them won’t be meaningless?
The days when I could do nothing but endure won’t go in vain?

Yes, I miss them, yes, I still love them. The place they had in my heart still belongs to them; those sweet memories we had are still very precious to me.

No, I don’t think about them as a villain in my story. I remember them as the person who healed a part of me and gave me wonderful memories, but going back to them because I miss that warmth isn’t a valid reason.

Hurting them all over again because I know the end won’t change is cruel.

So it’s better not to forget but just endure.
Endure those moments where you can’t think about anything but them, endure them, and think of them as a sweet person who came into your life and gave you some lessons.

Don’t reread a story and wish for a different ending when the ending is determined.

Just because you want something doesn’t mean it will most definitely be god’s plan.

Although I still wish for love to find me in my life the kind where I could be ME, but right now I don’t think I am ready for that because I haven’t healed completely, and I don’t want to carelessly hurt them.

I wanna fall in love maybe in the future, but right now I don’t think I have the guts in me to trust someone and love them, with all my heart.

And no, I’m not trying to be cold. I’m just trying to protect myself and others from my cruel nature right now.

And maybe I won’t be able to give my heart to someone completely in the future, I guess that’s why they say stay away from love in your teenage years.

Because you never forget your first love. or
the person who made you think it wouldn’t be bad to just give it a try.